You’ve probably heard people say, “Oh, you’ll just know.”

But what if… you don’t know? 👀

This week, we’re diving deep into one of Vanessa’s all-time favorite topics (and the one she first became known for as a sex therapist!): the female orgasm. Whether you’re wondering if you’ve ever actually had one, struggling to feel much of anything, or just desperate to experience the kind of toe-curling, body-melting release you’ve seen in movies — this episode is for you. 💦

We’re answering your most personal, vulnerable, and downright relatable questions like:

“How do I know if it was an orgasm ?”

“It felt good… but it was short — does that count?”

“Everyone says I’ll ‘just know’ but I’m still not sure. HELP.”

“I’ve only ever had ‘mini’ orgasms — is there something wrong with me?”

“What leg positions help or hurt the chance of orgasming?”

“Does a full bladder make orgasms feel stronger?”

“What does a vaginal orgasm even feel like and how do I know if I’ve had one?”

Vanessa also opens up about her own experience struggling with orgasm (yes, even as a sex therapist), what finally changed things, and the biggest myths that keep women stuck. And if you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, broken, or like you missed the memo on pleasure… this episode will remind you that you’re not alone — and there is a path forward.

✨ PLUS: If you’re a woman who’s struggled with orgasm (or never had one), check out our course Finishing School — the step-by-step system that’s helped thousands of women finally get there. Visit vmtherapy.com/orgasm to learn more.

The most common signs of orgasm (and why they can look different for every body)

Real questions from listeners who aren’t sure if they’ve had one yet

Why some orgasms feel big and some feel… meh

The orgasm “standard” we’ve all been sold by Hollywood

Practical tips for recognizing and expanding your pleasure

How Vanessa’s own orgasm journey inspired her to create Finishing School

📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.

Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices