Safety is an illusion, and changes around us rock that feeling of “safety,” making us want to find the nearest cave, climb inside and block the entrance. Some of us think moving to another country is the answer. What else do we do in an attempt at security? We try to control people and situations, making decisions out of fear because we can’t trust our own feelings.

We destroy what we do not trust, trying to prove it’s not trustworthy. We look for evidence to support it and even plant clues, waiting for someone else to take the bait. We do this in relationships with loved ones and strangers. Ever suspect your partner is cheating and look for signs that you’re right because you want to prove s/he is untrustworthy? We do it spiritually, too. We can’t trust that the universe/God/higher power will provide for us, so we look elsewhere for safety, leaving us swirling in circles. But safety isn’t outside… it’s inside.

To create your own safe place, you must not choose AGAINST yourself. That means stop people pleasing and sacrificing to the point of martyrdom because that just leads to, “See? I knew s/he would screw me!” or “See? I knew there was no God!” And what do you feel when you go down that road? Unsafe. So speak your truth and trust your decisions. It’s so much more effective than trying to control anything outside of you.

Safety is an illusion, and changes around us rock that feeling of “safety,” making us want to find the nearest cave, climb inside and block the entrance. Some of us think moving to another country is the answer. What else do we do in an attempt at security? We try to control people and situations, making decisions out of fear because we can’t trust our own feelings.

We destroy what we do not trust, trying to prove it’s not trustworthy. We look for evidence to support it and even plant clues, waiting for someone else to take the bait. We do this in relationships with loved ones and strangers. Ever suspect your partner is cheating and look for signs that you’re right because you want to prove s/he is untrustworthy? We do it spiritually, too. We can’t trust that the universe/God/higher power will provide for us, so we look elsewhere for safety, leaving us swirling in circles. But safety isn’t outside… it’s inside.

To create your own safe place, you must not choose AGAINST yourself. That means stop people pleasing and sacrificing to the point of martyrdom because that just leads to, “See? I knew s/he would screw me!” or “See? I knew there was no God!” And what do you feel when you go down that road? Unsafe. So speak your truth and trust your decisions. It’s so much more effective than trying to control anything outside of you.

For some reason people think someone else is responsible for their lives. I see it play out all the time in relationships, work, family, politics… just about everywhere in life. But I have news for you: no one is going to rescue you. There is no fairy godmother. Most of us do not listen to our own complaints about being stuck, and we’re afraid to take emotional risks. Instead we look to sources outside of ourselves to soothe us or make it better. People shit on their feelings by ignoring them rather than figuring out what they are and what they can tell us about ourselves. Getting in touch with your feelings is key to knowing what you want, need and are willing to do for yourself in terms of your happiness.

So how do you decipher your true feelings? Look at what you react to and how it feels; it will often reveal a fear. Then you can decide if you want to explore the possibility that the fear is unfounded, which takes self-responsibility and courage. This is just one way to rescue yourself instead of waiting for someone or something outside of you. In this podcast, I’ll share others. It’s time to let go of the fairy godmother fantasy.

For some reason people think someone else is responsible for their lives. I see it play out all the time in relationships, work, family, politics… just about everywhere in life. But I have news for you: no one is going to rescue you. There is no fairy godmother. Most of us do not listen to our own complaints about being stuck, and we’re afraid to take emotional risks. Instead we look to sources outside of ourselves to soothe us or make it better. People shit on their feelings by ignoring them rather than figuring out what they are and what they can tell us about ourselves. Getting in touch with your feelings is key to knowing what you want, need and are willing to do for yourself in terms of your happiness.

So how do you decipher your true feelings? Look at what you react to and how it feels; it will often reveal a fear. Then you can decide if you want to explore the possibility that the fear is unfounded, which takes self-responsibility and courage. This is just one way to rescue yourself instead of waiting for someone or something outside of you. In this podcast, I’ll share others. It’s time to let go of the fairy godmother fantasy.

For some reason people think someone else is responsible for their lives. I see it play out all the time in relationships, work, family, politics… just about everywhere in life. But I have news for you: no one is going to rescue you. There is no fairy godmother. Most of us do not listen to our own complaints about being stuck, and we’re afraid to take emotional risks. Instead we look to sources outside of ourselves to soothe us or make it better. People shit on their feelings by ignoring them rather than figuring out what they are and what they can tell us about ourselves. Getting in touch with your feelings is key to knowing what you want, need and are willing to do for yourself in terms of your happiness.

So how do you decipher your true feelings? Look at what you react to and how it feels; it will often reveal a fear. Then you can decide if you want to explore the possibility that the fear is unfounded, which takes self-responsibility and courage. This is just one way to rescue yourself instead of waiting for someone or something outside of you. In this podcast, I’ll share others. It’s time to let go of the fairy godmother fantasy.

For some reason people think someone else is responsible for their lives. I see it play out all the time in relationships, work, family, politics… just about everywhere in life. But I have news for you: no one is going to rescue you. There is no fairy godmother. Most of us do not listen to our own complaints about being stuck, and we’re afraid to take emotional risks. Instead we look to sources outside of ourselves to soothe us or make it better. People shit on their feelings by ignoring them rather than figuring out what they are and what they can tell us about ourselves. Getting in touch with your feelings is key to knowing what you want, need and are willing to do for yourself in terms of your happiness.

