Freedom from Attachment

How often do you play detective in trying to figure out what someone else is thinking? Not only is this a waste of time, but also a waste of your happiness because you can’t control the other person… nor be inside their head. Some of us look to friends and family to interpret texts or actions, turning it into an intellectual pursuit and focusing on all possible outcomes instead of on emotional connection. Perhaps you’re afraid of loss or being abandoned so you want to make sure you act and respond in the right way. You replay the scenario or re-read the text over and over, agonizing over your next move. Or you suspect your partner is cheating, but you have no hard evidence, so instead of actually communicating, you put on your detective hat and look for clues. The hope is that you’ll feel better after your discovery (good or bad), but it really just keeps your old patterns alive and doesn’t lead to true resolution.

Where does this yearning for answers come from? Our own insecurity, plus the need for control and validation, which can overrule our heart. We want to shut someone out of our life before they can do it to us so we sniff around for evidence. The problem is, when we’re looking to prove ourselves right, we eventually will. We end up destroying relationships because we use the intellect to push away emotions; looking for “facts” to support our suspicions instead of openly communicating. Join me to find out how these strategies misfire and create distance rather than emotional intimacy. Insecure attachment is alive and well in all the detectives out there!

How often do you play detective in trying to figure out what someone else is thinking? Not only is this a waste of time, but also a waste of your happiness because you can’t control the other person… nor be inside their head. Some of us look to friends and family to interpret texts or actions, turning it into an intellectual pursuit and focusing on all possible outcomes instead of on emotional connection. Perhaps you’re afraid of loss or being abandoned so you want to make sure you act and respond in the right way. You replay the scenario or re-read the text over and over, agonizing over your next move. Or you suspect your partner is cheating, but you have no hard evidence, so instead of actually communicating, you put on your detective hat and look for clues. The hope is that you’ll feel better after your discovery (good or bad), but it really just keeps your old patterns alive and doesn’t lead to true resolution.

Where does this yearning for answers come from? Our own insecurity, plus the need for control and validation, which can overrule our heart. We want to shut someone out of our life before they can do it to us so we sniff around for evidence. The problem is, when we’re looking to prove ourselves right, we eventually will. We end up destroying relationships because we use the intellect to push away emotions; looking for “facts” to support our suspicions instead of openly communicating. Join me to find out how these strategies misfire and create distance rather than emotional intimacy. Insecure attachment is alive and well in all the detectives out there!

You’re convinced you’ve found your soulmate. When you’re around him/her, colors are more vivid and everything is magnetized. You think the sun rises and sets on their form and you’re on cloud 55 (screw cloud 9—that’s not high enough!). Except the person has been clear from the beginning that they’re not available, either in words or actions (likely both). They keep contacting you and wanting to hang out or have sex, so you’re stuck in the delusion of thinking someday they’ll wake up and realize you’re the best thing that ever happened to them. But instead, it’s you who needs to wake up and look at how you’ve avoided yourself. Everyone in your life is a mirror back to YOU.

Or when you’re emotionally closed off, alone and disconnected, you may be thinking all is well (you tell yourself you’re comfortable where you are, but you’re really just numb). Until this person enters your life. Then all of a sudden you can’t eat or sleep and are anxiety-ridden; it’s the beginning of a downward spiral. You start to people-please, flirt to hold their attention, share a little of yourself and tell yourself fantasies… whatever it takes to keep them around because you’re terrified they’ll abandon you. And yes, they will abandon you because their words and actions tell you they’re not committed, but you’re avoiding the signs in favor of what COULD be. You're ignoring yourself by putting all of your focus on them. I encounter these predicaments all the time with my clients, whether in a current relationship, with a past love they can’t let go of or in the form of a new and unavailable love. It’s an emotional roller coaster, and staying in your head will keep you on it, repeating these relationships over and over. It’s time to look at these people as a reflection of how you value (or don’t value) yourself. How’s that for a wake-up call?! Join me for a tough but honest look in the mirror so you stop trying to turn crap into diamonds.

