Most of my clients have some form of insecure attachment (hence my podcast series dedicated to it!). Whether anxious, avoidant or a combination of both, getting to a place of non-attachment is a major undertaking. When starting down the path, it can feel downright impossible to detach from what someone else does or says… and to achieve an inner feeling of peace. That’s because wherever you turn, you’re attached to an outcome or how you’re perceived. This stuff is insidious! Emotional freedom, peace and happiness ARE possible, but not while remaining in a state of attachment.

Let’s be clear about something: we’re not striving for perfection. We’re moving toward a state of awareness and the ability to let go. You want to get to a place where whatever everyone else does is ok because it’s not about you; you’re able to separate and not take things personally. It’s about learning to live and let live because you really DON’T have control. It’s also about taking care of your feelings… honoring whatever they are… and accepting them as part of you. When you stop grasping at the outer drama and internalizing it, an organic transition starts to happen. There is a shift in the way you respond to the outside world because it’s no longer a reflection of what’s inside. The external does not define you. It’s a hell of a road toward non-attachment, but the freedom, love and happiness that await are so completely worth it.

Most of my clients have some form of insecure attachment (hence my podcast series dedicated to it!). Whether anxious, avoidant or a combination of both, getting to a place of non-attachment is a major undertaking. When starting down the path, it can feel downright impossible to detach from what someone else does or says… and to achieve an inner feeling of peace. That’s because wherever you turn, you’re attached to an outcome or how you’re perceived. This stuff is insidious! Emotional freedom, peace and happiness ARE possible, but not while remaining in a state of attachment.

Let’s be clear about something: we’re not striving for perfection. We’re moving toward a state of awareness and the ability to let go. You want to get to a place where whatever everyone else does is ok because it’s not about you; you’re able to separate and not take things personally. It’s about learning to live and let live because you really DON’T have control. It’s also about taking care of your feelings… honoring whatever they are… and accepting them as part of you. When you stop grasping at the outer drama and internalizing it, an organic transition starts to happen. There is a shift in the way you respond to the outside world because it’s no longer a reflection of what’s inside. The external does not define you. It’s a hell of a road toward non-attachment, but the freedom, love and happiness that await are so completely worth it.

Most of my clients have some form of insecure attachment (hence my podcast series dedicated to it!). Whether anxious, avoidant or a combination of both, getting to a place of non-attachment is a major undertaking. When starting down the path, it can feel downright impossible to detach from what someone else does or says… and to achieve an inner feeling of peace. That’s because wherever you turn, you’re attached to an outcome or how you’re perceived. This stuff is insidious! Emotional freedom, peace and happiness ARE possible, but not while remaining in a state of attachment.

Let’s be clear about something: we’re not striving for perfection. We’re moving toward a state of awareness and the ability to let go. You want to get to a place where whatever everyone else does is ok because it’s not about you; you’re able to separate and not take things personally. It’s about learning to live and let live because you really DON’T have control. It’s also about taking care of your feelings… honoring whatever they are… and accepting them as part of you. When you stop grasping at the outer drama and internalizing it, an organic transition starts to happen. There is a shift in the way you respond to the outside world because it’s no longer a reflection of what’s inside. The external does not define you. It’s a hell of a road toward non-attachment, but the freedom, love and happiness that await are so completely worth it.

The subconscious can be a sneaky sucker when it comes to insecure attachment. It may lead us to chase disappointment, which is incredibly painful, but also part of the draw because it’s what we know. Is there someone you’re seeking validation from? It may not even be someone currently in your life; it could be a new relationship that looks a lot like an old one. Your subconscious leads you to pick someone with many similar qualities in the hope that your feelings will be validated. You’re looking for a “do over” with this new person to satisfy the validation you didn’t get from the old one. So how does this tie in to disappointment? Well, the disappointment you felt with the old relationship is something your subconscious seeks to repeat because it’s familiar. But the way you stop the pattern is by jumping on the rollercoaster to finally feel your emotions and face the disappointment.

It’s important to note, however, this rollercoaster is not “just how relationships are.” Once you start to accept disappointment as inevitable, the ride starts to slow down and you realize the ups and downs are not essential to a healthy, intimate relationship. Learn how to jump on the disappointment rollercoaster to face your fears, then let it slow down and come to a complete stop.

The subconscious can be a sneaky sucker when it comes to insecure attachment. It may lead us to chase disappointment, which is incredibly painful, but also part of the draw because it’s what we know. Is there someone you’re seeking validation from? It may not even be someone currently in your life; it could be a new relationship that looks a lot like an old one. Your subconscious leads you to pick someone with many similar qualities in the hope that your feelings will be validated. You’re looking for a “do over” with this new person to satisfy the validation you didn’t get from the old one. So how does this tie in to disappointment? Well, the disappointment you felt with the old relationship is something your subconscious seeks to repeat because it’s familiar. But the way you stop the pattern is by jumping on the rollercoaster to finally feel your emotions and face the disappointment.

