Freedom from Attachment

How often do you ignore red flags? Most of us believe they are outside of us, but they actually represent something we are having a visceral reaction to; something painful inside. You know, that person in front of you who reminds you of so many negative situations from your past. They dominate our choices and the lessons we need to learn about ourselves. We have plenty of excuses for turning a blind eye, especially when we keep attracting people where we recreate the same situations over and over. With insecure attachment, you may feel powerless and either ignore the signs or justify them as being ok. It comes from a scarcity mindset: this is all there is so you better make it work. You hope the warnings are wrong, and keep trying to make something beautiful out of something painful.

These signs may be outside of you, but you can’t start to understand them until you look inside because it’s NOT about other people. It’s about how you allow these cautionary relationships to rule your life. What are you REALLY trying to avoid and/or fix? Many people with attachment issues are trying to avoid intimacy and being close to someone consistently. When you justify the dysfunctional fairy tale and try to fix the other person’s perceived “problems,” it’s time to recognize you’ve got red flag blinders on!

The only way out is to deal with your feelings. Sit down and get clear on the red flags. What is it triggering in you? If you’re not sure what to look for, I’ll give you clues. Does he/she say one thing and do another? Where do you do that in your own life? Does he/she deflect questions? Where do you avoid giving a straight answer? Look for the tightness in your body as you go through them, acknowledging them. Red flags are there for a reason. Start paying attention and bring the journey inward.

How often do you ignore red flags? Most of us believe they are outside of us, but they actually represent something we are having a visceral reaction to; something painful inside. You know, that person in front of you who reminds you of so many negative situations from your past. They dominate our choices and the lessons we need to learn about ourselves. We have plenty of excuses for turning a blind eye, especially when we keep attracting people where we recreate the same situations over and over. With insecure attachment, you may feel powerless and either ignore the signs or justify them as being ok. It comes from a scarcity mindset: this is all there is so you better make it work. You hope the warnings are wrong, and keep trying to make something beautiful out of something painful.

These signs may be outside of you, but you can’t start to understand them until you look inside because it’s NOT about other people. It’s about how you allow these cautionary relationships to rule your life. What are you REALLY trying to avoid and/or fix? Many people with attachment issues are trying to avoid intimacy and being close to someone consistently. When you justify the dysfunctional fairy tale and try to fix the other person’s perceived “problems,” it’s time to recognize you’ve got red flag blinders on!

The only way out is to deal with your feelings. Sit down and get clear on the red flags. What is it triggering in you? If you’re not sure what to look for, I’ll give you clues. Does he/she say one thing and do another? Where do you do that in your own life? Does he/she deflect questions? Where do you avoid giving a straight answer? Look for the tightness in your body as you go through them, acknowledging them. Red flags are there for a reason. Start paying attention and bring the journey inward.

How often do you ignore red flags? Most of us believe they are outside of us, but they actually represent something we are having a visceral reaction to; something painful inside. You know, that person in front of you who reminds you of so many negative situations from your past. They dominate our choices and the lessons we need to learn about ourselves. We have plenty of excuses for turning a blind eye, especially when we keep attracting people where we recreate the same situations over and over. With insecure attachment, you may feel powerless and either ignore the signs or justify them as being ok. It comes from a scarcity mindset: this is all there is so you better make it work. You hope the warnings are wrong, and keep trying to make something beautiful out of something painful.

These signs may be outside of you, but you can’t start to understand them until you look inside because it’s NOT about other people. It’s about how you allow these cautionary relationships to rule your life. What are you REALLY trying to avoid and/or fix? Many people with attachment issues are trying to avoid intimacy and being close to someone consistently. When you justify the dysfunctional fairy tale and try to fix the other person’s perceived “problems,” it’s time to recognize you’ve got red flag blinders on!

The only way out is to deal with your feelings. Sit down and get clear on the red flags. What is it triggering in you? If you’re not sure what to look for, I’ll give you clues. Does he/she say one thing and do another? Where do you do that in your own life? Does he/she deflect questions? Where do you avoid giving a straight answer? Look for the tightness in your body as you go through them, acknowledging them. Red flags are there for a reason. Start paying attention and bring the journey inward.

