Many of us with insecure attachment issues created fantasies as a child in order to escape reality and survive. To support those fantasies, we developed tools to use whenever the outside world conflicted. My tools were perfectionism and people-pleasing, which I used to keep me from being alone and abandoned. We may have created several fantasies, but there is often one dominant pattern (avoiding abandonment was mine). Fantasy worked really well when I was a kid. It allowed me to check out of my home environment, and gave me hope that things would get better when I didn’t want to be where I was. I would create fictitious characters in my head, making anything possible.

The problem is, we bring these fantasies, and the tools to support them, into adulthood. They continue to “work” in the way they were designed, but they no longer serve us and often lead to dysfunctional relationships rather than fulfillment. I went from one dysfunctional relationship to another, on one level seeing reality, but on a another level I was still caught up in the hope that my fantasy just might become reality. It’s a painful place to live and I cannot tell you how far in the past that is for me. No fantasy surpasses reality because emotional presence FEELS better. It builds confidence, which is really important in breaking those old patterns. If you are confident in yourself and your ability to live in reality, those old tools are no longer needed.

Fear makes us do things we regret, and can keep us stuck in the same place forever. Whether it be in your personal life, professional life or even globally, it is never the motivation for positive change. It doesn’t bring upon feelings of relaxation, grounding or happiness. Rather, it pushes us to the edge, only to throw us right back into our comfort zone. Am I right?

Fear teaches us all sorts of lessons, but if we’re not paying attention and don’t recognize it as fear, it just makes us a victim… and we may remain in victimhood because we believe we don’t have a choice. This is false. We always have a choice. And the enemy we’re looking for is not external; we have to look within to see what’s ACTUALLY driving us in order to live the life we want. Our lives exist as they are because of the decisions we make. Look at where most of your choices stem from, and how many times you took the safer route due to fear. What was the result? Likely disappointment and/or regret. Obstacles pop up whether you’re acting out of fear or not, but when you make decisions from an inner wisdom, they tend not to end up in regret. Instead, wonderful surprises can be hidden in those obstacles. Join me to learn how fear operates, and what you can do to boot it out of the driver’s seat so you start living your life from a place of inner peace, courage and faith.

Fear makes us do things we regret, and can keep us stuck in the same place forever. Whether it be in your personal life, professional life or even globally, it is never the motivation for positive change. It doesn’t bring upon feelings of relaxation, grounding or happiness. Rather, it pushes us to the edge, only to throw us right back into our comfort zone. Am I right?

Fear teaches us all sorts of lessons, but if we’re not paying attention and don’t recognize it as fear, it just makes us a victim… and we may remain in victimhood because we believe we don’t have a choice. This is false. We always have a choice. And the enemy we’re looking for is not external; we have to look within to see what’s ACTUALLY driving us in order to live the life we want. Our lives exist as they are because of the decisions we make. Look at where most of your choices stem from, and how many times you took the safer route due to fear. What was the result? Likely disappointment and/or regret. Obstacles pop up whether you’re acting out of fear or not, but when you make decisions from an inner wisdom, they tend not to end up in regret. Instead, wonderful surprises can be hidden in those obstacles. Join me to learn how fear operates, and what you can do to boot it out of the driver’s seat so you start living your life from a place of inner peace, courage and faith.

Fear makes us do things we regret, and can keep us stuck in the same place forever. Whether it be in your personal life, professional life or even globally, it is never the motivation for positive change. It doesn’t bring upon feelings of relaxation, grounding or happiness. Rather, it pushes us to the edge, only to throw us right back into our comfort zone. Am I right?

Fear teaches us all sorts of lessons, but if we’re not paying attention and don’t recognize it as fear, it just makes us a victim… and we may remain in victimhood because we believe we don’t have a choice. This is false. We always have a choice. And the enemy we’re looking for is not external; we have to look within to see what’s ACTUALLY driving us in order to live the life we want. Our lives exist as they are because of the decisions we make. Look at where most of your choices stem from, and how many times you took the safer route due to fear. What was the result? Likely disappointment and/or regret. Obstacles pop up whether you’re acting out of fear or not, but when you make decisions from an inner wisdom, they tend not to end up in regret. Instead, wonderful surprises can be hidden in those obstacles. Join me to learn how fear operates, and what you can do to boot it out of the driver’s seat so you start living your life from a place of inner peace, courage and faith.

Fear makes us do things we regret, and can keep us stuck in the same place forever. Whether it be in your personal life, professional life or even globally, it is never the motivation for positive change. It doesn’t bring upon feelings of relaxation, grounding or happiness. Rather, it pushes us to the edge, only to throw us right back into our comfort zone. Am I right?

Fear teaches us all sorts of lessons, but if we’re not paying attention and don’t recognize it as fear, it just makes us a victim… and we may remain in victimhood because we believe we don’t have a choice. This is false. We always have a choice. And the enemy we’re looking for is not external; we have to look within to see what’s ACTUALLY driving us in order to live the life we want. Our lives exist as they are because of the decisions we make. Look at where most of your choices stem from, and how many times you took the safer route due to fear. What was the result? Likely disappointment and/or regret. Obstacles pop up whether you’re acting out of fear or not, but when you make decisions from an inner wisdom, they tend not to end up in regret. Instead, wonderful surprises can be hidden in those obstacles. Join me to learn how fear operates, and what you can do to boot it out of the driver’s seat so you start living your life from a place of inner peace, courage and faith.

