Church of Lazlo Podcasts

Adulting. No one ever said it would be fun but but they also didn't warn us that it would be this hard to replace a lost health insurance card!! However, some people (Jeriney) are really good at adulting and that's why we look to them for direction in these trying times. *Men are opening up and sharing secrets about what it's like inside their heads. Turns out they just want to cuddle and have a good cry. *Doomscrolling! Stay away from any Tik Tok challenge that involves accelerants and open flames. After managing to fight off two grown grizzly bears, Tarzan died when his airplane crashed into the water. *Road Rage might be genetic. *A lot of Americans think they are better than average kissers. How the hell do they know this? *Let's just pretend like we're filthy rich. What luxury conveniences would you pay for? *Nick is on the show and he's upset with Slimfast for giving out his number. *Did you grill drunk over the weekend? A lot of Americans admit that they did. Not sure about grilling out, but we've got a list of things that only exist because like getting loaded. *Have a great day! Reach out to us on social media @churchoflazlo anytime! -Everybody Wang Chung!!

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It's Friday and someone dropped off a care package for Lazlo! *A high school teacher is in trouble for handing out a sex survey to his students. On a scale of 1-5, how much does this survey turn you on? *Doomscrolling! Lori Vallow is unfit, gas prices are too damn high, airports are the hot new vaccination spot, a woman in Ohio is now a millionaire because she got vaccinated, mental health kiosks are a thing, Cicadas pee....a lot. *Unpopular opinions! Lazlo thinks recycling is a scam and pineapple on pizza is a crime. *Where's the line between reasonable and unreasonable favor requests from friends and family? *The true story of Lazlo's Jordache jeans. *Lazlo and Slimfast almost come to blows over Forrest Gump. *Thanks for listening! Have a great weekend and please remember Everybody Wang Chung!!!

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Diamond hands to the moon! Lazlo suddenly finds himself a wealthy man and Slimfast is hoping to to suddenly find a deed to his house. *Opinions are like parents, everybody has them. Opinions about being a parent? Yeah, everybody has though too. But Lazlo's tend to be pretty good. *Doomscrolling! Hope your summer vacation plans didn't include traveling to Belarus. A two year old just joined Mensa and now she acts like she's better than everyone else. Some states are offering $1million to get vaccinated but one state is offering......State Fair Tickets! Central Park Karen says she only got fired from her job because she's white. Pole dancing classes for little girls are a thing but should they be? *Tik Tok is so full of bs. Who reads baby announcements anyway? *Ask Lazlo! You've got questions, he's got answers. *Texting etiquette. You'd think that most of these things would be common sense but they aren't. *Slimfast is trying to fly without his ID like it's 1999 or something. *Memorial Day weekend is almost here! Will you be joining Lazlo by his newly rented pool? *Have a great night! Stop gaslighting your kids. -Everybody Wang Chung!!!

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Who doesn't love Wednesday? Right smack in the middle. Plenty of week behind you but enough week ahead that you don't have to have your whole weekend planned out. Lazlo and Slimfast kick things off by solving a murder. *If you want to make your parents really proud, bleach your tips and get a tv show about diners. Oh, and drive-ins. Actually, I would add dive bars to the list too. You don't want to limit your available content. *People are freaking out about Mormons making that GameStop money but we ain't mad! Do your thing brothers and sisters! *Doomscrolling! Turns out we're only half vaccinated. Wait, that's not right. Half of us are vaccinated. Two mass shootings to mention. Did Boris Johnson ask to be injected with COVID? Richard Marx is on Rand Paul's S-list. *Let's play Get To Know Us!! GTK! GTK! GTK! One romantic evening with a fictional character, the thing you've left broken at your place forever, and which family member do you love the most? *Nick is one the phone! He and Lazlo need to have a breakthrough to save the friendship. *Cheese graders and other sexy household items! *Jeriney is about to change Lazlo's life by getting him a pool. Seriously. Also, Jeriney gets to bask in an amazing "I told you so!" moment with Slimfast. *That's it! Have a great day and remember to take all you want but eat all you take.  -Everybody Wang Chung!!!