So how do you decipher your true feelings? Look at what you react to and how it feels; it will often reveal a fear. Then you can decide if you want to explore the possibility that the fear is unfounded, which takes self-responsibility and courage. This is just one way to rescue yourself instead of waiting for someone or something outside of you. In this podcast, I’ll share others. It’s time to let go of the fairy godmother fantasy.

Do you find yourself looking for validation from others when you act in a self-righteous way? For example, proving you’re strong by ignoring the text messages of an ex who you still have feelings for. It’s a mental strategy which does nothing for you emotionally. If anything, you feel worse because it’s an attempt to control someone else’s perception of you. You’re “teaching” them and wanting to make an impact so they respond how you want them to. Then when they don’t, it’s this game of push/pull. I push, you pull, and vice versa. Putting all the force in the world toward getting someone to treat you how you want is never going to solve the problem.

We use strategies to manipulate others and appear differently than we feel, like ignoring the text message when you really want to run to them. It’s emotionally painful and unnecessary because you’re trying to artificially force an outcome. Then when the desired outcome doesn’t happen and the other person creates even more distance, you pull harder. You are left scrambling for tactics that will make him/her do what you want instead of being true to your feelings and authentic in your actions. Perhaps you blame the other person, especially if they are inconsistent in how they show up, instead of looking at yourself as an equal player in this push/pull game.

Whether it’s a past or present relationship, we tend to act as though we have something to lose if we say or do the wrong thing. It remains a power struggle of pushing and pulling: between our intellect and emotions as well as between us and the other person. If we look at how we respond with our head instead of our heart, we can see it’s an attempt at control. If we respond with our heart, we leave the outcome open-ended… and with possibility.

Do you find yourself looking for validation from others when you act in a self-righteous way? For example, proving you’re strong by ignoring the text messages of an ex who you still have feelings for. It’s a mental strategy which does nothing for you emotionally. If anything, you feel worse because it’s an attempt to control someone else’s perception of you. You’re “teaching” them and wanting to make an impact so they respond how you want them to. Then when they don’t, it’s this game of push/pull. I push, you pull, and vice versa. Putting all the force in the world toward getting someone to treat you how you want is never going to solve the problem.

We use strategies to manipulate others and appear differently than we feel, like ignoring the text message when you really want to run to them. It’s emotionally painful and unnecessary because you’re trying to artificially force an outcome. Then when the desired outcome doesn’t happen and the other person creates even more distance, you pull harder. You are left scrambling for tactics that will make him/her do what you want instead of being true to your feelings and authentic in your actions. Perhaps you blame the other person, especially if they are inconsistent in how they show up, instead of looking at yourself as an equal player in this push/pull game.

Whether it’s a past or present relationship, we tend to act as though we have something to lose if we say or do the wrong thing. It remains a power struggle of pushing and pulling: between our intellect and emotions as well as between us and the other person. If we look at how we respond with our head instead of our heart, we can see it’s an attempt at control. If we respond with our heart, we leave the outcome open-ended… and with possibility.

Do you find yourself looking for validation from others when you act in a self-righteous way? For example, proving you’re strong by ignoring the text messages of an ex who you still have feelings for. It’s a mental strategy which does nothing for you emotionally. If anything, you feel worse because it’s an attempt to control someone else’s perception of you. You’re “teaching” them and wanting to make an impact so they respond how you want them to. Then when they don’t, it’s this game of push/pull. I push, you pull, and vice versa. Putting all the force in the world toward getting someone to treat you how you want is never going to solve the problem.

We use strategies to manipulate others and appear differently than we feel, like ignoring the text message when you really want to run to them. It’s emotionally painful and unnecessary because you’re trying to artificially force an outcome. Then when the desired outcome doesn’t happen and the other person creates even more distance, you pull harder. You are left scrambling for tactics that will make him/her do what you want instead of being true to your feelings and authentic in your actions. Perhaps you blame the other person, especially if they are inconsistent in how they show up, instead of looking at yourself as an equal player in this push/pull game.

Whether it’s a past or present relationship, we tend to act as though we have something to lose if we say or do the wrong thing. It remains a power struggle of pushing and pulling: between our intellect and emotions as well as between us and the other person. If we look at how we respond with our head instead of our heart, we can see it’s an attempt at control. If we respond with our heart, we leave the outcome open-ended… and with possibility.

Do you find yourself looking for validation from others when you act in a self-righteous way? For example, proving you’re strong by ignoring the text messages of an ex who you still have feelings for. It’s a mental strategy which does nothing for you emotionally. If anything, you feel worse because it’s an attempt to control someone else’s perception of you. You’re “teaching” them and wanting to make an impact so they respond how you want them to. Then when they don’t, it’s this game of push/pull. I push, you pull, and vice versa. Putting all the force in the world toward getting someone to treat you how you want is never going to solve the problem.

We use strategies to manipulate others and appear differently than we feel, like ignoring the text message when you really want to run to them. It’s emotionally painful and unnecessary because you’re trying to artificially force an outcome. Then when the desired outcome doesn’t happen and the other person creates even more distance, you pull harder. You are left scrambling for tactics that will make him/her do what you want instead of being true to your feelings and authentic in your actions. Perhaps you blame the other person, especially if they are inconsistent in how they show up, instead of looking at yourself as an equal player in this push/pull game.

Whether it’s a past or present relationship, we tend to act as though we have something to lose if we say or do the wrong thing. It remains a power struggle of pushing and pulling: between our intellect and emotions as well as between us and the other person. If we look at how we respond with our head instead of our heart, we can see it’s an attempt at control. If we respond with our heart, we leave the outcome open-ended… and with possibility.