Having already defined codependency, the team now addresses how to break out of its cycle. The first step is to recognize what our codependent behaviors even are. We cannot choose a different path if we don’t see the choices that are there. Furthermore, if we want to stop manipulating others into meeting our needs, we have to make peace with the fact that we really do have needs and that it is acceptable for us to own and address them. If we aren’t willing to give a full and honest voice to those needs, we are much more likely to get them met in covert, manipulative ways.

Another key takeaway is that we have to be willing to be honest, with no regard for the outcome. If we are not comfortable with sharing the truth that might make the other person mad at us and walk away from us, then we cannot live truthfully with that person. We have to be willing to suffer disconnection and be alone. We have to be willing to do the pain. “Enjoy that pain, there is beauty on the other side.”

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