Deconstructing Mamas

With regard to the question, “Do you believe in God?” I do not care much about your answer. But if I were to ask the last five people with whom you’ve interacted if you were kind, about those answers I care very much. (Rabbi Brian Zachary Mayer)

Our episode this week is with Rabbi Brian Zachary Mayer, dad, author of the brilliant book, Highly Unorthodox Gospel, (also known as HUG), French Horn player and our very first Rabbi.

On this episode, we talk with rB (as he refers to himself) about all things related to kindness, compassion and love when it comes to our ever-evolving faith. 

We chat through these questions:

1. Tell us about the word “spiritualigiuos” on your website called “Religion Outside the Box.” We are so intrigued. Can you tell us what this means to you? How is it different from mainstream practice?

2. We love the title of your new book with the acronym HUG (not lost on us), Highly Unorthodox Gospel. What’s your gospel like and why is it highly unorthodox?

3. One of your reviews on the book said this:  “Hi rB, You had me at page fricking one!! I absolutely loved the book and couldn’t put it down. I finished it in one day. I am going to read it again and again. Loved the bacon cheese burger on matzah during Passover.” Can you just indulge us with this taste of what your book might be like for those who might be just a bit skeptical?

4. We are a parenting podcast. The themes of compassion, kindness, and love are central to the book. How can parents incorporate these values into their daily lives with their children that may be different than the way they might have grown up in high-control religion?  Why these three?

5. How do you think we can challenge the idea of "right and wrong", “black and white” , what we might deem as orthodoxy in our faiths while still raising children with values that matter?

6. In what ways can we nurture both our own spiritual growth and our children’s spiritual development in a world full of competing beliefs?

We found rB to be hilarious, genuine, knowledgable and humble. We laughed a lot and also dove deep into some difficult questions.

You can find rB here:

Websites: rabbibrian.com
rotb.org

Instagram: @rabbi_brian_af

Facebook: Rabbi Brian Zachary Mayer

Newsletter: https://rotb.org/subscribe/

Doubt is another word for imagination. (Liz Charlotte Grant)

Our episode this week is with Liz Charlotte Grant, mom, author of the new brilliant book, Knock at the Sky: Seeking God in Genesis After Losing Faith in the Bible, artist and lover of the Bible.

On this episode, we talk with Liz about all things related to seeking God through Scripture even as our faith continues to evolve. 

We chat through these questions:

1. What made you do a deep dive into Genesis specifically?

2. How do you continue to see Scripture as sacred even when you no longer believe in its literal interpretation?

3. What is a fresh way to read Genesis that moves beyond traditional interpretations and the culture wars?

4. The Old Testament is often the last part of the Bible that people come back to. What beauty and wisdom can we find in these books outside of this vengeful God that many of us have known? 

5. What does it look like to view the Bible as a work of art, and how can this perspective reshape our relationship with Scripture and faith?

6. What role has parenting played in your fresh way of viewing Scripture and the ways you’ve re structured your faith? 

7. In the process of examining and teasing out our beliefs, how can we teach our children that the seeking itself is the point, and that it’s okay to question sacred texts?

We found Liz to be funny, knowledgeable and ever-so-relatable. We laughed a lot and also dove deep into some difficult questions.

You can find Liz here:

Website: lizcharlotte.com

Instagram: @lizcharlottegrant

Facebook: Liz Charlotte Grant

Threads: @lizcharlottegrant

Substack: https://substack.com/@lizcharlotte

What we're learning is that God is comfortable with questions. In fact, our questions are often where God want to meet us. (Erin Hicks Moon)

Our episode this week is with Erin Hicks Moon, mom, author of the new brilliant book, I've Got Questions, Zac Efron apologist (it's a thing y'all), and self-proclaimed Bible-nerd.

On this episode, we talk with Erin about all things related to questioning, and why it's an necessary spiritual practice. Plus, we do find out more about why she has a obsession with Zac Efron, a reason to listen for sure.

We chat through these questions:

1. For parents who are deconstructing, how can we help our kids navigate their own faith journey when we’re still figuring out ours?

2. What is the spiritual practice of "having it out with God." How can we do that in a healthy, healing way, especially when dealing with a faith background that was once rigid and controlling?

3. You emphasize the power of lament and naming our pressure points in faith. What do you mean by lament and why does it matter so much when it comes to questioning God? And how does lament relate to naming our pressure points?

4. You use lots of humor as a way to cope and heal. How can we, as parents, incorporate humor or lightness into our own healing process when parenting feels so heavy due to past religious experiences?

5. You say that wrestling with God is part of the traditional Christian story, not a deviation from it. How can parents model a healthy wrestling with faith for their children, especially when they were taught to avoid questions in a high-control environment?