You’re convinced you’ve found your soulmate. When you’re around him/her, colors are more vivid and everything is magnetized. You think the sun rises and sets on their form and you’re on cloud 55 (screw cloud 9—that’s not high enough!). Except the person has been clear from the beginning that they’re not available, either in words or actions (likely both). They keep contacting you and wanting to hang out or have sex, so you’re stuck in the delusion of thinking someday they’ll wake up and realize you’re the best thing that ever happened to them. But instead, it’s you who needs to wake up and look at how you’ve avoided yourself. Everyone in your life is a mirror back to YOU.

Or when you’re emotionally closed off, alone and disconnected, you may be thinking all is well (you tell yourself you’re comfortable where you are, but you’re really just numb). Until this person enters your life. Then all of a sudden you can’t eat or sleep and are anxiety-ridden; it’s the beginning of a downward spiral. You start to people-please, flirt to hold their attention, share a little of yourself and tell yourself fantasies… whatever it takes to keep them around because you’re terrified they’ll abandon you. And yes, they will abandon you because their words and actions tell you they’re not committed, but you’re avoiding the signs in favor of what COULD be. You're ignoring yourself by putting all of your focus on them. I encounter these predicaments all the time with my clients, whether in a current relationship, with a past love they can’t let go of or in the form of a new and unavailable love. It’s an emotional roller coaster, and staying in your head will keep you on it, repeating these relationships over and over. It’s time to look at these people as a reflection of how you value (or don’t value) yourself. How’s that for a wake-up call?! Join me for a tough but honest look in the mirror so you stop trying to turn crap into diamonds.

You’re convinced you’ve found your soulmate. When you’re around him/her, colors are more vivid and everything is magnetized. You think the sun rises and sets on their form and you’re on cloud 55 (screw cloud 9—that’s not high enough!). Except the person has been clear from the beginning that they’re not available, either in words or actions (likely both). They keep contacting you and wanting to hang out or have sex, so you’re stuck in the delusion of thinking someday they’ll wake up and realize you’re the best thing that ever happened to them. But instead, it’s you who needs to wake up and look at how you’ve avoided yourself. Everyone in your life is a mirror back to YOU.

Or when you’re emotionally closed off, alone and disconnected, you may be thinking all is well (you tell yourself you’re comfortable where you are, but you’re really just numb). Until this person enters your life. Then all of a sudden you can’t eat or sleep and are anxiety-ridden; it’s the beginning of a downward spiral. You start to people-please, flirt to hold their attention, share a little of yourself and tell yourself fantasies… whatever it takes to keep them around because you’re terrified they’ll abandon you. And yes, they will abandon you because their words and actions tell you they’re not committed, but you’re avoiding the signs in favor of what COULD be. You're ignoring yourself by putting all of your focus on them. I encounter these predicaments all the time with my clients, whether in a current relationship, with a past love they can’t let go of or in the form of a new and unavailable love. It’s an emotional roller coaster, and staying in your head will keep you on it, repeating these relationships over and over. It’s time to look at these people as a reflection of how you value (or don’t value) yourself. How’s that for a wake-up call?! Join me for a tough but honest look in the mirror so you stop trying to turn crap into diamonds.

You’re convinced you’ve found your soulmate. When you’re around him/her, colors are more vivid and everything is magnetized. You think the sun rises and sets on their form and you’re on cloud 55 (screw cloud 9—that’s not high enough!). Except the person has been clear from the beginning that they’re not available, either in words or actions (likely both). They keep contacting you and wanting to hang out or have sex, so you’re stuck in the delusion of thinking someday they’ll wake up and realize you’re the best thing that ever happened to them. But instead, it’s you who needs to wake up and look at how you’ve avoided yourself. Everyone in your life is a mirror back to YOU.

Or when you’re emotionally closed off, alone and disconnected, you may be thinking all is well (you tell yourself you’re comfortable where you are, but you’re really just numb). Until this person enters your life. Then all of a sudden you can’t eat or sleep and are anxiety-ridden; it’s the beginning of a downward spiral. You start to people-please, flirt to hold their attention, share a little of yourself and tell yourself fantasies… whatever it takes to keep them around because you’re terrified they’ll abandon you. And yes, they will abandon you because their words and actions tell you they’re not committed, but you’re avoiding the signs in favor of what COULD be. You're ignoring yourself by putting all of your focus on them. I encounter these predicaments all the time with my clients, whether in a current relationship, with a past love they can’t let go of or in the form of a new and unavailable love. It’s an emotional roller coaster, and staying in your head will keep you on it, repeating these relationships over and over. It’s time to look at these people as a reflection of how you value (or don’t value) yourself. How’s that for a wake-up call?! Join me for a tough but honest look in the mirror so you stop trying to turn crap into diamonds.

