Regret is often seen as a negative emotion to be avoided, but what if it holds the key to better parenting? Dr Justin Coulson and  author Dan Pink uncover the surprising ways regret can teach us valuable lessons, helping us to be kinder, more thoughtful parents, and ultimately, better people.

 (R) This episode originally aired 2/11/22.

Topics included in this episode –

• The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward, by Daniel Pink
• Why do people say that they don’t have regrets?
• Your regrets say a lot about you as a person
• Your regrets can inform your future decisions
• Reframing regret
• Inward, outward, forward
• “At-least”ing and “if-only”ing
• Dan’s advice for time poor parents
• Normalising the emotion of regret
• Talk to your kids about your regrets
• Dan shares some of his regrets

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Related links: 

• Learn more about Dan Pink & his books
• #570 Do Over - What Would You Change If You Could?

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Last chance to register for the Supporting Autistic Children course

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A listener has asked, “Should we tell our kids they are beautiful?”

It's ok to tell our kids they're beautiful, but we must ensure their sense of worth isn't solely tied to their looks. Focusing too much on appearance can make children rely on external validation and set them up to have a limited view of themselves. We share some helpful ways that you can encourage your child so they know they are enough, exactly as they are.

(R) This episode originally aired 16/8/22.

In today’s episode:

• Should we tell our kids that they’re beautiful?
• Renee Engeln – Beauty Sick
• Justin shares some ideas from his book Miss-Connection
• Teach your daughters media literacy
• Try to not comment on appearance when you bump into a friend
• Focus on your child’s inner strengths/beauty, personality, values
• “Instead of watching what goes into our kid’s mouths, we should watch what comes out of ours.” – James Corden

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Related links: 

• Pixel Perfect [Webinar]
• Watch Your Words [Article]
• Am I Not Pretty Enough? [Article]
• #126 Why Your Daughter Doesn't Need Another Mirror In Her Life (Featuring Dr Renee Engeln)

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It is not worth going to war with your child over their preferences. There are going to be more important issues that will require you to stand your ground. These moments can end in a full-blown battle with your child, or by reframing the conversation, you can work through these tough issues, avoiding conflict while still keeping your kids healthy and safe. Listen in to find out how!

(R) This episode originally aired 6/6/22.

Topics discussed in today’s podcast:

• Common fights parents have with children
• Sleeping, eating
• Friends, parties, sleepovers
• Social media, alcohol & drugs, intimacy, pornography, dress
• Conflict is normal
• Is your child's safety at risk?
• Control and power struggles
• Conversations without conflict
• Justin’s ladder metaphor
• Prioritising relationship
• Preferences vs. principles

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Related links: 

• Winning the “Gaming” Battle with our Boys – and Taking our Parenting to the Next Level
• Eat Right Without a Fight [eBook]
• Should We be Giving our Teens Alcohol?
• Whose House Rules?

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Register for the Supporting Autistic Children course with Dr Joey Lawrence and Dr Justin Coulson. Doors close July 8.

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Are parents really responsible for their kids’ happiness? Doing things purely to make our children happy often results in disappointment—for them and for us. Instead of trying to satisfy our children's insatiable craving for happiness, we share four things to teach them that will help build happiness as a by-product rather than an end in and of itself.

(R) This episode originally aired 1/8/22.

In this episode:

• Myth – It’s our job to make our kids happy
• Things that could go wrong if you think it’s your job to make your kids happy
• Setting our kids up to fail
• What ARE we responsible for?
• Emotion coaching
• Do hard things
• Building positive relationships

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Related links: 

• Hopeful Kids Are Happy Kids
• Helping Our Kids Feel Good By Doing Good
• Purchase Better Together on the Happy Families website – Because a happy family doesn’t just happen.

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Many myths surround parenting, including the misguided beliefs that you can maintain your pre-child lifestyle or that you will instantly connect with your baby or even that teenagers are stupid. Discover why these and other common misconceptions need to be debunked.

(R) This episode originally aired 28/7/22.

In today’s episode:

• Babies are intense!
• Feeding/sleeping challenges
• Pre-child life and routine
• Motherhood can be all encompassing
• Accepting limitations and boundaries that come with children
• Dads bonding with baby
• Birth experience can affect connection
• Emergency caesarean, postnatal depression 
• Connection can take time, may require interventional help
• Challenging kids
• The teenage brain

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Related links: 

• Pixel Perfect [Webinar]
• The Teenage Brain [Webinar]
• Top Seven Tips for New Dads to Boost Wellbeing
• 13 Reasons why Teenagers are GREAT!

