In the US, living with extended family is increasing. 31% of children in the US now live with at least one additional adult in the house, as well as their parents- normally a family member. 10% live with one or both grandparents in the house[i].

Let’s take a look at some of the benefits and challenges this brings to marriage and how to make the most of it if you do have family living with you.

Living with extended family is becoming more common in the USA, probably in Canada as well, but in other cultures this has been the norm for a long time.

Families from China, India, and most of southern Europe frequently live in multi-generational households[ii]. Families from these cultures living in America are also more likely to have more of the extended family living in the home with them.

Additionally, economically disadvantaged families are more likely to live in extended family households: for example if a young couple can't afford their own house they may remain with parents. Just remember that sometimes “economically disadvantaged” in this context can also mean people who are doing just fine financially but they live in very, very expensive cities.

So what are the upsides and downsides of living with family or having family live with you?

Financial Benefits or Consequences of Living With Family

The issue typically is based on practical matters. Living with extended family can have either positive or negative consequences for the amount of resources available to the couple. On the one hand, couples can benefit from having extra income coming into the house from other people's jobs or pensions, which can reduce financial strain and increase quality of life.

A research study from 2011[iii] found that having extended families living together can help couples better manage financial difficulties, especially in more economically deprived families. Having grandparents or other family members around can also provide other resources such as childcare, practical help around the house and emotional support. Many couples living with their parents find that having mum and dad at home with them can be a real help during times of crisis or instability

On the flip side, it is equally possible for extended family to be a drain on the couple's resources under different circumstances. Having extra adults in the house who aren't contributing to the household income can increase financial strain. Equally, having to care for elderly parents or having to live with siblings or other family members who you don't get along with can be emotionally draining. Under these circumstances, marital happiness is likely to suffer.

Another potential impact of the financial side is if you as a couple are depending on the financial resources of others you may end up with less independence as a result. For example, if you are relying on financial help from your parents, your parents may expect to have a say in how the house is run or even on where you spend money on renovations or decorations. This can lead to frustration and conflict[iv].

Relational Impact of Family in the Home

What about relational impact?

Just like with the financial situation, extended families living together can either be good or bad for the bonds between you all. Many couples find that having parents or other family members with them can strengthen the bond they have with them: they are able to see them more often and connect on a more meaningful level through seeing themselves as part of the same family unit[v].

In our episode on child-centered marriage and why it’s bad we saw how a family is like a system where one good relationship has positive effects on all the others. This means that having good relationships with the others in the house naturally makes the marriage bond stronger.  But the reverse can also be true. Having to share the same space and having to share practical tasks (housework, caring for elderly parents/young children) can create t...