Grief is a Sneaky Bitch

Widowhood is obviously a topic very close to host Lisa Keefauver’s heart, and it’s also an experience no one is prepared to go through as her guest Melissa Gould shares in her best-selling book Widowish and in their conversation in this episode.

(05:18) - On Melissa’s first experience with loss and the importance of exploring grief without judgement

(10:27) - A love story: The value of friendship and the importance of memory keeping

(20:13) - Managing anticipatory grief and the cruelty of ambiguous loss

(29:42) - Imagining the unimaginable: How Melissa and Joel navigated his last year of life

(39:13) - Widowish: On the double standard expectations around widowhood

(45:26) - Finding love after death: A conscious and empathic approach to “moving on”

You can find out more about Melissa Gould, buy her best-selling book Widowish, and learn more about the other work she does as a writer and writing coach by visiting www.widowish.com

While there are a lot of simple everyday ways we can memorialize our loved-ones, Eterneva, our sponsor for today’s episode, can help you do it, well remarkably. They’ve created a way to transform memorial ashes into a diamond, and along the way they help you carry their memory forward. Visit www.eterneva.com to learn more about how you can remember remarkable. Don’t forget to check them out on @tiktok too

If you love deep, honest, authentic conversations, get ready to love Grief is a Sneaky Bitch. Host Lisa Keefauver, is a grief and empathy activist who holds an extensive grief resume herself, as a social worker, narrative therapist, grief guide, and widow.

From CEOs and social workers to best-selling authors, educators, filmmakers, and stay-at-home moms, her guests open up about the complexity, confusion, and even confidence they have gained by navigating a grief journey of their own. To learn more about the show and how Lisa Keefauver is reimagining grief, sign up for her not-so-regular newsletter follow on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn or visit www.lisakeefauver.com today!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, host Lisa Keefauver spent some time, in person, with her dear friend john a powell. john is an internationally recognized expert in the areas of civil rights, racial identity, fair housing, poverty, and democracy. He is the Director of the Othering & Belonging Institute, a UC Berkeley research institute. john offers so much wisdom about the shared human experiences of loss caused not just be death, but by our unwillingness to see ourselves in one another, and invites us to discover how the wisdom we gain from having lost might be exactly what we need to discover our way back to each other, by expanding the circle of human concern.

(07:51) -On john’s first encounter with loss and grief - “When I was nine my grandmother died and it started a rupture in the world. The world was magical and relatively safe, then she died, and all those things went away.”

(41:03) -On our society’s dysfunctional grief culture - “What is the cost to belong? Mutilate yourself and maybe, maybe you can belong.”

(57:01) -Othering & Belonging- “We don't have to learn to be connected, we are connected physically, spiritually, emotionally. We have to learn the illusion of disconnectedness.”

Learn more about the Othering and Belonging Institute at UC Berkeley by visiting their website, or following them on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. You can also discover more about john's career by visiting his website

The team at Justice Leaders Collaborative believes it is our human responsibility to work toward social justice, equity, diversity & inclusion in all areas of our life and work. They provide workshops, seminars, coaching, and consulting to organizations and individuals like you. To find out more, visit their website and follow them on Instagram or Facebook.

If you love deep, honest, authentic conversations, get ready to love Grief is a Sneaky Bitch. Host Lisa Keefauver, is a grief and empathy activist who holds an extensive grief resume herself, as a social worker, narrative therapist, grief guide, and widow. To learn more about Lisa, sign up for her newsletter, follow on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

About the episode

Host Lisa Keefauver sat down for a very intimate and revealing conversation with Mindy Corporon, a grieving mother and daughter. In 2014, her very personal tragedy made headline news around the world. Her son and father were shot and killed at a Jewish Community Center outside of Kansas City by a white supremacist gunman, intent on killing Jews. In the intervening years, Mindy has worked tirelessly to heal her shattered soul, also the title of her beautiful book, and in today’s episode she shares what she’s learned about grief and healing and courageous kindness along the way.

Jump straight into:

03:40 - Mindy’s first experience with grief - “My parents allowed me to say goodbye. They allowed me to understand that it was a reality and I'm sure if I was sad, they allowed me an opportunity to be sad.”

