Self-love affected by abuse, what is going on in the abusive parent's child's head and how that shapes the idea of love?

(00:02) Getting Started

(00:16) What's In Room 101?

(04:33) If Your Parents Didn't Love You, Then You Have No Model For Self-love

(08:33) How Childhood Abuse Works

(12:35) What Does It Mean That God Is Dead?

(17:13) Nietzsche's Quote

Q&A

(20:25) "What's in room 101 for you, Richard? part 1

(25:19) "What's in room 101 for you, Richard? part 2

(30:32) "You're still doing the same job, but it's emotional instead of physical, don't you agree?

(36:24) "My sister and I were tight, but now she has completely turned like my narc mom. How do I deal with this?

(38:39) "I'm still struggling with a definition of self-compassion and all that entails. Can you more clearly define what that means?

(43:16) "I accept my bad choices in men come from upbringing. Where do I go now?

(46:57) "How do I differentiate between intuition and emotional flashbacks? part 1

(52:30) "How do I differentiate between intuition and emotional flashbacks? part 2

(57:42) "How do I differentiate between intuition and emotional flashbacks? part 3

(1:00:17) "Do you have any advice for how to interview a counselor? part 1

(1:06:16) "Do you have any advice for how to interview a counselor? part 2

(1:11:32) "Is dreaming memories the same thing as an emotional flashback?

(1:14:40) "I've stopped thinking about my ex 24/7, but he pops up in my dreams. Do you think this is a good thing like my subconscious is filtering the crap in my brain?

(1:18:22) "I feel like I really love people. Honestly it would not be a big shocker if they just suddenly tried to hurt me or walked out of my life. Is that me really loving them? How can I love them if I have to expect them to betray me?

Q&A Session around the topic of sexuality of Cluster B personality types

(00:18) Reading The Sex Question From The Forum Part 1

(03:13) Reading The Sex Question From The Forum Part 2

(09:06) Reading The Sex Question From The Forum Part 3

(14:18) Perversion According To Freud

(17:39) Cluster B's Are Obsessed With Breaking Other People's Boundaries And Breaking Social Taboo

(20:21) Sex As Manifestation Of Aggression

(25:11) Reading A Question From The Forum Part 1

(30:10) Reading A Question From The Forum Part 2

(30:58) CPTSD In A Relationship

(36:54) Lack Of Processed Emotions

(39:17) Man Jealous Of Woman's Affection Toward Her Children

(46:14) A Question About Feeling Inferiority After A Relationship With An NPD

(48:48) For Those Who Have CPTSD With Prior Sexual Abuse And Are Doing The Work, Do You Think A Sex Therapist Would Be Of Any Effective Use? Part 1

(53:44) For Those Who Have CPTSD With Prior Sexual Abuse And Are Doing The Work, Do You Think A Sex Therapist Would Be Of Any Effective Use? Part 2

(57:24) Borderline Personality Disorder And Splitting Part 1

(1:02:01) Borderline Personality Disorder And Splitting Part 2

(1:06:29) Can Someone Withhold Something That Is Mine? My Bits And Bobs

(1:09:36) How Do You Become More Streetwise?

(1:10:56) Managing Contact With A Narcissist

(1:16:30) Wrapping Up

A great talk with Dana Morningstar of Thrive After Abuse on the topic of narcissistic abuse recovery, including Q&A. Dana has her own YouTube channel and a website Thrive After Abuse.

(00:44) Dana's Story

(11:54) Physical Symptoms of Emotional Abuse and Trauma

(14:47) Are We Facing a Narcissism Epidemic?

(20:01) Social Conditioning of Male/female Trauma Processing

(23:00) It's Important We See Behavior, Not Gender

(32:05) Dana Continues Her Story (Parental Influence)

(35:06) Modelling the Self-love We Crave for

(37:29) Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome

Q&A Section

(41:18) "How do we go about making the ruminations stop?"

(45:18) "How long narcissists can hide his narcissism?"

(48:59) The red flags are not seen, they're felt

(51:16) "How can I help in my date's recovery from narcissistic abuse?"

(54:21) "How do you teach a child to go through emotional flashbacks?"

(58:58) "What are your thoughts on how to decrease codependency?"

(1:03:08) "Trauma bonding and how to break it?"

(1:07:52) "Can you talk about NLP and how it helps to move forward?"

(1:10:07) Example use of NLP strategy, NLP is pictures inside your head 

(1:12:02) "Is there anything we can do to identify an abusive/toxic person?"

(1:15:39) Emotional starvation pulling us into relationships and fogging our judgment

(1:24:18) "How can I improve my self-esteem after the abuse?"

(1:36:23) On Louise L. Hay, affirmations, positivity

Can narcissist be healed? Are they aware of what they're doing? Is it a deep-seated character issue, or just bad pattern of behaviour?

(00:14) Full-blown NPD Vs. Display of Narcissistic Traits

(01:56) NPD Functions as a Series of Defensive Mechanisms

(05:35) Projective Identification and Narcissistic Injury

(07:24) Narcissist Cannot Do Horizontal Relationships

(12:41) They Don't Believe There's Anything Wrong With Them

Break Trauma Bond - Modelling Technique To Recondition Mr Lizard

(00:01) Emotional Loading And The One Solution For It Part 1

(04:52) Emotional Loading And The One Solution For It Part 2

(08:48) The Radical Acceptance

(12:50) Why The Emotional Literacy Exercise Is So Important

(15:13) The Perceptual Position That’s Being Adopted Is Faulty And Needs To Be Fixed

(18:39) The Modelling Technique That Might Help

(23:08) Why We Get Stuck In The Story When We’re Traumatized

(26:29) How To Get Yourself Into The Mindset Of A Healed Person

(30:18) Show The Brain How To Do It, Don’t Just Tell

(34:55) Feeling Good Is A Skill And You Need To Develop It

No Contact, Repetition Compulsion, being stuck in same old patters of relationships, including examples both from Richard's life, and Pete Walker clients.

(00:36) Abusive Relationship is a Reflection of a Primary Relationship

(01:57) A Cultural Reference Metaphor (Solving the Puzzle of Love)

(05:34) Seeking to Replicate the Relationship

(07:41) Repetition Compulsion

(10:23) Your Parents Are Just People Too

(12:41) Spoiling Children as a Moral Corruption

(13:53) No Contact & Honouring Yourself

(16:54) How Significant Parents Are to Your Subconscious

(19:32) Summary

Mindfulness can be a real, effective tool in recovery. This is how to use it in overcoming CPTSD and negative self-talk.

(With assistance of Pete Walker and his book "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving")

(00:35) Reading an Excerpt From Pete Walker's Book

(02:00) Mindfulness is a Skill to Develop

(02:43) Pete Walker on Emotional Neglect

(04:10) On Self-talk (Inner Critic) & How Did Richard Dealt With It

(09:32) How Will Mindfulness Heal You

(13:04) What's a "Good Enough" Relationship?

Is the narcissistic person in my life a sadist?

(01:03) Reading Sam Vaknin on the Topic

(02:24) It's About What Narcissist Get, Not Necessarily How

(04:24) Richard's Personal Example

(05:57) Masochistic Traits

(07:52) Sum Up & Book Mention

This is an extensive, in-depth answer to a long question, covering the topic of a difficult, toxic relationship

(00:11) Cluster B Personality Types Will Only Let You Feel What They Want You to Feel

(04:11) Loud Silence & Abusive Hooking

(06:39) Overlapping of Traits in Different Diagnosis

(08:30) Combat PTSD, CPTSD and Victims Becoming Abusers

(19:03) Things Are Not Black & White or Single-layered

(25:04) Addiction to Contact With Narcissist

(30:56) Getting Out of the Trap and Moving on With Your Life

(35:10) "How can I best help a loved one to accept compassion?"

(39:53) "How can I stop people from following a cult on YouTube?"

Is it worth giving up our boundaries in order to receive what we want? What is the alternative?

(00:10) Introduction - Hannibal Lecter Reference

(03:43) The Devil's Pact

(06:15) Vulnerable People Pleasers

(07:49) Victims Defending Their Abusers

(10:16) Parenting

(13:51) What Happens When You Won't Take the Chocolate?