When we don’t have a heart connection, we aren’t living a fulfilled life. Many of us freak out when things are out of our mental control; we want to change things outside of us so we feel ok inside. The head will retread over the same dilemmas and possibilities, keeping our perception of what’s possible limited. It stops us from taking emotional risks. To move into a vivid, 3D experience of life, you have to connect to your heart where openness, expansiveness, joy and opportunity live.

The head focuses on the external (which you have very little control over), whereas the heart focuses on the internal, where you actually do have control. The heart gives us creativity, passion and love. It says “yes” when the head shuts down from fear to tell us “no.” Your head keeps you stuck in the same patterns because it’s what you know, but there is so much more beyond the rules of the mind.

Living in your head can feel like autopilot as you watch everything go by in the blink of an eye. But when you take a moment to be present and feel, things slow down. You realize there’s more than just you—you are actually connected to everything else. Our heart is equipped for us to lead lives way beyond what most of us settle for. When will you be ready to take emotional risks and start living fully from your heart? I know what it’s like to live from my head and I will never go back. It’s like being a caged bird; there’s no life there. It’s only survival… and is that really all we want?

When we don’t have a heart connection, we aren’t living a fulfilled life. Many of us freak out when things are out of our mental control; we want to change things outside of us so we feel ok inside. The head will retread over the same dilemmas and possibilities, keeping our perception of what’s possible limited. It stops us from taking emotional risks. To move into a vivid, 3D experience of life, you have to connect to your heart where openness, expansiveness, joy and opportunity live.

The head focuses on the external (which you have very little control over), whereas the heart focuses on the internal, where you actually do have control. The heart gives us creativity, passion and love. It says “yes” when the head shuts down from fear to tell us “no.” Your head keeps you stuck in the same patterns because it’s what you know, but there is so much more beyond the rules of the mind.

Living in your head can feel like autopilot as you watch everything go by in the blink of an eye. But when you take a moment to be present and feel, things slow down. You realize there’s more than just you—you are actually connected to everything else. Our heart is equipped for us to lead lives way beyond what most of us settle for. When will you be ready to take emotional risks and start living fully from your heart? I know what it’s like to live from my head and I will never go back. It’s like being a caged bird; there’s no life there. It’s only survival… and is that really all we want?

When we don’t have a heart connection, we aren’t living a fulfilled life. Many of us freak out when things are out of our mental control; we want to change things outside of us so we feel ok inside. The head will retread over the same dilemmas and possibilities, keeping our perception of what’s possible limited. It stops us from taking emotional risks. To move into a vivid, 3D experience of life, you have to connect to your heart where openness, expansiveness, joy and opportunity live.

The head focuses on the external (which you have very little control over), whereas the heart focuses on the internal, where you actually do have control. The heart gives us creativity, passion and love. It says “yes” when the head shuts down from fear to tell us “no.” Your head keeps you stuck in the same patterns because it’s what you know, but there is so much more beyond the rules of the mind.

Living in your head can feel like autopilot as you watch everything go by in the blink of an eye. But when you take a moment to be present and feel, things slow down. You realize there’s more than just you—you are actually connected to everything else. Our heart is equipped for us to lead lives way beyond what most of us settle for. When will you be ready to take emotional risks and start living fully from your heart? I know what it’s like to live from my head and I will never go back. It’s like being a caged bird; there’s no life there. It’s only survival… and is that really all we want?

With insecure attachment, there is a great deal of drama and struggle, which can actually be addicting. We use this addiction as a distraction to avoid ourselves and our feelings. What’s a common example of drama? The push-pull effect of bringing someone close and then pushing them away. We place demands on others to behave how we think they should, and when they don’t, we tell ourselves it’s ok to run. It’s a pattern, and we become addicted to it because we know what to expect; it’s safe and predictable. Only… we don’t realize it’s a drama addiction because there is always hope that THIS time it will be different. It never is.

