Today we are talking about conditioning, the process of training someone to behave in a certain way or to accept certain circumstances. 
In the Boy Who Cried Wolf, the villagers became conditioned to his cries. Like the boy in the story, covert narcissists set off alarm bells when they are not needed. They stir up drama and trouble when there isn’t any there. Claiming that they hate drama, they are the first ones to create it. It is almost as though they are bored with life unless the drama is there. 
They then feed off of your anger and frustration, off your reactions to them. They thrive when you are all worked up and upset. They love it when you are back in your fix-it mode to put all the pieces that they blew up back together again. Like the boy in the story, they sit back and enjoy your reaction. Overtime, you learn to tolerate their behavior and put up with things you should never be putting up with. You have been conditioned.

Conditioned to Accept Their Behavior

Covert narcissistic abuse crushes one’s soul. This podcast is devoted to understanding covert narcissistic abuse, its effect on the victims, and how to heal.

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Financial abuse and manipulation can come with the appearance of being loving and caring. Covert narcissists will say that they are doing this “for your own good.” In the guise of helping you, they use and abuse you. At the same time though, there is just enough truth in what they are saying to convince you that they are right. This tiny speck of truth activates your compassion, causing you to feel guilty for doubting them or questioning them. Instead you take all the blame and work harder to fix your perspective.
 
In this guest episode, Crystal shares her story of financial abuse. In her words he was a “serial entrepreneur who gave her a great sales pitch.” 
 
#Parenting #covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #financialabuse

Financial Abuse Disguised as Compassion

Today, we have the author of The Human Magnet Syndrome, Ross Rosenberg. I talk with him about his new book, The Codependency Revolution: Fixing What Was Always Broken. 
What is this monster called codependency that no one seems to understand? It is so hard to understand narcissism, and it is equally hard to understand codependency. In Ross’s words, “I see codependency as a relationship problem, not an individual problem. A codependent is defined by their choice of relationship partners. To understand codependency, you have to understand pathological narcissism.” On this dive down the rabbit hole of narcissism, let’s also dig into the concept of codependency.
 
https://www.selfloverecovery.com/

Exploring a Different Perspective of Codependency with Ross Rosenberg

In this episode, our guest talks about the financial abuse she endured in a lengthy marriage with children. No matter how many failures or the depth of the failures, covert narcissists will always find someone or something to blame. Scapegoating accompanies the financial abuse, as they blame you for their financial struggles. They simply cannot carry any of the blame themselves. It is never a shared responsibility. You, their supply at one point in time, are often the main target of their scapegoating and the main victim of their financial abuse.
 
#Parenting #covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #covertnarcissist

Scapegoating and Financial Abuse from a Covert Narcissist

I’m mad! So I yell at you, punch the wall, storm off, stomp my feet, shove the chair, and slam the bedroom door!
I don’t care that you don’t like it! I don’t care that you now feel bad.
In fact, I’m going to wait in my room until you come and apologize to me!
Who am I?
I'm a 2 year old toddler throwing a fit, or a teenager dealing with hormones, social anxiety, and overwhelming schoolwork, or a full-grown covert narcissistic adult.
How do you handle the situation?
For the 2 year old, you parent them. You take away their favorite toy, have them take a time out, and let them know that this behavior is not okay. You talk with them about emotions. Help them to learn how to handle being angry, and tell them that you love them.
For the teenager, you probably ground them. Take away their phone and the car, can’t spend time with their friends. Cancel their fun events. And encourage them to make amends. You talk with them about how their behaviors affect those around them, trying to help them to see outside of themselves. And you try to connect with them and you tell them that you love them.
For the covert narcissistic adult, you tiptoe around them. Figure out what set them off and add that to your checklist of things to make sure never happen again. After countless attempts of trying to connect with them, resulting only in circular conversations, you instead wait for this behavior to disappear, for the abuse amnesia to set in, and you both pretend that it never happened.
The problem is this behavior is the same from a 2 year old, to a teenager, to a full-grown adult. Understandable from a toddler, expected from a teenager, and shocking from an adult.

The Emotional Dysregulation of a Covert Narcissist

Dr. Melissa Kalt, M.D. specializes in removing the trauma of narcissistic abuse from the body. She brings so much insight to the topic, and I thoroughly enjoyed interviewing her for our audience. This interview is extremely informative and helpful.
Dr. Melissa is a graduate of the Medical College of Wisconsin – triple-board-certified in Internal Medicine, Pediatrics, and Lipidology. She was voted to the US Best Doctors™ list by her peers year over year 2009-2018. While single parenting five children, Dr Melissa was promoted from staff physician to Assistant Clinical Professor to Medical Site Director of three clinics at Froedtert and Medical College of Wisconsin, an academic medical institution.
By 2012, Dr Melissa had achieved every goal on her over-achiever to-do list yet was miserable.
She began an extraordinary journey that solved her most unsolvable problem. It all started with the question - What if life doesn’t have to be this way? The answer - Connect to the truth of who you are.
Dr Melissa got really clear about who she was, who she needed to be, and what needed to change. She identified, then extracted herself from several narcissistic relationships and committed to healing her family’s trauma.
By extracting the illusion and getting clear about the truth of who she was – everything changed. In 2018, Dr Melissa made the leap to expand beyond the limits of traditional medicine and left her 20+ year medical career to follow her Why. That same year, she found her forever partner in love and business, whom she married in 2019.

Conditioned to Accept Their Behavior

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