Double Love

What's better than two perfect blonde sixteen year olds with blue green eyes? If Sweet Valley High is to be believed the answer is "three of them". Yes, the twins' identical cousin Kelly has come to town for two whole months and they're only delighted. But Kelly has some serious (and we mean serious) daddy issues. Not only does she idolise her cheating, selfish father, but she's now besotted with cheating, selfish Kirk! Luckily there's the greatest fancy dress party in Sweet Valley history to lighten the mood. 

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It's summer time! And where better to spend it than on a Californian beach? Not the sands of Sweet Valley, though, because Lila, Jess and Liz are heading to Malibu, where they have been employed via a worryingly casual childcare agency to work as "mother's helpers". You might need some mother's little helpers in the Rolling Stones sense (just keep Enid away from them) to get through all the DRAMA in this book, as Jess finds herself changing nappies, Lila finds a man who isn't quite what she was expecting and Liz finds romance with an older boy who is not all he seems. And if you've been missing the Old Timey Gangster Talk, today is your lucky, lucky day - just wait until you meet Frankie La Salle... You can follow us on Twitter at @svhpodcast and follow the Headstuff Podcast Network on @HSPodnetwork and @ThisHeadstuff

"Mystery, Cara! Mystery!"

It's Jessica's new mantra, but the biggest mystery in this episode is how Abbie Richardson managed to be completely invisible to her classmates during the two years she was going out with a boy from Palisades.

Are they physically incapable of seeing anyone who dares to date outside their school?

Anyway, she's single now and her attempts to make friends with the Sweet Valley gang backfire when she and Steven get a little too close for comfort. Meanwhile Cara creates totally pointless drama, Tricia comes back from the dead (or does she) and Abbie dazzles Mr Collins (sadly in an off-screen role) with some frankly mediocre newspaper cartoons.

You can follow us on Twitter at @svhpodcast and follow the Headstuff Podcast Network on @HSPodnetwork and @ThisHeadstuff

It's what we've all been waiting for - a book about Enid Rollins and her grandma! And it's just as thrilling as that sounds, ie not at all. Join us as we try and sadly fail to have sympathy for an elderly grieving widow who is, it must be sad, a massive pain in the hole who is horrible to everyone. Plus Liz turns documentarian as she makes a film about the only thing that ever inspires her creativity - Sweet Valley itself. You can follow us on Twitter at @svhpodcast and follow the Headstuff Podcast Network on @HSPodnetworkand @ThisHeadstuff

You wouldn't think you could write a whole book about racism without ever using the word "racism" but "Kate William" proves us wrong in this tale of forbidden love - forbidden by Sandy Bacon's horrible parents, that is. Yes, WASP Sandy has fallen in love with Mexican Manuel, and is willing to do some pretty awful things to keep it a secret from her parents. Manuel deserves better! Meanwhile, Jess is determined to surprise Lila and shows a surprising knowledge of trade union history. 

You can follow us on Twitter at @svhpodcast and follow the Headstuff Podcast Network on @HSPodnetwork and @ThisHeadstuff

How does Sweet Valley deal with the tragic death of saintly Regina Morrow? Why, by turning on the girl whose party she died at and making her life a living hell, of course! Poor Molly Hecht is turned into an outcast by a school population who are somehow totally fine with Amy and Bruce. Yes, we get very annoyed about this. Meanwhile Liz is actually realistically torn between grief and her desire to meddle, Mr Collins gives good advice, and Jess reminds us what a massive  hypocrite she is. You can follow us on Twitter at @svhpodcast and follow the Headstuff Podcast Network on @HSPodnetwork and @ThisHeadstuff

It's finally here. The one you've all been waiting for. The one that put you off cocaine for life (we hope). Yes, we are gathered together today to celebrate the life and times of the beautiful and saintly Regina Morrow who, when Bruce reverts to his old 1BRUCE1 self and gets off with shameless Amy Sutton, turns to tormented outsider Justin Belson and ends up doing two lines of coke at a party which...well, you know the rest. Don your mourning attire as we, like Regina, head to Kelly's (turns out you can get there without being hijacked!) and raise a glass to the second most perfect girl to ever grace Sweet Valley with her presence. The ending is so emotional we can't even take the piss out of it! You can follow us on Twitter at @svhpodcast and follow the Headstuff Podcast Network on @HSPodnetwork and @ThisHeadstuff

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Penny Ayala is feeling left out. She's smart and cool but she gets shy around boys and never had a boyfriend, which as you can imagine makes socialising difficult in the bizarre world of Sweet Valley. The solution? Challenging the weird heteronormative system that dictates no one can leave the house without a date, of course! Oh wait, we're in Sweet Valley, so instead she puts a personal ad in the Oracle to meet a boy and ends up getting catfished. Warning: Jessica's fatphobia gets ugly in this one. You can follow us on Twitter at @svhpodcast and follow the Headstuff Podcast Network on @HSPodnetwork and @ThisHeadstuff

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Oh god. It's the one where Elizabeth becomes obsessed with Switzerland. And we mean seriously, unhealthily obsessed - like, she literally talks about nothing else throughout this book. She's so focused on forcing her friends to look at library books about the Alps that she doesn't even get involved when Winston faces a serious moral dilemma. You know things are bad when Liz can't be bothered to do some meddling. All this and an adorable old man, a snooty interviewer and further proof that Liz and her boyfriends have the same taste in clothes and jewellery as 80 year old retirees and/or nuns. You can follow us on Twitter at @svhpodcast and follow the Headstuff Podcast Network on @HSPodnetwork and @ThisHeadstuff

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You can go your own way, but do listen to this episode, in which we discuss the best Sweet Valley book to share a name with a classic Fleetwood Mac album. Don't stop thinking about tomorrow, but do think about Susan Stewart, the mysterious beauty who is apparently incredibly popular despite never having been mentioned before! Join us as we discuss the incredible naivity of the Sweet Valley students, and ask why they constantly assume random people are secretly aristocratic millionaires. Warning: this book actually acknowledges the existence of SEX. Yes, we were as surprised as you are. You can follow us on Twitter at @svhpodcast and follow the Headstuff Podcast Network on @HSPodnetwork and @ThisHeadstuff

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