It’s important to note, however, this rollercoaster is not “just how relationships are.” Once you start to accept disappointment as inevitable, the ride starts to slow down and you realize the ups and downs are not essential to a healthy, intimate relationship. Learn how to jump on the disappointment rollercoaster to face your fears, then let it slow down and come to a complete stop.

The subconscious can be a sneaky sucker when it comes to insecure attachment. It may lead us to chase disappointment, which is incredibly painful, but also part of the draw because it’s what we know. Is there someone you’re seeking validation from? It may not even be someone currently in your life; it could be a new relationship that looks a lot like an old one. Your subconscious leads you to pick someone with many similar qualities in the hope that your feelings will be validated. You’re looking for a “do over” with this new person to satisfy the validation you didn’t get from the old one. So how does this tie in to disappointment? Well, the disappointment you felt with the old relationship is something your subconscious seeks to repeat because it’s familiar. But the way you stop the pattern is by jumping on the rollercoaster to finally feel your emotions and face the disappointment.

It’s important to note, however, this rollercoaster is not “just how relationships are.” Once you start to accept disappointment as inevitable, the ride starts to slow down and you realize the ups and downs are not essential to a healthy, intimate relationship. Learn how to jump on the disappointment rollercoaster to face your fears, then let it slow down and come to a complete stop.

The subconscious can be a sneaky sucker when it comes to insecure attachment. It may lead us to chase disappointment, which is incredibly painful, but also part of the draw because it’s what we know. Is there someone you’re seeking validation from? It may not even be someone currently in your life; it could be a new relationship that looks a lot like an old one. Your subconscious leads you to pick someone with many similar qualities in the hope that your feelings will be validated. You’re looking for a “do over” with this new person to satisfy the validation you didn’t get from the old one. So how does this tie in to disappointment? Well, the disappointment you felt with the old relationship is something your subconscious seeks to repeat because it’s familiar. But the way you stop the pattern is by jumping on the rollercoaster to finally feel your emotions and face the disappointment.

It’s important to note, however, this rollercoaster is not “just how relationships are.” Once you start to accept disappointment as inevitable, the ride starts to slow down and you realize the ups and downs are not essential to a healthy, intimate relationship. Learn how to jump on the disappointment rollercoaster to face your fears, then let it slow down and come to a complete stop.

Do you know how to have a relationship that isn't a power struggle? Most of us don’t. Looking back at the past is a great opportunity to see how you have shown up in your relationships. I have, and it is easy to see where it all had to be MY WAY. I didn't think so at the time, but in being so busy people pleasing and being perfect, I had no idea I was trying to manipulate to get my way! I also didn’t think I had expectation; I was just doing what I thought was right. Expectations meant disappointment, but I had no idea how limiting that was for me. Expectations are limiting to all of us and they’re based on old beliefs. Not even our own beliefs... more often the beliefs of others.

Were your parents or other adult figures always in a power struggle? Are you in one with yourself? They litter the landscape of our lives. You want things outside to match the fear that if life doesn’t deliver, perhaps you have no value or you are no good (or whatever it is for you).

Stop and look at your past disappointments. What were your expectations? What was it you were trying to get? And frankly is it so horrible that those disappointments happened? Was there anything you learned from them? If you can see your part of the struggle—you can see how you helped create your problems.

Do you know how to have a relationship that isn't a power struggle? Most of us don’t. Looking back at the past is a great opportunity to see how you have shown up in your relationships. I have, and it is easy to see where it all had to be MY WAY. I didn't think so at the time, but in being so busy people pleasing and being perfect, I had no idea I was trying to manipulate to get my way! I also didn’t think I had expectation; I was just doing what I thought was right. Expectations meant disappointment, but I had no idea how limiting that was for me. Expectations are limiting to all of us and they’re based on old beliefs. Not even our own beliefs... more often the beliefs of others.

Were your parents or other adult figures always in a power struggle? Are you in one with yourself? They litter the landscape of our lives. You want things outside to match the fear that if life doesn’t deliver, perhaps you have no value or you are no good (or whatever it is for you).

Stop and look at your past disappointments. What were your expectations? What was it you were trying to get? And frankly is it so horrible that those disappointments happened? Was there anything you learned from them? If you can see your part of the struggle—you can see how you helped create your problems.

Do you know how to have a relationship that isn't a power struggle? Most of us don’t. Looking back at the past is a great opportunity to see how you have shown up in your relationships. I have, and it is easy to see where it all had to be MY WAY. I didn't think so at the time, but in being so busy people pleasing and being perfect, I had no idea I was trying to manipulate to get my way! I also didn’t think I had expectation; I was just doing what I thought was right. Expectations meant disappointment, but I had no idea how limiting that was for me. Expectations are limiting to all of us and they’re based on old beliefs. Not even our own beliefs... more often the beliefs of others.

Were your parents or other adult figures always in a power struggle? Are you in one with yourself? They litter the landscape of our lives. You want things outside to match the fear that if life doesn’t deliver, perhaps you have no value or you are no good (or whatever it is for you).

Stop and look at your past disappointments. What were your expectations? What was it you were trying to get? And frankly is it so horrible that those disappointments happened? Was there anything you learned from them? If you can see your part of the struggle—you can see how you helped create your problems.