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How can we help our children become better learners? When learning is seen as a process of creating abilities rather than discovering abilities, children can embrace challenges as opportunities for growth instead of avoiding them due to fear of failure.

James Anderson and Justin Coulson explore how parents can help children leave their comfort zone and step into their learning zone, to understand that struggle and discomfort are natural and temporary parts of the learning journey and that investing effort results in hard things becoming easy.  (R) 

This episode originally aired 27/7/22.

In today’s episode:

• #529 The Growth Mindset with James Anderson
• Learnership
• Mindset – fixed vs growth.
• Lifelong learners, performance learners, non-learners
• Finding and following your strengths
• Choosing what you want to become
• Learning zones
• Comfort zone – easy things you haven’t done yet
• You don't get better by doing your best
• Effort is the cost of growth
• That which we persist in doing becomes easier to do, not that the nature of the thing has changed but that our power to do has increased.”― Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Related links: 

• Learn more about James Anderson – LEARNERSHIP: The Skill Of Learning
• The Most Powerful Words We Can Say to Our Children

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Myth: "Parents cannot be friends with their child."

Relationships that are based on trust, appropriate disclosure, and respect are still friendships, regardless of whether they are egalitarian or not. Our children need these kinds of relationships with us. But there are limits to this friendship. Justin & Kylie examine the nature of parent-child friendships and how this relationship morphs and grows over time from the early years right up to adulthood. 

In this episode:

• Can you be friends with your kids?
• Parent before friend
• What our children need from us
• Mistakes parents make when trying to be their child's friend
• Permissive parenting
• Can you tell whether someone is a good parent by how good their kids turn out?
• High level of control can lead to rebellious children
• At what point is a child a good person?
• Mental health and wellbeing, special needs
• Challenging behaviours
• Judging parents on a child's behaviour
• Children make their own choices
• Be the best parent you can be

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Related links: 

• Anxiety In Your Child [Webinar - free for  HF members]
• I Am Not Your Friend. I Am Your Parent
• How to Fix a Problem Child

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Are you tired of feeling like your worth as a parent hinges on your child's achievements? In today's podcast, we debunk common parenting myths and explore why it's unhealthy to measure your parenting success by your child's performance.

We discuss the importance of self-care, the balance between personal needs and parental duties, and the critical role of maintaining a strong relationship with your spouse for a thriving family life.

(R) This episode originally aired 25/7/22.

In this episode:

• Each child brings a new parenting challenge
• Parenting teaches you a lot about yourself
• How do we measure our success as a parent?
• Balancing the needs of children with self-care 
• Prioritising your relationship with partner/spouse
• What does it mean to be a good parent?

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Related links: 

• Dadding Done Right [Webinar]
• Self Care Strategies That Really Work
• We Need to Talk About Parent Wellbeing
• Having Parents in Love Is Great for Your Kids

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Justin is on a mission to use his phone less. Find out what he has done this week that has been a freeing (albeit slightly inconvenient) experience.

In response to last week's episode 'Mum Break', a lot of women are saying they could never leave the kids and go away for a week! Kylie and Justin discuss why this is the case and what can be done to support and encourage mums to take some time out for themselves.

In this episode:

• Unplug Childhood
• Deleting apps from devices
• Dropping social media
• The never ending laundry cycle
• A shout out to all the extraordinary single parents listening!
• "Mum breaks" - why they aren't happening more
• The 'martyr syndrome' of motherhood
• Dads need to step up

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Related links: 

• #100 Managing Bedtime as a Solo Parent
• 10 Reasons You’re Doing Better as a Parent Than You Think
• What Dad Can Do for Mum’s Wellbeing

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We unpack the latest science for parents with three fascinating studies this week: the positive outcomes that come from connecting online, the power of touch and how it has the capacity to ease pain, anxiety, and depression, and how anger is worse for us than we thought.

In this episode:

• A Multiverse Analysis of the Associations Between Internet Use and Well-Being by Matti Vuorre and Andrew K. Przybylski
• Internet connection and wellbeing
• Brain development
• Getting the balance right
• The power of touch
• Vagus nerve and Karen Young
• A systematic review and multivariate meta-analysis of the physical and mental health benefits of touch interventions
• Stress hormones damage us
• Anger Does a Lot More Damage to Your Body Than You Realize 
• Anger Kills, by Dr Redford Williams
• Anger is normal
• Stephen Covey - the space between stimulus and response

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Related links: 

• Why Getting Angry Doesn't Work
• #553 All The Rage: Taming Parental Anger

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