If you tend to get defensive or want to negate arguments, these tools can come in handy:

• Ask questions – Get things moving with questions. They show you’re interested and help others contribute.
• Mirror feelings – Let others know you recognize what they’re feeling e.g. “I can hear that you’re upset about that” or “It sounds like you want to make a change.”
• Paraphrase to show understanding – Show you understand by putting what they’ve said in your own words e.g. “To make sure I’ve got this right; you want to…”
• Prime when you’re unsure – Make an educated guess when they give you nothing e.g.”I would feel sad about that. What about you?”

Or there is the ABC method. This is one I am personally familiar with - 

• Agree – Tell them what you do agree with.
• Build – Build on what they’ve said.
• Compare – Compare and contrast when you completely disagree. I always thought of this as a counterargument to my own and theirs so we can work to find middle ground - but compare is even more concise. 

RESOURCES: https://www.mheducation.com/highered/product/crucial-conversations-tools-talking-when-stakes-high-patterson-grenny-mcmillan-switzler/9780071771320.html and https://theartofliving.com/crucial-conversations-summary/ and https://www.shortform.com/blog/how-to-have-crucial-conversations/

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