Make Your Damn Bed

True safety doesn't come from a partner promising they will never hurt you (a promise no human can permanently guarantee). True safety comes from promising yourself that if your boundaries are crossed, you love yourself enough to walk away.

Unfortunately there is no cheat code to finding a better relationship that is safe in every way. Being a human being, having a human experience means you’re not bigger than the program.

“You are loved just for being who you are, just for existing. You don't have to do anything to earn it.

Your shortcomings, your lack of self-esteem, physical perfection, or social and economic success - none of that matters. No one can take this love away from you, and it will always be here.”

— Ram Dass

THE SOURCES:

1. Eliza Day on Fearing being Judged
2. National Library of Medicine Research on exposure based therapy
3. ShineMommyShine on Believing the Judgement
4. Anxiety Specialists on Why the Fear of Judgement is not about other people

Other important stuff:

Support the BDS movement.

organize clothing swaps with your friends.

Get free resources from Annas Archive.

Join your local DSA

Become a READING PARTNER

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.

Info on War Tax Resistance.

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief Fund

The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I’ve been thinking a lot about trust and consideration and love.

Naturally, I’ve been very bitter about some things going on in my personal life and it convinced me for a second there that I didn’t love or trust the world around me and that I would never trust another human again. Wen in reality, I didn’t hate the world around me I hate the internal process I wasn’t allowing myself to fully experience.

One way Ive been combatting this line of thinking is through reality checks and one of the most important reminder for myself lately is that I dont actually distrust everyone and everything.

Every time I get in my car I Trust the manufacturer, the guy who does my brakes, my oil changes, the guy who makes the roads. Maybe I dont know or trust them in intimate ways, but ti doesn’t mean I don't have some love and compassion and appreciation for the version of that person who made the road or changed my tires or did my oil.

Some people are really fucking… not smart… and some people really fucking annoying and some are a combination of dumb and annoying. We have to love them anyway.

Perfection is not a prerequisite for human connection or emotional care. Every human being has limitations, mistakes, and vulnerabilities; expecting flawlessness is unrealistic. A person's intrinsic value and capacity for belonging do not depend on constant performance or error-free conduct.

Plenty of flawed people are in real, loving relationships. Do I believe they don’t deserve to be loved just because they are flawed?

I try my best to be perfect, because in some way it makes me feel like I can get away from being abandoned or cheated on or lied to or hurt. But that’s not how any of this works. Part of what makes falling and being in love so magical and deep and beautiful is that it is inherently a risk. You are putting your faith in another person. And sometimes those people will disappoint you. Sometimes those people will disappoint themselves. There’s nothing you can do about that. But being hotter (or richer or cooler or more botoxed or whatever) won’t protect you from that.

Meg Thee Stallion, Beyonce, Dolly, Sandra Bullock, Halle Berry, Eva Longoria, Reese Witherspoon, Shakira, Robert Pattinson, Every Kardashian, Nia fucking Long, and these are just the publicized ones. Nobody is safe from heartbreak and being disappointed by a person.

We often weaponize self-improvement. We try to become the hottest, smartest, or most flawless version of ourselves as a subconscious shield. But you can't save yourself from other people's weaknesses + mistakes.

You can only CHOOSE to love yourself despite it all.

“You are loved just for being who you are, just for existing. You don't have to do anything to earn it.

Your shortcomings, your lack of self-esteem, physical perfection, or social and economic success - none of that matters. No one can take this love away from you, and it will always be here.”

— Ram Dass

THE SOURCES:

1. Eliza Day on Fearing being Judged
2. National Library of Medicine Research on exposure based therapy
3. ShineMommyShine on Believing the Judgement
4. Anxiety Specialists on Why the Fear of Judgement is not about other people

Other important stuff:

Support the BDS movement.

organize clothing swaps with your friends.

Get free resources from Annas Archive.

Join your local DSA

Become a READING PARTNER

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.

Info on War Tax Resistance.

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief Fund

The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When you’re afraid of someone else judging you, you are only afraid of the confirmation of things you already believe about yourself. I am never offended by a claim I know is untrue. You can call me a liar, and I won’t flinch - because I know I am not a liar. You can say I’m unfunny, but I know for a fact that is not true at all. But the second you say something that I have some prior belief in, it triggers my defenses. It feels like a confirmation of my worst fears.

If I suspect I’m unlovable, and someone says I’m unlovable, it triggers that fear and feels like a confirmation of something I already “knew”. So when we shield ourselves from the judgement of others, we’re not actually protecting ourselves from these judgements or these fears, You still experience those fears just the same. In fact, you cosign them, by not allowing the judgments to come without agreeing with them.