10:28 - Mindy’s story of losing her son and father in 2014 - “I'll start on April 12th, because on April 12th, we were a family of four.”

20:18 - Justice, compassion and forgiveness: Dealing with violent murder - “My reality is that they were murdered and have had to process that. And I look for things that bring me joy and I look purposely for kindness.”

32:50 - Shock and how our bodies begin to understand death - “I wanted them to walk through the door. I wanted them to appear in the house. I just kept thinking, I'm in a nightmare. This didn't happen.”

39:26 - Grief support and the surprising ways people show up - “They breathe life and joy and talking and smiles into our home. They helped me eat again. They helped my husband eat again. They helped get Lucas what he needed.”

48:59 - Post-traumatic growth and embodying love - “Each of us needs to feel comfortable in finding whatever our path is to helping ourselves heal.”

57:33 - A story of Popeye and Reat and the importance of courageous kindness - “We received hundreds of cards from students and student parents telling us what an amazing friend he was. And that is always with my heart, that he was an amazing friend and his friends still remember him.”  

Episode Resources

Healing A Shattered Soul by Mindy Corporon

Episode Sponsor

Thank you to Eterneva for sponsoring this important episode. Visit www.eterneva.com to learn more about how they help you celebrate your remarkable loved ones (and check them out on TikTok too).

About The show

If you love deep, honest, authentic conversations, get ready to love Grief is a Sneaky Bitch. Host Lisa Keefauver, is a grief and empathy activist who holds an extensive grief resume herself, as a social worker, narrative therapist, grief guide, and widow. From CEOs and social workers to best-selling authors, educators, filmmakers, and stay-at-home moms, her guests open up about the complexity, confusion, and even confidence they have gained by navigating a grief journey of their own. To learn more about the show and how Lisa is reimagining grief, sign up for her newsletter, follow on Instagram and Twitter or visit her website today!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Season 3 of Grief is a Sneaky Bitch! In Self-Compassion and Grief, host Lisa Keefauver sat down with world-renowned self-compassion researcher, Dr. Kristin Neff. She is author of the bestselling book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, and recently released her new book Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive. 

(00:47) - Kristin’s earliest memory of grief: A different kind of loss

(05:43) - The ability of uncertainty and the power of self-compassion

(11:25) - How to transform your connection with emotions

(20:47) - Shock and the physical impact of self-compassion

(26:21) - Self-compassion as an antidote to shame and guilt

(31:40) - Caretaker burnout: What is empathetic distress and how to manage it -

(36:48) - What is rumination and how can we cut it out?

(42:17) - Self-compassion self vs. self-pity: How to be kind but motivated

self-compassion.org

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

Fierce Self-Compassion: Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive

Special thanks to our episode sponsor, Recalibrate, providing workplace mental wellness that empowers mental & emotional learning. Visit www.recalibratemind.com to learn more.

If you love deep, honest, authentic conversations, get ready to love Grief is a Sneaky Bitch. Host Lisa Keefauver, is a grief and empathy activist who holds an extensive grief resume herself, as a social worker, narrative therapist, grief guide, and widow. From CEOs and social workers to best-selling authors, educators, filmmakers, and stay-at-home moms, her guests open up about the complexity, confusion, and even confidence they have gained by navigating a grief journey of their own. To learn more about the show and how Lisa is reimagining grief, sign up for her newsletter, follow on Instagram or visit her website!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You asked and I answered! In this final episode of Season 2, I invited the Reimagining Grief community and listeners of the podcast to ask me anything about grief and loss. I am so incredibly moved by the flood of DMs, comments, and emails I received from so many of you. I take seriously the vulnerability it took you to ask the questions and I did my best to answer many of them and hope in doing so, I will be helping other grievers just like you. I covered 1. Finding a grief counselor, 2. Dating in widowhood (after loss in general), 3. Feeling angry and betrayed, 4. Complicated grief, 5. Grief brain (brain fog), 6. Returning to work, 7. Grieving a friend, 8. Ambiguous loss, 9. Secondary Losses, and 10. Handling the innocent questions.