Chris Grosso, the “Indie Spiritualist,” is a public speaker, writer, published author, podcaster and spiritual director of Toivo by Advocacy Unlimited. He writes for ORIGIN Magazine, Huffington Post, and Mantra Yoga + Health Magazine, and has authored “Indie Spiritualist: A No Bullshit Exploration of Spirituality” and “Everything Mind: What I’ve Learned About Hard Knocks, Spiritual Awakening and the Mind-Blowing Truth of it All.”

In this interview, Chris chats candidly about his journey from skateboarder and rocker to drug addict… then coming out the other side to develop his own brand of spirituality. He is passionate about helping others who struggle with addiction by leading groups in detoxes, yoga, rehabs, youth centers, conferences, etc. He shares his struggles openly and honestly, with a lot of humor, although he doesn’t believe it’s all behind him. Please join me as we discuss our respective views on emotional expression, spirituality and more. Additional information on Chris can be found via his website: http://theindiespiritualist.com/

Chris Grosso, the “Indie Spiritualist,” is a public speaker, writer, published author, podcaster and spiritual director of Toivo by Advocacy Unlimited. He writes for ORIGIN Magazine, Huffington Post, and Mantra Yoga + Health Magazine, and has authored “Indie Spiritualist: A No Bullshit Exploration of Spirituality” and “Everything Mind: What I’ve Learned About Hard Knocks, Spiritual Awakening and the Mind-Blowing Truth of it All.”

In this interview, Chris chats candidly about his journey from skateboarder and rocker to drug addict… then coming out the other side to develop his own brand of spirituality. He is passionate about helping others who struggle with addiction by leading groups in detoxes, yoga, rehabs, youth centers, conferences, etc. He shares his struggles openly and honestly, with a lot of humor, although he doesn’t believe it’s all behind him. Please join me as we discuss our respective views on emotional expression, spirituality and more. Additional information on Chris can be found via his website: http://theindiespiritualist.com/

Chris Grosso, the “Indie Spiritualist,” is a public speaker, writer, published author, podcaster and spiritual director of Toivo by Advocacy Unlimited. He writes for ORIGIN Magazine, Huffington Post, and Mantra Yoga + Health Magazine, and has authored “Indie Spiritualist: A No Bullshit Exploration of Spirituality” and “Everything Mind: What I’ve Learned About Hard Knocks, Spiritual Awakening and the Mind-Blowing Truth of it All.”

In this interview, Chris chats candidly about his journey from skateboarder and rocker to drug addict… then coming out the other side to develop his own brand of spirituality. He is passionate about helping others who struggle with addiction by leading groups in detoxes, yoga, rehabs, youth centers, conferences, etc. He shares his struggles openly and honestly, with a lot of humor, although he doesn’t believe it’s all behind him. Please join me as we discuss our respective views on emotional expression, spirituality and more. Additional information on Chris can be found via his website: http://theindiespiritualist.com/

Chris Grosso, the “Indie Spiritualist,” is a public speaker, writer, published author, podcaster and spiritual director of Toivo by Advocacy Unlimited. He writes for ORIGIN Magazine, Huffington Post, and Mantra Yoga + Health Magazine, and has authored “Indie Spiritualist: A No Bullshit Exploration of Spirituality” and “Everything Mind: What I’ve Learned About Hard Knocks, Spiritual Awakening and the Mind-Blowing Truth of it All.”

In this interview, Chris chats candidly about his journey from skateboarder and rocker to drug addict… then coming out the other side to develop his own brand of spirituality. He is passionate about helping others who struggle with addiction by leading groups in detoxes, yoga, rehabs, youth centers, conferences, etc. He shares his struggles openly and honestly, with a lot of humor, although he doesn’t believe it’s all behind him. Please join me as we discuss our respective views on emotional expression, spirituality and more. Additional information on Chris can be found via his website: http://theindiespiritualist.com/