Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

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Have you ever wondered what adult adoptees really think about adoption? Join us to hear about the Profiles in Adoption: Adult Adoptee Experiences report, based on research by the National Council for Adoption. 

In this episode, we cover:

• Who did you interview for the Profiles in Adoption: Adult Adoptee Experiences report, and how did you find them?
• You separated your responses by type of adoption.
• How satisfied are adult adoptees in general—life satisfaction?
• Did they think that adoption could and did work in their best interest? In the best interest of their birth family? In the best interest of their adoptive family?
• What were their thoughts on openness in adoption?
• For transracial adoptions: Do you believe your adoptive parent(s) did a sufficient job at discussing issues of race/ethnicity with you?
• What were their thoughts on whether to allow transracial adoptions?
• Were adoptees in favor of their families having an annual recognition of adoption?
• Specific questions for those adopted from foster care. P. 25
• Specific questions for those adopted as infants domestically. P. 28
• Specific questions for those adopted internationally P. 30
• Advice for future adoptive parents. P. 32
• What adoptees wish their parents had done differently. p. 41

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

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Question: We have two boys, ages 10 and 12. We’ve been told that if we become a foster family, the foster children will have to have a room to themselves. Our boys can share a room for another year, but then we want to separate them. Can we just foster for one year? How long do foster kids usually stay?

Resources:

• Becoming a Foster Parent
• Raising Foster Children
• Working with Birth Parents for the Child's Best Interest

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

There is a huge need for foster and adoptive homes for LGBTQ+ youth in foster care. We interview Holly Harridan and Dr. Shelly Ronen. Holly is a Senior User Experience Researcher at Bloom Works and an applied Anthropologist with a background in queer and feminist studies.  Dr. Shelly Ronen is a Senior User Experience Researcher at Bloom Works. She has a Ph.D. in Sociology and specializes in gender and sexuality.

In this episode, we cover:

• Terminology. LGBTQ+, LGBTQIA2S+, queer. What does each of the letters mean, and what is correct?
• What is the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity? 
• What are some of the unique challenges faced by LGBTQIA+ youth in foster care?
• What does it mean to have an” affirming” home?
• Some foster and adoptive parents know in advance that the child that they are fostering or adopting identifies as LGBTQ+, but other times, it is something that they find out later. If they know in advance, what are some things they can do to prepare?
• Age-dependent- how to allow exploration without pigeonholing a child too soon?
• How should parents handle it if they suspect their child is queer, but their child or youth does not want to talk about it?
• Are the issues different depending on whether the youth or young adult is lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender?
• How can parents encourage healthy romantic relationships?
• What if you’ve been raised to believe that homosexuality is a sin?
• How do you think agencies should balance a commitment to kinship caregivers against a commitment to the safety and affirmation of LGBTQ+ children and youth? 
• What is your response to people who say that since many foster parents are motivated by religious faith, requiring families to affirm LGBTQ+ children and youth would create a placement crisis?
• What resources can foster parents look to for guidance on being affirming of LGBTQ+ children and youth? 

Our goal is to provide a nurturing and supportive environment where LGBTQIA+ foster youth can grow, thrive, and develop a strong sense of self-worth and belonging.

For a list of resources from this episode, visit our post on Creating a Family.

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: My husband and I want to adopt a baby. We are working with an adoption attorney, and we have to make a book about us and our lives to be shown to women and girls who are considering adoption for their baby. My husband has full-sleeve tattoos on both arms and on his neck. I am worried that it might be a turnoff for a girl choosing a family. Should we use pictures where his tattoos don’t show to up our chances?

Resources:

• Preparing an Adoptive Parent Profile (video)
• Creating Your Adoptive Parent Profile (article)
• How To Create a Compelling Adoption Profile (1 hr. CreatingaFamilyEd.org online course w/ certificate of completion available)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Does your child struggle with anger, and do you struggle with how to help them? Tune in to our discussion today with Jessica Sinarski, a certified adoption therapist and author of the picture books Riley the Brave and Your Magic Backpack series. She also serves on the editorial board for The Journal of Child and Adolescent Trauma.