If you want to learn more about Individual Grief Support with host Lisa Keefauver, MSW visit www.reimagininggrief.com/support. If you want to join the GSB Fan Club and be a part of 2 LIVE Q&A Zoom sessions with her and other listeners from around the world, visit www.reimagininggrief.com/gsbfanclub.

5:49 - How to find a good grief counselor or therapist.

8:36 Dating in Widhood (or after loss in general)

13:46 Anger and Betrayal in Grief

22:34 Complicated Grief

25:27 Grief Brain

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30:02 Returning to Work After Loss

38:46 Grieving a Friend

40:55 Ambiguous Loss

43:54 Secondary Loss

46:45 Responding to the Innocent Questions

About the show:

If you love deep, honest, authentic conversations, get ready to love Grief is a Sneaky Bitch. Host Lisa Keefauver, is a grief and empathy activist who holds an extensive grief resume herself, as a social worker, narrative therapist, grief guide, and widow. From CEOs and social workers to best-selling authors, educators, filmmakers, and stay-at-home moms, her guests open up about the complexity, confusion, and even confidence they have gained by navigating a grief journey of their own. To learn more about the show and how Lisa Keefauver is reimagining grief, sign up for her not-so-regular newsletter, follow on Instagram and Twitter or visit www.lisakeefauver.com today!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For this episode, I was joined in conversation by the lovely Lindsay Joy Taylor, the owner of The Joyful Jewelry Box, jewelry and keepsakes to honor and remember your loved ones. Lindsay’s grief story begins early on, her mother was murdered when she was only one and even if she doesn’t have explicit memories of her, the grief and trauma it left on her family made an impression on her throughout her life. Like me, Lindsay is now an advocate for thinking about grief from a different angle than we were taught. She believes it is absolutely possible to feel joy and hold space for your mourning at the same time. In fact, that is one of the messages she hopes to put out in the world through her jewelry line and the grief work she does. Can’t wait for you to meet her!

If you wanna know more about Lindsay’s work, follow her on The Joyful Jewelry Box Instagram. Also, check out Lindsey’s beautiful products on The Joyful Jewelry Box website.

03:22 - Lindsay’s first memory of grief - “I'm a motherless daughter, but more specifically, my mother was murdered when I was only one year old. So naturally, I don't have any explicit memories of her.”

11:17 - Holding space for grief doing the best we can - “We need to engage with and tend to our grief because if not, we're going to pass it onto somebody else.”

20:06 - Getting stuck on grief: Is closure a real thing? - “We never caught her killer. There was a forced resignation in terms of how you pick up life and move forward.”

22:45 - Helping kids understand and tell their loss story - “It was still really helpful for me to feel seen and to feel acknowledged, to be given attention, regardless of whether or not the context was my mother.”

27:20 - Telling your story to people: Should I disclose or not? - “It created this outlet where people think that they have a right to help you figure out your own damn story.”

33:02 - Therapy for therapists: Can I do this? Lindsay’s path in the psychology world - “I felt burdened by the experience. I didn't feel like I was equipping them with skills and so it just became overwhelming.” 

45:21 - How The Joyful Jewelry Box was created - “I took a hard left and then decided, instead of just designing jewelry on a whim, now I was doing remembrance and memorial jewelry to help other grievers honor and remember their loved ones.”

About the show

Host Lisa Keefauver, is a grief and empathy activist who holds an extensive grief resume herself, as a social worker, narrative therapist, grief guide, and widow. From CEOs and social workers to best-selling authors, educators, filmmakers, and stay-at-home moms, her guests open up about the complexity, confusion, and even confidence they have gained by navigating a grief journey of their own. To learn more about how Lisa is reimagining grief, sign up for her newsletter, follow on Instagram and Twitter or visit www.lisakeefauver.com today!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Lisa talks to British-Iranian poet Fad Jamal (Khorsandjamal) about the power of artistic expression in the process of grieving. Fad intertwines her love of nature, the losses she’s faced, both death and non-death, and the poetic notions and sensibilities of her Persian heritage and the Farsi language to explore love and loss in two volumes of poetry - Quixotic Nature and most recently, Reflections and Refractions.

