I listen to people complain about their partner (or ex-partner) all the time, as though THEY are the problem. It’s all on them; it’s their fault. Folks, this is a powerless position because it puts all the focus on them rather than you, and I guarantee you play a role. If you think the problem is entirely outside of you, you’ll always be looking for someone else to solve it by changing into whatever circus animal you want them to be. You’ll live with this attachment to the other person whether they’re in your life or not, clinging to the hope that they’ll finally solve the problem and the two of you will be blissful once again.

Except… this is a misidentified problem. We solve nothing emotionally outside of us; the solution always lies within. But that’s actually good news because it means it’s within our control to change, unlike other people over whom we have zero control. As long as you see the other person as the problem, you’re not accepting responsibility for your part. You’re stuck in black and white, wondering why nothing ever works out for you. You may focus on it 24/7 hoping it’ll somehow work out in your favor, while you sit and do nothing.

Imagine your ex identifying you as the problem in your past relationship (maybe he/she did!). If only you were able to get it together, everything would have be ok. That feels pretty crappy, right? It’s easy to see how someone would be resistant to carrying that burden; it’s not a productive way to solve issues. It’s up to you to decide if you want to accept responsibility for your part and live from your heart. If you do, the problems outside of you need to hold less meaning than the connection you have to yourself.