Last year I did a big birthday thoughts episode - just jamming on what's on my mind right now. So today it's my 49th birthday and these are my big birthday thoughts.

If you’re at a crossroads or coming up to a new stage of your life, you might be curious to hear how I’m navigating this time of my life.

If you're curious about what it feels like to build a life that fits you, in all your humanness, I offer some reflections on what this has felt like for me.

Perhaps you’d like just to tune in for a chat and reflection on another human living their life, through all the messy disappointment, beauty and wonder. Bring your tea!

LINKS

Website:    https://selfbelief.school/class/

You can quote me on that…
“What does it mean to build a life that allows self-doubt to be part of it, that compassionately brings it along?” Sas Petherick.

“There is no distance to go, it’s about presence.” Sas Petherick

“I am both an over-functioner and I am very ordinary. I have an idea of a quite big, bright, colourful life, and in relative terms, it’s quite small, it’s quite ordinary. All of that is true.” Sas Petherick

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This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit saspetherick.substack.com

This week’s episode is essential for all business owners. It can often feel very lonely when running your own business and it's difficult to find other people who can truly relate to your journey.

My guest today is Mel Wiggins. After a decade of working in nonprofit management and activism roles, Mel decided to pivot her career to work with women who want to be more courageous in their lives and work. She built a strong and thriving community serving hundreds of women from her home in Northern Ireland and is absolutely passionate about helping women succeed. Mel runs leadership programs, strategy days and retreats for women business owners.

This episode is perfect for you if you’re searching for a community or are feeling like something is missing in your support network. We discuss the limited spaces for women business owners that welcome our vulnerability, the challenges involved with commodifying everything about ourselves, and how integral a strong community of like-minded people is to hold you up during the hard times, cheer you on during the good times and motivate you to never give up.

Links:
Mel's Website
Mel's Instagram

Resources mentioned:
Soul of Money Website
The Sophia Century - Lynne Twist: www.youtube.com/watch?v=iz18RQ7UR3w

You can quote me on that…
“The trick of patriarchy is dangling success for women” - Mel Wiggings

“When you cultivate trust in those spaces, people will show up for you” - Mel Wiggings

“A really healthy community is where everyone gets to show up as they are and the boundaries are clear” - Sas Petherick

Like what you hear?
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This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit saspetherick.substack.com

There is NOTHING quite like the buzz of teaching a course you've created and the magic that happens as the group goes on a learning adventure together. Plus: the creative, financial and emotional rewards for you - so fun!

However, the sobering reality is that the completion rates for adult online learning experiences are really shocking - less than 15% of us finish any kind of online experience.

In this episode, I take you through the five key reasons why online learning experiences don’t deliver. I also give you ten reflections that you can take away to consider for how to create a really brilliant course that your people say an immediate yes to, love and complete.

This episode will support you to bring your online course dreams to life. The world needs your expertise, your brilliance and your thoughtful, intentional programs. I promise you, this is going to help you create a brilliant course.

Why you should listen
This is especially for those of you who create online learning experiences for your people. You might be a coach, teacher or program instructor and you’re looking to create an online course that people love, complete and that gets rave reviews. A course that people say an immediate yes to. Or perhaps you’re already running a course and you want to put an injection of OOMPF! into it.

And of course - if self-doubt is holding you back from creating the programme you've always wanted to bring to life - this episode is for you.

Links:
Self-belief School

Resources mentioned:
How to be a brilliant course creator (PDF)

Like what you hear?
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This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit saspetherick.substack.com

I’m delighted to introduce Angela McMillan. She is the founder of Elemental Health and is an accredited counsellor and coach who works primarily with young people who experience anxiety. Angela has made it her mission to help anxious young people and the adults in their lives develop tools and strategies to help them recover from anxiety and thrive.

So what’s this episode really about? 

Being a teenager is always tricky but right now there are so many additional layers of complexity right now -  recovery from the pandemic, the climate emergency, choices around identity...

In this conversation, we explore the ways we, as adults, can recognise anxiety in teenagers, including physical, emotional and behavioural symptoms. Angela shares how her own journey with an anxiety disorder has helped her find a truly holistic approach to both living with and recovering from anxiety.