6. In your book, you offer a pathway to make peace with our past faith experiences. What practical steps would you recommend for parents to set new spiritual boundaries for their families, even if those steps take them outside traditional religious norms?

We found Erin to be smart, hilarious, and engaging, our conversation with her perfect for the times we find ourselves in on our ever-evolving faith and parenting journeys.

You can find Erin here:

Website: erinhmoon.com

Instagram: @erinhmoon

Substack: erinhmoon.substack.com

"Purity culture presents a false dichotomy: restraint or chaos.  The real alternative?  Sexual empowerment - the freedom to experience intimacy on your own meaningful terms." (Joshua Harris)

Our episode this week is with Joshua Harris, former pastor and the author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, released at the height of purity culture, and currently on an highly sacred, evolving spiritual path. Here's where he finds himself today: I used to have all the answers—chapter and verse. Now I’m happily uncertain and enjoying the wonder and mystery of life.

Purity culture is one of the most harmful ideologies that has invaded not only our bodies, but our minds and souls. We feel it's impact every day in our relationships and even in our parenting.

On this episode, we talk with Josh about his own journey as the promoter and victim of purity culture, his "fall from grace," the deep heartache that ensued, his own shifting journey towards healing and wholeness, and how all of that has played out in and with his family.

We answer these questions:

1. You’ve gone through a pretty public shift in how you view relationships and faith. How has your perspective on dating and marriage evolved since the release of I Kissed Dating Goodbye?

2. Reflecting on your journey from promoting purity culture to embracing a more open perspective, how do you now approach discussions about relationships and sexuality with your children, and what lessons have you learned that you wish you had known earlier?

3. Given the shifts in your personal and spiritual life, what has been the most significant lesson you've learned about grace, forgiveness, and transformation?

4. How have your faith shifts changed the way that you parent your own children, perhaps in other ways that are not directly associated with purity culture? 

5. If you could sit your kids down and tell them one thing to take on their life’s journey (with the caveat that they would listen to you), what would it be and why?

We found Josh to be wise, gentle, humble and the conversation with him much-needed and very much-appreciated. There was a palpable healing that took place as we were recording.

If you have been harmed by purity culture and want to take one step toward your own journey of uncovering it and recovering from it, this is a MUST-LISTEN!

You can find Joshua here:

Website: joshharris.com

Instagram: @harrisjosh

"When our faith shifts, sometimes stories that once felt magical like Christmas feel complicated. We can still feel empowered by the magical parts of the story while leaving room for age appropriate theology and curiosity with the story." (Sarah Swartzendruber)

Our episode this week is with Sarah Swartzendruber, Sarah is a mama, pastor, kid's faith curriculum creator (Zippee) and cohort leader for Parenting After Deconstruction.

Most of the parents who reach out to her know what they don't want to teach their kids, but they have no idea what they do want for their families. Sarah's passion is helping parents ind deconstruction create healthy spiritual practices for their kids that answer the question, "What now? How can we do this well?"

On this episode, we dive deep into the idea of reimagining Christmas in the ways we parent.

We answer these questions:

1. What does reimagining Christmas mean to you, and why might it be important for us?

2. How can we shift the focus of Christmas from tradition or obligation to something more meaningful and authentic?

3. How can parents involve their children in rethinking and co-creating new Christmas traditions that reflect their family’s evolving values?

4. How can families navigate grief or loss that might come with letting go of old traditions while creating space for new ones?

Sarah is brilliant, imaginative and funny, while at the same time, a kick-butt theologian who will help you to feel like you've got what it takes to walk this "tricky tightrope" in confidence and clarity, but mostly in compassion and curiosity. Don't miss out!

You can find the Sarah in these spaces:

Instagram:  @parentingafterdeconstruction

Website: www.parentingafterdeconstuction.com

"I’m writing the story Bible I wish to see in the world. Not just for my daughter, not just for girls, but for all kids. Because when it comes to the love of God, everyone belongs.” Mariko Clark

Our episode this week is with the author and illustrator of the new and wildly popular children's Bible story book, The Book of Belonging, Mariko Clark and Rachel Eleanor. Their passion to provide a resource for kids (and their parents) that is wildly inclusive, historically accurate and highly engaging has us buying copies left and right. Our conversation was filled with laughter, light, healing and even tears.

Some of the topics we explore are these:

• The inspiration for The Book of Belonging and how it is different from traditional Bible storybooks.
• Celebrating diversity within God’s people.
• The central message of belonging and how it might be a boots-on-the-ground word for love.
• The importance of the contemplative practices of mindfulness and wonder moments for us and our kids.
• Why featuring overlooked, female-centered stories is an essential for spriitual formation.
• Shaping a child’s sense of identity and understanding of belonging to God.

Our favorite words from this podcast episode were sweatpants, safe harbor, poop, companioning, and of course, belonging. Find out why when you listen.

