Capitalism + consumer culture has taught us that independence = success, but what if our culture is wrong? What if community's inconveniences are less cumbersome than the inconveniences that come from isolation?

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"That's why it's hard to make friends when you're older," she said. "Friendship is rude."

Her friend's eyes widened. "What?"

"Think about it! When we're kids we decide who we like and stick by them no matter what. As adults, we're taught to be polite. But, friendship is an imposition— at least, I want it to be. Call me after nine o'clock. Don't think you'll ever wear out your welcome. Overshare, show up at my door, go to the grocery store with me so we can waste another hour chatting. We'll never be friends if we spend all of our energy trying not to bother each other." - LAURA CLIFT

RESOURCES: https://www.instagram.com/l.a.clift/reel/DDubSuJpihV/

AND: https://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fashion/the-challenge-of-making-friends-as-an-adult.html

AND: https://www.buzzfeed.com/ravenishak/friendships-small-favors-economy-anticapitalism-tiktok

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Jia Tolentino said "We have not “optimized” our wages, our childcare system, our political representation; we still hardly even think of parity as realistic in those arenas, let alone anything approaching perfection. We have maximized our capacity as market assets. That’s all. For the way out, I think, we have to follow the cyborg. We have to be willing to be disloyal, to undermine. The cyborg is powerful because she grasps the potential in her own artificiality, because she accepts without question how deeply it is embedded in her."

Today I share the final part to Jia Tolentino's article titled "Athleisure, Barre and Kale: the tyranny of the ideal woman."

THE SOURCE: https://www.theguardian.com/news/2019/aug/02/athleisure-barre-kale-tyranny-ideal-woman-labour?utm_source=chatgpt.com

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Jia Tolentino said "Figuring out how to “get better” at being a woman is a ridiculous and often amoral project – a subset of the larger, equally ridiculous, equally amoral project of learning to get better at life under accelerated capitalism. In these pursuits, most pleasures end up being traps, and every public-facing demand escalates in perpetuity. Satisfaction remains, under the terms of the system, necessarily out of reach." and I felt that.

Today I share the introduction to her article titled "Athleisure, Barre and Kale: the tyranny of the ideal woman."

THE SOURCE: https://www.theguardian.com/news/2019/aug/02/athleisure-barre-kale-tyranny-ideal-woman-labour?utm_source=chatgpt.com

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"Slow living is a conversation inherently steeped in privilege. “So many systems are stacked against members of our society who are, in theory, desperate to slow down, but the structure of capitalism is built around burnout and scarcity,” explains DeVos. With this in mind, let's consider some strategies for practicing slow living in your life:

• Take it back to the origins of the movement and focus on food. 
• Schedule breaks.
• Live mindfully. 
• Set boundaries.
• Do what you can, where you can."

THE RESOURCE: https://www.verywellmind.com/the-end-of-the-resolution-6823991

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It’s their first time being a person too. Grief distorts reality. Joy is not passive. Done > perfect. The obstacles in your path are your path. Be a good parent to you. Instead of figuring it all out become fascinated with the process. You don’t have to be agreeable to be likable. Real happiness, contentment, life satisfaction, etc. is an inside job. Most shit comes back to balance. Nobody is judging you as harshly as you’re judging yourself. Don’t let short term feelings affect long your term decision making. Leave it better than you found it. Sensitivity isn’t a curse but it can feel like it. Learn rituals to reset and protect yourself. You have to feel weak to get strong you have to feel stupid to get smart. If it can be done in less than three minutes do it now. Keep a list of things that make you feel at home and comfortable and safe. Instead of trying to “fix” your life all at once focus on adding good things until the goodness outgrows the things that need fixing. Rest is growth. Fear won’t keep you from dying but it will keep you from living. Self awareness isn’t only critical. If you’re claiming to be self aware you also have to be aware of the good stuff too. If you can’t find community make it. Sometimes the trash takes itself out. Confidence is less about people liking you and more about knowing you’ll be okay if they don’t. The future isn’t real. Only the present matters. Your attention is the most valuable asset you have.The things you do are not means to an end. Look for the magic in everything you do. If you’re struggling to find happiness, seek interesting instead. Nobody is mad at you. Criticism without empathy is bullying. Confrontations don’t have to be scary. Happiness is a direction, not a destination.If you want to heal a wound, you can’t keep messing with it. Gardens work in seasons and so do you. We can’t change what we refuse to notice. Quit waiting for a better time to get your shit together. Authentic magnetism means both attracting and repelling. The words you speak become the house we live in. Just because it didn’t last doesn’t mean it wasn’t real. Your job is to BE the light. Not make anyone see it. You are a Human being. Not a human doing. Let others be the one to tell you no. Learning should add to your sense of agency. Not remove it. Live your values. Don’t just claim them as an identity. There are many ways up a mountain. Don’t break a sweat on an escalator. Think globally, act locally.

