Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

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In this episode we talk with a panel of four former foster youth to find out what it is like to be raised in foster care and what they wish foster parents knew about the experience.

In this episode, we cover:

• What was the experience of being removed from your home and taken from your parents? 
• Was there something that your foster parents could have done when you were first placed in the home to help alleviate some of the trauma?
• Did you feel fully included in your foster family? What can foster parents do to help the child feel included?
• This wasn’t relevant when you were in foster care, but what are your thoughts on blurring out the foster child or putting stickers over their face when posting pics on social media?
• Relationships with the children of the foster family.
• Who did you feel like was on your side? Who could you go to if you needed help?
• Do you think enough was done to help your biological parents before you were removed?
• Do you think enough was done to help your biological parents with reunification? Or do you think they were given too many chances?
• Do you have pictures or keepsakes from the time you were in foster care? Would these have been or are they important to you now? What can the system do to make sure these are preserved?
• While I’m sure you carry the scars of your early life trauma, you have all become successful and--at least from the outside looking in—emotionally healthy adults. What factors contributed to this?
• Tips for foster parents.

This podcast is produced  by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily 

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

What issues do you need to think about when using social media as an adoptive or foster parent? What issues do you need to consider for your teens and tweens as they engage in social media? We talk with Katie Biron, Director Fostering Connections for Families and Program Manager of the Family Connections Program; Laura Jean Beauvais, licensed professional counselor with New Wind Counseling; and Dawn Friedman, a licensed professional clinical counselor with supervisory designation at Building Family Counseling about handling social media with adopted, foster, and kinship children.

In this episode,  we include:

Some of the most popular social media platforms include: 

• Facebook
• Instagram
• YouTube
• TikTok
• Snapchat
• Twitter
• Pinterest
• Reddit

Social Media pre-adoption

• Keep in mind that states have varying laws on matching online and advertising for an expectant parent. You need to know what is allowed.
• How much information can you or should you post after you have been matched with an expectant mom during her pregnancy?
• How much info can you share post birth and after the baby comes home, but before the adoption is finalized?
• Is it OK to “snoop” on expectant family and birth family online pre-adoption? You should know that the expectant family will also be checking you out online.
• Should you friend the expectant mom and family pre-adoption?
• How, when, and if to announce a child coming into your family through adoption.

Social Media as an Adoptive Parent 

• How much of your child’s adoption story should you share online?
• How much should you share of your child’s birth parent’s online presence with a school aged child or younger?
• Sharing photos online. How to handle differing opinions between adoptive and bio family on sharing pics. Common scenario is adoptive parent doesn’t share online pics and bio family does.
• Friending biological or first family or accepting friend requests from biological family.
• How to seek help online without divulging your child’s personal information or oversharing.
  • Post anonymously either on your own or ask group admin.
  • Ask general questions without personal details.
• How to juggle the ups and downs of adoption groups on social media. 

Social Media as a Foster Parent

• Differing rules and expectations on social media use between foster child and foster parent will be discussed later in the interview.
• Can a foster parent post a foster child’s picture online?
  • Ask you caseworker
  • Confidentiality is essential
  • Use the Reasonable Prudent Parent Standard
• Discussion in online forums. How open can you be?

Social Media with Adopted/Fostered Teens 

• What age do adolescents start having access to social media without adult supervision?
• How to handle and navigate social media with the teens in foster care?
• Benefits of social media for adopted and fostered adolescents.
  • Maintaining social ties. Social media is how many youth connect with friends, both old and new. May be especially important for young people who have been moved from their communities and families.
  • Support. Through either organized online groups for youth in similar situations or informally. 
  • Family connections. Youth may be able to with biological family members between family visits, where appropriate and approved by the caseworker. 
  • Self-expression. Social media is where many budding poets, artists, videographers hone their skills. It is also a place where young people shape their identity and can contribute to healing from childhood trauma. 
• Risks: While all youth may be at some risk for unsafe online s

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

How can we prepare kids already in our home for the adoption of a sibling whether that new sibling is an infant or an older child. We will talk with Michelle Hoevker, a board-certified Clinical Social Work Supervisor and Program Director of Adoption and Foster Care at Presbyterian Children’s Homes and Services with more than 20 years experience in child welfare; and Adam Crawford, a Licensed Master Social Worker and the Program Director of Adoption and Foster Care at Presbyterian Children’s Homes and Services with more than 15 years of experience in child welfare.