In this episode, we cover:

• All kids get angry, in fact, all people get angry, so how do we know if our kid has bigger issues with anger management?
• Why do kids who have experienced trauma often struggle with anger?
• Does it matter the type of trauma: abuse, neglect, adoption?
• Does the prenatal environment that is not ideal (maternal stress, alcohol or drug exposure, poor nutrition) impact a child’s or youth’s emotional regulation?
• Why do kids seem to overreact—big feelings for what feels like a small issue?
• What are some typical triggers that elicit big responses?
• Steps for managing natural feelings of anger. 
  • Name with few words.
  • Working our way back to calm. Co-regulate back to calm. Suggest a break, model deep breath, let’s stop and think, etc.
  • Give a chance to re-do. Fixing the thing that they broke.
  • Read books about regulating emotions.
  • Lots of physical activity.
• Steps for maintaining connections with big angry feelings. 
  • Compassion for yourself. It feels hard because it is hard. They have a lot to be angry about.
  • PACE-playful, acceptance, curious, empathy (from Daniel Hughes)
• What do you mean by upstairs and downstairs brains? (from Dan Seigel)
• How do we help our kids understand why they are reacting the way they do and how to handle their feelings better?

Resources:

• Brave Brains
• Hands Are Not for Hitting by Martine Agassi (ages 0-6)
• My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss (ages 0-6)
• Ravi’s Roar by Tom Percival
• Grumpy Monkey by Suzanne Lang
• Gorilla’s Muscles
• The Riley the Brave series (including Riley the Brave’s Big Feelings Activity Book)
• Hello, Anger (age 7-13)
• Samantha Snowden’s Anger Management Workbook for Kids (age 7-13)
• Your Amazing Brain: The Epic Illustrated Guide (age 8+)
• “Unpacking Anger” (blog post with additional recommended reading)
• “Climbing Out of Chronic Stress” (blog post with downloadable cheat sheet)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: My husband and I are starting the adoption process, and so I recently reached out to Human Resources at my place of employment and learned that I do not qualify for short-term disability (STD), so I am not eligible for any type of paid time off when baby eventually comes. Are there any advocacy groups working on getting something similar to short-term disability for adoptive parents, where at least some portion of their salary is paid during the leave? I mean, there is research out there on the importance of bonding and attachment for the future health of children!

Resources:

• Dave Thomas Foundation's Adoption-Friendly Workplace program
• 5 Ways Leaders Can Support Adoptive Parents (Article)
• Movement Advancement Project - State Family Leave Laws
• Creating a Family Online Support Group

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Does your teen seem overly concerned about how they look? Do they seem to overeat or restrict their food intake without worrying about the consequences? This interview with Dr. Charlotte Markey will help. Dr. Markey is a professor of psychology and chair of the Health Sciences Department at Rutgers University, and a research scientist who has published over 100 scholarly articles and chapters about mental health issues. She has been conducting research on eating behavior and body image for over 25 years. She is the author of The Body Image Book for Girls, Being You: The Body Image Book for Boys, and most recently, Adultish: The Body Image Book for Life.

In this episode, we cover:

• What do you include when you speak of body image?
• I think of it now more about weight, but wouldn’t it include having straight teeth, fewer pimples, and a cute haircut?
• Have young people always struggled with body image, or is this something new to our modern times?
• When should parents begin to worry that a teen’s concern over body image is becoming too much?
• My 17-year-old is beginning to gain quite a bit of weight, and her doctor is concerned. She doesn’t seem to be worried about it, but I am worried that she is establishing bad habits. We eat “normal,” relatively healthy food at home and have some “treats,” but not a huge amount, so she’s not gaining weight from what she is eating at home. She is driving now and stops frequently to eat fast food and then doesn’t eat much of what we serve for our meals. She also buys a lot of chips, sodas, and cookies and eats them in her room all evening. This is beginning to feel like disordered eating to me. 
• Parents worry that if they say anything, they are drawing attention and casting too much emphasis on weight.
• I have a 16-year-old girl who is very aware of her weight. I think some degree of that is normal, but I see that she is adding more exercise to her routine even though she has always been active in sports. I also see that she is eating less and less at our meals, but then she eats an entire pint of ice cream. She loves clothes and is very pleased when she drops a size. Should I be worried?
• What is intuitive eating?
• Are the body image issues for boys different than for girls?
• What teens are at the greatest risk of developing an eating disorder?
• Are youth who have experienced trauma or food insecurity at greater risk?
• Are teens with ADHD at greater risk for eating disorders, especially overeating? 
• What protective factors should we add to our kids' lives when we see them struggling?
• Where do you go first for help when your teen is in trouble?
• The impact of GLP-1 medications such as Ozempic and Wegovy on body image of teens.
• What are the impacts of social media and mainstream media on body image and identity development? 

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: I just became a foster parent of a 14-year-old girl. She came with a cell phone paid for by her prior foster family. I told them I wanted to take over payments. I also want to sit down with her periodically and spontaneously and ask her to show me what she’s been doing on her phone while I show her what I do on my phone. I hope she will realize she can tell me anything and that I won’t hide things from her. Is this a good idea? How should I approach it? Do you think it will build trust, or will she resent it?

Resources:

• Managing Technology & Screens (Resource page)
• Welcoming an Older Child to Your Home (Resource page)
• Raising Foster Children (Resource page)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

If you are considering domestic infant adoption, you need to listen to this show to better understand the possibility that the expectant mom may change her mind. Our guest is adoption attorney, Lila Bradley, who has practiced law relating to adoption and child welfare law for the past 20 years.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Distinction between failed match and adoption dissolution or sometimes known as disruption.
• What is the “typical” process for domestic infant adoption whether the adoptive parents are using an adoption agency or an adoption attorney?
• When do the adoptive parents legally become the baby’s parents?
• When can a mom change her mind and decide to parent the baby?
• Keep in mind that what prospective adoptive parents see as a “failure” very well may be seen as a “success” by the biological parents.
• Creating a Family resource: Failed Adoption Matches: How Common? How Costly? How to Survive
• What are some signs that an adoption match may fail and the mom will decide to parent?
• When is the most common time for a mom to change her mind and decide to parent?
• Does it matter what stage of pregnancy the match was made?
• How often do biological moms change their mind about placing their baby for adoption?
• Do adoptive parents lose money if the adoption match fails?
• Suggestions on how adoptive parents can cope when an adoption match falls apart?
• Do adoption matches with foster children disrupt? 
• Do adoption matches in international adoption disrupt?
• Do adoptions disrupt after finalization?

Resources: 

• Failed Adoption Matches: How Common? How Costly? How to Survive 
• State laws on when expectant parents can change their mind about relinquishing their child for adoption. 
• Children's Bureau

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: I’m a foster-to-adopt mom. I have 3 children. Two have already been adopted, and we are in the process of adopting one. My oldest son, who is 5 years old and turning 6 in Aug, had parental visits, but they were terminated when the parental rights were terminated, and he no longer sees them. It's been a year since the last visit. My daughter never had visits and doesn’t see her bio family, but I send the family a twice-a-year email with photos and updates. My current foster child, who is 4 years old, has once-a-week phone calls with his mom, who is in prison. My 5-year-old son is really struggling with seeing his younger brother getting phone calls with his bio Mom since he no longer sees his bio parents, and it’s hard for him to understand why his brother talks to his mom, but he does not. Each one of my child's stories is very different, but my oldest one notices the differences and doesn't understand why they're in the same family but have different relationships with past foster families and biological parents. How do I navigate this as he gets older?

Resources:

• Working with Birth Parent's for the Child's Best Interest
  • 5 Tips for Navigating Sticky Situations with Birth Parents
  • Open Adoption and the Holidays
• Foster Youth Voices
• Sibling Relationships

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building