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17. People show love in many different ways. At some point, we have to understand that just because someone isn’t capable of communicating love in a healthy way doesn’t mean they don’t love you. But it also doesn’t mean you have to put up with it. 

18. Romantic love is overrated.

19. You’re not better than anyone. Noone is better than you. Being further ahead than someone doesn’t disqualify their wisdom. We have something to learn from and share with every living being on this planet. 

20. We never know where people had leg-ups, and we never know what invisible struggles people are experiencing.

21. People’s responses to your boundaries, wants, needs, values, etc. say more about them than you.

22. Action is the remedy. The key to getting over cycles of worry and rumination and overthinking and fear is to focus on the next best step.

23. Pain, uncertainty, effort are the three unavoidable aspects of reality we will all experience.

24. Shoot your shot. Closed mouths don’t get fed. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Don’t hesitate to speak up when you have shit to say. 

25. Nobody knows what the fuck they’re doing. Adults are just babies in grown up costumes. Life is hard as hell - you’re not weird for not having a damned clue what the fuck is happening. 

26. It’s never too late. Time is a construct. You can slow it down with intentionality or speed it up with mindless actions like doom scrolling.

27. Get comfortable in silence. Learn when it’s time to mind your business and when it’s time to speak your mind. You’re allowed to take up space but you’re also allowed to sit back and cease to be perceived.  

28. Every single human just wants to feel seen, valued, and loved. Be kind. Be open. Focus on the little moments with people + really listen. However, not all people deserves all access to you.

29. Social media is a tool. It’s also a manipulative marketing addiction machine. Be careful with it. Set boundaries and check in with your emotions during and after your usage. 

30. Future you appreciates your attention, thoughtfulness, and love more than anyone. Intentionally show yourself the same kindness and attention you show to the people you care most about. 

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

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1. You get one body. Be kind to it. Whatever sucks about it (more than likely) doesn’t compare to what doesn’t suck about it. Learn to appreciate the badass vessel that it is + honor your commitment to it. You’re stuck with it, so you may as well get along with it. 

2. You get one mind. See above.

3. You get one round at this life. How you spend your days is how you spend your life, so don’t put it off waiting for shit to happen to you - instead go out there and make it happen for you. 

4. You are not your thoughts.

5. Your reality isn’t the only reality. All realities are valid despite sometimes conflicting. Work to adopt more neutral perspectives to gain more objective reflections on reality. 

6. Change your perspective, change your experience. You change the outcome by changing your interpretation of the situation. Bringing the right attitude can greatly improve almost any situation.  

7. Slow the fuck down. Timelines are literally bullshit. Don’t rush it. Don’t stress it. Let shit flow and learn to enjoy the between times. 

8. They aren’t mad at you. If you didn’t give them a reason to be mad, and they didn’t directly communicate to you that they were mad at you? Stop worrying. 99% of the time they’re busy + distracted + forgot to respond. Relax. Unless you fucked up, stop feeling bad for shit you didn’t do. 

9. In fact, nobody is paying attention to you as closely as you think they are. Your life is yours. Write your story, don’t stress over the critics. As long as you’re not hurting anyone else, you’re allowed to do whatever the fuck you want, whenever the fuck you want. 

10. You are not unlovable. You are a badass human. You have had positive impacts on humans you literally didn’t remember existing + the world is genuinely a better place simply because you’re in it. You haven’t yet met all the people who will love you.

11. You don’t need to work so hard to be “liked”. Protect your peace, set appropriate boundaries, say no, but be kind + vulnerable + honest. The best way to be a crowd pleaser is not to be a people pleaser.

12. Leave shit better than you found it.

13. Internal peace is more rewarding and sustainable than happiness.

14. Your looks are the least interesting thing about you. 

15. Practice pausing before responding. Automatic reactions are human, but they’re typically not reflective of our reality. Take an extra second to think. 

16.Giving yourself the love/attention/value you seek from others is the key to being open to actually receiving the love you seek. 

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

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Here's the 2024 compilation of articles from Vox, Atlantic, Medium, Linked in, and NYT, offering their advice from 2024. Stay tuned for mine!

SOURCES:

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/12/28/briefing/your-best-advice-of-2024.html

https://www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/archive/2024/12/most-memorable-advice-2024/681125/

https://medium.com/mr-plan-publication/heres-some-advice-for-2024-if-you-re-in-your-early-20s-521cd17f09f0

https://www.vox.com/even-better/391465/best-expert-advice-relationships-friendship-mental-health-2024

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/5-golden-pieces-advice-make-2024-your-best-year-yet-jakub-szrodt-fwqze

RESOURCES:

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

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I'm still a little under the weather but tomorrow I'm sharing advice from 2024 in preparation for 2025 so today, I thought I'd do a little recap of last year's episode featuring advice from 2023.

The source: https://www.vox.com/even-better/23989636/best-expert-advice-2023

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

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