If you've ever been told "just relax" while in vulvovaginal pain, you're not alone—and you're definitely not crazy. This conversation is about the silent epidemic women keep getting dismissed over.

This episode hit me hard. Not because the stories were shocking—but because they weren’t. Dr. Chailee Moss joined me to talk about the groundbreaking study she co-authored, recently published in JAMA, that finally puts numbers to the gaslighting so many of our patients experience.

We dug into what dismissal looks like in a medical setting and how phrases like "have a glass of wine" or "your exam is normal" can cause lasting harm. For patients living with vulvovaginal pain, being told it’s "all in your head" is not just invalidating—it can delay care, destroy trust, and lead people to give up entirely.

Dr. Moss shared how her own experiences as a patient shaped her path as a physician. We also talked about the deep-rooted system issues in training and documentation that continue to reinforce doubt instead of compassion. The problem isn’t just one bad doctor. It’s a medical culture that doesn't know how to listen to women in pain.

This isn’t just about statistics. It’s about rebuilding the broken parts of medicine so more women feel seen, heard, and actually treated. If you’ve felt dismissed by the system or know someone who has, this episode is for you.s

Highlights:

• Why patients with vulvovaginal pain are often told to "just relax".
• The power of naming gaslighting and measuring it in clinical care.
• How medical training creates blind spots around pain and gender.
• The importance of early diagnosis to prevent years of unnecessary suffering.
• Resources and organizations helping patients find the right care.

If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear it. Let’s keep pushing for better care.

Dr. Moss’s Bio: 

Dr. Chailee Moss is a gynecologist specializing in vulvovaginal disorders in Washington, D.C.   She first became interested in vulvovaginal disorders at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill where she earned an M.D. in 2013. She engaged in research on pain and gynecologic surgery during residency training in Ob/Gyn at The Ohio State University where she was a chief of resident education  and earned awards for her research and clinical care. 

Upon graduation, Dr Moss joined the faculty at Johns Hopkins University where she continued to research pain and publish original research in this and other areas.   Dr. Moss is board certified by the American Board of Obstetrics and Gynecology and has been an active member of the Society for Academic Specialists in OB/GYN, serving on the research committee and paper award committee. In her free time she enjoys cooking, camping, and travel with her husband and their three energetic children in Baltimore, MD.

Resources:

Book

Jama Article

Tight Lipped

Dr. Rahman with Tight Lipped

Isswsh

The National Vulvodynia Association

Get in Touch with Dr. Moss:

Instagram

Youtube

Reddit

Website

Get in Touch with Dr. Rahman:

Website

Instagram

Youtube