Freedom from Attachment

When you’re with the person you're attached to, do you ever feel as though you’re being pulled by some strange force to control them in an effort to bring them closer to you? Just the thought of letting go and allowing them to do what they want creates this panicked fear of abandonment. What if they leave? Or how about staring at your phone, waiting for them to contact you. You’re SO fixated that you can’t move away from it, afraid you might miss something.

We try to control others when we ourselves feel out of control. It’s a battle within us, and it messes with our self-worth, making us feel hopeless and without value because we’re not receiving the validation we need. It can feel like clinging to a life raft, trying not to drown in unwanted, painful feelings. What happens next is we start making rules like “I won’t look at my phone between 7pm-midnight,” but that just makes us feel worse. Not only are we trying to control our emotions, but we start to label ourselves as right or wrong based on those rules (Damn, I just looked at my phone—I’m so weak). It’s quite a painful cocktail.

Rules don’t help us to let go of control. Learn how to do it slowly and effectively to release those painful feelings.

When you’re with the person you're attached to, do you ever feel as though you’re being pulled by some strange force to control them in an effort to bring them closer to you? Just the thought of letting go and allowing them to do what they want creates this panicked fear of abandonment. What if they leave? Or how about staring at your phone, waiting for them to contact you. You’re SO fixated that you can’t move away from it, afraid you might miss something.

We try to control others when we ourselves feel out of control. It’s a battle within us, and it messes with our self-worth, making us feel hopeless and without value because we’re not receiving the validation we need. It can feel like clinging to a life raft, trying not to drown in unwanted, painful feelings. What happens next is we start making rules like “I won’t look at my phone between 7pm-midnight,” but that just makes us feel worse. Not only are we trying to control our emotions, but we start to label ourselves as right or wrong based on those rules (Damn, I just looked at my phone—I’m so weak). It’s quite a painful cocktail.

Rules don’t help us to let go of control. Learn how to do it slowly and effectively to release those painful feelings.

I used to be a change junkie, believing the next “hit” outside of me was the answer. I switched jobs five times in the same industry thinking each would bring me what I wanted. When they did not end well, depression hit and made me wonder if I was missing something. I kept thinking, “Oh boy, this will change my life!” I didn’t realize change is an inside job.

We force things in life according to the fantasies we have in our heads, working tirelessly for outside change, only to find very few shifts within us. As much as we change the external, without emotional risk we aren’t changing crap. The key is to be emotionally present and open to what may come rather than making decisions based on a perceived identity of who we are… or what others expect of us. A good way to do this is to tap into your creativity and connect with what brings you joy without feeling like it’s a waste of time or detracting from your goals. Tune in to understand why flipping jobs, relationships, homes, etc. won’t solve your problems. Because wherever you go… there you are!

I used to be a change junkie, believing the next “hit” outside of me was the answer. I switched jobs five times in the same industry thinking each would bring me what I wanted. When they did not end well, depression hit and made me wonder if I was missing something. I kept thinking, “Oh boy, this will change my life!” I didn’t realize change is an inside job.

We force things in life according to the fantasies we have in our heads, working tirelessly for outside change, only to find very few shifts within us. As much as we change the external, without emotional risk we aren’t changing crap. The key is to be emotionally present and open to what may come rather than making decisions based on a perceived identity of who we are… or what others expect of us. A good way to do this is to tap into your creativity and connect with what brings you joy without feeling like it’s a waste of time or detracting from your goals. Tune in to understand why flipping jobs, relationships, homes, etc. won’t solve your problems. Because wherever you go… there you are!

I used to be a change junkie, believing the next “hit” outside of me was the answer. I switched jobs five times in the same industry thinking each would bring me what I wanted. When they did not end well, depression hit and made me wonder if I was missing something. I kept thinking, “Oh boy, this will change my life!” I didn’t realize change is an inside job.

We force things in life according to the fantasies we have in our heads, working tirelessly for outside change, only to find very few shifts within us. As much as we change the external, without emotional risk we aren’t changing crap. The key is to be emotionally present and open to what may come rather than making decisions based on a perceived identity of who we are… or what others expect of us. A good way to do this is to tap into your creativity and connect with what brings you joy without feeling like it’s a waste of time or detracting from your goals. Tune in to understand why flipping jobs, relationships, homes, etc. won’t solve your problems. Because wherever you go… there you are!

