Freedom from Attachment

How many of us were taught the meaning of real love? Most felt it had to be earned, chased or approved it before it is given, leaving us to feel we'd fallen short.

Should we love responsibly?

Perhaps like a driver's license, we should have to take a test, which would tell us how ready we are to love freely without obligation. Instead, we develop a list of attachments (needy needs) when love isn't freely available:

1. Validation we're okay

2. Being a victim in need of rescuing

3. Constant reassurance as a result of jealousy

4. Earned trust

5. The need for safety and security

6. Love that must be proven

7. Denying our feelings of rejection and abandonment

And this list goes on where we feel holes in ourselves; when love has been an obligation and not given freely. Chasing one's parents for love in the form of people pleasing, performing, or overcompensating can leave us feeling we're not worthy of love as adults. Many of us settle as a result.

Join me to learn about why this obligation exists, and how to shift out of it so you move from the needy needs into self-worth and feeling good right where you are TODAY.

Most of us look back on our past and see an event that was pretty painful. Perhaps we never resolved it. Now in our present, we can surely find something that gives us pain, right? It may not be to the same degree as the past pain, but it seems like the same lack of control over an outcome. Or maybe a situation continues to disappoint you and you do not know why.

It is our perception and re-creating the same thing, different day! Want change?

We tend to keep searching for the same emotions and the same energy unless we have awareness. The world is cast as characters in our play. Our desire to feel disappointment, doubt or pain is the driving force underneath us, unless we're very aware of what we're drawn to and why.

Learn what the hell I am talking about in this week’s show. You'll understand how to shift your inner dynamics to attract more of what you want and get the hell out of your relationship with pain, disappointment and doubt. (or any other negative stuck feeling) Change is possible in the next moment!

Do you feel a connection to people on social media? I enjoy pictures, animal videos and light-hearted conversation, but it doesn’t make me feel deeply connected, which brings up the paradox of feeling lonely in our highly-connected world. Is there an increase in loneliness these days or is it just more evident with technology? Many of us have sky-high walls which we think protect us from pain based on past experiences. We want to prevent those feelings so we put distance between ourselves and others, even if we are in a love relationship with them. Who wants to be vulnerable? We might lose control, be disappointed… or even annihilated! We push others away, which works in opposition to our deepest desires: to be seen, heard and loved for who we truly are.

Join me for a discussion about how to stop loneliness in its tracks. This could be the day you decide to play intimately and vulnerably with others.

This is a continuation from the previous podcast: Anxiety and Control: Moving On to a Different Perspective.

Even when we think we’re emotionally available—we’re not. Unavailability limits our choices because we’d rather hide than come out as authentically who we are. We end up in anxiety-provoking situations, keeping us in a vicious loop of pain that we can’t let go of. Learn some tips for getting out of this anxiety loop and gaining control of your emotional state. You will feel a far greater degree of availability, freedom and awareness about the choices you make. I also share how you can have love, commitment and a fulfilling life you feel good about.

Excitement and anxiety are two different things. Many of us end up in anxiety-producing situations, whether it is a relationship, a situation or just figments in our own minds. We make decisions based on this anxiety, and for many of us, we try to associate it with something that's causing unhappiness. But it’s not always about a specific situation; it can be an internal interpretation of multiple events.

Fear runs most of us and anxiety is often a harbinger of some imagined future fate, whether in our personal relationships, careers or what we believe the world is coming to. Anxiety usually tells us something is uncertain, or that we lack control. Learn more about how it works, and what you can do to move it out of the driver’s seat so you can make clearer decisions.

Assuming is a lot safer than asking questions in search of the truth… because we’re usually afraid of the truth. If you don’t ask questions, you’re able to comfortably continue with the illusion that things are still the same. And you may think that if the other person isn’t saying or doing anything differently, your assumption is correct. This leaves us with a false sense of control, within our comfort zone, where we know how to operate. Asking questions may upset the apple cart and bring up things we don’t want to hear… or cause an ending we’re not ready to deal with. Learn how to step up and ask questions in search of the truth, not just with respect to the other person, but your own truth as well.

Compartmentalizing is an emotional fail in relationships. Many of us thought as we got older that control of our emotions meant disconnecting from them and carrying on. The cost of doing this not only adds up in our relationships, but also on the stress and anxiety we carry with us daily.

All the strategizing and inauthentic ways we show up have a way of tearing down the weak foundations we build. Appearances are always deceiving; none of us really know what someone feels inside unless they share it. The more transparent you are in your communication, the better you feel and the better your relationships work.

Join me as I discuss being emotionally numb. You really don't end up winning, so learn how to change things for more successful relationships.

Narcissism & Victimization may be interchangeable in some cases, and does it matter which label you give? I mean they both spell dysfunction and toxicity for most people. How much narcissism is a good thing? Wait, what? The word narcissism does not necessarily mean it's time for a scythe and black hood.....sometimes it is an indication of both people involved in the situation, after all we do reflect one another (whether we like it or not). And if the benefit is to learn love yourself more, so you end up free from victimization, then it can be a good thing....as the bottom line is to a certain degree all human beings are narcissists.

So what's the problem?

Most of us do not like the lessons we go through in life that are different than the perfect picture in our heads, but most of us have no clue that we don't act in ways that support the 'perfect picture' in our heads. Good times, right? And many of us were brought up in less than stellar environments where our expectations of others were shaped. Many of us do not realize the depth of what our beliefs and patterns do in terms of our choices, so we end up in the 'imperfect' picture with someone who we consider a narcissist (because they won't give us what we want or have no clue to our feelings) and we're the victim. Or vice versa, or both at the same time.

Find out what I am talking about and what you can do about it in your own life.

Do you feel a connection to people on social media? I enjoy pictures, animal videos and light-hearted conversation, but it doesn’t make me feel deeply connected, which brings up the paradox of feeling lonely in our highly-connected world. Is there an increase in loneliness these days or is it just more evident with technology? Many of us have sky-high walls which we think protect us from pain based on past experiences. We want to prevent those feelings so we put distance between ourselves and others, even if we are in a love relationship with them. Who wants to be vulnerable? We might lose control, be disappointed… or even annihilated! We push others away, which works in opposition to our deepest desires: to be seen, heard and loved for who we truly are.

Join me for a discussion about how to stop loneliness in its tracks. This could be the day you decide to play intimately and vulnerably with others.

This is a continuation from the previous podcast: Anxiety and Control: Moving On to a Different Perspective.

Even when we think we’re emotionally available—we’re not. Unavailability limits our choices because we’d rather hide than come out as authentically who we are. We end up in anxiety-provoking situations, keeping us in a vicious loop of pain that we can’t let go of. Learn some tips for getting out of this anxiety loop and gaining control of your emotional state. You will feel a far greater degree of availability, freedom and awareness about the choices you make. I also share how you can have love, commitment and a fulfilling life you feel good about.