Church of Lazlo Podcasts

Guess which one of us is hungover today. You gotta figure it out in the first two minutes. Not as easy as you think. *What's the worst thing you've had to tell someone to their face? Ever have to tell an employee that their breath stinks? Ever have to fire someone? We need AI that just takes care of all our awkward convos for us. Like a little roomba that rolls around telling people they're gonna need to buy two seats for the flight or that they need to shower more often. *Doomscrolling! Ricky Shroder is a true American patriot! Oops! I meant true american d-bag. Quit making kids cut their hair in the middle of a high school sporting event. Radioactive vodka is a thing and we want some. *Nick Wright is on the show! We're talking personal salaries and Nick wants every team to have a live version of their mascot on the field. Lions need a lion. Tigers need a tiger. Banana Slugs need a Banana Slug etc. *What song or band will you never forget hearing for the first time? *Can you break up with friends? Do you have to have a talk with them or can you just start ignoring their texts? *Our Insta has accumulated some amazing "awkward confrontations" stories. Whew. *That's all for today! Thanks for being nice to us today! Follow us on twitter and insta @churchoflazlo "Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn." -Everybody Wang Chung!!!​

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It's Friday and Lazlo's in "Lazlo Mode"! *Looks like a woman in California accidentally ruined $26 million by putting it through the was. *Doomscrolling! Breakthrough COVID is a thing and it's a thing I could have done without. Ever been hit in the head with 10lbs of meat? Quicksand is real, it's just like in the movies, and you're probably closer to it than you think. *Celebrity Guardian angels. They aren't a thing but we wish they were. *Nick is on the program and he's singing a familiar tune. *How old is too old for a house party? How many people need to be somewhere in order to call it a party? Depending on your answeres to those questions, Slimfast either invited Jeriney to a house party or a house. *Nice job Gang! Another week in the books! You've earned a quick breather. Meet back in two days? -Everybody Wang Chung!!!

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Interesting start to the show. Lazlo and I walked into the studio and we could tell that something was going on with Jeriney. Oh boy......  *Lazlo decided to resurrect a five year old bit and take every single thing out of my backpack. Wouldn't have been too big of a deal but the timing was bad. I was just given something by a friend and I hadn't decided what to do with it. Forgot it was in the bag for Lazlo to find. *Doomscrolling! The gas shortage thing got worse. Glad it ain't happening where I live. Hopefully you haven't had to deal with it either. Ellen thinks those accusations against her were a little too "orchestrated". The tiger is still loose in Houston, I guess. Target is done selling Pokemon and baseball cards because Americans are annoying. Cats killing rats in Chicago. If you're not already vaccinated, you might want to go to Ohio and get the shot. *CDC just said NO MASKS if you're vaccinated!!! *Slimfast still loves Little People Big World. *Lazlo takes your questions from the text line and socials. *The Rock and Roll Hall of fame is coming up and our tepid interests warmed up when we heard about Jay-Z. *Lazlo tells you how to not be a crappy parent. *Freshman, softmores, juniors, and seniors are offensive and canceled. *One of the remaining FIVE contestants on American Idol stepped down because of a three second video that surfaced of him when he was twelve. *That's a wrap! What are you gonna listen to next? You need to clean out those old podcasts you never listen to anymore. Do me a favor and text our podcast to as many people as possible. Tell them they'll love it! Tell them that we talked about them on the show today and they need to listen! But you can't remember what time it was when we talked about them.    -Everybody Wang Chung!!!  

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So far, Bennifer 2 is the best sequel of all time! If you didn't like Ben Affleck before, you gotta be coming around now. *The top Google questions of the last year. When I was a kid, we had to practice kissing with our friends and cousins but kids today are seeking strategy online. *Doomscrolling! Julia handles the first half of Doomscrolling today because she's our celebrity insider and the top story is Chrissy Teigen's apology to Courtney Stodden. I (slimfast) handle the second half of headlines and my biggest story is also shocking news from the entertainment world because The Ellen show is calling it quits! The cops are allegedly stealing people's money and using it to spy on citizens and I'm the only one who ain't okay with it. Looks like Liz Cheney has drawn a line in sand and wants to represent the non-Q'Anon Republicans. America is facing to major supply shortages and people are split on which is worse. *You ever hit your head or wake up from surgery and suddenly start speaking with a foreign accent? *A Miami woman grabbed a backpack and a skateboard and then walked into a high school and pretended to be student. She wanted to promote her Instagram or something. If you had to go back to school and pretend to be student, which group you gonna try to fit in with? *I tried to set up a Cameo for COL but I could not figure out how to start making videos. So I figured I'd ask Julia for help. She just seems like the most likely person on the show to figure it out. Anyway, it turned into a huge mess and I ended up spending money to get a custom video from Phil and Ape Margera. *We're making summer bucket lists for each other and it got weird but I'm excited about the results. *What makes your day a win? I thought this would be simple but it got a little depressing when we realized that none of us have ever had a win. *Thanks for listening! Do something awesome today! Maybe today you could try to be the absolute best you've ever been at your job. Or maybe you could tell your boss to go to hell and then pull the fire alarm on your way out of the building. It doesn't have to be one of those. I'm just tossing around ideas. -Everybody Wang Chung!!!

