Church of Lazlo Podcasts

Welcome back! Grab a seat and get comfortable. We're talking about the Tiger Woods documentary on HBO. Did you watch it? *Why is Facebook such an angry and evil place? *Headlines! Trump;s getting impeached again, girl scout cookies are making somebody rich, Aaron Rodgers is gonna host Jeopardy, and a teacher it Florida is in trouble for spraying Lysol on her students. *The story of a fairy tale throuple. *Get to know us! We tell you are deepest and realest thoughts on life. *We don't always read buzzfeed but when we do, it's because we're taking a survey about how often we s*%t our pants. *A teenager in Detroit won $50,000 dollars in an essay contest but she gave all the money to her cats. True story. *That's all for today. We talked about OnlyFans in there somewhere but I can't remember when. Does anyone read this far into the description? Think about all the things you could be doing instead of reading this. Do you think I'm gonna tell you something good? Like a secret?  I really don't have any good secrets. My life's an open book. Sometimes I blow my nose in the dish towel and then put it back on the hanger. There. That's something I've never told anyone. Have a great night! -Everybody Wang Chung!

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It's Tuesday! Can you believe it? Just a few more days and some of you will be living that three-day-weekend life! Did you watch the College Football game? Me neither but Lazlo did. Does anyone know where we could buy a COVID vaccine? Like skip the line? *If someone asks you to tell your best story involving the cops, what's your go-to? *Headlines! Impeachment is nigh, corporations are ending their contributions to many republicans, and why is there a tank driving down the street? *You ever forget a password? It ever cost you $220 million? *NFL quarterback Patrick Mahomes bought his fiance a Lamborghini. Now Slimfast wants to buy his girlfriend a pontoon boat. *Do you have kids? Do you have anything you plan on handing down to them? *Slimfast found some rules for success when you aren't talented. *That's a wrap! See you tomorrow. -Everybody Wang Chung!  

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You showed up! Whew. I'm always afraid you're gonna leave. How was your weekend? Did you leave the house? Just watch football? Perfect. *A Russian man fought (and killed) a wolf with his bare hands. *What do you do when your loved one says they want to "have a little work done"? *Headlines! Arnold is the leader we need, not that we deserve. Impeachement 2.0. Dozens of people have been charged since last week's riot. Trump's been banned from social media. COVID is kicking our ass. *Is Olive Garden bougie? *Nick Wright is on the show and he gets an earfull from Lazlo today. *Jeriney hates SOHO Karen and we can see why. *Today flew by! Thanks for joining us. Hope to see you again tomorrow. -Everybody Wang Chung!

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*It's Friday! Slimfast is officially a dumb conspiracy theorist. *A man was so horny.. [How horny was he!?] He was so horny, he dug a tunnel from his house to his paramour's bedroom. Horny always wins. *Headlines! Police are still looking for suspects from the DC Riot. DNA leads investigators to the grave robber's home and they found skulls and other body parts. *A teacher in Kentucky is arrested for raping an 8th grade student. *Kids are more likely to learn about sex from watching porn than they are from talking with their parents. Duh. *What do you do to try and stay young? *Slimfast is a Country Psychic! He sings a song buy some guy named Luke. *That's a wrap. Have a great weekend and don't forget......Everybody Wang Chung!!  

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*Lazlo thinks America is actually stronger today and he explains why. *Warning: This discussion may make some people feel old. We go over a list of movies, songs, and albums turning 20 this year. *Headlines! We recap Wednesday's riot at the capitol and then dicuss the media's reaction. *A man sues because Kings Hawaiian Rolls aren't made in Hawaii. *NFL tight end Travis Kelce says he could barely pay rent his rookie year because he was bad with money. What do you waste money on? *Slimfast decided we all need to hear some good news today. *Thursday's gone with the wind. See you right back here tomorrow! -Everybody Wang Chung!

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*On the show today.....Lazlo thinks America is actually in a better place now and he explains at the top of the show. *These songs, albums, and movies are all turning 20 this year. Warning, this segment may make some listeners feel old. *Headlines! What the hell happened yesterday. Slimfast gives you a full recap of the events in DC and then we discuss people's reactions. *A man sues King Hawaiian Rolls for not being made in Hawaii. *NFL tight end Travis Kelce said he could barely pay rent his rookie year beacuse he blew his money having fun. What do you waste money on?  *Slimfast peppers us with "good-news stories" to wrap up the show because we could probably all use it. *Thursday's gone with the wind. See you tomorrow. -Everybody Wang Chung!