We also discuss the importance of resourcing ourselves, and how we can offer those resources to the teenagers in our lives.

Self-doubt and self-blaming can get in the way of connecting with your teenager. Angela talks us through how to ensure that the work you do with your teenager is focused on them (not you) and the importance of working as a team to navigate tricky emotions.

Why you should listen

If you are a parent and your teen is having a tough time coping with life right now, this conversation will be really helpful.

Perhaps you’re using tools to help your teenager already, but you get the sense there are more effective ways you can connect and work with your teenager.

Or perhaps you have a teenager in your life that’s going through a rough time, but you don’t know how to approach them.

LINKS

The author mentioned: James Hillman

Angela McMillan Elemental Health:    https://www.ehe.org.uk/

Angela McMillan Instagram:    https://www.instagram.com/elementalhealth_uk/

Website:    https://selfbelief.school/class/

You can quote me on that…

“Every time we take care of ourselves, we are able to travel back in time and offer some compassion and love and care for our younger selves.” Sas Petherick

“If anything is happening that is out of the ordinary, then that’s a really good opportunity to have a conversation about that.” Angela McMillan

“One of the things that can happen is - we want to mind read. We notice our teenager is withdrawn or behaving in a way that isn’t recognisable to us and we try to think of all the possible reasons as to why that might be. We might blame ourselves, our family, the friendships that our child is in, and sometimes we forget that the only way we’re going to find that out, is to sit down, connect and find out what is happening.” Angela McMillan 

“You can say - I can see this is hard, you’re not alone. That changes people’s psychology to know that.” Sas Petherick

Like what you hear? 

Why not help me reach more ears (and give my self-belief a boost) with a 5-star rating?

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit saspetherick.substack.com

In today’s episode, we are talking about Future Fantasies.

This is one of the most innocuous patterns of protection - one day I'll have this / do this / be this.

It’s SO seductive! So let’s talk about how future fantasies work, the ways self-doubt is involved and how to unhook yourself from this pattern.

If you tend to get stuck in thinking “when I have that job I’ll be able to…” or “when I lose weight I can…”, then this episode is absolutely for you.

If you’re waiting for ANY outside circumstances to change so that you’ll feel magically ready - this one is for you!

This episode will help you recognise any future fantasies you may have, and unhook yourself from them.

Links
Self-belief School enrollment is open for a few more days! Jump in before the 23rd of September!

Watch the Self-belief Matrix Workshop replay

You can quote me on that…
“I want you to be in the reality of you right now. She is so capable, she has everything she needs. It’s so easy to believe in her and you. Decide to believe that you can figure this out.” - Sas Petherick

“You can’t wait long enough, to feel safe enough, to make this fantasy a reality.” - Sas Petherick

“I think goals are amazing, but it’s never about ticking it off, it’s never about getting to the point of success. It’s about who you become along the way. Goals, for me, are just the vehicle for your growth and expansion.” - Sas Petherick

“Setbacks, challenges and frustrations just mean you’re doing something. This is where the growth happens” - Sas Petherick

Like what you hear?
Why not help me reach more ears (and give my self-belief a boost) with a 5-star rating?

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit saspetherick.substack.com

If you’ve ever worked with a coach in the past or you’re thinking about doing so, this episode will help you understand the difference between a “nice” conversation and coaching that is truly transformational.

Maybe you’ve got a stack of self-help books, you follow a lot of coaches and therapists online but you’re feeling frustrated that you still haven’t been able to make the changes that you want. If you can relate, this episode will give you some deeper insight into the brave and liberating work we do inside Self-belief School.

There is a massive difference between information and transformation and I want to speak to this in the context of the conversations I’ve been having recently.

So what’s this episode really about?
I share the three key relationships that we actively develop in the Self-belief School and why this process leads to transformation:

• We explore the idea of Self-doubt as The Protector.
• We understand and heal the relationship you have with the root causes of self-doubt. 
• And we focus on building a relationship with ourselves that’s rooted in compassion. When you have a healthy adult self, you feel resourced to do all the adulting! 

