Too many little pokes here and there this week to not just dig into something in the moment.

Peeling back some layers to what it means "not to fall in love with your own bullshit".

From taking 'undue credibility', not correcting the truth, humility, self awareness, character, image management, ... to just simply being an ignorant, arrogant, self promoting, audacious load.

 

I started up a conversation with myself on a long drive home; instigated, again, by: The First Agreement, listening to a Sam Harris interview w/ David Whyte, a Jordan Petersen quote about Character, and triggered by a few notable personalities stealing the truth about who they are through the use of feasible bullshit. 

Should I leave behind a legacy, what would it be, how would it be described?

Spoiler alert - it would have very little to say about accomplishments or provide a list of 'been there done thats'.

Thought instigators this week:
"Waking Up App" interview of David Whyte & Sam Harris. The discussion about vulnerability.

Chriss Smith comment: "embracing that my story is good enough"

Spending time digging into the 1st Agreement from "The Four Agreements". 

#1 Be Impeccable w/ Your Word.

My mind has been racing all over from tell the truth, develop a vocabulary, positive self talk, be kind (honest/direct) towards others, reframing... 

I'm brought into something that I've read and listened to Jordan Peterson talk about in his "12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos." Rule 10 - Be precise with your word.

I've just been struggling a little about not reinforcing the negative moments, not relying on the last positive moment, and how to define myself - maybe why? Giving others ownership or authority over who we are because of their word/communication.

Thought instigators this week:
Jordan Peterson Instagram posts: Jan 15th, 24th.

Deep thought conversation: "If I lost everything I have, right now, what would I do? Who would I be?" 

Digging in on some weird tosh psychological stuff here in how my response to certain things tune me.

I'm not going to summarize as I hope everyone listens. A short synopsis will not do anything justice this week and I would likely dilute/ distort my message.


Two thought move instigators for me this week:
Quote-
"Forgiveness is the scent the violet gives off to the heel that has crushed it." ~Mark Twain

Book-
"Wild at Heart" ~John Eldredge 
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wild_at_Heart_(book)

I'm tiptoeing here and over the last few weeks around trying to get after some direct straight talk on suicide. In my head it all circles back and forth around hyper sensitivity, entitlement, the effort to be different, and a desire/need to have a problem for identity.
Maybe it is all just a sense or enmesh of validation?

I had to start talking it aloud because I was getting lost in my own head. As with all concepts, I suppose, it's best to start with a broad conversation and generalization and then work inward to teasing out details and specifics.

Whatever happened to intent having the preponderance of weight vs perception and feelings?

"The Soft American" ~JFK
https://www.si.com/vault/issue/43278/15
I misspoke in the podcast and called it The Softening of America and gave credit to Ted Kennedy. This is correct here. But google "The Softening of America".

A little experiment:
Write down 6 names of people you pour more energy into trying to or yearning to be connected to/ with. Delete one from your efforts entirely, e.g., stop following. Keep one and continue as is. The other 3-4 just leave alone and dismiss from your efforts / let go. Watch how much more energy and value other relationships you have flourish; ones where there is equal reciprocity.   

People have problems. It is normal, natural, and psychologically healthy - to have and process them.

It is absurd to need them for Identity. It feels like the world is growing where everyone needs to have problems, have them recognized, and even goes to the extent of encouraging them. Like, if you don't have a problem and are not sharing it there is something wrong with you.

It's a reinforcing cycle of weakness and inevitable downfall.

Isn't there room to just be and accept what is. To be able to give some feedback to someone that they are being a pussy - to help snap them out of it and march on. Room for tough love and reality.

Hey, tact isn't hiding what you need to say to compensate for your personal weakness and discomfort to say what needs to be said under the guise of making it more palatable to be heard by someone who is being weak. Too much tact and not enough holding accountable these days.

Hell - "On your last day on earth, the person you became will meet the person you could have become." ~Anonymous

"A Christmas Carol" ~Charles Dickens
https://www.gutenberg.org/files/46/46-h/46-h.htm

Happy New Year and Welcome to Season 2!

I started out with a plan to dig into a few ideas I've been chewing on for weeks. Then I went off script and into a few things more pertinent to the day and a runoff from there.

Resolutions are suspect; just another way to eventually break a contract with ourselves and further reinforce that it's ok to do so. Then, it bleeds into other behaviors.

Compromises are cute ways of giving yourself an out or told you so. Decisions are the word choice.

Lift or lower your own toilet seat.

The balanced turf between reality and ideology is where you find success.

"The Four Agreements" ~Don Miguel Ruiz
https://www.miguelruiz.com/the-four-agreements

"Superman's Song" ~ Crash Test Dummies
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeyhKWjQaKk

 

Just back from an amazing total reset vacation and the contrast back into 'regular' life made me recognize how many subtle signals we're saturated with that keeps pushing us towards confrontation default. 

We're going to start off struggling out loud about last weeks episode ad how not satisfied I was (am still in this moment as I type this) with it.

Then, we are going to dig into stepping up to the plate with a little more effort and intent moving forward.

Next season's podcast is going to have some more structure to it. Some guests, direct leadership statements/discussion, continued ramble sessions, and some challenges. 
Looking forward to receiving any input from listeners.

This episode isn't ultimately about announcing the non-profit we're launching as much as it is about the why, how, and what driving me to do it. 

I have a tendency to think small. Or maybe better stated - not think big; big enough. It's weird, because during my career I prized myself as seeing a little more robust. When I really think about it, it's that I don't think big enough picture when it comes to myself and endeavors. Then, if I do, I find myself waffling on whether it's a good idea or too much or nonsense later on down the road.

But, to say it aloud (and to an audience) is to breathe life into it and create accountability.

So, doing this is about creating consistency and resonance with myself; in a sort of fashion.