Felon Trump and President Musk are eager to start a Constitutional crisis to compensate for their wee Nazi-nads. The Philadelphia Eagles beat the team from Kansas City and Tom Brady, clad in a $700,000 watch, was a chatty dullard during the Superbowl. With stunning choreography, the King of Hip Hop Kendrick Lamar delivered a stellar halftime game show making political and fashion statements. The American rapper and Pulitzer Prize winner reminded football fans Drake is a diddler. Shitler’s greedy weasel attorneys changed the terms of their lawsuit against CBS 60 Minutes. Electric vehicle sales are rising but Tesla sales are dropping faster than man-baby’s approval ratings. Jesus continues to disappoint as Texas confirmed a measles outbreak among school-aged children.

DOGE’s odious young squad of tech bros are knuckle deep into the mechanisms of government and not in a fun or legal way. The DOGE staffer let go for a racist social media post was rehired. Allies of tech load Elon Musk accidently sent an email campaign supporting the DOGE government takeover to a federal judge involved in lawsuits against the fake institution. Kanye continued his epic descent into lunacy defending diddler Diddy. Ye also blathered anti-Semitism and declared dominion over his wife. VIP Jesus-bot Paula White slithered back into the White House for Trump Part Deux. Man-baby revoked Biden’s security clearance out of pettiness. The orange one wants to sit at the head of the Kennedy Center board. A whistle blower spoke out about SpaceX’s lack of security with U.S. nuclear secrets.

Greedy Republican bro-ligarchs will turn America into Russia as Musk leads the way to the unravelling of the federal government. Perpetually concerned Senator Susan Collins is “concerned” about Musk’s rummaging through the United States’ coffers. Democrats, the rest of the world, and a couple of Republicans all agree Trump’s desire to take over Gaza and turn it into a resort is ridiculous and insane. Don’t worry about the recent airplane crash-y incidents, everyone, for crazy Elon is now also tasked with upgrading our aviation system. In some rare, less-crap news, right-wing strongman leaders in Europe may be losing their grips. The new DNC dude better have some great ideas to take on this GOP authoritarian BS. Lara Trump proves “Anything Is Possible” by getting a show on the FOX network of misinformation and lies. In Churchill, Manitoba, Canada, residents leave their cars unlocked so anyone can hop in to avoid getting mauled by one of their resident polar bears.

Trump’s insane tariffs backfired bigly, but MAGA loons think he won. Turkey-bod apartheid load Elon wants all regulations gone. At a Toronto Raptors game, the National Anthem was booed because of Trump’s tariffs. One of the dumbest in government, GOP drizzle Ron Johnson sort of stood up to the orange one over tariffs. Kendrick Lamar dominated the Grammys. The Ukrainians scored all the points when they wasted Putin’s death squad chief. Evangelical troglodyte Michele Bachmann blathered praise for Dear Leader’s stupid World Economic Forum speech, favorably comparing man-baby to George Orwell’s Big Brother.  In cop news, a piggy union czar was sentenced for embezzlement. Australia discovered yet another deadly creature about. A 7-11 employee was battered with a banana.

Will the MAGA cult thank Trump when his idiotic tariffs raise prices? During his Senatorial confirmation hearing, human cosplayer Kash Patel blathered lies about his relationship with anti-Semitic podcaster Stew Peters. Senator Adam Schiff figuratively de-nutted Kash hammering the pizza-gater’s part in recording a single by January 6th rioters. Like Elmo, a Michigan priest busted out a Nazi salute. Low functioning evangelical mouth-breather Joel Webbon caterwauled the dark ages were actually a golden age. Trumpkin fascists of the Idaho House called on SCOTUS to get rid of marriage equality. Democratic legislator Eric Swalwell dragged President Diaper Rash’s response to the aircraft collision over the Potomac. Man-baby blamed DEI for the crash. Assad fangirl Tulsi Gabbard caught heat over her support of Snowden during her confirmation hearing. Trolloc Elon Musk locked government workers out of some computer systems. Everything is fine.