You can find the Book of Belonging at the following:

Website: thebookofbelonging.com

Substack: https://substack.com/@thebookofbelonging

Instagram: @marikoclark and @rachel.eleanor.art

"We never had certainty we just thought we did. We convinced ourselves we could absolutely be sure. Now we know the truth and the next step is to find peace in that uncertainty and maybe even be happy about it, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves." Marla Taviano in her new book “Whole” (with a nod to words by Rilke) 

Our episode this week is with Marla Taviano, the author of several books, some of our favorites being her trilogy of poetry called Unbelieve, Jaded, and Whole. Marla is into: books, love, justice, globes, anti-racism, blue, gray, rainbows, poems (and a hundred other things). She reads and writes for a living (and a life). She's a single mom to four freaking awesome grownish kids. And we especially love this: Marla is on a mission/ quest/ journey to live wholeFARTED (not a typo).

Some of the topics we explore are these:

• Being able to “find peace in the uncertainty” and “have patience with everything unresolved in your heart.”
• What makes her "FART?" (and find out what might make you FART as well.)
• The normal deconstruction process of unbelieving, becoming jaded and then moving toward wholeness.
• Poetry as an instrument of healing both for us and our kids.
• Navigating the ebb and flow while trying to parent and deconstruct at the same time.

Our favorite words from this podcast episode were breathe, jaded, free, FART, certainty, unbelieve, embrace, whole. Find out why when you listen.

You can find Marla at the following:

Instagram: @marlataviano

Facebook: Marla Taviano

Website: itsmemarla.com

"Our fight is not against men but against the systems of imbalanced power that keep women and nonbinary people from flourishing in the fullness of our gifts and offering this world the best we have to offer.” Liz Cooledge Jenkins 

Our episode this week is with Liz Cooledge Jenkins, preacher, writer and author of the book, Nice Churchy Patriarchy. Liz has a gentleness, yet brilliance about her and this conversation couldn't have been more enlightening and engaging.

Some of the topics we explore are these:

• The definition of the Patriarchy and some insidious ways it has harmed both women, men and non-binary people.
• The different faces of misogyny.
• The systems of imbalanced power.
• Should we have a matriarchy?
• Supporting our kids in new belief systems while we are still wading through the toxic beliefs of our childhoods.

Our favorite words from this podcast episode were swinging, rapper, imbalance, Stratego, flourishing and insidious. Find out why when you listen.

You can find Liz at the following:

Instagram: @lizcoolj and @postevangelicalprayers

Website: lizcooledgejenkins.com

“If I widen the lens and see this concept from a new perspective, then yes, I do matter. I do have purpose. I’ve just redefined my view of purpose. I’ve taken the pressure off. And I’ve started to find fulfillment, contentment, and gratification in small actions that matter." Sarah W. Bragg 

Our episode this week is with Sarah W. Bragg, mom of two teens, author of the new book, Is Everyone Happier Than Me?, and podcast host.

Sarah's humor, combined with her tenderness and strength, lends itself to an incredible conversation.

Some of the topics we explore are these:

• Where her spiritual journey falls into the thoughts that keep her up at night.
• Healthy boundaries with social media. Fostering connection without comparison.
• Building true connection with ourselves, especially if we have spent our lives being told that connection to self was unimportant or wrong.
• The role of play and pleasure in coming back to ourselves.
• Redefining purpose.
• What really matters?
• The valuable role of curiosity.

Our favorite words from this podcast episode were pressure off, play, pleasure, edges, Real Housewives, and 3 am. Find out why when you listen.

You can find Sarah at the following:

Instagram: @sarahwbragg

Facebook: Sarah Washington Bragg

Website: sarahbragg.com

“Christian Nationalism is harmful to both Christianity and the country.” April Ajoy 

Our episode this week is with April Ajoy, author of the new book, Star-Spangled Jesus, former Christian Nationalist, podcast host and deconstructing mom of two.

April has a fierce passion to recover from the wounds of toxic Christianity and how it plays out in the political arena and to help others do the same. If you feel like you would like to understand more about exactly what Christian Nationalism is and learn more about the hope we still have in this volatile time in our history, this podcast episode is for you.

Some of the topics we explore are these:

• How Christian Nationalism began and why it's so dangerous.
• Why it's important to disentangle faith from politics.
• Advice for those of us who feel conflicted, but are afraid of the personal and social consequences of questioning our beliefs.
• How we prevent becoming what we’ve walked away from.
• Parenting through curious faith and the current political climate.

Our favorite words from this podcast episode were things like demons, witchcraft, big tent, pressure off, loosely, empathy, Christian Nationalism, and liberate. Find out why when you listen.

You can find April at the following:

Instagram: @aprilajoy

Tiktok: @aprilajoy