Links:
Self-belief School Enrolment

You can quote me on that…
“We don't tend to grow or change or expand our self-concept because of information... It’s actually the application of that information that leads to transformation.” - Sas Petherick

“To me, there’s no question that you’re doing something wrong. You’re not doing anything wrong, you’re doing something that creates safety.” - Sas Petherick

“The healthy adult self is the part of us that has access to key resources: self-belief, self-acceptance, self-worth and self-trust. All of these resources are able to be developed.” - Sas Petherick

Like what you hear?
Why not help me reach more ears (and give my self-belief a boost) with a 5-star rating?

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit saspetherick.substack.com

It's September: back-to-school season. For me, lifelong learning is one of the great joys of being an adult - because we get to choose our experiences!

But taking the time to reflect before you dive into a new learning experience is important.

In this episode, I have nine questions to help you decide how and why to take the leap. These are questions to ask both of yourself, and also of the course. They will help you think about why you might be interested in a course, get clear on your intentions, and will set you up for success.

Know that I am always rooting for you, so do get in touch if you have questions.

So what’s this episode really about? 

This episode is for anyone interested in lifelong learning. You may have a course in mind, or perhaps you have just been thinking about learning something new. You might be feeling super excited about a new learning adventure, but perhaps you’re not sure you can last the distance. Or perhaps you’re feeling unsure about the delivery style and how you’ll show up for the group learning components. 

This will help you get clear on why you want to learn and how to get the most out of the experience.

Links:

Website: https://selfbelief.school/enrol 

You can quote me on that…

“To be committed means you stay with it, to be willing to suck at something new. Commitment is one of the most powerful emotions we can have. Things like resilience, courage, and capability are all built on the foundation of commitment.” - Sas Petherick

“Everything, in my opinion, is worth celebrating.” - Sas Petherick

“Lifelong learning is one of the great joys of being an adult.” - Sas Petherick

Like what you hear? 

Why not help me reach more ears (and give my self-belief a boost) with a 5-star rating?

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit saspetherick.substack.com

Self-Belief School is the program I’ve been dreaming about creating for a really long time. It’s the culmination of 10 years of work and it is finally ready!

I have a deep and abiding passion for our experiences and for the last decade I’ve been obsessed with why we hold ourselves back and get in our own way.

I’ve read pretty much every evidence-based study based on self-doubt. And while sometimes it feels like a strange thing to own, there is no doubt I am an expert on self-doubt.

What I realised when I started out on this journey of discovery around self-doubt is that it is far from an individual experience. It is both caused by and sustained by systemic barriers. There is an individual experience of self-doubt and a collective movement that’s required to work through it and change how we respond to it.

And this school - The Self Belief School - is everything you need to know to take you from self-doubt to self-belief.

This is an evidence-based, practical, implementable, trauma-informed, proven approach supporting you to make conscious choices and create a life that fits you.

It’s so fun to think about the impact this is going to have - this program feels so freaking juicy to me.

Why you should listen:

If you’re sick of feeling like you’re never quite lovable and capable enough so you hold yourself back from sharing your ideas, your work or your heart. If you have a constant hum of self-doubt in the background and you are sure there’s another way of living in the world, this is a must-listen. If you’re curious about coaching or you want to take your coaching experience to the next level. If you’d like to explore topics like your goals and dreams, your relationship with money or your body image through the lens of self-belief. If you want to find a different way of being in the world and creating a life that fits you.

Links:
Self-belief School Website

You can quote me on that…
“We’ve kind of convinced ourselves that there’s a magic pill, that one day we’re going to wake up and feel differently. What I want you to know is that that is highly unlikely. But when you very intentionally decide ‘I’m going to work with self-doubt….I’m going to start freaking liking myself’ - the impact on your life does feel like magic.” - Sas Petherick

“When you get connected to who you are, under your self-doubt, life’s richer, it’s more meaningful, more fulfilling and this is available to you.” -  Sas Petherick

“This is an opportunity to try on a part of you that wants to belong, that wants to feel connected” -  Sas Petherick

Like what you hear?
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This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit saspetherick.substack.com

This is my last episode before a summer break with my lady friends so I thought it would be great for this episode to check in on my word of the year: Disappointment. I chose to play with disappointment in 2022 because I recognised it to be the psychological risk I’m most sensitive to. My self doubt is always trying to protect me from being disappointed but as we know, that’s just an illusion of safety. I wanted to be able to sit with disappointment, explore it a bit and get rid of the obligation to just get over it. It’s been a wonderful journey!

