The One You Feed

From “Why Me?” to “What Now?”: A New Approach to Pain and Growth with Scott Barry Kaufman


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In this episode, Scott Barry Kaufman challenges us to go from asking ourselves “Why Me?” to “What Now?” as he unpacks a new approach to pain and growth. Scott explains how the real work happens in the messy middle as we unpack the dangers of black and white thinking, and why genuine change isn’t about a single epiphany, but a thousand small choices. If you’ve ever wondered how to hold your suffering without letting it define you, or how to spot the agency that you still have, this episode is for you.

Every Wednesday, we send out A Weekly Bite of Wisdom – a short, free email that distills the big ideas from the podcast into bite-sized practices you can use right away. From mental health and anxiety to relationships and purpose, it’s practical, powerful, and takes just a minute to read. Thousands already count on it as part of their week, and as a bonus, you’ll also get a weekend podcast playlist to dive deeper. Sign up at oneyoufeed.net/newsletter!

Key Takeaways:

  • The concept of a victim mindset and its impact on personal growth.
  • The importance of personal agency and empowerment in overcoming challenges.
  • The balance between acknowledging suffering and recognizing potential for growth.
  • The role of emotions and cognitive distortions in shaping our mindset.
  • Techniques for emotional regulation and reframing negative thoughts.
  • The significance of self-compassion and its role in personal development.
  • The dangers of black-and-white thinking and the need for nuanced perspectives.
  • The relationship between trauma, identity, and self-worth.
  • The process of post-traumatic growth and healing from past experiences.
  • Listener questions addressing limiting beliefs and the fear of the unknown.


If you enjoyed this conversation with Scott Barry Kaufman, check out these other episodes:

Tasha Eurich on Growing Self-Awareness

How to Choose Growth with Scott Barry Kaufman & Jordyn Feingold

For full show notes, click here!

Connect with the show:

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The One You FeedBy Eric Zimmer

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