In an orchestrated drama, we may create distance as a means to intensely crave the other person. Everything becomes urgent, like a drug-induced fantasy of how we want things to be. Can you step outside yourself and see this dynamic at play in your current (or past) relationships? What are you doing to create tension? How are you making yourself “good” and them “bad”? It’s like a soap opera, and the addiction keeps you stuck beyond what you believe you can handle. Continue, and you will realize your biggest fears coming true. To stop the cycle, you have to notice the pattern and take responsibility for your part. You have to face what you’re avoiding, and your desire for something meaningful and fulfilling has to be stronger than your addiction to the drama.

With insecure attachment, there is a great deal of drama and struggle, which can actually be addicting. We use this addiction as a distraction to avoid ourselves and our feelings. What’s a common example of drama? The push-pull effect of bringing someone close and then pushing them away. We place demands on others to behave how we think they should, and when they don’t, we tell ourselves it’s ok to run. It’s a pattern, and we become addicted to it because we know what to expect; it’s safe and predictable. Only… we don’t realize it’s a drama addiction because there is always hope that THIS time it will be different. It never is.

In an orchestrated drama, we may create distance as a means to intensely crave the other person. Everything becomes urgent, like a drug-induced fantasy of how we want things to be. Can you step outside yourself and see this dynamic at play in your current (or past) relationships? What are you doing to create tension? How are you making yourself “good” and them “bad”? It’s like a soap opera, and the addiction keeps you stuck beyond what you believe you can handle. Continue, and you will realize your biggest fears coming true. To stop the cycle, you have to notice the pattern and take responsibility for your part. You have to face what you’re avoiding, and your desire for something meaningful and fulfilling has to be stronger than your addiction to the drama.

With insecure attachment, there is a great deal of drama and struggle, which can actually be addicting. We use this addiction as a distraction to avoid ourselves and our feelings. What’s a common example of drama? The push-pull effect of bringing someone close and then pushing them away. We place demands on others to behave how we think they should, and when they don’t, we tell ourselves it’s ok to run. It’s a pattern, and we become addicted to it because we know what to expect; it’s safe and predictable. Only… we don’t realize it’s a drama addiction because there is always hope that THIS time it will be different. It never is.

In an orchestrated drama, we may create distance as a means to intensely crave the other person. Everything becomes urgent, like a drug-induced fantasy of how we want things to be. Can you step outside yourself and see this dynamic at play in your current (or past) relationships? What are you doing to create tension? How are you making yourself “good” and them “bad”? It’s like a soap opera, and the addiction keeps you stuck beyond what you believe you can handle. Continue, and you will realize your biggest fears coming true. To stop the cycle, you have to notice the pattern and take responsibility for your part. You have to face what you’re avoiding, and your desire for something meaningful and fulfilling has to be stronger than your addiction to the drama.

Some of us believe strength means acting stoically; not showing our cards and holding our emotions tight to our chest. That’s actually not a sign of strength. It’s a sign of pain. Hiding your feelings and not speaking your truth is not authentic living. Maybe you feel like people will respect you more for being controlled and unemotional, but how does it feel inside? Are you emotionally free and happy? My guess is no.

If you think living as if you don’t care and that nothing bothers you is the path to a life well lived, you’re wrong. Acting tough and saying, “Try me!” or “Don’t think you can get away with that!” will not bring someone closer to you. You may instill fear in others, but definitely not love, empathy or compassion. This closed-off behavior is an act of cowardice. It’s a cry for validation, usually resulting in emptiness and a constant state of fear.

I look at those who wear vulnerability like a fashionable accessory. They exude confidence and don’t feel the need to hide behind a tough exterior. They speak their emotional truth from a place of empowerment, not force. When people put on a false exterior, it tells me we are not on the same page and a deeper connection isn’t possible. There’s too much armor. Being real and being you ALWAYS feels better, and when you connect with someone who’s in the same place, it can feel like home. It’s a quiet, comforting kind of peace.