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Lazlo has agreed to pay off Slim’s house. Sort of. AMC TO THE MOON!! *What started as a conversation about surviving in the woods turned into a debate about Jeriney’s fire-starting skills. *Doomscrolling!! A gas station owner gave away $1 million, an Instagrmer fought spider monkeys for likes, the ashes of a man’s late daughter tested positive for drugs, an anti-gun politician allegedly had some illegal guns in her house, a kid finds $5k under the floor mats of his dad’s car, chocolate covered cicadas, and Casey Anthony is in the news. *Can Slimfast wear a TLC (the band) shirt? Here are the ages you should start retiring certain things like that. *Julia is a Zillenial. *No cheating! Grab your phone and tell us the last song you listened to. *MGK and Megan Fox. One has a black tongue, the other has hammer thumbs. *Are you evil? Take this quiz we found on grandma’s Facebook. *That’s all for today! Hope you had half as much fun listening as we did jaw-jacking. -Everybody Want Chung!!

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Isn't Monday the best? You're well rested from the weekend and it feels so good to be back at work. Speaking of getting back to work, Kevin Spacey got a job. *Here's a story that won't surprise you at all. Administrators at a school in Florida just photo-shopped pictures of 80 girls in the yearbook. Why? No idea. Why are Americans so weird about sex and so obsessed with how high school girls dress? Get a hobby!! *Doomscrolling! The road rage stuff has got to end, cable cars in Italy need to be safer, kilos of cocaine that wash up on the beach need to be easier to sell, people need to get vaccinated, seniors need to stop crying just because they can't walk at graduation. Who cares? Who wants to go to graduation anyway? *Bennifer update! We want to be your most trusted source for Bennifer rumors and misinformation. *A real life Sleepless In Seattle just played out on twitter except the ending was way funnier. *What's the worst thing you've found while cleaning out a dead person's house? *If you ever drop your phone in a giant dinosaur statue, just get a new phone. *Bigfoot is real. I can't believe it either. I really didn't see this one coming. *Slimfast loves drinking alone at home and crying himself to sleep while watching the opening scene from Angus. (https://youtu.be/AXDR6YX801g ) If you love the idea of crying yourself to sleep tonight, we've included a link. *Have a great day! Go be great and get that thing done that you've been putting off. You'll feel better about yourself. Also, text/call one of your old HS friends that you haven't talked to in awhile. Don't forget the most important thing........... Everybody Wang Chung!!!

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Hi! Pretend like I used a little smiley emoji there! Jeriney is a good person and she's doing charity work today. Lazlo refuses to do charity unless it involves competition or just donating cash. *Men spend more time getting ready than women? I'm not sure I buy that. Men care more about women's looks than women care about men's. Now that sounds about right to me. *Doomscrolling! The blue slime kidnaper, a stolen ambulance, turning a major corner on the pandemic, donating babies at restaurants, serial spitters, and the airlines weighing passengers. *How do you like your steak cooked? Really? I guess I shouldn't be surprised. *A discussion about unpopular music opinions leads to someone talking trash on the Foo Fighters which leads to Lazlo losing his cool. *Lazlo and Slimfast both wrecked their cars when they were sixteen. One of them had to take a breathalyzer and one of them left the scene of an accident. Any guesses? *Minor league baseball is using AI to help ref games, Patrick Mahomes wants microchips in footballs, and Lazlo is having none of it. *We try to be open minded and accepting but some requests are just too much. 

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People hire DJ's for weddings, Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, birthday parties, corporate events, middle school mixers, and about a million other functions. Why not funerals? Seriously, why not hire a DJ for your funeral? Also, have you told people where you want your ashes spread? None of us have any plans yet so why don't you decide where we should spread ours. *Words around the campfire is that A Rod is just bummed he can't be friends with J-Lo. Stop trying to be friends with your exes!! *Lazlo gives Slimfast some free advice about one of life's many unwritten rules. What do you do when someone asks you for someone else's phone number? *Doomscrolling! Biden and Putin agree on something, most republicans would like to forget about Jan 6th, Slimfast listens to musicals, Goodwill doesn't want your trash, fans are worried about Matthew Perry's "slurred speech". *At some point, most people will toy with being sophisticated. When did you start and what did you do? *How long were you married before you knew it wasn't gonna work? If you knew it wasn't gonna work before you got married but the wedding was already planned, should you have canceled the wedding or just given it the old college try? *Our bosses have yelled at us a million times for saying million different things, over the years. Sometimes it's nice to sit back and watch it happen to someone else. *Julia got in trouble at work a long time ago but she bleeped Slimfast talking about it on the air. *Slimfast gives an update on our Instagram friend who just called off his engagement. He's worried he made the wrong decision and he's stressed about his job. We can't fix his love life but we can toss him some career ideas. *Have a great day! Swing by tomorrow and hang out again. Friday is (almost) always a lot of fun. -Everybody Wang Chung!!!

