everyday compassion with Henny Flynn

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It’s no accident that this episode falls on the day before Christmas. A day when many - though by no means all - of us, come together to give and receive.

We all recognise there can be complexity in these kinds of festivities. 

But sometimes it can be useful to break down a single aspect of what’s entangled within the complexity and see how we can shine the light of awareness to help create a shift. 

So, today we’re exploring the art of generously receiving, through the 3 As: Acknowledging, Allowing, Accepting.

This is a multi-level concept. I believe it applies whether we're being offered something from the universe, nature, others or our own wisest inner self.  

We see...

• There are many things that can get in the way of receiving 
• When we acknowledge something we help bring it into existence
• A willingness to be vulnerable means we allow the safe passage of the thing we are being offered
• Accepting the thing exactly as it is - without judgement - is not the same as losing our boundaries
• Maybe the most generous gift we can give is to learn how to receive generously ourselves

I'm aware there is complexity within this exploration too, so the invitation is simply to see what you receive as you listen.

RESOURCES 

• Karen Mead article: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/learning-to-receive-5-steps-to-opening-up/
• Tara Brach RAIN: https://youtu.be/W8e_tAEM80k?si=acft-69cYqr590Qm
• William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice, Act IV, Scene I

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I was sitting by a loch on the Isle of Mull, writing these words. When I looked up I saw a school of dolphin in front of me, and above me... a sea eagle.

It felt pretty profound! And seemed to give the words I'd written a certain potency.

I'm sharing them here.

10 thoughts on compassionate wisdom and a concept I'm calling inner activism. Here's some of what I cover:

• None of us know all the answers, and the wisest amongst us may say they know nothing at all
• When we step back and see we are part of something larger than ourselves, we see the weight of the world is not all on our shoulders
• There is a way of being that seeks the wisdom path, with compassion
• We are the pebble in the centre of our own pond, creating the ripples
• It is in the spaces between the noise that our wisest self can be heard

This is an expansive, explorative, experimental episode. I enjoyed sharing these thoughts - hope you enjoy listening. And I'd love to hear what resonated with you.

Henny x

WINTER INTO SPRING RETREAT 2024
Feb 19-23 - Herefordshire, UK - only a few places remaining.  If you want to know more... https://hennyflynn.ck.page/6a839471c2

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Sometimes, when we are so activated by what we’re experiencing in our inner world, our only place of control can feel like it’s to stay as we are. Even though we also know on a deep level that what will most serve us is to move, to change, to shift, to grow in some way.

So today we’re talking about stuckness. And how we can create some movement within.

It’s a familiar feeling for so many of us - whether from the past or something we’re feeling right now.

Some of the points I cover are:

• Overwhelm can often come from too many choices
• When we’re activated, our whole system fires up to avoid further risk
• Self-compassion is turning toward ourselves with the desire to see our own suffering and help in some way
• Different somatic expressions of the internal state of stuckness, and a technique to attend to this
• To feel fully safe with others, it can be vital to feel safe with ourselves first

Finally, I close with the reflection that every time you do something kind for yourself, you're creating a shift. Notice those moments, they may add up to something you haven’t fully yet recognised.

With love.

RESOURCES
JOURNALING QUEST for Self-Compassion - free mini-course: https://hennyflynn.ck.page/c852854559

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Leonard Cohen once wrote 'so much of the world is plunged in darkness and chaos… So ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.'

Today we're exploring light. Real and metaphorical. We look at:

• How vital light is for our well-being - physical, mental, emotional, spiritual
• The work of Polyvagal theorists, Stephen Porges and Deb Dan
• How glimmers, tiny moments of joy, are the powerful opposite of triggers and help us let the light in
• The nueroplasticity of the brain and our ability to support ourselves as we re-establish homeostasis
• A poem from My darling girl vol. 1 that I now understand was all about glimmers 

When we care for our whole being - body, mind, spirit - when we let the light in - then we are better able to live well, and to care with compassion for the world around us, and the people around us too.

Learning our own glimmers, learning how we (as individuals) can let the light in. This is part of the Work.