I used to be a change junkie, believing the next “hit” outside of me was the answer. I switched jobs five times in the same industry thinking each would bring me what I wanted. When they did not end well, depression hit and made me wonder if I was missing something. I kept thinking, “Oh boy, this will change my life!” I didn’t realize change is an inside job.

We force things in life according to the fantasies we have in our heads, working tirelessly for outside change, only to find very few shifts within us. As much as we change the external, without emotional risk we aren’t changing crap. The key is to be emotionally present and open to what may come rather than making decisions based on a perceived identity of who we are… or what others expect of us. A good way to do this is to tap into your creativity and connect with what brings you joy without feeling like it’s a waste of time or detracting from your goals. Tune in to understand why flipping jobs, relationships, homes, etc. won’t solve your problems. Because wherever you go… there you are!

I used to be a change junkie, believing the next “hit” outside of me was the answer. I switched jobs five times in the same industry thinking each would bring me what I wanted. When they did not end well, depression hit and made me wonder if I was missing something. I kept thinking, “Oh boy, this will change my life!” I didn’t realize change is an inside job.

We force things in life according to the fantasies we have in our heads, working tirelessly for outside change, only to find very few shifts within us. As much as we change the external, without emotional risk we aren’t changing crap. The key is to be emotionally present and open to what may come rather than making decisions based on a perceived identity of who we are… or what others expect of us. A good way to do this is to tap into your creativity and connect with what brings you joy without feeling like it’s a waste of time or detracting from your goals. Tune in to understand why flipping jobs, relationships, homes, etc. won’t solve your problems. Because wherever you go… there you are!

I have put a whole lot of effort into my relationships, especially the ones like yo-yos. Either I put effort into not feeling what was going on and covering up my emotions, or I was working like a mad woman to seek validation. If I didn’t receive the needed validation that I was ok, I pointed my finger at the guy. It was his fault.

I discovered this was all related to feeling disappointed in the past and trying to prevent that from happening in the present. Extra effort was exerted to avoid disappointment. In the past, every relationship I had was trying to solve a problem or fill a void. I was looking for something based on the ideals I constructed, but I never got it. Putting effort into people pleasing, rescuing and being perfect is tiring, and it can stem from our fears of being disappointed and abandoned. Trying to convince someone you’re great and they should never leave you typically leads exactly where you fear. Stop working so hard and learn to trust yourself. Only by doing this do you actually get more than you ever dreamed of having.

I have put a whole lot of effort into my relationships, especially the ones like yo-yos. Either I put effort into not feeling what was going on and covering up my emotions, or I was working like a mad woman to seek validation. If I didn’t receive the needed validation that I was ok, I pointed my finger at the guy. It was his fault.

I discovered this was all related to feeling disappointed in the past and trying to prevent that from happening in the present. Extra effort was exerted to avoid disappointment. In the past, every relationship I had was trying to solve a problem or fill a void. I was looking for something based on the ideals I constructed, but I never got it. Putting effort into people pleasing, rescuing and being perfect is tiring, and it can stem from our fears of being disappointed and abandoned. Trying to convince someone you’re great and they should never leave you typically leads exactly where you fear. Stop working so hard and learn to trust yourself. Only by doing this do you actually get more than you ever dreamed of having.

I have put a whole lot of effort into my relationships, especially the ones like yo-yos. Either I put effort into not feeling what was going on and covering up my emotions, or I was working like a mad woman to seek validation. If I didn’t receive the needed validation that I was ok, I pointed my finger at the guy. It was his fault.

I discovered this was all related to feeling disappointed in the past and trying to prevent that from happening in the present. Extra effort was exerted to avoid disappointment. In the past, every relationship I had was trying to solve a problem or fill a void. I was looking for something based on the ideals I constructed, but I never got it. Putting effort into people pleasing, rescuing and being perfect is tiring, and it can stem from our fears of being disappointed and abandoned. Trying to convince someone you’re great and they should never leave you typically leads exactly where you fear. Stop working so hard and learn to trust yourself. Only by doing this do you actually get more than you ever dreamed of having.