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Hi. What are you doing? Just staring at your phone? Do you read this before you hit play? Do you come here just for the podcast description? Well then, I'll try to keep it interesting. We open the show today with talks about weddings and Lazlo gives his golden advice for grooms planning a wedding. *Biden said he was gonna run over a reporter in an F-150 Lightning. *What movie disturbed you the most? A lot of people on Instagram (@churchoflazlo) are sharing scary movies they watched when they were young. Can I tell you a secret? My big brother has been scared of thunderstorms his entire life because of Wizard of Oz. I don't totally understand it because I've only watched that movie on mute while Dark Side of the Moon plays but it has something to do with him being too young when he watched it and he's spent the rest of his life thinking that witches are gonna appear in the clouds or something. Oh, he hates witches too, if you wanna try and scare him. *Doomscrolling! People are spending their stimulus money on guns. People are sleeping while their Tesla drives them to work. Texas is tired of masks and so is Lazlo. Finger guns can get you charged with assault. A new video of a mountain lion encounter in Utah with a guy who just cries and begs the cat to leave him alone. That's exactly what I would do. So it's good to see that it works. *Get To Know Us!! It's Wednesday and that means GTK! If you could make one thing disappear from the world forever, what would it be? Which adult problem did you not prepare for? What's the craziest/creepiest thing you've done due to a breakup? The Friends reunion is big news. What reunion do you want to see? *What types of unreasonable requests do people ask of you because of your job? *Catfishing is mean. Julia does it. Slimfast falls for it. *It's time to learn a little about UTI's. *Money doesn't buy happiness. We go through a bunch of idioms and sayings that are just wrong. *Green flags at a new work place. Coffee for employees is a good place to start. *We're out of here! Don't send my brother pictures of witches or anything. It'll really mess him up. I'm gonna go home, sit on the couch, and order Uber Eats from my favorite Chinese restaurant. Then I'm gonna walk my dogs so that I feel good about myself. Then I'll watch TV for awhile and eventually I'll take the trash out. (trash night) I hate trash night because I have to clean the litter boxes. What a terrible system. Once the trash is out, I'll feel great about myself. That's when I have a couple drinks and watch reenactments of true crime stories on ID. I'm looking forward to that. That moment around 11:30 when I've got nothing left to do today except watch TV and have a few drinks. Let the sweet sounds of Peter Thomas (RIP) narrating Forensic Files. I'm including a link to his wiki because the guy was a legend. Okay, do your thing. Have a great day. -Everybody Wang Chung

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Thomas_(announcer)  

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Well, we are in rare form today! Or are we? I don't really know what that means. We're here, no one is hungover today, and we've got that Ryan Leaf confidence! *Let's say someone opened a gym just for women. Then let's say that women really liked it because they didn't have to worry about guys hitting on them or stealing their dirty socks. Would that be such a bad thing? We don't think so either. *Doomscrolling! If you ever shoot someone and you find yourself facing a judge, just say you thought the gun was a tape dispenser. The supreme court will hear a case about abortion. The Cicadas are here and Slimfast has got recipes!! Did Bill Gates get horny twenty years ago? If you haven't been vaccinated, you're in luck. You can get vaccinated this weekend in Vegas....in a strip club. Florida at Walmart bends over to pick up a case of pop and shoots himself in the thigh. *Which Jonas Brother are you? Just kidding, Julia is in love with a Jonas brother or something. *What's your "thing" and how did you tell your S/O? *When and why did you give up your childhood passion? Did you ever have a passion? Is it too late to find one? *Can we just put an end to company emails? I'm tired of trying to find ways to send emails without sounding like a total corporate tool. *A new app lets you charge people for advice. You read that right. It might makes more sense once you listen but no promises. *Somebody worked up the courage to say that Shrek was a crappy movie. People lost their minds. *Well? What did you think? I thought it was a pretty nice little Tuesday. Let's hang out again tomorrow. -Everybody Wang Chung!!! 

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