Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved One's Recovery from Addiction & Mental Illness

Holidays. Winter. How do you deal? Start by shifting expectations about how things might go, and who might be there. Have conversations about “soft” expectations with your loved one in advance. Consider alternative plans, and take care of yourself. Stick with people who support you. How can you shift yourself, your belief system, and your behavior? Share duties, and consider an alcohol-free holiday, whether your loved one has any issue with it or not. 

If you find yourself swept away in the undertow of negative thinking about what might happen and how you might prevent it, the number-one tool to use is stepping back, noticing that you're doing it. Number two is deciding to shift it, starting with "no negative talk." And third is hitting the metaphorical "reset" button, finding something to soothe yourself. At first, it may not go well, but over time, you can get good at it.

In part 2 of 2, Jaclyn Brown talks about her personal journey in the wake of losing her brother. For her, advocacy and harm reduction work became a way to find her own voice and power after feeling guilty and helpless. To hear more of Jaclyn's story, be sure to check out our earlier interviews with her.

"The universe is trying to tell me something" -- Guest Jaclyn Brown returns to discuss her advocacy and harm reduction work in the wake of losing her brother. To hear more of Jaclyn's story, be sure to check out our earlier interviews with her.

You've got tools -- active listening, being curious and open -- so when your loved one expresses what they would like, or feels they can't continue as they are, you're ready. In those moments of "wishes and dips," you can gently move forward, listening to them and having resources ready, for now or whenever they're ready. It's a main tenet of CRAFT -- noticing the openings. It's also a practice -- something to stay with over time, so you have a chance to be received.

The rest of our interview with Jaclyn Brown, a podcast host and voice  for advocacy. In part 1, she discussed losing her brother to addiction.  In part 2, she discusses the aftermath, and what she does to create  space in her own life for her ongoing grief.

Stigma is a story someone makes up about a situation. CRAFT provides a framework, and helps you take the story apart and change it, consciously addressing situations and moving forward with eyes open. Stigma takes power away, but making conscious choices brings your power back.

Your thoughts have power. Anxiety is a thought process. Our hosts share their experiences and most importantly, the tools we need in order to start shifting negative thinking towards positive. When we emanate that positivity, it has a cascading effect on our entire entourage. The CRAFT method for families with an addicted loved one teaches us to get a little distance from our thought patterns in order to see them more clearly. Kayla and Laurie discuss how to handle negative thinking, and why it’s important to do so.

Times of crisis and conflict may seem like the worst times to practice self-care -- yet in those moments, taking care of yourself is key to CRAFT. The more you learn to increase your awareness of yourself and your reaction, the more you can successfully use CRAFT tools. If what you want to happen in those times involves your loved one's actions, it's not likely to be successful. Changing your actions and reactions, however, alters the environment and creates the possibility of change.

How do you communicate when you see (your Loved One's) problematic behavior?

We'll show you how to pay more attention to *intention* — CRAFT guides us to observe the behavior, and point it calmly and thoughtfully and without adding your two cents/ personal interpretation.

Once you have briefly and specifically told your Loved One how the behavior impacts you, you can then step back without expectation of  an outcome, and give them the dignity of processing what you've said.  Over time, this CRAFT tool can lead to long-term change.

We explain how to do this, and when are the best times to communicate.