In this episode, we cover:

Adopting an Infant

• How to prepare children for the adoption of an infant?
• How to answer question from others.
• How to explain open adoption to kids already in the home?
• What if the child already in the home is adopted but with a different degree of openness with their birth family?

Transracial Adoption

• How to prepare children for the adoption of an infant when it is a transracial adoption where the child being adopted is not the same race or ethnicity as the children already in the family?

Adopting an Older Child Who is Not Your Foster Child (adopting from foster care or adopting internationally)

• How much of your new child’s history should you share with the kids already in the family?
• How to prepare kids in the family for potential behavioral challenges.
• Prepare your kids in advance for changes to the family routine to accommodate the new child’s needs?
• Creating a support network in advance.
• Handling the transition period.
• Different expectations and rules.
• How much voice should children in the family have on whether to adopt?
• Advice on parenting if you are disrupting birth order.
• Advice on parenting if kids are in the same grade at school. 

Adopting an Older Child Who is Your Foster Child

• Role change from foster sibling to adoptive sibling (and foster parent to adoptive parent).
• Expectations of transition period.

Resources:

• Creating a Family has a great list of books for Preparing Kids for the Adoption of a Sibling
• Suddenly Siblings website answers the question on every parent's mind: how will fostering or adoption affect my kids already in the home?

This podcast is produced  by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Is human fertility declining? What is the cause and what can we do about it. Our guest is Dr. Shanna Swan, an award-winning scientist based at Mount Sinai Medical Center and one of the world’s leading environmental and reproductive epidemiologists. She is the author of Count Down: How Our Modern World Is Threatening Sperm Counts, Altering Male and Female Reproductive Development, and Imperiling the Future of the Human Race.

In this episode, we cover:

•  Is sperm count in human males declining? 
•  Is this decline seen worldwide or just in developed countries?
• Is sperm count the only measure of sperm health that is declining? Are we seeing a change in sperm motility or morphology also?
• Do we see a change in the average testosterone level in men worldwide?
• Do we know what is causing the decline in sperm count? 
• Do we see a similar impact on women’s reproductive health?  And if so, how do we know?
• Could the decline in the fertility rate be, at least in part, the result of a general trend toward delayed childbearing, access to birth control, move from an agrarian society where large numbers of children were valued, etc.? Certainly, so in the western world but also so in developing countries where girls have the opportunity for education and employment.
• Has there been a reduction in the age of puberty in girls in the US. Worldwide?
• If we are comparing current sperm count of men on a country wide basis to past sperm count how do we know we are comparing apples to apples? Couldn’t differences in studies techniques and who they studied account for the difference?
• Has there been an increase in gender fluidity?
• Has there been an increase in disorders of sexual development?
• Can exposures to environmental toxins impact human sexuality and gender identity?
• Can exposures in utero or childhood or adulthood that can impact sexuality and gender identity?
• What lifestyle factors negatively influence fertility?
• What environmental exposures affect fertility for both men and women and how do we avoid exposure? 

This podcast is produced  by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and infertility patients and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
·         Weekly podcasts
·         Weekly articles/blog posts
·        Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

What issues should parents think about when adopting a relative (niece, cousin, sibling) from abroad. We talk with Mary Beth King, who has a Master of Science in Social Administration and is Frank Adoption Center’s Executive Director, and with Katie Schultz, an International Adoption Specialist with Madison Adoption Associates.

In this episode, we cover,

• What level of genetic relationship is required to call it a kinship adoption as well as what circumstances make a child eligible for an international kinship adoption, especially in the eyes of USCIS.
• At what age is a child no longer eligible for international kinship adoption?
• Changing relationship for both adopter and child – to go from the “cool, exotic US visitor” to everyday caregiver.
• Relationship with bio family in home country.
• Helping children navigate (and choose) the language of family – will they continue to refer to you as “aunt” or will you be “mom,” etc.
• Blending children by birth and this newly adopted child.
• Understanding that trauma and loss are still a part of the child’s story even though they are remaining in their biological extended family.
• It can take a long time for relative adoptions to come to fruition, the child can be much older than when the family started the process and so helping families adjust to the fact that they may be bringing home an older child can be challenging.
• Helping families embrace pre-adoption education as necessary even though they have experience in parenting or they know this child and therefore don't need education on how to parent.
• Recognizing that the child’s immigrant experience will be different than your own and how to separate the two.
• One parent not related and maybe not been an immigrant.
• Navigating two identities, for example - Preparing your child to embrace their identity not just as a Cameroonian, but also as a Black American.
• Managing expectations of cultural changes – Understanding that these children are very likely to take on cultural norms of America kids and teens which may be different than the parent-child relationship expectations of your country of origin
• Understanding the importance of hobbies, sports, extracurricular activities, play time, etc. in addition (and sometimes even as backseat to) academics, especially as kids adjust to these big changes, make new friends, and heal from trauma and loss
• Navigating the American school system and understanding that grade levels don’t always translate internationally. Accessing services to help the child transition.
• Adjusting to parenting as an older parent. Things may have changed since they parented last.

