Breaking Bread Podcast

Seeking satisfaction happens on many levels, on an array of topics, moment by moment with all of us. Quenching appetites is a daily job. Psalm 90:14 offers four surprising facts about the satisfaction that comes from God. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller and Matt Kaufmann highlight these surprising qualities and muse on how beautifully welcome each one is.

So much time, effort and energy goes into satisfying our appetites. Hunger, thirst, sleep, love, comfort, approval, accomplishment, affirmation, achievement are a few of the many cravings we try to satiate every day. Yet, God's satisfaction is different - in four ways.

"O satisfy us early with thy mercy; that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. " Psalm 90:14

Earthly Satisfaction God's Satisfaction We prize the pursuit of satisfaction as much or more than the satisfaction itself. For example, eating the meal is pursued and valued as much as the filling. God's satisfaction is the prize. Satisfaction comes at the end. For example, at the end of a meal or at the end of a hard day's work. God's satisfaction comes early, at the beginning not the ending. Satisfaction must be earned. For example, you must cook the meal. You must contend, work, strive and achieve to be satisfied. God's satisfaction is already realized. We enter into his satisfied reality. Satisfaction expires. For example, we are hungry again. We are thirsty again. We need affirmation again. God's satisfaction lasts all our days. His satisfaction does not expire.

Jesus lived among us. He taught us. But more importantly, he exampled for us "the way." Now we have a chance to follow His lead. But how? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Katie Miller and Marcia Koch share their top three lessons learned from mentoring others.

Notes:

· Mentoring is more relational than educational.

o Be vulnerable and trustworthy.

· Everyone is unique.

o Be careful not to over generalize.

· The cross of Christ is central.

o Everybody in every situation can be pointed to the cross.

· The "self-talk" that people are saying to themselves matters.

o Listen for lies.

· Good questions are key.

o Assume you don't know and ask. Assume you still don't know and clarify.

· Regularity is more important than frequency.

o Be there.

· People are more than their issues.

o Relate to people on a variety of levels.

· The Holy Spirit is the change-agent.

o Pray with people.

3…2…1… no launch. This is the experience of many parents hoping to launch their kids into this wide world. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling and Roger Gasser give sound counsel to parents who have kids on the launching pad.

Systems Check for Launch.

For Kids:

• Do they have roots?
• Do they have wings?
• Can they evaluate their thoughts?
• Can they regulate their emotions?
• Have they been taught about God?
• Can they learn from pain?
• Can they ask for help?
• Can they engage in the community?
• Does their independence include responsibility?

For Parents

• We are stewards of our children. We do not own them.
• We cannot dictate their beliefs and thoughts.
• God has plans for them.
• Do not protect them from pain.
• Do not protect them from failure.
• Do not make them into a version of yourself.
• Give them freedom to make choices.
• Expect to be disappointed at times.
• Anticipate handing over control to a larger community.

3...2...1... no launch. This is the experience of many parents hoping to launch their kids into this wide world. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling and Roger Gasser give sound counsel to parents who have kids on the launching pad.

Systems Check for Launch.

For Kids:

• Do they have roots?
• Do they have wings?
• Can they evaluate their thoughts?
• Can they regulate their emotions?
• Have they been taught about God?
• Can they learn from pain?
• Can they ask for help?
• Can they engage in the community?
• Does their independence include responsibility?

For Parents

• We are stewards of our children. We do not own them.
• We cannot dictate their beliefs and thoughts.
• God has plans for them.
• Do not protect them from pain.
• Do not protect them from failure.
• Do not make them into a version of yourself.
• Give them freedom to make choices.
• Expect to be disappointed at times.
• Anticipate handing over control to a larger community.

Infertility is a private loss many couples experience. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Tyler and Casey Zimmerman share their story. Their journey will accent the uniqueness of the infertility pain. It will resonate with the losses that are common among us and it will heighten God's unique and common love to all His children.

Like a fingerprint, infertility pain is common to all sorts of pain and yet unique.

• Infertility is a private pain. "People have no idea of my pain."
• Infertility struggles to have closure. "It impacts every phase of life."
• Infertility pain is cyclic. "Maybe next month?"
• Infertility grief is ambiguous. "I'm grieving what might have been, but I don't know what that even is."
• Infertility can produce shame. "Why is God keeping children from us?"
• Infertility has administrational headaches. "Why won't insurance cover this treatment?"
• Infertility treatment intrudes on your privacy. "Do you really need to know that?"
• Infertility robs normalcy. "Everything about getting and having kids is different. The announcement, the baby shower, the experience, is different."

Yet…

• Infertility, like all pain, is seen by God.
• Infertility, like all pain, is best cared for in a loving community.
• Infertility, like all pain, can be that place where we meet God.

Infertility is a private loss many couples experience. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Tyler and Casey Zimmerman share their story. Their journey will accent the uniqueness of the infertility pain. It will resonate with the losses that are common among us and it will heighten God's unique and common love to all His children.

Like a fingerprint, infertility pain is common to all sorts of pain and yet unique.