Our conversation was so rich and expansive as we explored what nature has taught her about loss in its various forms and the ways in which metaphor and poetry has allowed her to explore the dark shadows of pain and grief. Fad brings forth such light, wisdom and hope, and even shares a few of her poems with us. I just can’t wait for you to meet her.

Reflection and Refraction by F Khorsandjamal

Quixotic Nature by F Khorsandjamal 

Reimagining Grief Newsletter Sign-Up

(03:29) - The cherry tree story: Fad’s first experience with grief

(16:39) - Numbness: False beliefs and assumptions about grief

(25:53) - Fad’s poetic Persian heritage and three of her beautiful poems: Numb, Carnival of Dark & Cabin

(35:02) - Writing poetry as a way to cope with loss

(40:30) - Don’t Sweep it under the rug!: How to honor and give space to different types of grief

(48:12) - Looking at darkness in the face and not letting it take over

If you love deep, honest, authentic conversations, get ready to love Grief is a Sneaky Bitch. Host Lisa Keefauver, is a grief and empathy activist who holds an extensive grief resume herself, as a social worker, narrative therapist, grief guide, and widow. From CEOs and social workers to best-selling authors, educators, filmmakers, and stay-at-home moms, her guests open up about the complexity, confusion, and even confidence they have gained by navigating a grief journey of their own. To learn more about the show and how Lisa Keefauver is reimagining grief, sign up for her not-so-regular newsletter, follow on Instagram and Twitter or visit www.lisakeefauver.com today!

We'd love to hear from you. Leave a rating and write a review today on Apple Podcasts

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Get ready y’all. This is an episode unlike any other I’ve had. My guest, Tawny Platis, is a voice actor, a comedian, host of her own podcast, and well, she uses dark humor as a tool to navigate the traumatic death of her husband George, who was just 29. We explored how Tawny uses her comedic instincts to help her navigate this tremendous loss, even just moments after she found her husband in a messy scene dead on the floor of their home. We talk about the expectations people have about how widows should behave and the discomfort and judgment some people feel when someone is grieving differently than them. We drop some truth-bombs about grief in general and young widowhood in particular. We do it all with humor, profanity AND sincerity and insight because, yes, we used all the tools at our disposal to talk about this difficult topic and you should too. I can’t wait for you to meet her.

Follow Tawny on Instagram, TikTok or check out her podcast Death is Hilarious 

(03:25) - Tawny’s first experiences with grief - “I remember being told not to be so emotional because I was being dramatic and I was making other people uncomfortable.”

(09:00) - Using comedy as a coping mechanism - “My family didn't really have a lot of love for me, but if I could make them laugh, it felt like they did. And then that extended towards everybody in my life.”

(11:30) - George’s terminal illness and finding unconditional love - “He told me right off the bat what was going on with him, that he could die at any moment. I was completely in love with him, it wasn't even a second thought to break up with him or to not pursue a relationship with him.”

(20:48) - Finding your own capacity to heal - “There's a black bag right there, and they're going to zip him up and take him away and I just go ‘I'm not really ready for you to take his body, but I guess if you don't, that kind of makes me liable to get into a Norman Bates situation here’. ”

(30:08) - Tawny and George’s podcast and how it evolved into Death is Hilarious - “If we hadn't shared so much I wouldn't have all of that recording to go back and visit. It reminds me it was real and it happened. He was real. What we had was real.”

(39:08) - Are you past it? Coping with people who don't show up for you - “So often people don't even bring it up now or they don't check on me because I'm making jokes about it, they see me getting jobs, they see me posting these episodes...”

(47:08) - Secondary loss and finding the right support system - “My girlfriends were able to do that. When I was in the mood to laugh, they crack jokes right alongside me, and when I was on the ground and I couldn't even make it to the couch they crawled down on the ground and just sat with me.”

