Defensiveness keeps us disconnected from each other. We all get defensive. It’s just a human thing. It prevents us from being present in what is happening, and what another person is experiencing. It’s something we use as protection, because it’s hard to hear feedback sometimes.

If we are defensive, we cannot connect. Whether it’s in a marriage, a friendship, or parenting, or any other kind of relationship, you’re always going to get feedback, and it can be uncomfortable.

We’re not always going to agree with someone else’s perspective but being defensive can actually do long term damage to relationships.

In order to connect, we must be open, which is vulnerable, and for some, scary, but the benefit of letting go of defensiveness is that we can be intentional in our relationships, and learn to digest feedback in a more functional way.

Here are some tools that you can put in your toolbox when you feel defensive.

We all really want to be connected, so it’s important to focus on the overarching purpose of the conversation, and be willing to come back to it again, because it’s not one conversation. So many times we can listen to or read some mental health tips and think about how those apply to people in our lives, but I would encourage all of us to just look inward as well.

Look inward and continue to do your own work.

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**Links and Resources**

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