This podcast is produced  by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
·         Weekly podcasts
·         Weekly articles/blog posts
·        Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

What are the 7 essential character traits that parents can teach their children to increase resiliency? In this episode we talk with Dr. Michelle Borba, an internationally renowned educational psychologist and author of Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine.

In this episode, we cover:

• You paint a picture in your book of tweens, teens and young adults who are stressed, anxious, depressed, and lonesome. Why are our kids experiencing this?
• Importance of play.
• Importance of sleep.
• 7 essential character traits of a child who will thrive both in childhood and adolescence but also into adulthood.
• Self-Confidence
  • What is the difference between self confidence and self-esteem?
  • How does parental praise factor into teaching self-confidence?
  • How do you teach self-confidence? 
• Empathy
  • Why is empathy so important to resilience?
  • How do you teach empathy or at the very least encourage it?
  • How does our modern technology impact empathy?
• Self-Control
  • What is self-control in children?
  • How do we teach self-control?
• Integrity
  • How do you define integrity?
  • How can we help our kids develop integrity?
• Curiosity
  • Why is curiosity important for thriving?
  • What can we do or not do to encourage curiosity?
• Perseverance
  • What causes kids to give up?
  • What can parents do to help?
• Optimism
  • Is optimism an inborn temperament or one that can be taught?
• If you could leave parents with 5 actionable tips for raising a “thriver”, what would they be.

This podcast is produced  by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
·         Weekly podcasts
·         Weekly articles/blog posts
·        Resource pages on all aspects of family building 

Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Call it co-parenting, shared parenting, or partnership parenting, the gist is the same: foster parents are expected to share the nurturing of a foster child with the birth parents to facilitate reunification whenever possible. Join us today to talk about shared parenting with Carrie Sgarlata, an educator, mom, foster mom, and foster parent trainer and recruiter; and Andrea Leaman, a social worker with the Foster Care Licensing and Placement Program with Children’s Wisconsin Community Services and trainer in partnership parenting. 

In this episode, we covered:
1.     Why is shared parenting best for the child? (less divided loyalty, foster parents can be a role model, less time in foster care, better behavior, majority of kids will return home and co-parenting makes that easier)

2.     Building a relationship that begins when someone’s child is removed is not easy. What are some of the emotions the birth parents are likely feeling when they first meet the foster parent? (fear, confusion, denial, anger, embarrassment, feeling that the authorities over-reacted, shame, grief, betrayal, sadness, uncertainty, taking their child away, loss of control)

3.     How to build a relationship of co-parenting?

• a.     Start with compassion 
• b.     Lower expectations
• c.     Reassure them that you are only here to help not adopt their child
• d.     Show a picture of where the child is staying
• e.     Don’t take things personally? (be the more emotionally stable person) Realize that you are seeing these people at likely the worst moment of their life.
• f.      Go the extra mile
• g.     Language matters: refer to the child as their child.
• h.     Treat them with dignity and respect.
• i.      Go the extra mile to make it easier or less awkward for them.
• j.      Ask birth parents questions about the child, her likes, dislikes, fears, etc.
• k.     Send pictures, share artwork, share cute stories

4.     Communication between birth and adoptive parents is key to success. Ideas for setting up good communication. How to communicate between visits?

5.     How to handle visits to facilitate co-parenting?

6.     How to overcome our own anger and judgement towards birth parents?

7.     How to establish healthy boundaries?

8.     Is it possible to do partnership parenting with incarcerated parents?

9.     How to handle Social media

10.  Becoming a parenting mentor to birth parents. What are some skills that birth parents may need help developing and how can foster parents help? (importance of routine, working with the school, discipline, normal child developmental stages, how to find community support)

11.  How can we help birth parents shift their attitude towards the foster care system from existing to keep them from their children towards existing to help stabilize the family?

