How do I know if I’m asexual? Do I even understand the word “asexuality?” 

During the Season 3 opening podcast of Smart Sex, Smart Love, Cody Daigle-Orians, an asexual writer and educator, shares his own personal experience of discovering his identity as asexual in hopes of helping others who are confused about finding the “label” that bests fit them.

When you are not sure of what you are feeling, be sure of what you are not, he asserts.

Cody came out as gay at the age of 18, but he knew that label really wasn’t the right fit for him. He chose “gay” because at the time that was the recognized language. “I didn’t understand what I was, but I clearly could see what I was not.” He knew he didn’t relate to sex the same way as other gay men; in fact, he thought he was a broken gay man. Cody didn’t experience sexual attraction, but he still wanted sexual pleasure. 

Three years ago, when he was 42, Cody came out again – this time as asexual. 

“It was such a wonderful moment for me to find my true, authentic self,” he announces.

The language of asexuality, the labels, the definitions and the terms are tools, not tests, he emphasizes. These tools help you explain yourself to yourself and explain yourself to the rest of the world. 

 You also can learn more about asexuality by listening to Cody’s Tik Tok messages under the name of @acedadadvice.