Freedom from Attachment

I have put a whole lot of effort into my relationships, especially the ones like yo-yos. Either I put effort into not feeling what was going on and covering up my emotions, or I was working like a mad woman to seek validation. If I didn’t receive the needed validation that I was ok, I pointed my finger at the guy. It was his fault.

I discovered this was all related to feeling disappointed in the past and trying to prevent that from happening in the present. Extra effort was exerted to avoid disappointment. In the past, every relationship I had was trying to solve a problem or fill a void. I was looking for something based on the ideals I constructed, but I never got it. Putting effort into people pleasing, rescuing and being perfect is tiring, and it can stem from our fears of being disappointed and abandoned. Trying to convince someone you’re great and they should never leave you typically leads exactly where you fear. Stop working so hard and learn to trust yourself. Only by doing this do you actually get more than you ever dreamed of having.

I have put a whole lot of effort into my relationships, especially the ones like yo-yos. Either I put effort into not feeling what was going on and covering up my emotions, or I was working like a mad woman to seek validation. If I didn’t receive the needed validation that I was ok, I pointed my finger at the guy. It was his fault.

I discovered this was all related to feeling disappointed in the past and trying to prevent that from happening in the present. Extra effort was exerted to avoid disappointment. In the past, every relationship I had was trying to solve a problem or fill a void. I was looking for something based on the ideals I constructed, but I never got it. Putting effort into people pleasing, rescuing and being perfect is tiring, and it can stem from our fears of being disappointed and abandoned. Trying to convince someone you’re great and they should never leave you typically leads exactly where you fear. Stop working so hard and learn to trust yourself. Only by doing this do you actually get more than you ever dreamed of having.

You are neither here nor there. You're in the middle. You're stuck. You're waiting for someone or something to change. Unfortunately most of us think it's the other person in a relationship that needs to do something differently, so we totally discount our part. We’re blind to our own participation when we feel caught in the middle—can’t move forward, can’t go back.

We look to blame someone or something else for being in this spot, but that’s just fear taking the wheel. Putting that burden outside of ourselves releases us of the responsibility and power to change things… but it also paralyzes us into staying right where we are, in limbo-land. How does this show up in relationships? Perhaps you’re afraid to commit emotionally to your partner. You can always connect physically because that kind of intimacy is way easier, but you don’t feel safe connecting on a deeper level. You can’t imagine why this other person wants to be with you because on some level YOU don’t want to be with you. You don’t know what he/she sees in you, yet you can’t be without him/her. So what do you do? Commit or let them go?

Learn why people end up in this in-between state, avoiding change, and what you can do to propel yourself forward.

You are neither here nor there. You're in the middle. You're stuck. You're waiting for someone or something to change. Unfortunately most of us think it's the other person in a relationship that needs to do something differently, so we totally discount our part. We’re blind to our own participation when we feel caught in the middle—can’t move forward, can’t go back.

We look to blame someone or something else for being in this spot, but that’s just fear taking the wheel. Putting that burden outside of ourselves releases us of the responsibility and power to change things… but it also paralyzes us into staying right where we are, in limbo-land. How does this show up in relationships? Perhaps you’re afraid to commit emotionally to your partner. You can always connect physically because that kind of intimacy is way easier, but you don’t feel safe connecting on a deeper level. You can’t imagine why this other person wants to be with you because on some level YOU don’t want to be with you. You don’t know what he/she sees in you, yet you can’t be without him/her. So what do you do? Commit or let them go?

Learn why people end up in this in-between state, avoiding change, and what you can do to propel yourself forward.

You are neither here nor there. You're in the middle. You're stuck. You're waiting for someone or something to change. Unfortunately most of us think it's the other person in a relationship that needs to do something differently, so we totally discount our part. We’re blind to our own participation when we feel caught in the middle—can’t move forward, can’t go back.

