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In this deeply personal solo episode, Kyle reads one of the most painful chapters from his upcoming memoir, a chapter titled Cycles.

At two and a half years sober, Kyle revisits the paranoia, the rituals, the lies, and the physical and emotional unraveling that defined his drinking. It’s a window into the madness of addiction from the inside out: the secret alcohol runs, frantic cover-ups, manipulation of loved ones, and the suffocating obsession that made every day feel impossible to escape.

This is not an easy listen. It’s uncomfortable, disgusting, and at times brutal. But it’s also a testimony to what recovery can make possible.

Kyle shares this chapter not to shock, but to reach anyone who feels trapped in their own cycle of urges, relapse, and shame—and to show that there is a solution, no matter how hopeless it feels in the moment.

If you’re struggling, or if someone you love is, you are not alone. There is a way out of the darkness. And life on the other side is bigger and brighter than you can imagine.

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After losing their daughters — Lucy and Brynlee — cousins Kyle and Zach found themselves walking parallel paths through unimaginable loss and slow, patient healing.

In this powerful conversation, Zach shares the story of Brynlee's stillbirth and how he and his wife, began rebuilding their lives while honoring her memory. Together, Kyle and Zach open up about the unseen side of grief, the guilt that fathers often carry, and how men can learn to grieve out loud instead of in silence.

Zach explains how he transformed his pain into purpose — starting a local support group for parents navigating pregnancy and infant loss, speaking publicly for the first time, and finding meaning by helping others heal.

This episode is for anyone learning to live after loss — parents, partners, or friends trying to understand what it means to move forward with both love and grief in hand.

Topics Covered:

Grief, guilt, and the father’s role in loss

The power of community and shared healing

How men can process emotion without shame

Turning tragedy into purpose and leadership

Chapters

00:00 — Introduction
03:40 — Brynlee’s Story: The Day Everything Changed
10:55 — Grieving as a Father: Isolation and Silent Pain
18:30 — The Unseen Weight: Guilt, Faith, and Questions Without Answers
26:15 — Communicating Grief: Marriage, Family, and Support Systems
34:10 — Finding Purpose in Pain: The Early Stages of Healing
42:55 — Building Community: The Birth of the Support Group
51:45 — Leadership Through Vulnerability
58:20 — Hope and Legacy: Keeping Brinley’s Memory Alive
1:04:40 — Closing Reflections: Living Forward with Love and Grief

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What actually happens inside rehab? What keeps people in recovery after they leave?

Dr. Amy Swift, Deputy Chief Medical Officer at Silver Hill Hospital, joins Kyle to pull back the curtain on the clinical and emotional sides of recovery.

Silver Hill Hospital Website

They explore:

The difference between inpatient, residential, and outpatient programs—and how families fit into each.

Why recovery starts with small, “chewable” steps (and what “holding hope” really means).

How DBT tools like emotional regulation and interpersonal effectiveness reduce relapse risk.

The power of family involvement—and how loved ones can help without enabling.

The truth about co-occurring disorders (depression, anxiety, bipolar) hiding under addiction.

What happens after rehab—discharge plans, emotional reactivity, and rebuilding relationships over time.

Dr. Swift’s blend of clinical expertise and human compassion offers a roadmap for anyone touched by addiction—patients, families, and professionals alike.

Chapters

00:00 Welcome & Dr. Smith Intro

01:08 Why This Conversation Matters

03:04 What Is Silver Hill Hospital

04:25 Inpatient vs Outpatient Explained

06:22 Who Decides the Right Program

07:15 When Families Bring Someone In

10:31 The Fear of Rehab & Early Resistance

12:43 The Family’s Role in Recovery

14:12 Post-Rehab Reality

16:30 DBT & Emotional Skills for Recovery

17:30 Using Conflict as Growth

18:00 Discharge Plans & Perfectionism

21:18 Recovery Is a Marathon

22:28 Family Week at Silver Hill

23:38 When the Family Isn’t Ready

25:35 Addiction Within Relationships

26:24 Dr. Swift’s Journey Into Addiction Medicine

28:11 Finding Confidence as a Clinician

29:46 Redefining Success & Holding Hope

31:29 Emotional Boundaries & Letting Go

33:15 Building Resilience as a Healer

36:44 Women, Shame & Motherhood in Recovery

38:01 Kyle’s Story: Leaving Family to Heal

41:30 Healing Parental Guilt & Late-Stage Redemption

43:19 The Light Returning Gratitude in Recovery

45:17 Co-Occurring Disorders Explained

50:48 Facing Emotions After Detox

51:29 Feeling Again

53:04 Advice for Families & Society

54:25 Closing Reflections

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In this episode of the Chapter 3 Stigma Podcast, Alyssa and Kyle share their personal journey of navigating family growth after loss, the emotional complexities of pregnancy, and the intertwining of grief and joy. They reflect on their experiences with addiction recovery, the anticipation of welcoming a new child, and the challenges of adjusting to life with two sons. The conversation emphasizes the importance of support, love, and finding a new normal amidst life's challenges and ever changing state.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to the Journey

