Freedom from Attachment

Many of us associate pain with love. We may not consciously think so, but it’s beneath the surface of our desire for love and all its glory in our lives. We don't realize we actually bring pain into our relationships (because it’s what we've known). We don’t see it as a choice, but self-awareness can set you free. If you're an avoidant like me, it can keep you detached from relationships, in search of something that does not exist in the form of the perfect feeling (like you’ve imagined for years). It keeps you looking for that perfect feeling that will ensure safety outside of yourself because you don’t feel it inside. The mixture of pain and lack of safety keeps you from focusing on what you actually feel beneath the surface-level emotions, and believing something outside of you is the current cause for your pain. Your words will not match your desires when you are taking action from the belief that love is painful. You create this in your relationships, usually with someone who is matching you at the level of pain they are used to as well. It's a vicious cycle because the amount of emotional awareness you need to catch yourself is pretty intense, and hard to recognize if you have never paid attention to how you show up.

Most of us think we’re fine and that it’s all about the other person. Nope! It is freeing to keep your heart open, then catch yourself when you try to invite pain where it doesn't belong. Join me for more of this Attachment Series to learn how to separate pain from love.

Many of us associate pain with love. We may not consciously think so, but it’s beneath the surface of our desire for love and all its glory in our lives. We don't realize we actually bring pain into our relationships (because it’s what we've known). We don’t see it as a choice, but self-awareness can set you free. If you're an avoidant like me, it can keep you detached from relationships, in search of something that does not exist in the form of the perfect feeling (like you’ve imagined for years). It keeps you looking for that perfect feeling that will ensure safety outside of yourself because you don’t feel it inside. The mixture of pain and lack of safety keeps you from focusing on what you actually feel beneath the surface-level emotions, and believing something outside of you is the current cause for your pain. Your words will not match your desires when you are taking action from the belief that love is painful. You create this in your relationships, usually with someone who is matching you at the level of pain they are used to as well. It's a vicious cycle because the amount of emotional awareness you need to catch yourself is pretty intense, and hard to recognize if you have never paid attention to how you show up.

Most of us think we’re fine and that it’s all about the other person. Nope! It is freeing to keep your heart open, then catch yourself when you try to invite pain where it doesn't belong. Join me for more of this Attachment Series to learn how to separate pain from love.

What you can’t have: The people you pine away for, your secret crushes—the people who rejected you and you still want a deep sense of validation or a feeling of approval from them.

Ever notice this when you’re attached—what are you attached to exactly? Most people cannot specifically say— it’s a feeling of hope cordoning off disappointment.

How else does focusing on what you can’t have come up? Fear of others—ever find yourself trying to be invisible? Just throw a wall up? What is it we think they have as far as power over us or is it a life we think we can’t have?

We may ignore the object of our desire who we feel we can’t have, pretending like we don’t care—and what is it we are actually trying to do? Win? Hide out? What?

Awareness matters. The beliefs we have stretch across our whole life and to see it in as many situations as possible is helpful so you can start counterintuitive action.

Self-acceptance is key. When you focus on what you don’t have from a state of lack—it is reflected inside of you. It’s a great way to see things, but it is also an opportunity to love that part of yourself too. Listen in for tips on how to accept yourself and become empowered.

What you can’t have: The people you pine away for, your secret crushes—the people who rejected you and you still want a deep sense of validation or a feeling of approval from them.

Ever notice this when you’re attached—what are you attached to exactly? Most people cannot specifically say— it’s a feeling of hope cordoning off disappointment.

How else does focusing on what you can’t have come up? Fear of others—ever find yourself trying to be invisible? Just throw a wall up? What is it we think they have as far as power over us or is it a life we think we can’t have?

We may ignore the object of our desire who we feel we can’t have, pretending like we don’t care—and what is it we are actually trying to do? Win? Hide out? What?

Awareness matters. The beliefs we have stretch across our whole life and to see it in as many situations as possible is helpful so you can start counterintuitive action.

Self-acceptance is key. When you focus on what you don’t have from a state of lack—it is reflected inside of you. It’s a great way to see things, but it is also an opportunity to love that part of yourself too. Listen in for tips on how to accept yourself and become empowered.

What you can’t have: The people you pine away for, your secret crushes—the people who rejected you and you still want a deep sense of validation or a feeling of approval from them.

Ever notice this when you’re attached—what are you attached to exactly? Most people cannot specifically say— it’s a feeling of hope cordoning off disappointment.

How else does focusing on what you can’t have come up? Fear of others—ever find yourself trying to be invisible? Just throw a wall up? What is it we think they have as far as power over us or is it a life we think we can’t have?

We may ignore the object of our desire who we feel we can’t have, pretending like we don’t care—and what is it we are actually trying to do? Win? Hide out? What?

Awareness matters. The beliefs we have stretch across our whole life and to see it in as many situations as possible is helpful so you can start counterintuitive action.

Self-acceptance is key. When you focus on what you don’t have from a state of lack—it is reflected inside of you. It’s a great way to see things, but it is also an opportunity to love that part of yourself too. Listen in for tips on how to accept yourself and become empowered.

What you can’t have: The people you pine away for, your secret crushes—the people who rejected you and you still want a deep sense of validation or a feeling of approval from them.

Ever notice this when you’re attached—what are you attached to exactly? Most people cannot specifically say— it’s a feeling of hope cordoning off disappointment.