If I don’t let myself be seen because I think I’m too ugly or dumb or whatever, you adopt that fear as an identity and you make choices in accordance to those ideas and you live your entire life within these boundaries you create for yourself.

The thing is, these may have absolutely no basis in reality. And they’re definitely not things you WANT to believe. So in an effort to protect yourself, you actually work from a place that confirms your worst fears, and as a result, created life that aligns with your greatest fear about yourself. Whereas, if you put yourself out there anyway, it trains your brain that it’s safe to do so. It proves to yourself that you were wrong.

If you're afraid of being judged socially, speak up, deliberately go to the social event anyway.

Don't reinforce the insecurity. Don't shrink your comfort zone. Don't build your life around your insecurities.

THE SOURCES:

1. Eliza Day on Fearing being Judged
2. National Library of Medicine Research on exposure based therapy
3. ShineMommyShine on Believing the Judgement
4. Anxiety Specialists on Why the Fear of Judgement is not about other people

Other important stuff:

Support the BDS movement.

organize clothing swaps with your friends.

Get free resources from Annas Archive.

Join your local DSA

Become a READING PARTNER

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.

Info on War Tax Resistance.

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief Fund

The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"War doesn't end when one side dies, it ends when one side surrenders. If you have given up, it's already over. When you understand a system, what it feeds on, you can see there a lot of ways to change it for the better."

"When you see people arguing that your vote doesn't matter, there's a REASON that's the message that gets pushed. Democracy is the bloodless revolution." - Portable Orange

Fun facts:

1. You should RESEARCH YOUR SAMPLE BALLOT and BRING NOTES to use while you vote.
2. Don't post

The source:

A youtube video of Portable Orange on Curated Consent

A google doc of The sources HE used, (source inception)

Other important stuff:

Support the BDS movement.

organize clothing swaps with your friends.

Get free resources from Annas Archive.

Join your local DSA

Become a READING PARTNER

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.

Info on War Tax Resistance.

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief Fund

The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Modern design demands that your brain should constantly focus on productivity, metrics, optimization, and achievement. In late-stage consumerism, convenience is sold as a tool to save you time. But when technology strips away everyday friction (like instant delivery or one-click checkouts), it rarely gives you back leisure. Instead, it simply frees up your cognitive bandwidth so you can handle more work and consume more digital assets.

Treat friction as a shield against expectations. Intentionally choose the inefficient route.

The sources:

1. Jerry Z. Muller's The Tyranny of Metrics.
2. https://danielmiessler.com/blog/how-to-create-bad-metrics-incentivize-wrong-behaviors
3. Grading is ineffective (Medium Post)
4. (YouTube) Can Metrics Destroy Societies?
5. Well's Fargo Scandal

Other important stuff:

Support the BDS movement.

organize clothing swaps with your friends.

Get free resources from Annas Archive.

Join your local DSA

Become a READING PARTNER

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.

Info on War Tax Resistance.

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief Fund

The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Humans will always focus on the easiest path towards positive feedback (or avoiding negative feedback). We love a little treat. If we're not careful (and we forget the human element), we will get so focused on the reward that we will forget the reason why we started the reward program in the first place.

Sometimes our emotional world's and subjective experiences are what make us MORE reliable, not less.

The focus on getting a high score actually distorts what we're scoring. The problem is not measurement, but a fixation on it. This is why teachers teach to a test, or why cops create fake crime accusations to meet quotas, or why doctors reject patients who need the most care. Quality quickly falls to the wayside to quantity, which is often a bad thing.

More examples: The cobra effect, the Hanoi rat problem, the broken dinosaur bone problem, tax refunds for carbon credits, "bug bounties" for programmers, rage bait being "engagement" on social media, banks selling loans to meet quotas, The McNamara Strategy", "No child left behind", are all examples of well intentioned incentive programs being distorted to meet metrics over spirit.

"When a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure." - Goodhart’s Law

The sources:

1. Jerry Z. Muller's The Tyranny of Metrics.
2. https://danielmiessler.com/blog/how-to-create-bad-metrics-incentivize-wrong-behaviors
3. Grading is ineffective (Medium Post)
4. (YouTube) Can Metrics Destroy Societies?
5. Well's Fargo Scandal

Other important stuff:

Support the BDS movement.

organize clothing swaps with your friends.

Get free resources from Annas Archive.

Join your local DSA

Become a READING PARTNER

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.

Info on War Tax Resistance.