RESOURCES
Stephen Porges - The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory: The Transformative Power of Feeling Safe
Deb Dan - The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation

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The Buddhist teacher thicht nacht hahn tells us how when we look at the tops of trees in a storm, they are wild and look like they might fall. But when we lower our gaze, we see their trunks are standing steady.

This reflection felt so perfect when I read it after completing the practice I'd like to share with you today, a practice that introduced me to a piece of wisdom I hadn't been expecting to receive. I share:

• An ancient and very simple re-grounding practice, to use whenever you feel disconnected or lost in the noise and challenges of the world
• My own personal experience of using this practice, and how it feels to listen deeply to your inner wisest self as you connect with nature
• How while being able to move with the flow is important, sometimes it is also important to hold ourselves steady and trust what we know to be the deepest truth

You may wish to also explore Wisdom from Within, a fully guided, online teaching to support you in deepening your connection with your own inner wisdom.
https://hennyflynn.ck.page/9ca85eeaaf

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How many times have you felt disappointed or surprised that something hasn’t gone quite as you expected?

Or found yourself feeling faintly uncomfortable at how something was unfolding- perhaps not quite knowing what you’re feeling or why you’re feeling it?

As humans we all make assumptions all the time - they're useful things, designed to keep us safe.

But the challenge is that our assumptions can be misguided at times.

Today we're looking at Great (or not so great) Expectations:

• How we can find ourselves assuming something is going to go really well, and end up downhearted. Or we assume it will go really badly and tie ourself up in knots before the thing happens.
• How finding the balance between positive anticipation and unhelpful assumptions can be tricky - especially as we’re not always aware of the assumptions we’re creating.
• And I share an ImageWork practice that can help us create and maintain a mindful awareness of what we're facing into - where we vision the day (or event) ahead, seeing what our imagination can show us about the assumptions we might be making

I'm also offering this practice as a LIVE online event

Vision The Day: Thursday 7 December 7-9pm BST

Find out more and book your tickets through Eventbrite or see the information on my website - tickets are going fast!
https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/vision-the-day-tickets-754474251797?utm-campaign=social&utm-content=attendeeshare&utm-medium=discovery&utm-term=listing&utm-source=cp&aff=ebdsshcopyurl

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Visit the library

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...

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In his writings ‘No Mud, No lotus’, the great Buddhist thinker, Thich Nhat Hanh says:

"Suffering and happiness are not separate"

Every generation faces its challenges, just as every human being faces theirs. This is a universal theme that is feeling particularly resonant right now. And so, today we’re going to be exploring what it means to make space for the joy and the pain.

• I explore how depending on our conditioning we may lean more toward one than the other. Perhaps suppressing our pain or our joy out of fear or shame. 
• As children we make sense of an adult world, using the only resources we have. The challenge is that as we mature we carry the same strategy with us and keep deploying it. 
• The grandmothers of the Hacaritama tradition in Columbia tell us  how to balance the spirit of Ecua - the spirit of pain - by welcoming in our happiness.

Keep listening at the end for a bonus extra where I also share a reading from My darling girl vol.2. 

RESOURCE
Thich Naht Hahn article https://www.parallax.org/mindfulnessbell/article/no-mud-no-lotus-2/

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A piece of quiet
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everyday ♡ compassion
Tiny reminders of self-love and presence, delivered three times a week.
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Explore the power of Flow Journaling, self-compassion and gentle change in a supportive space.
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Tap to send me your reflections ♡

"Our body and mind have the capacity to heal themselves if we allow them to rest. Stopping, calming, and resting are preconditions for healing."
thich nhat hanh

Rest is a theme we often return to here. 

How we can often feel we 'should' just battle through - we don’t need to rest. But, for me, my sense is that this is really the Ego talking.

We’re denying the basic human biology that without rest we cannot heal, we cannot be well - whether that’s physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually.

Today I share some personal reflections, scraps of research and important fundamentals. I'd love to hear how it all resonates with you.

See you in season 12!

