Freedom from Attachment

When I started talking more openly about my Insecure Attachment issues, people would ask how I dealt with the fear that comes from being so vulnerable. Opening your heart is not a mental task, and it can’t be approached that way. It comes from seeing yourself as you truly are—flawed, loveable and desiring of love. With an open heart, you’ll also become more aware of your walls, and actually feel them, which is essential if you want to tear them down.

If you’re a smarty pants like me, you can talk yourself in and out of things very quickly. It’s your brain taking over because emotions are scary. But if you do tune into your feelings, they always provide a clue to where and when you shut down. Learn how to quiet your mind and feel empowered even when you’re scared shitless. It’s how you’ll stop feeling helpless toward changing your situation.

When I started talking more openly about my Insecure Attachment issues, people would ask how I dealt with the fear that comes from being so vulnerable. Opening your heart is not a mental task, and it can’t be approached that way. It comes from seeing yourself as you truly are—flawed, loveable and desiring of love. With an open heart, you’ll also become more aware of your walls, and actually feel them, which is essential if you want to tear them down.

If you’re a smarty pants like me, you can talk yourself in and out of things very quickly. It’s your brain taking over because emotions are scary. But if you do tune into your feelings, they always provide a clue to where and when you shut down. Learn how to quiet your mind and feel empowered even when you’re scared shitless. It’s how you’ll stop feeling helpless toward changing your situation.

Is your life a performance? I used to believe that how I acted would bring me what I wanted. Ever watch a movie where a character acts a certain way to achieve a desired outcome, only to have some plot twist that they didn’t see coming? We do this in real life and blame ourselves, thinking we have control of what is outside of us. We don’t.

We feel like we need an award for doing a good job… doing everything we were supposed to. We need someone to fall madly in love with us, validate us, give us a thumbs up. The bottom line is acting makes you believe you are OWED something. It’s a reward that never comes because you’re not emotionally connected to yourself; you’re totally checked out to your own feelings when you’re focused externally.

Acting is the opposite of authenticity, and a healthy connection with another person can’t happen as long as you’re playing a role. Stop looking for an Academy Award and start relaxing into who you are.

Is your life a performance? I used to believe that how I acted would bring me what I wanted. Ever watch a movie where a character acts a certain way to achieve a desired outcome, only to have some plot twist that they didn’t see coming? We do this in real life and blame ourselves, thinking we have control of what is outside of us. We don’t.

We feel like we need an award for doing a good job… doing everything we were supposed to. We need someone to fall madly in love with us, validate us, give us a thumbs up. The bottom line is acting makes you believe you are OWED something. It’s a reward that never comes because you’re not emotionally connected to yourself; you’re totally checked out to your own feelings when you’re focused externally.

Acting is the opposite of authenticity, and a healthy connection with another person can’t happen as long as you’re playing a role. Stop looking for an Academy Award and start relaxing into who you are.

Is your life a performance? I used to believe that how I acted would bring me what I wanted. Ever watch a movie where a character acts a certain way to achieve a desired outcome, only to have some plot twist that they didn’t see coming? We do this in real life and blame ourselves, thinking we have control of what is outside of us. We don’t.

We feel like we need an award for doing a good job… doing everything we were supposed to. We need someone to fall madly in love with us, validate us, give us a thumbs up. The bottom line is acting makes you believe you are OWED something. It’s a reward that never comes because you’re not emotionally connected to yourself; you’re totally checked out to your own feelings when you’re focused externally.

Acting is the opposite of authenticity, and a healthy connection with another person can’t happen as long as you’re playing a role. Stop looking for an Academy Award and start relaxing into who you are.

Is your life a performance? I used to believe that how I acted would bring me what I wanted. Ever watch a movie where a character acts a certain way to achieve a desired outcome, only to have some plot twist that they didn’t see coming? We do this in real life and blame ourselves, thinking we have control of what is outside of us. We don’t.

We feel like we need an award for doing a good job… doing everything we were supposed to. We need someone to fall madly in love with us, validate us, give us a thumbs up. The bottom line is acting makes you believe you are OWED something. It’s a reward that never comes because you’re not emotionally connected to yourself; you’re totally checked out to your own feelings when you’re focused externally.

