We all know that good boundaries are essential if we want happy relationships. There is a lot of confusion, though, about what exactly a boundary is and how to make it work. Can we have too many boundaries? Should we ever compromise on the boundaries we set?

In this week’s classic reissued episode, Andrew talks about boundaries with Graham Johnston and Matt Wotton from the London Centre of Applied Psychology. Matt and Graham share their own experiences of creating boundaries in both love and parenting, and what it means if we are struggling to get this right.

Our ability to set boundaries is linked closely to our attachment style: those with an anxious attachment may allow their boundaries to crumble too easily; while those with an avoidant attachment can have so many rigid boundaries that they struggle to let anyone in.

Andrew also shares a prayer for good boundaries, which he often uses with marital therapy clients:

'I am me and

You are you.

It's a miracle that we've found each other

But I'm responsible for my stuff

And you're responsible for yours'

Graham Johnston is a psychotherapist and educator. He is Director of Policy at The Bowlby Centre, the UK’s leading training institution in attachment-based psychotherapy, and has also worked for the UK Government, specialising in home affairs. He and Matt Wotton are the Co-Founders and Directors of LCAP. 

Matt Wotton is a psychotherapist and executive coach, and also Chair of The Bowlby Centre and Director at LCAP. Matt has over two decades of experience in forensic mental health in the criminal justice system - in operations, coaching leaders, and advising ministers. He led the review of Race in the Criminal Justice System (The Lammy Review), commissioned by the Prime Minister, and has been a member of the Prison & Probation Board. 

Follow Up

Attend Andrew's new men's retreat, Reconnect With Yourself, this autumn in the Brandenberg countryside near Berlin 

Get Andrew’s free guide to difficult conversations with your partner: How to Tell Your Partner Difficult Things 

Learn more about the London Centre for Applied Psychology (LCAP), where Graham Johnston and Matt Wotton work as Directors. 

Learn more about The Bowlby Centre,  the UK’s leading training institution in attachment-based psychotherapy. 

Follow LCAP on Twitter and Facebook @LCAPsychology.

Read The Mindful Athlete by George Munford. 

Read the poem “On Marriage” by Kahlil Gibran. 

Take a look at Andrew’s new online relationship course: My Best Relationship Tools 

Join our Supporters Club to access exclusive behind-the-scenes content, fan requests and the chance to ask Andrew your own questions. Membership starts at just £4.50 https://www.patreon.com/andrewgmarshall 

Andrew offers regular advice on love, marriage and finding meaning in your life via his social channels. Follow him on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube @andrewgmarshall