So what’s this episode really about? 

• Understanding the root causes of my tendency towards disappointment and the impact that my upbringing had on this.
• What I’ve learned about my own disappointment and how a lot of the circumstances are seemingly petty. 
• The mainstream advice about handling disappointment and why this doesn’t sit right with me.
• How I’ve been practicing sitting in my disappointment and being curious about what I’m actually feeling.
• The revelation of the complexity of emotions I’ve experienced underneath my disappointment.
• Disappointment needs somewhere to go. As adults, we can do this through journaling, talking to a friend, emotional release etc.
• How quickly disappointment can invite us to warp the meaning of any event that causes it.
• The difference between clean and dirty pain and how disappointment plays into this.
• How being more open to disappointment and sitting with it has led to more fun and joy.

Why you should listen

If disappointment is something you’re susceptible to, I hear you friend and this episode is perfect for you. I talk through my own learnings from the year so far as I’ve been open to experiencing disappointment, not just trying to make it go away. We’ll talk through the complexity of emotions underneath disappointment, learning how to sit with it and how doing this can actually help you experience more fun and joy. 

LINKS

Website: https://selfbelief.school/class/

You can quote me on that…

“I don’t want to anticipate disappointment before something’s even happened.” - Sas Petherick

“Disappointment, unlike a lot of other emotional states, is not a clean and tidy emotion.” - Sas Petherick

“Disappointment sometimes needs somewhere to go.” - Sas Petherick

“I’m just less bothered by being disappointed than I was in January. And as a consequence of that, I’m just having a lot more fun.” - Sas Petherick

Like what you hear?
Why not help me reach more ears (and give my self-belief a boost) with a 5-star rating?

Previous episode mentioned: 

Word of the year (but make it disco)

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit saspetherick.substack.com

Today's episode is in response to two listener letters on issues that affect so many of us, mothering and friendship. I have guest Lisa Mabberley on the show today to share her expertise as a self-belief coach who works with people impacted by issues surrounding motherhood.

Thank you to Angela and Jen for trusting us with their stories.

So what’s this episode really about? 

• Lisa shares the concept of Matrescence - the ongoing process of changing and transforming as a human being into a mother. 
• Angela, the first writer, went through the greatest part of matrescence during lockdown when everyone was in a bubble. For many new mothers, it hasn’t felt how we thought it was going to feel and we talk about how Jen might support herself to rebuild friendships that support her in this stage of her life. 
• Jen’s letter encompasses feeling some relief at deciding to not have children and how this is impacting her friendships. We talk about the fixed narratives surrounding what a legitimate mother has to look like and how Jen has allowed herself to experience freedom and joy through being open and fluid in all aspects of her life. 

Why you should listen
This episode is perfect for you if you’re experiencing or have ever experienced friendships changing as a result of becoming a mother or deciding not to have children. We’ll discuss the false narratives surrounding these issues and how people can become boxed in and develop unrealistic expectations of others and ourselves that impact friendship.

Links:
Coach with Lisa at Self-belief Coach Match
Lisa's Website
Lisa on Instagram

Resources mentioned:
Ted Talk: Alexandra Sacks; reproductive psychiatrist

You can quote me on that…
“When you have gone through an enormous change during that time of global change, that need for getting back to normal is even stronger.” - Lisa Mabberley

“When you find that it doesn’t match your expectation, you can feel quite ‘other’.” - Lisa Mabberley

“Our biggest fear is that we’ll lose the relationship by addressing the conflict but I have found the opposite to be true.” - Sas Petherick

“All friendships of any length are based on a continued, mutual forgiveness.” - David Whyte

Like what you hear?
Why not help me reach more ears (and give my self-belief a boost) with a 5-star rating?

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit saspetherick.substack.com