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief Fund

The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sometimes our emotional world's and subjective experiences are what make us MORE reliable, not less.

The focus on getting a high score actually distorts what we're scoring. The problem is not measurement, but a fixation on it

"When a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure." - Goodhart’s Law

This is why teachers teach to a test, or why cops create fake crime accusations to meet quotas, or why doctors reject patients who need the most care.

The cobra effect, the Hanoi rat problem, the broken dinosaur bone problem, tax refunds for carbon credits, "bug bounties" for programmers, rage bait being "engagement" on social media, banks selling loans to meet quotas, The McNamara Strategy", "No child left behind", are all examples of well intentioned incentive programs being distorted to meet metrics over spirit.

Quality quickly falls to the wayside to quantity, which is often a bad thing.

The sources:

1. Jerry Z. Muller's The Tyranny of Metrics.
2. https://danielmiessler.com/blog/how-to-create-bad-metrics-incentivize-wrong-behaviors
3. Grading is ineffective (Medium Post)
4. (YouTube) Can Metrics Destroy Societies?
5. Well's Fargo Scandal

Other important stuff:

Support the BDS movement.

organize clothing swaps with your friends.

Get free resources from Annas Archive.

Join your local DSA

Become a READING PARTNER

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.

Info on War Tax Resistance.

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief Fund

The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The focus on getting a high score actually distorts what we're scoring. The problem is not measurement, but a fixation on it

"When a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure." - Goodhart’s Law

The sources:

1. Jerry Z. Muller's The Tyranny of Metrics.
2. Grading is ineffective (Medium Post)
3. (YouTube) Can Metrics Destroy Societies?
4. Well's Fargo Scandal
5. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digital_Taylorism
6. More Perfect Union's expose on spyware at work.
7. Ronan Farrow's "Bossware" video

Other important stuff:

Support the BDS movement.

organize clothing swaps with your friends.

Get free resources from Annas Archive.

Join your local DSA

Become a READING PARTNER

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.

Info on War Tax Resistance.

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief Fund

The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"When a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure." - Goodhart’s Law

We're not cogs in a machine. We are so much more than that. When we put all the emphasis on metrics (the way we measure shit) we lose sight of what we're trying to produce and instead we focus on scoring well.

The sources:

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digital_Taylorism
2. More Perfect Union's expose on spyware at work.
3. Ronan Farrow's "Bossware" video
4. https://slack.green/en/blog/what-is-bossware
5. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Employee_monitoring_software

Other important stuff:

Support the BDS movement.

organize clothing swaps with your friends.

Get free resources from Annas Archive.

Join your local DSA

Become a READING PARTNER

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.

Info on War Tax Resistance.

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief Fund

The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

According to Ronan Farrow, over 70% of employers use some form of digital monitoring. They rank you against your coworkers and flag you if they deem you as unproductive. They track your locations even when you’re off of work. They are constantly sharing your data with third parties. They analyze your voice and facial expressions to build a behavioral profile and flag you as “employable” based on your fucking voice. It flags if your mood changes. CVS, McDonald’s, Amazon, etc. all use this tech. But so do major hospitals and police departments.

This data is being collected in malicious ways and in ways that would surprise you. They track your menstrual cycle. They track your voting habits. They track every single little thing. And they are never using it to give you a raise or offer you a more enjoyable job. They only use this data to blackmail you into more work, or to fire you completely because they flag you as incompatible with the company culture.

So what do we do?

Never cross streams. Keep personal devices separate from work devices. Never assume your company laptop isn’t watching the fuck out of you even when it’s off. Even if your phone is turned off, they’re tracking you. Use a VPN. Treat any company device as if the camera and microphone are always on. Never install a company app on your personal phone. Keep your own log of all of your accomplishments at work, even the small ones. And check your state laws. If your state requires your employer to disclose monitoring, see what your company reveals in the employee handbook. Talk to your union, if you’re in one. Your data is being used against you to keep you productive but this is a form of coercive control. You have to give up your privacy or you give up your ability to make a living. It’s our jobs to push back NOW, while we still can. Fight for transparency. Knowing is half the battle.

The sources:

1. More Perfect Union's expose on spyware at work.
2. Ronan Farrow's "Bossware" video
3. https://slack.green/en/blog/what-is-bossware
4. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Employee_monitoring_software

Other important stuff:

Support the BDS movement.

organize clothing swaps with your friends.

Get free resources from Annas Archive.

Join your local DSA

Become a READING PARTNER

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.

Info on War Tax Resistance.

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief Fund

The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.