Lisa Keefauver, founder of Reimagining Grief, holds an extensive grief resume herself, as a social worker, narrative therapist, grief guide, and widow. To learn more about the show and how Lisa Keefauver is reimagining grief, sign up for her not-so-regular newsletter, follow on Instagram and Twitter or visit www.lisakeefauver.com today!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Lisa was joined by Biological Anthropologist and author, Barbara J King, for an eye-opening and compassionate conversation about grief and love in the animal kingdom. They explored how Barbara has come to understand grief in the animal kingdom, how finding compassion for animals helps us be more compassionate to our fellow humans, and why this perspective requires us to call into question some of our most fundamental beliefs and behaviors. 

The author of seven books, including the new Animals’ Best Friends: Putting Compassion to Work for Animals in Captivity and in the Wild, Barbara focuses on animal emotion and cognition, the ethics of our relationships with animals, and the evolutionary history of language, culture, and religion. Her book How Animals Grieve has been translated into 7 languages and her TED talk on animal love and grief has now received over 3 million views. 

Barbara tweets about animals, science, and books @bjkingape.

Visit Barbara’s website

How Animals Grieve by Barbara J King

Grief and Love in the Animal Kingdom TED Talk

Animals Best Friends by Barbara J King

(03:38) - Barbara’s first experiences with grief - “It struck me very much how it seemed a little bit unwelcome to show that emotion and my parents didn't completely shy away from it, but yet it didn't seem completely natural either.”

(08:17) - Growing stronger in conviction and the cross-cultural variations of grief - “What we do in the United States, our overarching culture and our overarching traditions of tamping down our grief expressions, physically and emotionally is not the only way.”

(11:30) - Are humans exceptional? Barbara’s work with animal grief - “Animals need to see other’s bodies in order to get closure.”

(22:02) - Is grieving only a mammalian behavior? - “We don't necessarily expect to see grief and spiders or frogs or trout. This does not mean we shouldn't look, because of course 20, 30 years ago, we didn't think we would be seeing it in the variety of animals we're seeing it in now. “

(27:03) - The importance of having compassion for the animal experience

(39:49) - From researcher to animal activist: Barbara’s journey to animal compassion

(44:36) - Climate grief: How to turn compassion into action

To learn more about the show and how Lisa Keefauver is reimagining grief, sign up for her not-so-regular newsletter, follow on Instagram and Twitter or visit www.lisakeefauver.com today!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In today’s episode, I was joined by two incredible women, Rachel Carnahan-Metzger and Sierra Herbort. Rachel and Sierra are really special humans, who have both dedicated their careers to supporting children and families going through the most difficult times in their lives. Working at Dell Children’s Medical Center, Rachel serves as a pediatric palliative care social worker and Sierra as a Certified Child Life Specialist. They have made a career out of bearing witness, educating, and supporting families to be able to navigate the unimaginable, the death of a child. They do this every day with such compassion, such heart, and such wisdom. They bring that and more to today’s conversation. I can’t wait for you to meet them

(09:56) - Educating families through hard times: How to have conversations about death with children

(17:58) - Death play: Expressive ways in which kids understand death

(25:11) - How do you do it right?: Why the perfect conversation doesn't exist

(34:13) - Talking about a bad diagnosis and why it is okay not to disclose all the information

(42:42) - Dealing with questions: Best ways to guide and help children after a loss

(53:32) - On the roots of guilt and shame

Mustard by Charlotte Graeber

Healing Your Grieving Heart by Alan D Wolfelt, PhD for Children and teens

Fred & Red Say Goodbye  by Alan Schlichtman

Today’s episode is sponsored by Jae Kim, Founder and CEO of Chi’lantro BBQ (who was a guest on this show last season, Life Lessons From A Little Sister. Instead of telling you about their amazing food, he invited me to share one of my favorite non-profits with you. Visit the Phoenix Stone Foundation to learn how Ben and Heather are honoring the memory of their son Phoenix by supporting families facing childhood cancer treatment and the medical team who care for them.

If you love deep, honest, authentic conversations, get ready to love Grief is a Sneaky Bitch. Host Lisa Keefauver, is a grief and empathy activist who holds an extensive grief resume herself, as a social worker, narrative therapist, grief guide, and widow. To learn more about the show and how Lisa Keefauver is reimagining grief, sign up for her not-so-regular newsletter, follow on Instagram and Twitter or visit www.lisakeefauver.com today!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.