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Not America's best day. Let's hope tomorrow will be better. Stay positive kids. 

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Everyone is in a great mood today and happy to see each other. So have a seat at the bar and let's chat. *Slimfast is trying to buy used electronics for his gf's b-day present and Lazlo is advising against it. Also, has anyone noticed that there seems to be a certain influx of "bad people"? *All this talk about "bad people" got us talking about Facebook and how terrified we all are of it. *We realize that all have similiar New Year's resolutions. When you were young, what were you looking forward to the most? If you're middle aged now, how have those dreams changed? *Headlines!! The Georgia runoff election is today. Trump wants to hide in Scotland for Biden's inauguration but Scotland says he ain't welcome. Slimfast tests out some feel good stories to see if they make the cut. *Nick FU*^ING Wright is on the program and we're talking NFL playoffs!! *Slimfast has a story about something that happened over Christmas break. It involves the virgian Mary, his mother, and his girlfriend. *Teens have found an amazing way to buy booze, in the age of COVID. *Goodnight! Stay healthy! Let's do this again real soon. Until then, Everybody Wang Chung!

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*We're back and it feels sooooooooo good! How was everyone's break? Are we working on any new year's resolutions? *Lazlo convinced Slimfast to take out a loan (just like he did) to pay off Christmas debt. Now they're both spending moeny like Silkk the Shocker in 1998. *Did you watch anything good over the break? A bunch of cool movies were supposed to come out last year and they got pushed back to 2021. We've got a list of the ones we're most excited about. *Headlines!! A recording came out of Trump asking the Sec. of State in Georgia to change the vote in his favor. A judge in New Mexico says prisoners can have pot. COVID is totally out of control and we haven't even reached "The Christmas Wave" yet. A health care worker destroyed 500 doses of the COVID vaccine on purpose. An officer witnesses women stealing food from a grocery store so he buys them gift cards and sends them on their way. *A modern day version of Catch Me If You Can is playing out in Florida. A Florida man got busted pretending to be a doctor, goes to prison, gets out, and embezzles from his employer. Did you ever successfully pull off a scam when you were young? *A new study has found the secret to successful online dating for men. Apparently you just have to be dumb and handsome. *Who had the most fun on NYE? *Should fathers always deny looking at porn? We think so. *A women's fitness magazine had to apologize for tweeting that it was a good day to exercise and burn off some of those Christmas calories. *Indiana town finally lifts 50-year ban on hippies. What was the most embarrassing thing about "young you"? *That's all for today! Thanks for listening and don't forget to please follow us on twitter and instagram @churchoflazlo    Everybody Wang Chung! 

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*Only two more shows in 2020. Normally we would be totally checked out by now but I think we all forgot that we only have a couple days left. *Let's read some of your complaints. Oh, and let's just check to see which cities are sending the complaints. Oh. Oh dear. *Headlines! That stimulus money is so close I can almost taste it! Winter storms are slamming the northeast. Are we on in the northeast? Then let's move on. A cute kid from Austin is doing her part to make sure kids have a great Christmas. Mom throw away your best porno mag? You should sue her. A Denny's waitress quits because she's sick of dealing with anti maskers. Your favorite sitcom is coming back. *PetCo Karen is the most Kareny Karen you'll see this month and she's the perfect Karen to close out 20KAREN. *If you can't handle Tom Cruise raising his voice at you, you probably can't handle life. *Who should get the vaccine first? The elderly? Sick people? Health care workers? Nah. Give it to the adulterers first. *Wasn't Slimfast a producer on Little People Big World? (no he wasn't) Yeah....about that....  *Tropicana wants to apologize for implying that the only way to handle your snot-nosed kid is to hide in the closet and drink. *That's all for today! One more show before we break for the year. Looking forward to it! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get home and stop my sister-in-law from drinking all my Patron. -Everybody Wang Chung! 

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