I get to work on too many ideas. I’m going to work for myself. That’s decided. I register as a business, open a bank account, brainstorm plans, buy three web domains. There are a lot of things I want to do. I’ll be a freelancer, teaching, video production, maybe other things, but not too much. I can’t be swamped because there’s more. I’ll start an online documentary school. I’ll write some books. I know what I want to write. I’m itching to start. And I have three podcast ideas. Cooking with my mum, documentary filmmaker conversations, and our story. I want to do them all!

I have to pick a place to start and our podcast is the one closest to my heart. I try to turn down the volume on all my screaming ideas and to concentrate. Since 2011 I’ve recorded clips from my life, from our lives, with the hope that one day I could use them to tell the story of becoming a single mother by choice. I’ve been writing little passages in my head for years. I have 300 audio clips, about 200 hours. I listen, I trim, I take notes, I double the speed. Days pass like this. It’s going to take forever. Sometimes it feels voyeuristic. Peering into a past life. One I’d partially forgotten, as if it’s someone else’s. 

I pick a date. I announce the series. Now I can’t back out. This is happening. 

  

This production is made by Sophie and Astrid Harper, in partnership with Wondery. We’re supported by generous listeners. Story editing by Michelle Webster.

Thanks to my family and friends for being part of the story, and especially to Astrid. 

Music from freemusicarchive.org - CC NC License:

Charge Into 2015 by Dexter Britain, Eutrophic by Mystery Mammal and Ennui by Lee Rosevere. 

Ad music from freemusicarchive.org - CC Commercial License: 

Drop of Water in the Ocean by Broke For Free.

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