Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

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Is your child scared of school shootings, tornadoes, climate change, and on and on? Do you want to learn how to help them not get stuck in these fears? Join us as we talk with Dr. Melissa Goldberg Mintz is a clinical psychologist based in Houston, Texas.  She is the author of the book, "Has Your Child Been Traumatized: How to Know and What to Do to Promote Healing and Recovery."

In this episode, we cover:

• The world feels scary.
  • Covid
  • School shootings
  • Police shootings
  • Weather event
  • Wildfires
• Our kids are struggling.
  • Pediatric mental health hospitalizations have increased and intensified. More than eight in 10 public schools have seen stunted behavioral and social-emotional development in their students since the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, and 57 percent of teen girls and 29 percent of teen boys reported feeling “persistently sad or hopeless” over the past year.
• Many of the children being raised by the parents in our audience have experienced trauma before, but it feels like more kids are being shaken by current events.
• Is there a distinction between trauma with a “T” and little “t” trauma?
• How do we know if our child has been traumatized, regardless of whether it is an event outside of their personal world or an event that they are involved in?
• What are the symptoms of trauma and how to they vary by age of the child? (pre-school, school-aged, adolescents)
• Why do some kids seem to take all the troubling world events in stride while others struggle? And why do some kids seem to bounce back quickly from troubling events that happen to them directly? What makes a child resilient? 
• The top question on most parents’ mind is, “Will my child be OK?”
• What can parents do to help when their child is struggling with coping with all the scary things in our world?
• It’s tempting to be lenient and not enforce rules when we see our child struggling. Is this the best approach?
• What life skills can parents teach that will help their child be more resilient and able to cope with scary world events?
• How do we know if our child is stuck and not moving past their fears with our help?
• What types of therapy are available and how can parents decide which one would be best for their child?

This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Periodically, we survey our online community, and we asked foster parents about what surprised them about fostering?

Resources:

• Working as a Part of the Foster Care Team
• Welcoming a New Foster Child
• Self-Care for Foster Parents

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

How old is too young for a phone? Is gaming harmful to our kids? How much technology is too much. We talk with Dr. Jay Berk, a licensed psychologist and an expert in working with children and families. He is the author of two books: “A Parent’s Quick Guide to Electronic Addiction” and “Codeswitching: Social Skills in the Screen-Age”.

In this episode, we cover:

Parents from time immemorial have worried about the impact of the “new technology” and this goes back to our great great great grandparents worrying about the influence of novels to parents of the 50’s worry about too much time on the phone, to parents of the 80s worrying about too much TV, and on to the present where we worry about screen time, texting, and gaming. 

• We parents are digital “immigrants” while our kids are digital natives. How does this dynamic present challenges?
• How to keep up with what our kids are doing?
• What are the general best practices for elementary aged kids using digital technology?
  • What age should kids be given a phone?
  • What are reasonable rules for phone use?      
• How do things change as our kids each around age 11 or 12 and on into their teen years
• How important is the use of digital media to socialize for this generation?
• When should parents worry?
  • Is the child getting enough sleep?
  • Are they eating well?
  • Are they getting enough exercise?
  • Are they doing well in school?
  • Do they have real life friends?
  • If so, they are probably just fine.
• What are the signs that our kids may be too involved with digital technology or gaming
• How much screen time is too much for tweens? For teens?
• Do different types of technology have different risks and benefits? Internet? Gaming? Porn?
• What are some reasonable rules for families to set in regards to technology, screen time, and gaming?  
• How to get buy-in from our tweens and teens?
• App-tell kid
• A challenge particular to families adopting or fostering older children or teens is that often our kids come to us with having had little supervision or rules about internet use? How can we establish healthy habits when the rules are new to them?

Resources: 

• A Parent’s Quick Guide to Electronic Addiction by Dr. Jay Berk
• Center for Parent and Teen Communication: A Fact-Not-Fear Approach to Parenting In the Digital Age https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-aNtRhYfA3k
• Creating a Family’s Navigating the Internet with Adopted or Foster Tweens and Teens https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/adoption-blog/navigating-the-internet-with-adopted-or-foster-tweens-and-teens/
  
  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. 

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Q: We have 3 children by birth and want to adopt a child that really needs a home. Given our kids' ages, this will probably mean that we will disrupt the birth order of at least some of our kids. The agency we have talked with is definitely against this idea. Is this something that is harmful to kids?

Resources:

• Disrupting Birth Order Resources
• Suggest Books for Kids on Preparing Children for the Adoption of a Sibling

This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Are you thinking about stopping infertility treatment and trying to adopt or foster? Join us to talk with Carole LieberWilkins,a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who has specialized in reproductive medicine, adoption, and family-building options since 1986, and is the co-author of the book, Let’s Talk About Egg Donation. Carole serves on the Advisory Board of the US Donor Conceived Council, and is an active member of the American Society of Reproductive Medicine Mental Health Professional Group. She is also a mom through adoption and egg donation.

In this episode, we cover:

• Adoptive parenting is the same as, and very different from, genetic parenting. Ways in which raising adopted children is different. Ways in which it is the same.
• Fostering has some significant differences from genetic parenting, including adopting from foster care.
• What are the losses of infertility?
• How to know when you are ready to stop fertility treatments and move to adoption or fostering? What are the signs of readiness?
• The myth of needing to do everything that you can to become pregnant before moving to adoption or third-party reproduction. 
• How have the advances in infertility medicine changed the landscape of moving to adoption or fostering?
• Accepting Plan B without making the child feel like second best.
• How to know when you are ready to foster or adopt from foster care.
• How to grieve the loss of the biological child that you never had? 
• Tips for coping with the losses of infertility.
• Coping with the unknowns of adoption or fostering and lack of control.
• Adopting while staying in treatment.
• Should you go back into infertility treatment after having adopted a child?
• How to find a mental health professional that specializes in infertility.

