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Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Maladaptive Regulation 01:00 What is Maladaptive Regulation? 03:00 Why Self-Compassion Matters 04:00 The Calendar Research Trap Example 06:00 The Scroll and Clean Cycles 08:00 Compulsive vs. Conscious Choices 09:00 Who's Driving Your Regulation Ship? 11:00 Survival Mode vs. Long-Term Goals 13:00 You're Not Actually in Danger 15:00 Bringing Patterns Into Consciousness 17:00 The Three Pieces - Body, Brain, Behavior 19:00 Implementation Over Information 21:00 What is Your Body Protecting You From? 23:00 Finding Real Safety and Regulation

Summary

In this episode, I explore maladaptive regulation - those automatic things we do that temporarily soothe us but ultimately keep us stuck in dysregulation. I explain how scrolling, cleaning before starting work, researching the "perfect" calendar system, and even rumination are your nervous system's unconscious attempts to regulate, not character flaws or laziness. When we leave regulation to our subconscious and nervous system, they prioritize immediate survival over long-term goals, keeping us in circles rather than moving forward. Using powerful examples (like a client who spent months researching calendars instead of using one, or buying a $950 calendar system that never got used), I demonstrate how these patterns work and why awareness is the critical first step. This episode teaches you how to shift from unconscious maladaptive regulation to intentional regulation by working with your body, brain, and behavior.

Action Step

The next time you catch yourself in a maladaptive regulation pattern (scrolling, procrastinating, overthinking, etc.), pause and ask yourself: "What is my body trying to protect me from right now?" Notice any physical tension or discomfort. This simple question begins to shift you from automatic regulation to intentional regulation by bringing awareness to what's happening beneath the surface.

Takeaways

• Maladaptive regulation is your system's unconscious attempt to feel safer, not a character flaw.
• Common examples include scrolling, shopping, cleaning to avoid tasks, researching endlessly, rumination, and overcompensating.
• When it's compulsive (you can't stop yourself), that's maladaptive regulation, not a conscious choice.
• Your subconscious and nervous system only care about immediate survival, not long-term goals.
• These strategies work in the short term but create long-term pain and keep you stuck in circles.
• The pattern is: temporary relief → guilt/shame → deeper dysregulation.
• Over 80% of ADHDers feel self-compassion is a "cop out" - but it's actually essential for regulation.
• You're likely not in actual danger, but your system acts as if you are (survival mode).
• Real regulation requires the conscious mind to "take the wheel" from automatic patterns.
• The three pieces of intentional regulation: Body (physical interruption), Brain (cognitive reframe), Behavior (finding balance).
• The power is in implementation, not collecting more information (which itself can be maladaptive regulation).
• Awareness of maladaptive regulation patterns is always the first critical step.

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