Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

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Are you often bewildered by your child's behavior? Check out this interview with Dafna Lender, a LCSW and a certified trainer and supervisor/consultant in both Theraplay and Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy. She is also an EMDR therapist. She is the author of “Theraplay® – The Practitioner’s Guide” and “Integrative Attachment Family Therapy: A Clinical Guide to Heal and Strengthen the Parent-Child Relationship.”

In this episode, we cover:

Impact of Trauma

• What is trauma? 
• Trauma vs PTSD vs. Development Trauma Disorder
• Neglect
• How does trauma impact the brain?
• How does this impact affect the child?
• Does the age of the child, when they experienced trauma, or the type of trauma affect the degree to which the child will be impacted?
• Impact of preverbal trauma- before the child has language and memory.
• If a child is able to leave the abusive situation, can it lower the impact of trauma or PTSD?
• Attachment trauma. 

How to Best Parent a Child Who Has Experienced Trauma

• What is a typical behavior for a child who has experienced trauma?
• Internal working model formed with earliest caregivers that forms a template for future relationships with caregivers.
• The children often “reject you before you can reject them.” 
• Importance of awareness of one’s own vulnerabilities and insecurities that may be triggered by caring for children with a history of trauma.
• How to help our kids heal and attach? Tips and Techniques.

How to Discipline a Child Who Has Experienced Trauma 

• See behavior as developmental, not moral.
• Don’t spin into the future by predicting the worst. Deal with your fears.
• Recognize that ultimately, you can’t control your child. Understand what you can control, and you can only control yourself.
• Provide a balance of structure and nurture.
• Time-out?

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: I wanted to bring up something about your article on the risks for an expectant mom changing her mind. You have a point that says any placement before five months into the pregnancy is a risk. We recently had a match with a woman who was only four months along. We asked about this, and our agency tells us that there is no correlation between the time of the match and disruption. What is the truth?

Resources:

• Understanding the Birth Parent's Experience (Resource)
• Evaluating Risk Factors in Adoption (Resource)
• Choosing an Adoption Agency (Resource)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

One of the hardest parts of being a kinship caregiver is navigating the relationship with the child’s birth parent. We talk with Dr. Joseph Crumbley, a social worker, family therapist, and author of “An Overview of Kinship Care.”

In this episode, we cover:

• Creating a Family listening sessions with kinship caregivers in rural counties.
• What are some of the complicating factors in the relationship between kinship caregivers and the child’s parents?
• Grandparents and other caregivers sometimes feel that the child’s parents will threaten them with taking the child away if they do something that the parent disapproves of.
• How to not enable the child’s parent but still have a relationship.
• How to set healthy boundaries for the caregiver’s and child’s best interest when you have years of experience not setting healthy boundaries?
• How to handle others in the family who interfere with the boundaries you’ve established?
• I don’t know if this is a question, but I really struggle with getting my kids opportunities to see their mom and siblings. All other siblings have been reunited, and I gather it’s painful for their mom to see the two that were adopted by us (she surrendered her rights). Although we live relatively close to them, we have only managed 2-3 visits a year, mostly because of long periods of no responses to my texts or last-minute cancellations of planned visits. Sometimes our adopted kids can’t even remember their siblings’ names and it just breaks my heart. I’d love for them to have a closer relationship, but I have only limited control.
• How to handle the anger, shame, guilt you feel at the child’s parents?
• How to support co-parenting when the child’s parent is still not in a healthy place?
• How to support reunification?

For more information please refer to www.drcrumbley.com.

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: Can I use my home study for a different type of adoption?

This question arises in the following types of situations. Someone is applying to adopt an infant domestically and gets a home study from a domestic adoption agency. They then decide that they want to adopt from foster care and ask if they can use their domestic home study for foster care adoption. Or, they have applied to adopt internationally and want to know if they can use their international home study for a domestic adoption or an adoption from foster care. Or getting a home study from a foster care agency and wanting to use that for domestic infant or international adoption.

Resources:

• Types of Adoption
• Adoption Agencies
• Adoption Attorneys

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Are you an aunt or uncle raising your nephew or niece? Or are you curious about the unique challenges these families face? Check out today's podcast with a panel of four aunts raising their sibling's child.

In this episode, we cover:

• Who are you raising? How old were they when they moved in? How long have they been with you?
• Didn’t ask for this.
  • Less of a feeling of obligation than grandparents feel.
• Navigating relations with the child’s parents.
  • Frustration with your sibling (the child’s parent)
  • Long-standing resentment of the child’s parents.
  • Navigating boundaries.
• Resentment if it’s your spouse’s niece/nephew.
• Navigating relations between other family members who have an opinion.
• Raising your own kids while raising your nephews and nieces.
  • Jealousies
  • Behaviors rubbing off on kids already in the family
  • Lack of time for the kids who aren’t acting out
• Complications of being single and raising nephews and nieces.
• Putting off having children because of the cost and time commitment to raising nieces and nephews.
• Disagreement between parents on whether or not to take in the children.
• Uncertainty of how long the children will be living with you.
• Joys of raising your nephew or niece

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: I’m a single 38-year-old woman. I’ve always been interested in fostering, but I thought I’d wait until I got married. That doesn’t seem to be on the horizon, and I’m tired of waiting. Is it possible to foster as a single woman? Will it be too hard? I prefer a baby placed with me since I'm new to parenting.