Kindness and expectations—well there’s an oxymoron! How can you be authentically kind while having certain expectations? If I’m acting in a certain way so someone gives me what I want (some call it being “nice”), that’s built on expectations. Wanting something in return for your kindness does not stem from a place of generosity.

Kindness comes from a compassionate and loving heart; an outpouring of what you feel inside. If you have attachment issues, this can be a thorn in your side. You may find you have resistance toward being kind because you feel owed by someone, or maybe you feel empty and need them to fill you up. That powerlessness makes finding kindness inside you nearly impossible because you’re so focused on filling the empty space. Grasping for control takes precedence, causing you to focus on what’s missing instead of being grateful for what you have.

It’s a bit of a loop because practicing genuine kindness can help us become less attached. It can guide us beyond our self-made walls rather than hiding behind them. Join me to learn how ditching expectations can clear a path for genuine kindness and compassion to flow. Not only will those around you appreciate it, you’ll be a happier human.

Kindness and expectations—well there’s an oxymoron! How can you be authentically kind while having certain expectations? If I’m acting in a certain way so someone gives me what I want (some call it being “nice”), that’s built on expectations. Wanting something in return for your kindness does not stem from a place of generosity.

Kindness comes from a compassionate and loving heart; an outpouring of what you feel inside. If you have attachment issues, this can be a thorn in your side. You may find you have resistance toward being kind because you feel owed by someone, or maybe you feel empty and need them to fill you up. That powerlessness makes finding kindness inside you nearly impossible because you’re so focused on filling the empty space. Grasping for control takes precedence, causing you to focus on what’s missing instead of being grateful for what you have.

It’s a bit of a loop because practicing genuine kindness can help us become less attached. It can guide us beyond our self-made walls rather than hiding behind them. Join me to learn how ditching expectations can clear a path for genuine kindness and compassion to flow. Not only will those around you appreciate it, you’ll be a happier human.

Kindness and expectations—well there’s an oxymoron! How can you be authentically kind while having certain expectations? If I’m acting in a certain way so someone gives me what I want (some call it being “nice”), that’s built on expectations. Wanting something in return for your kindness does not stem from a place of generosity.

Kindness comes from a compassionate and loving heart; an outpouring of what you feel inside. If you have attachment issues, this can be a thorn in your side. You may find you have resistance toward being kind because you feel owed by someone, or maybe you feel empty and need them to fill you up. That powerlessness makes finding kindness inside you nearly impossible because you’re so focused on filling the empty space. Grasping for control takes precedence, causing you to focus on what’s missing instead of being grateful for what you have.

It’s a bit of a loop because practicing genuine kindness can help us become less attached. It can guide us beyond our self-made walls rather than hiding behind them. Join me to learn how ditching expectations can clear a path for genuine kindness and compassion to flow. Not only will those around you appreciate it, you’ll be a happier human.

Kindness and expectations—well there’s an oxymoron! How can you be authentically kind while having certain expectations? If I’m acting in a certain way so someone gives me what I want (some call it being “nice”), that’s built on expectations. Wanting something in return for your kindness does not stem from a place of generosity.

Kindness comes from a compassionate and loving heart; an outpouring of what you feel inside. If you have attachment issues, this can be a thorn in your side. You may find you have resistance toward being kind because you feel owed by someone, or maybe you feel empty and need them to fill you up. That powerlessness makes finding kindness inside you nearly impossible because you’re so focused on filling the empty space. Grasping for control takes precedence, causing you to focus on what’s missing instead of being grateful for what you have.

It’s a bit of a loop because practicing genuine kindness can help us become less attached. It can guide us beyond our self-made walls rather than hiding behind them. Join me to learn how ditching expectations can clear a path for genuine kindness and compassion to flow. Not only will those around you appreciate it, you’ll be a happier human.

Most of my clients have some form of insecure attachment (hence my podcast series dedicated to it!). Whether anxious, avoidant or a combination of both, getting to a place of non-attachment is a major undertaking. When starting down the path, it can feel downright impossible to detach from what someone else does or says… and to achieve an inner feeling of peace. That’s because wherever you turn, you’re attached to an outcome or how you’re perceived. This stuff is insidious! Emotional freedom, peace and happiness ARE possible, but not while remaining in a state of attachment.

Let’s be clear about something: we’re not striving for perfection. We’re moving toward a state of awareness and the ability to let go. You want to get to a place where whatever everyone else does is ok because it’s not about you; you’re able to separate and not take things personally. It’s about learning to live and let live because you really DON’T have control. It’s also about taking care of your feelings… honoring whatever they are… and accepting them as part of you. When you stop grasping at the outer drama and internalizing it, an organic transition starts to happen. There is a shift in the way you respond to the outside world because it’s no longer a reflection of what’s inside. The external does not define you. It’s a hell of a road toward non-attachment, but the freedom, love and happiness that await are so completely worth it.