How else does focusing on what you can’t have come up? Fear of others—ever find yourself trying to be invisible? Just throw a wall up? What is it we think they have as far as power over us or is it a life we think we can’t have?

We may ignore the object of our desire who we feel we can’t have, pretending like we don’t care—and what is it we are actually trying to do? Win? Hide out? What?

Awareness matters. The beliefs we have stretch across our whole life and to see it in as many situations as possible is helpful so you can start counterintuitive action.

Self-acceptance is key. When you focus on what you don’t have from a state of lack—it is reflected inside of you. It’s a great way to see things, but it is also an opportunity to love that part of yourself too. Listen in for tips on how to accept yourself and become empowered.

How often do you change who you are for another person? My personal journey continues in this episode, helping to identify what is going on at a deeper level when we try to figure out someone else (what they need, want or might do) so we know who to be for them. Isn't it time to stop the energetic chase focused on them? It never ends well. I stopped focusing on who I date and what they’re doing or thinking (or NOT doing/thinking) because otherwise… who’s focused on ME? I did that in my past and learned that it just doesn’t work. Have you noticed that too? The tricky part is, we’ve created these patterns over the course of years, influencing our way of looking at things, which means you can’t just snap your fingers to change it. But connecting and refocusing on yourself is how you get there, and that’s what I’ve done. I have so much more control of my emotional behavior and happiness; there’s no longer a need to zero in on what I can’t control (i.e. the other person). I also realized that focusing on what I needed to live up to was a way of punishing myself for never being “enough.”

Do you know how fun it is to no longer be a people pleaser? To stop striving for what perfect looks like to someone else? It allows you the freedom to be yourself instead of fixated on what others think or feel, which you will never know anyway. If you want to stop living and dying by their every look, sound and action, listen in. You’ll learn why we do it and how to stop so you can thrive in a securely attached relationship… rather than ride the emotional roller coaster.

How often do you change who you are for another person? My personal journey continues in this episode, helping to identify what is going on at a deeper level when we try to figure out someone else (what they need, want or might do) so we know who to be for them. Isn't it time to stop the energetic chase focused on them? It never ends well. I stopped focusing on who I date and what they’re doing or thinking (or NOT doing/thinking) because otherwise… who’s focused on ME? I did that in my past and learned that it just doesn’t work. Have you noticed that too? The tricky part is, we’ve created these patterns over the course of years, influencing our way of looking at things, which means you can’t just snap your fingers to change it. But connecting and refocusing on yourself is how you get there, and that’s what I’ve done. I have so much more control of my emotional behavior and happiness; there’s no longer a need to zero in on what I can’t control (i.e. the other person). I also realized that focusing on what I needed to live up to was a way of punishing myself for never being “enough.”

Do you know how fun it is to no longer be a people pleaser? To stop striving for what perfect looks like to someone else? It allows you the freedom to be yourself instead of fixated on what others think or feel, which you will never know anyway. If you want to stop living and dying by their every look, sound and action, listen in. You’ll learn why we do it and how to stop so you can thrive in a securely attached relationship… rather than ride the emotional roller coaster.

How often do you change who you are for another person? My personal journey continues in this episode, helping to identify what is going on at a deeper level when we try to figure out someone else (what they need, want or might do) so we know who to be for them. Isn't it time to stop the energetic chase focused on them? It never ends well. I stopped focusing on who I date and what they’re doing or thinking (or NOT doing/thinking) because otherwise… who’s focused on ME? I did that in my past and learned that it just doesn’t work. Have you noticed that too? The tricky part is, we’ve created these patterns over the course of years, influencing our way of looking at things, which means you can’t just snap your fingers to change it. But connecting and refocusing on yourself is how you get there, and that’s what I’ve done. I have so much more control of my emotional behavior and happiness; there’s no longer a need to zero in on what I can’t control (i.e. the other person). I also realized that focusing on what I needed to live up to was a way of punishing myself for never being “enough.”

Do you know how fun it is to no longer be a people pleaser? To stop striving for what perfect looks like to someone else? It allows you the freedom to be yourself instead of fixated on what others think or feel, which you will never know anyway. If you want to stop living and dying by their every look, sound and action, listen in. You’ll learn why we do it and how to stop so you can thrive in a securely attached relationship… rather than ride the emotional roller coaster.

How often do you change who you are for another person? My personal journey continues in this episode, helping to identify what is going on at a deeper level when we try to figure out someone else (what they need, want or might do) so we know who to be for them. Isn't it time to stop the energetic chase focused on them? It never ends well. I stopped focusing on who I date and what they’re doing or thinking (or NOT doing/thinking) because otherwise… who’s focused on ME? I did that in my past and learned that it just doesn’t work. Have you noticed that too? The tricky part is, we’ve created these patterns over the course of years, influencing our way of looking at things, which means you can’t just snap your fingers to change it. But connecting and refocusing on yourself is how you get there, and that’s what I’ve done. I have so much more control of my emotional behavior and happiness; there’s no longer a need to zero in on what I can’t control (i.e. the other person). I also realized that focusing on what I needed to live up to was a way of punishing myself for never being “enough.”

Do you know how fun it is to no longer be a people pleaser? To stop striving for what perfect looks like to someone else? It allows you the freedom to be yourself instead of fixated on what others think or feel, which you will never know anyway. If you want to stop living and dying by their every look, sound and action, listen in. You’ll learn why we do it and how to stop so you can thrive in a securely attached relationship… rather than ride the emotional roller coaster.