02:20 Reflections on Family Growth

04:42 Navigating Pregnancy After Loss

07:16 The Emotional Rollercoaster of Expecting

10:16 Facing Medical Concerns

12:58 The Anticipation of New Life

15:47 The Birth Experience

18:31 Welcoming a New Family Member

21:07 Adjusting to Life with Two Sons

23:49 Grief and Joy Intertwined

26:13 Finding a New Normal

29:01 The Impact of Two Boys at Home on Family Dynamics

31:28 Concluding Thoughts and Future Plans

Keywords

addiction, recovery, family, pregnancy, grief, parenting, emotional journey, support, love, healing

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In this heartfelt and unfiltered conversation, Kyle sits down with his wife Alyssa for what will be the final episode of Chapter 3 Stigma—at least for now. Together, they reflect on the past two years of sobriety, the difficult decisions that kept them together, and the private battles that played out behind the scenes of addiction recovery.

Alyssa shares what it was like to love someone who didn’t love himself, the cost of codependency, and how she found her own path of healing alongside Kyle’s. They explore the complexity of forgiveness, the difference between trust and letting go, and what it means to rebuild a relationship from the ground up.

Whether you're a loved one of an addict, deep in your own recovery, or seeking hope in dark places, this episode is for you.

This episode marks a pause—not an end—as Kyle reflects on the journey and what may come next with the book and broader body of work.

00:00 Introduction to the Journey

01:01 Reflecting on the Podcast's Impact

04:54 Turning the Tables: A Conversation with Alyssa

05:14 Commitment Through Difficult Times

08:11 The Struggles of Loving an Addict

09:24 Recognizing Self-Care Issues

12:50 The Complexity of Honesty

15:29 New Beginnings and Parenthood

18:49 The Positive Side of Recovery

20:16 The Role of Partners in Recovery

22:25 Forgiveness and Healing

25:14 The Process of Forgiveness

30:00 Self-Forgiveness and Growth

32:14 Reconnecting with Identity

34:34 Looking Back on the Journey

34:59 Transformation Through Recovery

37:07 Navigating Relationships in Recovery

39:45 Hyperprotection and Trust

41:37 Evolving Together in Recovery

43:00 Preparing the Next Generation

46:04 Forgiveness vs. Trust

49:04 The Power of Gratitude

52:15 Reflections on the Journey

57:49 Messages of Hope for Loved Ones

Keywords

addiction, recovery, alcoholism, relationships, forgiveness, self-care, commitment, mental health, family, personal growth, recovery, addiction, relationships, forgiveness, gratitude, hope, transformation, trust, family, support

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In this episode of Chapter 3 Stigma, Kyle wraps up the foundational 164 pages of the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book, focusing on the final chapter, A Vision for You. Kyle reflects on the illusions of control in addiction, the liberating act of surrender, and the deeper identity formed in recovery—not just sobriety.

Drawing from personal experience and the transformative language of the Big Book, Kyle explores the difference between being sober and living in active recovery. This episode is a moving invitation for those struggling with alcoholism, as well as for their loved ones, to see addiction through a new lens and to discover hope, healing, and lasting purpose.

00:00 Introduction to the Chapter 3 Stigma Podcast

01:00 Wrapping Up Alcoholics Anonymous Insights

06:48 Exploring the Final Chapter: A Vision for You

11:57 The Cycle of Addiction and Recovery

16:46 The Power of Community and Fellowship

21:02 Forgiveness, Sacrifice, and Spiritual Growth

Keywords: addiction recovery podcast, Alcoholics Anonymous, Big Book chapter 11, letting go of control, living sober, dry drunk vs recovery, spiritual awakening, AA for loved ones, recovery identity, how to get sober, fellowship in recovery, Chapter 3 Stigma

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In this special Chapter 3 Stigma episode, Kyle pulls back the curtain on his work-in-progress memoir—written for his son Grant and future children—to preserve every hard-won lesson from two years of sobriety.

After hitting a major milestone in the editing process, Kyle reads the first half of “Hope,” the chapter that opens the book’s rehab section. You’ll hear the exact moment he surrendered everything, the gut-punch goodbye with his wife Alyssa, and the two promises he made in intake: trust the program and learn to say “I love you” to the man in the mirror.

From parental guilt and hospital flashbacks to an unexpected sense of relief, this reading lays bare the terror and tender optimism of Day 1 in rehab. The second half of the chapter drops exclusively on the Chapter 3 Stigma Substack; links are in the show notes. Whether you’re battling addiction or supporting someone who is, let this honest glimpse of hope remind you that recovery is possible—and worth every step.