Resources:

• Becoming a Foster Parent
• Fostering as a Single Parent
• Self-Care for Foster Parents

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

How can something that happened in past generations impact us now and affect the way we parent? Join our conversation with Beth Tyson, a childhood trauma consultant and former family-based trauma therapist. She is the author of the children’s books A Grandfamily for Sullivan and Sullivan Goes to See Mama.

In this episode, we cover:

• What is intergenerational trauma? In essence, intergenerational trauma is the passing of the emotional pain of one generation to another.
• What are some other names it goes by? (generational trauma, historical trauma, or multigenerational trauma)
• What types of events can cause intergenerational trauma? (personal and more widespread events)
• How can trauma that happened 100 years ago impact us now?
• What are the symptoms of intergenerational trauma that we might see in future generations?
• How to recognize behavior that is triggering intergenerational trauma?
• Researchers are also looking into the possible role of “epigenetic changes.” 
• How do we know if what we are doing or how we are responding is the result of intergenerational trauma? Questions to ask ourselves about us or our relatives.
• ACEs Adverse Childhood Adversity study.
• How to heal from this type of trauma?
  • Recognize that it exists.
  • Basic background info can be used in understanding trauma.
  • Become a detective of your past.
  • What brings up big emotions in you from your child’s behavior?
  • Apologize when we make mistakes. Acknowledge your mistake.
  • Positive childhood experiences.
  • Children need to be “claimed.” They need to belong and have one person who is committed to them.
  • Traditions.
  • Connecting to their history—cultural, religious, family. 
  • Put as many of their family connections in their life as is possible.
  • Resiliency through moderate and predictable stressors. Ex. sports. 
• Practical tips that can help you when you’re in the heat of the moment.
  • Somatic stimulation.
  • Recognize the arc of the behavior.
  • Have mantras to help you cope. “My child is a good child who is having a hard time. I’m a good parent who is having a hard time.”
• For kinship families (although it can be applicable to all families), how do you deal with guilt that you potentially passed on your trauma to your child, and now the child you are raising is suffering as a result?

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: My husband and I have been married two years. I'm 44 and he’s 61. Is there an age limit to be able to adopt a baby?

Resources:

• Domestic Infant Adoption (Resource page)
• Foster Care Adoption (Resource page)
• Adoption Options

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

What should you expect when adopting internationally or bringing a child into your home from foster care? Check out our discussion with Dr. Robin Gurwitch a licensed clinical psychologist with close to 30 years of experience in evidence-based treatments and the impact of trauma/disaster/terrorism on children. She is a professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Duke University Medical Center and the Director of Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) and Child-Adult Relationship Enhancement (CARE) Training at the Center for Child & Family Health. She has been a National Child Traumatic Stress Network member since 2001.

In this episode, we cover:

• While there are some distinctions, children adopted from US foster care and children adopted internationally have much in common.
• We say that the vast majority of children adopted through foster care or internationally have special needs. In addition to the medical or physical needs we might see, there are also emotional and behavioral needs, and today, we will focus on those needs.
• What are some of the factors that influence the behaviors of children adopted from foster care or adopted abroad?
  • Neglect (lack of stimulation)
  • Abuse
  • Maternal substance abuse and subsequent prenatal exposure to alcohol and drugs
  • Multiple caregivers
  • Institutionalization (multiple caregivers, neglect, removal from birth family)
    • Does the length of time in the institution impact psychological and physical development?
    • May have entered the institution after having lived in a family first.
    • What different types of care are available, and how do these different types of care impact the child’s behavior and development? 
  • Lack of education
  • Child leaving familiar ties and surroundings
• What are some expected or typical behaviors common in children who have experienced these?
  • Attachment issues
  • Food insecurity-how does that look
  • Sleep issues
  • Attention Issues
  • Post-traumatic stress
  • Impacts of prenatal substance abuse
  • Specific Impact of Institutionalization
    • Lack of understanding of the meaning of family
• Parentified children and not seeing adults as a source of meeting needs
• Impacts of neglect
• Impacts of abuse (often, we don’t have reports of abuse in the child’s file)
• How common is sexual abuse in foster care or children in orphanages or institutions abroad? What are the behaviors that might result from sexual abuse?
• Impact of the child leaving familiar ties and surroundings
• What type of parenting is effective at helping kids adjust?
• Setting reasonable expectations.

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Resources:

• Adoption Comparison Charts
• Adoption Agencies (Resource page) 
  • International Agencies (Creating a Family partners)
• Types of Adoption (Resource page)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building