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You're back! That's great news! Let's take a quick minute to catch up with each other and then we can get to today's Man vs Beast matchup. *Only a handful of animals make Lazlo's list of "Animals that could take me" but we found a new one today. *Doomscrolling! The biggest story of the day is way above our paygrade so let's just roll a quick clip from the actual news, Snapchat wants to be more inclusive, might want to fill your tank now while you can, more updates about the pet tiger roaming a Houston neighborhood, lightning strikes the interstate and sends concrete debris through a truck's windshield, Courtney Stodden is "they/them". *Zombie Cicadas are coming and Lazlo ain't happy about it. *We decide what accessories each of our action figures should come with. *A girl catches her bf cheating because he accidentally sent a live pic to her. *Will 2021 be the first year that Lazlo doesn't attempt a backflip? *What's the last song you listened to? *Are different now than before COVID? Legends of the Hidden Temple is coming back and they're looking for adult applicants. *Yes! We are outta here! I'm gonna go try to break into my own home again. Wish me luck. -Everybody Wang Chung!! 

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We had a technical issue today at the beginning of the show. Our voices were echoing back in our headphones and no one knew what was going on. It was like an out of body experience because we knew we were on the air but this echo was so bad that it was like we were all on LSD or something. It made no sense but we got through it. We learned about everyone's alcohol of choice for a night of heavy drinking. We Doomscrolled and talked about all the bad stuff going on and tried to finish with the fun stuff. Nick called to tell us a non sports related story that he was very excited about. The ladies told us all the things men do that they shouldn't. We thought our coworker might be wanted by the cops in Florida but it was a false alarm. Lazlo berates Slimfast for asking someone at work "what's handicapped about you?" We rarely do celebrity news but this John Mulaney divorce news has an interesting aspect. That's it. No more today. Lazlo apologizes for not feeling well today. Give us another shot tomorrow? -Everybody Wang Chung!! 

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It's Friday! Not sure what we're all on today but it seemed to work for everyone. *Matthew Perry is getting blasted online but Lazlo is here to defend him! *Doomscrolling! Biden wants new bridges, California is opening back up, a Chinese rocket could fall on your house this weekend, a school shooting with a twist, super bowl tickets for vaccines, and Dog Day Afternoon 2. *The Marilyn Manson news is getting worse and we didn't think that was poosible. *Slimfast is a Country Psychic! *Would you cut off your family forever, for a perfect body? How do you get out of speeding tickets? *We're out of here! Julia has a diaper party to get to. Follow us on twitter and Instagram @churchoflazlo and don't forget...Everybody Wang Chung!! 

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We've been doing this too long. We read some news about a radio veteran retiring but that wasn't the real news. The real news was our realization about how long we've been doing this. *Lazlo needs to up his dad game and Julia gets really excited recounting the time she partied with Backstreet Boys. *Doomscrolling! Asian American hate crimes continue, another husband of another missing woman has been arrested, naked nerf wars sound like fun, and John Mayer just made someone famous. *Today's hot crypto tip? $CAT! *Cell phones are the best and worst things that have ever happened to us. *Who's the best person you know? Did you name yourself? You're not alone. *Lazlo answers a few more questions from our Insta @churchoflazlo *What makes kids popular? Being older than the other kids. Seriously. *Have a great night! You know that friend or family memeber you haven't talked to forever because you had a falling out years ago? You should call them. Let em know you still hate em. 

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Not sure what happened....but, better late than never! - Jeriney

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A wealthy couple is getting divorced but it just ain't as interesting as the Bezos story. Remember when that high school girl used her mom's access to school computers so that she could steal homecoming votes? The law remembers. *Turns out most americans prefer the company of themselves, in the bedroom. *Doomscrolling! You people could be getting vaccinated soon, Fortnite v Apple, some of the strictest states are about to totally reopen, and a cult leader's mummified body was found wrapped in christmas lights with glitter around her eyes. *Noses are the new feet! *Nick is on the show and he's not happy about a video sent to us by a kind listener. *Brittney wants us to leave her alone and Ben Affleck wants you to stop ignoring his friend requests. *If musicians were stock prices, you probably couldn't afford Drake to make any money. *Living in a retirement community is not just for the elderly. *Stop having servers split your checks up ten different ways!! *Have a great day! Thanks for stopping by and please come say hello tomorrow. -Everbody Wang Chung!! 

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