We look to blame someone or something else for being in this spot, but that’s just fear taking the wheel. Putting that burden outside of ourselves releases us of the responsibility and power to change things… but it also paralyzes us into staying right where we are, in limbo-land. How does this show up in relationships? Perhaps you’re afraid to commit emotionally to your partner. You can always connect physically because that kind of intimacy is way easier, but you don’t feel safe connecting on a deeper level. You can’t imagine why this other person wants to be with you because on some level YOU don’t want to be with you. You don’t know what he/she sees in you, yet you can’t be without him/her. So what do you do? Commit or let them go?

Learn why people end up in this in-between state, avoiding change, and what you can do to propel yourself forward.

You are neither here nor there. You're in the middle. You're stuck. You're waiting for someone or something to change. Unfortunately most of us think it's the other person in a relationship that needs to do something differently, so we totally discount our part. We’re blind to our own participation when we feel caught in the middle—can’t move forward, can’t go back.

We look to blame someone or something else for being in this spot, but that’s just fear taking the wheel. Putting that burden outside of ourselves releases us of the responsibility and power to change things… but it also paralyzes us into staying right where we are, in limbo-land. How does this show up in relationships? Perhaps you’re afraid to commit emotionally to your partner. You can always connect physically because that kind of intimacy is way easier, but you don’t feel safe connecting on a deeper level. You can’t imagine why this other person wants to be with you because on some level YOU don’t want to be with you. You don’t know what he/she sees in you, yet you can’t be without him/her. So what do you do? Commit or let them go?

Learn why people end up in this in-between state, avoiding change, and what you can do to propel yourself forward.

You are neither here nor there. You're in the middle. You're stuck. You're waiting for someone or something to change. Unfortunately most of us think it's the other person in a relationship that needs to do something differently, so we totally discount our part. We’re blind to our own participation when we feel caught in the middle—can’t move forward, can’t go back.

We look to blame someone or something else for being in this spot, but that’s just fear taking the wheel. Putting that burden outside of ourselves releases us of the responsibility and power to change things… but it also paralyzes us into staying right where we are, in limbo-land. How does this show up in relationships? Perhaps you’re afraid to commit emotionally to your partner. You can always connect physically because that kind of intimacy is way easier, but you don’t feel safe connecting on a deeper level. You can’t imagine why this other person wants to be with you because on some level YOU don’t want to be with you. You don’t know what he/she sees in you, yet you can’t be without him/her. So what do you do? Commit or let them go?

Learn why people end up in this in-between state, avoiding change, and what you can do to propel yourself forward.

Staying in a state of intensity when in an insecurely attached relationship can be exhausting, and it doesn’t even produce the desired results. Do you gauge what your mate does, then push him/her into doing what you want to create that perfect picture in your head? Not only is it a drain on your energy; it doesn’t work. It’s not about controlling others—it’s about finding emotional control by being honest with yourself and what you truly want. Stop trying so hard and learn how to relax by focusing internally, keeping your energy in your body. It feels much better than waiting for something from someone who may never give you what you want. Stop the cycle of intensity followed by disappointment, and instead learn to RELAX.

Staying in a state of intensity when in an insecurely attached relationship can be exhausting, and it doesn’t even produce the desired results. Do you gauge what your mate does, then push him/her into doing what you want to create that perfect picture in your head? Not only is it a drain on your energy; it doesn’t work. It’s not about controlling others—it’s about finding emotional control by being honest with yourself and what you truly want. Stop trying so hard and learn how to relax by focusing internally, keeping your energy in your body. It feels much better than waiting for something from someone who may never give you what you want. Stop the cycle of intensity followed by disappointment, and instead learn to RELAX.

Staying in a state of intensity when in an insecurely attached relationship can be exhausting, and it doesn’t even produce the desired results. Do you gauge what your mate does, then push him/her into doing what you want to create that perfect picture in your head? Not only is it a drain on your energy; it doesn’t work. It’s not about controlling others—it’s about finding emotional control by being honest with yourself and what you truly want. Stop trying so hard and learn how to relax by focusing internally, keeping your energy in your body. It feels much better than waiting for something from someone who may never give you what you want. Stop the cycle of intensity followed by disappointment, and instead learn to RELAX.