• Infertility is a private pain. "People have no idea of my pain."
• Infertility struggles to have closure. "It impacts every phase of life."
• Infertility pain is cyclic. "Maybe next month?"
• Infertility grief is ambiguous. "I'm grieving what might have been, but I don't know what that even is."
• Infertility can produce shame. "Why is God keeping children from us?"
• Infertility has administrational headaches. "Why won't insurance cover this treatment?"
• Infertility treatment intrudes on your privacy. "Do you really need to know that?"
• Infertility robs normalcy. "Everything about getting and having kids is different. The announcement, the baby shower, the experience, is different."

Yet…

• Infertility, like all pain, is seen by God.
• Infertility, like all pain, is best cared for in a loving community.
• Infertility, like all pain, can be that place where we meet God.

Our teenage kids are under construction and construction zones are messy. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Jeff Waibel give us a few tips for understanding these formative years. Knowing a few things can go a long way in helping us get through the construction.

• Remember you were a teen once. Attempt to put yourself in their shoes.
• Remember to hear the message behind their behavior. What are they saying to you? Often young people don't have the words, skills or maturity to say what they feel. Nevertheless, their actions are trying to tell you something. Some messages might be:
  • "I need your attention."
  • "Do you love me?"
  • "I am embarrassed."
  • "I feel guilty."
• Remember, whatever decision or behavior teenagers choose, it made logical sense to them. Ask them to help you understand their thinking. Follow up by asking them if they want to know how their behavior made you feel.
• Remember their brain is still being developed. Their personality, sense of humor and ability to measure risk are all in the process of being formed.
• Remember they are working out who they are – their identity. They are gaining ownership of their own values and beliefs.
• Remember there are battles not worth fighting. Choose those battles that are central to your family's values. Make big deals out of big deals and make small deals out of small deals.
• Remember "the lecture" has never been effective.
• Remember to share your views, faith and passion through conversations your teens will want to join. In this way we walk side-by-side and are not always nose-to-nose.

Our teenage kids are under construction and construction zones are messy. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Jeff Waibel give us a few tips for understanding these formative years. Knowing a few things can go a long way in helping us get through the construction.

• Remember you were a teen once. Attempt to put yourself in their shoes.
• Remember to hear the message behind their behavior. What are they saying to you? Often young people don't have the words, skills or maturity to say what they feel. Nevertheless, their actions are trying to tell you something. Some messages might be:
  • "I need your attention."
  • "Do you love me?"
  • "I am embarrassed."
  • "I feel guilty."
• Remember, whatever decision or behavior teenagers choose, it made logical sense to them. Ask them to help you understand their thinking. Follow up by asking them if they want to know how their behavior made you feel.
• Remember their brain is still being developed. Their personality, sense of humor and ability to measure risk are all in the process of being formed.
• Remember they are working out who they are – their identity. They are gaining ownership of their own values and beliefs.
• Remember there are battles not worth fighting. Choose those battles that are central to your family's values. Make big deals out of big deals and make small deals out of small deals.
• Remember "the lecture" has never been effective.
• Remember to share your views, faith and passion through conversations your teens will want to join. In this way we walk side-by-side and are not always nose-to-nose.

Shaming our kids - good intentions, yet with unintended poor consequences. We've all done it. Parenting out of exasperation. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling and Brian Sutter take a careful look at the messages we are sending our kids. Fortunately, a very healthy and redemptive future is possible.

What is Shame?

Effects of Shame

Examples of Parental Shame

High-stakes Moments for Shame

How do we unwind Shame?

Discipline that doesn't

Shame.

Nature of Shame

The idea that a person is, at their core, bad, unwanted and beyond repair.

Shame pushes your child into isolation.

"I don't care!"

When our kids are being creative.

Call your child out from hiding and into community.

Separates their behavior from their personal worth.

Shame shames.

Shame says there is no hope. Because I'm broken and no one wants me.

"You are the only 10-year-old who doesn't get this!"

When our kids are being vulnerable.

Enjoy your kids.

Breaks the will but not the spirit.

We will shame and will be shamed.

"You will never amount to anything!"

When we downplay interests and abilities that they have because they don't match our expectations.

Celebrate their person.

Support guilt where it is appropriate.

Shame plays on lies and perpetuates lies.

When the last of the children leave the home, couples enter the "empty nest" phase of marriage. For some, this moment is met with welcome anticipation. For others trepidation. But for all, the moment marks a transition. All transitions require a certain level of relational care. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Roger Gasser and Kaleb Beyer speak into the care needed to thrive in this transition.

There are a few things that prove helpful to understand when entering the empty nest phase of marriage:

• Understand empty nesting begins by way of a transition. Transitions move us from an old normal to a new normal. By nature, transitions can be disorienting. But with time and effort, a satisfying new normal can be achieved.
• Understand the transition that needs to happen will circle closely to the change in roles that must transpire. Such a shift in roles may very well require a grieving of a past role and an acceptance of a new one.
• Understand the role-shift experience will be felt differently from one spouse to another. For example, a wife who found her identity in rearing the children will undergo a larger shift than a husband who defines his identity apart from the children.
• Understand empty nesting may affect the way couples connect. Connection can be understood by three criterions: availability, responsiveness, and engagement.
• Understand flexibility will be key to thriving. Learning to share your family and your time will go a long way toward being able to find contentment and joy in the empty nest phase of marriage.