Trump’s disapproval rating is already skyrocketing as Diaper Rash tucked his sack between his ample thighs and rescinded the stupid federal hiring freeze. President Rapist named an owner of an Australian Basketball team as the New Zealand and Samoa Ambassador. Former Democratic Senator Bob Menendez was sentenced to eleven years in prison for taking gold bars from the Egyptian government for favors. Protesting the creepiest Kennedy’s nomination for HHS Director, former Ambassador Caroline Kennedy declared cousin RFK a predator. Shitler pulled General Milley’s security detail out of spite. Evangelical caterwauler Shane Vaughn blathered celebrated the Trump administration’s firing of DOJ lawyers employed by Jack Smith. White supremacist load Nick Fuentes said stuff about Commander in Chief Creamsicle that might have been negative. No big deal but Kamala beat Trump in 2024. Credit the orange stain’s win to voter suppression.

Felon Trump’s flurry of unconstitutional executive orders. China released a more affordable A.I. and the tech bros crapped their smart-Pampers. Brazil and Columbia shamed Shitler for the manor in which their citizens were deported. We learned about Anderson Clayton, the young democratic strategist from North Carolina delivering wins. Poland called on all humans to boycott Tesla over statements made by Tickle-Me-Nazi-Elmo. White supremacist hip hop artist, actor and former comic Roseanne Barr blathered a pitch for a new comedy “Saving America.” The spawn of what should have of been a load to the khakis, son of Tucker Carlson, landed a job in Trump’s dictatorship.

UK staffers used to cry laughing at Trump’s call with their PM. Shitler the Nazi wants to 86 FEMA. Trumpkin Caitlyn Jenner catches much deserved flack for her support of President Diaper Rash. Fascist mouthpiece for man-baby, Caroline Leavitt, lied about a massive pile of debt. The Anti-Defamation League condemned anti-Semitic fecal freak Elon Musk for his Nazi salute. Reddit users are over Elmo’s platform, formerly known as Twitter. The Handmaid’s Tale inspired Trump administration will assign faith directors for each cabinet position. Evangelical squirt pile Kat Kerr blathered about crap load of texts she’s received from the Trumps. Nazis, AKA Christian Nationalists, misuse history to support their loony backwoods rightwing agenda, duh. An Indonesian influencer had his private parts bitten by a snake not named Don Jr.

Elon is roman-saluting his way into tanking approval polls. CrabDiving H.Q. was hit with nearly a foot of snow, part of a polar vortex! The MAGATS and maybe China might chase away Musk. Elmo is sad-pants because Dear Leader announced an AI deal with a prettier tech bro. White supremacist weasel Nick Fuentes confirmed the Tesla Czar did a Nazi salute, duh. Evangelical caterwauler and racist Shane Vaughn busted forth mental gymnastics to prove President Rape-face had his hand on the stupid Bible during the coronation. Police Unions complained about Shitler’s January 6th pardons. The toothless, purely theatrical oversite committee for DOGE will be led Meth-MAGAT Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene, who rose to fame for harassing school shooting survivor, David Hogg. The heroic Episcopal Bishop of Washington, Mariann Edgar Budde was defiant in her speech at the crowning of King Creamsicle. More of this.

Cue GOP squeals, as Biden declared the equal rights amendment the law of the land. There was a TikTok ban. A Space X rocket accidentally exploded causing planes to be rerouted. Shitler’s dumb inauguration was moved indoors for the weather, maybe. Country singer and Trumpkin bootlicker Billy Ray Cyrus will perform at Diaper Don’s coronation. The ousted GOP intel chair in the house is so angry pants over his firing dude won’t vote with Repubs. Crappy POTUS elect named has been actors as it’s emissary to Hollywood. Turkey-bod Musk admitted he paid for his high score in that video game. Faux-hawk freak Vivek Ramaswamy will run for the governorship of Ohio and won’t be part of DOGE. A lunatic evangelical blathered Christians need to a have a stomach for war. Food banks have stocked up because Trump’s back in The White House. MAGAT-caster Elijah Schaffer caterwauled people of color aren’t Americans. Charlie Kirk and some other load not worth naming said the orange wanker was God’s greatest blessing, puke. Fecal star Rosanne Barr was featured in a racist, pro Trump “music” video.