To get notified first of when the new episodes air, join the mailing list - and receive a free Yoga Nidra - one of the practices I mention in the episode that can help give us the rest that is so vital for our well-being https://hennyflynn.ck.page/ebfd053a9b

RESOURCES

InsightTimer meditations https://insighttimer.com/hennyflynn

Online & inperson events for the last few months of 2023 https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/gatherings

Helping people change, coaching with compassion (caveat - I loved some aspects of this book & not others!): https://uk.bookshop.org/a/8926/9781633696563

Support the show

***

A piece of quiet
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everyday ♡ compassion
Tiny reminders of self-love and presence, delivered three times a week.
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Free Events & Small Group Courses
Explore the power of Flow Journaling, self-compassion and gentle change in a supportive space.
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Solo Retreats at Bach Brook
Rest, reflect and reconnect – fully supported in a place of deep natural beauty.
Retreat with me

Books, Journaling Resources & Self-paced Courses
Explore tools for inner connection and compassionate growth.
Visit the library

Free 20-minute Call
Explore whether coaching could support what’s calling for change.
...

Tap to send me your reflections ♡

My guest today is the wonderful Susan McCulley - always a joy to welcome her back to the podcast.

During the show, she shares a line from a song: "To question is to grow". This feels like a beautiful summation of where our conversation took us.

We explore the impact of the phrase 'Because I said so', going deep and wide. Taking time to understand the essence of the meaning we may have been interpreting from what we've heard from authority figures in our life - whether or not they used this specific phrase. And how it may have influenced us - in our inner & outer life.

We discuss...

• What can sit behind the use of this phrase / the core message within it
• The importance of our interoception and how we listen to and discern the cues and signals in our own bodies
• How the phrase is designed to shut down - and the impact that can have on critical thinking & how we trust our own feelings and judgement
• The binary thinking / behaviour it can engender - perhaps instilling a belief that there's right or wrong and nothing in between 
• Ways we can challenge the inner (and outer) voices mindfully 

We close with a quote from Lady Gaga:

"The reason I don't want anyone to control me is not because I want to be in control. I don't want anyone to control me because I don't want anyone to control anyone".

Well said.

My final reflections on our conversation were that fundamentally, this is about being able to distinguish legitimate authority from authoritarianism. And remembering these messages are not necessarily passed on because of a conscious desire to control or limit others. Rather they can be an internal narrative that’s been passed down through the generational or systemic line. 

Our role then, as we reshape the patterns of our life is to embrace being empowered and love our sense of agency - unlearning what we may have (unwittingly) been taught by (loving) caregivers or authority figures.

RESOURCES / REFERENCES
A great article on interoception from the New Yorker:

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A piece of quiet
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everyday ♡ compassion
Tiny reminders of self-love and presence, delivered three times a week.
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Explore the power of Flow Journaling, self-compassion and gentle change in a supportive space.
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Explore whether coaching could support what’s calling for change.
...

Tap to send me your reflections ♡

We often learn that resilience is our best course of action. That it’s weak to turn back, to change course, to do something new.

But, of course we all also know that having the courage to end something can be the wisest action we can take.

So, today I’d like to explore what can get in our way of ending something - and what can help us find the courage to take the next step.

Because, of course, for something to begin, something must end.

And.

When something ends, something else begins.

RESOURCES
To explore this subject of endings further, have a listen to:

• S4E3 - Everything begins with an ending https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/everything-begins-with-an-ending/id1516813304?i=1000524217815
• S9E5 - Begin with Resonance, with Susan McCulley https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/s9e5-begin-with-resonance-with-susan-mcculley/id1516813304?i=1000597966616

And, for an incredible true story of how we can find agency even in the darkest times, read:

• Man's Search for Meaning - Viktor Frankl https://uk.bookshop.org/a/8926/9781844132393 

Support the show

***

A piece of quiet
Your weekly pause - a calming relaxation practice, every Wednesday. A few minutes to settle, a few minutes to write. First aid for the soul.
Join here - use the code PEACE for 20% off your first year

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everyday ♡ compassion
Tiny reminders of self-love and presence, delivered three times a week.
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Free Events & Small Group Courses
Explore the power of Flow Journaling, self-compassion and gentle change in a supportive space.
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Solo Retreats at Bach Brook
Rest, reflect and reconnect – fully supported in a place of deep natural beauty.
Retreat with me

Books, Journaling Resources & Self-paced Courses
Explore tools for inner connection and compassionate growth.
Visit the library

Free 20-minute Call
Explore whether coaching could support what’s calling for change.
...