Why can’t I just leave? What’s wrong with me? I need to get out, but I just can’t.
The Cleveland Clinic defines trauma bonding as when a person who is or has been abused feels a connection to their abuser. It’s a situation where we form a strong attachment to someone who is causing us harm. It often fuels a cycle of abuse and affection that can be difficult to break.
According to Psychology Today, Trauma-bonding is a hormonal attachment created by repeated abuse, sprinkled with being “saved” every now and then.
Every definition I find talks about the cycle of abuse. It is physical or emotional abuse, trauma, followed by positive reinforcement. For covert narcissists, this positive reinforcement can look like abuse amnesia. It’s like the abusive behavior never even happened. They simply return to normal life, whatever that means, as though everything is fine. We are so grateful for the returned peacefulness that we simply move on too, as though it never even happened. Thus the birth of a trauma bond.
Today we are talking about ways that you can break that trauma bond that has you stuck in an abusive relationship. I want to give you two tools that you can use, from within yourself, to break this cycle.

Breaking the Trauma Bond

Covert narcissistic abuse crushes one’s soul. This podcast is devoted to understanding covert narcissistic abuse, its effect on the victims, and how to heal.

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Financial abuse and manipulation can come with the appearance of being loving and caring. Covert narcissists will say that they are doing this “for your own good.” In the guise of helping you, they use and abuse you. At the same time though, there is just enough truth in what they are saying to convince you that they are right. This tiny speck of truth activates your compassion, causing you to feel guilty for doubting them or questioning them. Instead you take all the blame and work harder to fix your perspective.
 
In this guest episode, Crystal shares her story of financial abuse. In her words he was a “serial entrepreneur who gave her a great sales pitch.” 
 
#Parenting #covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #financialabuse

Financial Abuse Disguised as Compassion

Today, we have the author of The Human Magnet Syndrome, Ross Rosenberg. I talk with him about his new book, The Codependency Revolution: Fixing What Was Always Broken. 
What is this monster called codependency that no one seems to understand? It is so hard to understand narcissism, and it is equally hard to understand codependency. In Ross’s words, “I see codependency as a relationship problem, not an individual problem. A codependent is defined by their choice of relationship partners. To understand codependency, you have to understand pathological narcissism.” On this dive down the rabbit hole of narcissism, let’s also dig into the concept of codependency.
 
https://www.selfloverecovery.com/

Exploring a Different Perspective of Codependency with Ross Rosenberg

In this episode, our guest talks about the financial abuse she endured in a lengthy marriage with children. No matter how many failures or the depth of the failures, covert narcissists will always find someone or something to blame. Scapegoating accompanies the financial abuse, as they blame you for their financial struggles. They simply cannot carry any of the blame themselves. It is never a shared responsibility. You, their supply at one point in time, are often the main target of their scapegoating and the main victim of their financial abuse.
 
#Parenting #covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #covertnarcissist

Scapegoating and Financial Abuse from a Covert Narcissist

I’m mad! So I yell at you, punch the wall, storm off, stomp my feet, shove the chair, and slam the bedroom door!
I don’t care that you don’t like it! I don’t care that you now feel bad.
In fact, I’m going to wait in my room until you come and apologize to me!
Who am I?
I'm a 2 year old toddler throwing a fit, or a teenager dealing with hormones, social anxiety, and overwhelming schoolwork, or a full-grown covert narcissistic adult.
How do you handle the situation?
For the 2 year old, you parent them. You take away their favorite toy, have them take a time out, and let them know that this behavior is not okay. You talk with them about emotions. Help them to learn how to handle being angry, and tell them that you love them.
For the teenager, you probably ground them. Take away their phone and the car, can’t spend time with their friends. Cancel their fun events. And encourage them to make amends. You talk with them about how their behaviors affect those around them, trying to help them to see outside of themselves. And you try to connect with them and you tell them that you love them.
For the covert narcissistic adult, you tiptoe around them. Figure out what set them off and add that to your checklist of things to make sure never happen again. After countless attempts of trying to connect with them, resulting only in circular conversations, you instead wait for this behavior to disappear, for the abuse amnesia to set in, and you both pretend that it never happened.
The problem is this behavior is the same from a 2 year old, to a teenager, to a full-grown adult. Understandable from a toddler, expected from a teenager, and shocking from an adult.

The Emotional Dysregulation of a Covert Narcissist

Dr. Melissa Kalt, M.D. specializes in removing the trauma of narcissistic abuse from the body. She brings so much insight to the topic, and I thoroughly enjoyed interviewing her for our audience. This interview is extremely informative and helpful.
Dr. Melissa is a graduate of the Medical College of Wisconsin – triple-board-certified in Internal Medicine, Pediatrics, and Lipidology. She was voted to the US Best Doctors™ list by her peers year over year 2009-2018. While single parenting five children, Dr Melissa was promoted from staff physician to Assistant Clinical Professor to Medical Site Director of three clinics at Froedtert and Medical College of Wisconsin, an academic medical institution.
By 2012, Dr Melissa had achieved every goal on her over-achiever to-do list yet was miserable.
She began an extraordinary journey that solved her most unsolvable problem. It all started with the question - What if life doesn’t have to be this way? The answer - Connect to the truth of who you are.
Dr Melissa got really clear about who she was, who she needed to be, and what needed to change. She identified, then extracted herself from several narcissistic relationships and committed to healing her family’s trauma.
By extracting the illusion and getting clear about the truth of who she was – everything changed. In 2018, Dr Melissa made the leap to expand beyond the limits of traditional medicine and left her 20+ year medical career to follow her Why. That same year, she found her forever partner in love and business, whom she married in 2019.

Breaking the Trauma Bond

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