12.  What if:

• a.     What if the birth parent abused the child?
• b.     What if the birth parents don’t accept responsibility for what they did that caused the child to be removed?
• c.     What if the birth parent lies about what happened that resulted in the child being removed?

 This podcast is produced  by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:<

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

How does the endocrine system impacts fertility, what can go wrong, and what can be done about it. We talk today with Dr. Mark Trolice, the Director of Fertility CARE: The IVF Center in Orlando and Professor of Obstetrics & Gynecology at the University of Central Florida College of Medicine. He is double Board-certified in Reproductive Endocrinology & Infertility and OB/GYN.

In this episode, we include:

·      What is the function of the endocrine system in human health?

·      How does the thyroid gland function within the endocrine system?

·      How is female fertility impacted by the endocrine system?

·      How is male fertility impacted by the endocrine system?

·      What is hypothyroidism?

·      What is hyperthyroidism?

·      How are dysfunctions in the endocrine system diagnosed?

·      How are dysfunctions in the endocrine system treated?

·      What dietary and lifestyle choices impact the health of the endocrine system and thyroid gland?

·      What are some common endocrine disrupting chemicals in our environment?

·      How are environmental endocrine disruptors impacting fertility?

This podcast is produced  by www.CreatingaFamily.org.  Creating a Family brings you the following expert-based content:
·         Weekly podcasts
·         Weekly articles/blog posts
·        Resource pages on all aspects of family building 

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

In this episode we interview Sarah Sentilles, author of a newly released book by Random House titled Stranger Care. "Stranger Care" is a beautifully written book that captures the promise and often the failure of foster care. And it is a beautiful portrait of love with no promise of a future.

In this episode, we cover:

Beautifully written book that captures the promise and often the failure of foster care. And a beautiful portrait of love with no promise of a future.

·      How did you come to the decision to become foster parents? And did you come to that decision or were you really trying to become an adoptive parent?

·     Discussion of “ethically cleaner”.

·      I appreciated how you showed Evelyn, the birth mom, to be human and to love her child. You did a good job of showing the nuances, which are hard to do, especially when you are the one losing the child. I very much enjoyed seeing how that relationship grew. What helped change it?

·      Rooting for and against birth mom

·      Love and yet not belonging to you

·     The power of the state to remove kids should not be used without great care.

·      What qualifies as good parenting and is “good enough” enough. Ex. of the car seat.

·      Keeping siblings together.

·      It is discouraging that organizations, such as Creating a Family exist to support people like you when you were first considering your options. And if we didn’t reach someone like you who is educated and I would assume someone who researches and gathers info then how in the world do we reach people. Education research focused woman are our demographic!

·      How long has it been and do you know what has happened to Coco?

·      How have you and your husband been changed by this experience?

·      Is this book in part an attempt to reach out to Coco. Did you write it with an ear to her reading it later in life and you talking to her. Do you hope she will hear about it and read it?

·      Did you decide to give up on fostering? What about adopting?

This podcast is produced  by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building 

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Have you ever considered adopting after you had children by birth? Or thought about trying to get pregnant after you adopted? Is it a good idea to combine kids by birth and adoption. In this episode, we talk with Rebecca Ricardo, an LCSW who has worked in the field of adoption since 1991. She currently serves as the Executive Director for a licensed, child-placing agency that provides both placement and support services. She is an adoptee and a birth mom. The son she placed for adoption was raised as the only adopted child between two children born to his adoptive parents.

In this episode, we cover:

•       What are the typical reasons why families have both adopted and non-adopted kids?

•       What does the research show on how children and families adjust when there are children by both adoption and infertility?

•       Do parents have a tendency to favor their biological children? Kin Selection Theory based on evolutionary psychology.

•       Does it matter if the adopted child is adopted after the family has had bio kids, or if the adopted child comes first (most often because the parents were infertile) and they went back into treatment after they adopted to try for a biological child? What different factors come into play?

•       Favoritism by grandparents or extended family. How to handle?

•       The tendency of parents of families that combine biological and adopted kids to downplay genetics, birth stories, etc.

•       How to handle conflicts with children or extended family members when children require a different type of parenting because one child has experienced trauma?

•       How to handle conflicts when one child requires more of the parent’s time than another child?

•       Tips for parents who are combining kids by birth and adoption. How can social workers help families that are considering this?

This podcast is produced  by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building 

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building