This podcast is produced  by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Q: My wife and I plan to adopt a child under the age of 9 from foster care. We have just started taking the classes. My wife has a 9-year-old from a previous relationship, and we want to do everything we can to prepare him in advance for this adoption. Any help is appreciated.

Additional Resources:

• Blending Children by Birth and Adoption
• Suggested Books for Preparing Your Child for the Adoption of a Sibling
• Free Course: The Impact of Fostering & Adopting on Kids Already in the Family

This podcast is produced  by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Do you worry about what is normal in your child's sexual development? Join us to talk with Roy Van Tassell , a Licensed Professional Counselor in Oklahoma and Director of Trauma and Evidence-based Interventions for Centene Health. He co-chairs the National Child Traumatic Stress Networks’ subcommittee on children with problem sexual behaviors.

Warning: We will be using anatomically correct words and talking about sex, so if this offends you or triggers you, you may want to skip this podcast.

In this episode, we cover:

Typical Sexual Development / Play

• What is typical sexual development in children as they age?
• What type of sexual play is considered “normal?”
• How should parents manage a child’s natural sexual development?

Problematic Sexual Behaviors

• What are Problem Sexual Behaviors in Children?
• What causes kids and youth to act in socially unacceptable or destructive sexual ways? What factors influence the development of these behaviors?
• Child vulnerabilities
  • Behavior problems
  • Emotional difficulties
  • Developmental delays
  • Low impulse control
• Family vulnerabilities
  • Poor supervision
  • Single caregiver
• Modeling of coercion
  • Harsh parenting practices
  • Physical abuse
  • Domestic violence
• Modeling of sexuality
  • Sexual abuse
  • Modeling/exposure
  • Nudity or poor family boundaries
• How common are problematic sexual behaviors?
• Suggestions for professionals and parents and how to respond to behaviors.
• What should parents and caregivers do?
• Rules for younger kids
• How effective is therapy? 
• How to find a therapist? 
  • What training have they had in this area?
  • Child development expertise (including sexual development)

Resources:

• Taking Action booklets (two booklets) – for children with problematic sexual behaviors (age 12 and younger) and one for 13+
• Resources at the National Center on Sexual Behavior of Youth – really good resources for caregivers and parents.
• National Center for Exploited Children—for kids to understand safety—teaching them safety skills to protect their own body
• Amaze.org—videos for children
• National Child Traumatic Stress Network
  • A.J.’s Story— A Book About Not OK Touches

 This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Q: I’ve applied to adopt a waiting child from foster care. We are open to all races, kids up to age 13, and sibling groups up to 3 kids. We applied and then heard nothing. We also applied through AdoptUSKids and also heard nothing. I know the social workers are busy, but this is getting to be ridiculous. How do I get their attention without making them angry at me?

Additional Resources:

• Adopting from Foster Care
• Working as Part of the Foster Care Team

This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Are you considering adopting a baby? Join us today to learn more. Our guests will be Karlee Wagner, a Program Supervisor for Infant Adoption and Birth Parent/Pregnancy Services at Children’s Home and LSS in Minnesota (CH/LSS); Erin Quick, the Founder and CEO of PairTree - the organization dedicated to helping families navigate private adoption in the healthiest way possible and mom of two through adoption; and Courtney Lott, the owner and founder of Faithful Adoption Consultants, a consulting service that seeks to walk adoptive families through the adoption process from beginning to end. She is a mom to eight children: six through adoption and two biologically.

In this episode, we cover:

• How many domestic private infant adoptions happen in the US each year? 
• Average cost of adopting a baby in the US. 
• Average length of time prospective parents wait for an adoption match. 
  • Creating a Family article: Adoption in the US: How Many? How Much? How Long?
• What is the domestic infant adoption process at your agency or organization?
• How does the process differ when using an adoption attorney rather than an adoption agency?
• How do domestic infant adoptions today differ from how many people think about adoptions?
• What type of expectant mom considers adoption for their child?
• How many adoptive parent profiles are usually shown to an expectant mom?
• What do you see that expectant moms or couples look for when choosing adoptive parents?
• Is it harder for single women to be selected by expectant moms or couples?
• Is it harder for same-sex couples or singles to be selected by expectant moms or couples?
• After an expectant mother or couple chooses an adoptive family, what is the next step?
• What type of counseling is available for expectant parents both before and after the adoption is finalized?
• What are the ways that different adoption agencies and attorneys handle birth parent expenses?
• How early in the pregnancy do adoption agencies and adoption attorneys match expectant moms with adoptive families?
• What does open adoption look like?
• What percentage of domestic infant adoptions in the US are open?
• What are some typical "special needs" that prospective adoptive parents may be faced with in matches? What situations are the hardest for adoptive parents to decide about?
• How much information will adoptive parents have in deciding whether they should accept a match?
• What factors influence the cost of adoption? 
• What factors influence how long families wait for an adoption match?
• What’s your best advice if someone has applied to adopt an infant and is not getting selected by an expectant mom?
• Failed Adoption Matches: How Common? How Costly? How to Survive

This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

There are several ways to adopt a baby in the US.

1. Adopt a newborn or young infant through private adoptions.
2. Adopt a baby in the US through the foster care system.

Additional resources on infant adoption:

• How to Adopt in 2023
• Adoption in the US: How Many? How Much? How Long?
• Cost of Adoption
• Domestic Adoption
• Foster Care Adoption

This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building