Acting is the opposite of authenticity, and a healthy connection with another person can’t happen as long as you’re playing a role. Stop looking for an Academy Award and start relaxing into who you are.

Is your life a performance? I used to believe that how I acted would bring me what I wanted. Ever watch a movie where a character acts a certain way to achieve a desired outcome, only to have some plot twist that they didn’t see coming? We do this in real life and blame ourselves, thinking we have control of what is outside of us. We don’t.

We feel like we need an award for doing a good job… doing everything we were supposed to. We need someone to fall madly in love with us, validate us, give us a thumbs up. The bottom line is acting makes you believe you are OWED something. It’s a reward that never comes because you’re not emotionally connected to yourself; you’re totally checked out to your own feelings when you’re focused externally.

Acting is the opposite of authenticity, and a healthy connection with another person can’t happen as long as you’re playing a role. Stop looking for an Academy Award and start relaxing into who you are.

Many of us associate pain with love. We may not consciously think so, but it’s beneath the surface of our desire for love and all its glory in our lives. We don't realize we actually bring pain into our relationships (because it’s what we've known). We don’t see it as a choice, but self-awareness can set you free. If you're an avoidant like me, it can keep you detached from relationships, in search of something that does not exist in the form of the perfect feeling (like you’ve imagined for years). It keeps you looking for that perfect feeling that will ensure safety outside of yourself because you don’t feel it inside. The mixture of pain and lack of safety keeps you from focusing on what you actually feel beneath the surface-level emotions, and believing something outside of you is the current cause for your pain. Your words will not match your desires when you are taking action from the belief that love is painful. You create this in your relationships, usually with someone who is matching you at the level of pain they are used to as well. It's a vicious cycle because the amount of emotional awareness you need to catch yourself is pretty intense, and hard to recognize if you have never paid attention to how you show up.

Most of us think we’re fine and that it’s all about the other person. Nope! It is freeing to keep your heart open, then catch yourself when you try to invite pain where it doesn't belong. Join me for more of this Attachment Series to learn how to separate pain from love.

Many of us associate pain with love. We may not consciously think so, but it’s beneath the surface of our desire for love and all its glory in our lives. We don't realize we actually bring pain into our relationships (because it’s what we've known). We don’t see it as a choice, but self-awareness can set you free. If you're an avoidant like me, it can keep you detached from relationships, in search of something that does not exist in the form of the perfect feeling (like you’ve imagined for years). It keeps you looking for that perfect feeling that will ensure safety outside of yourself because you don’t feel it inside. The mixture of pain and lack of safety keeps you from focusing on what you actually feel beneath the surface-level emotions, and believing something outside of you is the current cause for your pain. Your words will not match your desires when you are taking action from the belief that love is painful. You create this in your relationships, usually with someone who is matching you at the level of pain they are used to as well. It's a vicious cycle because the amount of emotional awareness you need to catch yourself is pretty intense, and hard to recognize if you have never paid attention to how you show up.

Most of us think we’re fine and that it’s all about the other person. Nope! It is freeing to keep your heart open, then catch yourself when you try to invite pain where it doesn't belong. Join me for more of this Attachment Series to learn how to separate pain from love.

Many of us associate pain with love. We may not consciously think so, but it’s beneath the surface of our desire for love and all its glory in our lives. We don't realize we actually bring pain into our relationships (because it’s what we've known). We don’t see it as a choice, but self-awareness can set you free. If you're an avoidant like me, it can keep you detached from relationships, in search of something that does not exist in the form of the perfect feeling (like you’ve imagined for years). It keeps you looking for that perfect feeling that will ensure safety outside of yourself because you don’t feel it inside. The mixture of pain and lack of safety keeps you from focusing on what you actually feel beneath the surface-level emotions, and believing something outside of you is the current cause for your pain. Your words will not match your desires when you are taking action from the belief that love is painful. You create this in your relationships, usually with someone who is matching you at the level of pain they are used to as well. It's a vicious cycle because the amount of emotional awareness you need to catch yourself is pretty intense, and hard to recognize if you have never paid attention to how you show up.

Most of us think we’re fine and that it’s all about the other person. Nope! It is freeing to keep your heart open, then catch yourself when you try to invite pain where it doesn't belong. Join me for more of this Attachment Series to learn how to separate pain from love.