00:00 Introduction to the Journey of Healing

01:01 The Process of Writing and Reflection

04:10 Entering Rehab: A New Beginning

05:39 Facing Fears and Embracing Hope

10:07 Promises to Self: A Commitment to Change

14:17 Sharing the Journey: The Healing Process

Keywords

addiction, recovery, hope, healing, personal story, alcoholism, family, resilience, mental health, support

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Chapter 3 Stigma Website & Blog

In this deeply personal episode, Kyle invites his wife Alyssa back to the Chapter 3 Stigma podcast for a conversation recorded on Mother’s Day 2025, nearly two years after Kyle entered rehab for alcoholism. What follows is a moving and honest dialogue between partners about what it means to rebuild trust, parent with presence, and navigate the emotional terrain of recovery together.

Alyssa takes the lead, asking Kyle unfiltered questions about what’s changed in the last two years, what still challenges him, and how he’s stayed sober through life’s curveballs. From discussing the power of the 12 steps to the fear of complacency, to grieving the loss of their daughter Lucy while staying spiritually connected, this episode offers hope and depth for anyone walking the path of healing or supporting someone who is.

Whether you're newly in recovery, a longtime supporter, or someone seeking hope in a hard season, this conversation will stay with you.

00:00 Welcome & Why Mother's Day Will Never Be the Same Again

02:34 “Doesn’t It Feel Like Another Lifetime?” — Alyssa Reflects

04:11 The One-Year Chip, Milestones, and What Comes Next

08:39 “How Did You Do It?” — Kyle on Listening, Action & AA

10:52 From Rehab to Real Life: Building Consistency & Confidence

13:05 The Hardest Part: Letting Go and Forgiving

14:55 What’s Been Easy: Joy, Presence & Parenting in Recovery

17:58 Alcohol Today: Boundaries, Triggers & Reclaiming Peace

23:38 Showing Up for Others: Giving Back in the AA Community

29:41 Surprise Realization: I Was Afraid of My Own Potential

32:34 Time, Energy & Creativity Recovered in Sobriety

35:14 "I Couldn’t Picture Life Beyond 35" — Facing the Future

40:08 Legacy Over Achievement: What Really Matters

44:42 What I Haven’t Shared Yet: Resentment, Rage, and Growth

46:22 The Fear of Complacency and Staying Connected

50:04 One-on-One Conversations and Writing the Book for Grant

54:31 What Progress Looks Like Now: Emotional Stability & Prayer

59:54 Talking to Lucy: Faith, Grief, and End-of-Day Reflection

1:02:53 Final Reflections: A Life Rebuilt One Day at a Time

Keywords: recovery podcast, sobriety anniversary, couple in recovery, addiction and marriage, 12 steps of AA, emotional sobriety, grief and sobriety, faith in recovery, relapse prevention, parenting sober, Mother's Day recovery story, overcoming alcoholism

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In this episode of Chapter 3 Stigma, Kyle reflects on one of recovery’s most misunderstood challenges: the difference between forgiveness and trust. Sharing his own experience with a 15-year resentment, Kyle explores how the 12 steps helped him finally let go, and why trust doesn't come with forgiveness—it’s earned over time.

Whether you're an addict in recovery or someone who loves one, this episode offers a grounding, honest look at how to move forward without rushing reconciliation.

00:00 Introduction to the Journey of Recovery

01:01 Exploring Forgiveness and Trust

03:27 The Impact of Resentment on Recovery

07:24 Self-Forgiveness and Its Importance

10:19 Understanding the 12 Steps: Forgiveness and Trust

14:36 Making Amends and Building Trust

16:37 The Distinction Between Forgiveness and Trust

18:42 Closing Thoughts on Recovery and Relationships

Topics/Tags

Addiction recovery

Forgiveness and trust

12 step program

Sobriety podcast

How to forgive in recovery

Rebuilding trust in recovery

Resentment in sobriety

Emotional relapse

Step 4 and 5 AA

Self-forgiveness addiction

Healing relationships in addiction

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In this episode of the Chapter 3 Stigma podcast, Kyle concludes the teachings of Viktor Frankl's 'Man's Search for Meaning,' focusing on the principles of logotherapy and the importance of finding meaning in life, especially through suffering.

He shares personal insights from his journey of recovery from alcoholism, emphasizing the significance of mental health, the role of tension in personal growth, and the transformative power of purpose.

The conversation highlights the necessity of confronting existential frustrations and the potential for individuals to find meaning even in the most challenging circumstances.

00:00 Introduction to the Journey of Recovery

01:00 Exploring Logotherapy and Meaning

02:56 Understanding Suffering and Mental Health

05:46 The Pursuit of Meaning Beyond Suffering

09:12 Navigating Tension and Mental Well-Being

11:50 The Role of Responsibility in Recovery

15:03 Finding Meaning in Tragedy

17:46 The Essence of Life and Suffering

20:57 Concluding Thoughts on Meaning and Existence