My guest Laurel Braitman is an absolute damn delight! In today’s episode we’re exploring her beautiful brand-new memoir What Looks Like Bravery: An epic journey through loss to love. I appreciate so much the humor, wisdom, and insight she brought to our conversation about the expansiveness of grief in her life, from the death of her father as a teenager, to lost loves, pets, a home in the wildfires of Northern California, and more recently the death of her mother. Her adventurous spirit, which has taken her all over the globe, shows up in our conversation and her approach to living fully in the wake of loss.

Laurel is a writer, teacher and secular, clinical chaplain-in-training. She wrote a NYT bestselling book Animal Madness: Inside Their Minds. She also has an amazingly cool job, one I would love to have – as the director of Writing and Storytelling at the Stanford School of Medicine’s Medical Humanities and the Arts Program where she helps clinical students, staff and physicians communicate more clearly and vulnerably for their own benefit and that of their patients.

Pick up a copy of What Looks Like Bravery: An Epic Journey Through Love and Loss at your favorite local bookstore or online here

(30:00) Laurel and I dive deep into how hyper-vigilance can show up for those of us who’ve experienced profound loss, in ways that don’t always make sense to others, or to ourselves for that matter.

(59:00) As we wrapped up our conversation, I asked Laurel to explore what she learned from the opportunity to be with her mom at the end of her life and how her parents love of storytelling was a gift to her and one she got to return to the them at the end of their lives.

@lisakeefauvermsw on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, YouTube and TikTok. Check out her tweets @lisakeefauver

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In this episode, my guest Daniel Wallace and I will explore his memoir, This Isn’t Going To End Well: The True Story Of A Man I Thought I Knew, a heart-wrenching and deeply vulnerable portrait of the life and loss of his seemingly perfect and impossibly cool hero. Our conversation explores his brother in laws rise in stature in Daniel’s imagination, the decades long friendship they forged, the movie-like adventures and mis-adventures William embarked on, the incredible care William offered Daniel’s sister as she battled a debilitating illness, and the shocking discovery of a version of William neither of them ever knew when they found his journals in the wake of his death by suicide.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Daniel Wallace is author of six novels, including Big Fish (1998), and Extraordinary Adventures (May 2017). In 2003 Big Fish was adapted and released as a movie, directed by Tim Burton, and then in 2013 became a Broadway musical. His novels have been translated into over three-dozen languages. Daniel Wallace is the J. Ross MacDonald Distinguished Professor of English at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, his alma mater. 

Pick up a copy of This Isn’t Going to End Well: The True Story of the Man I Thought I Knew  at your favorite local bookstore or online here

JUMP STRAIGHT INTO:

(23:00) Daniel helps us see what we often miss in our grief-avoidant culture, that friendship loss can be just as devastating a blow to our sense of the world and our place in it as any other kind of loss. His relationship with his brother-in-law William was more profound than he had realized until he set out to write this book.

(42:00) Daniel explores what his sister Holly did, and mostly didn’t know, about William’s struggles. He also explores how discovering William’s journals, and gaining insight into a version of him neither of them had known added a unique layer to their grief.

NEW MERCH ALERT

You asked, I answered. I finally created some GSB Podcast merch from tees to hoodies to coffee mugs, journals and stickers. Head over to the Grief Happens Shop at www.lisakeefauver.com/griefhappensshop

STAY CONNECTED

1)     SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCAST on your favorite platform so you don’t miss an episode. If you love the show, I’d love to invite you to leave a rating and write a review.

2)    INVITE ME TO YOUR INBOX to get behind-the-scenes on the podcast and all the grief support offered by our host, Lisa Keefauver. Sign up for her Not-So-Regular Newsletter at lisakeefauver.com/newsletter.

3)    IF YOU’RE FEELING SOCIAL, you can find her on all your favorite social channels too.

@lisakeefauvermsw on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, YouTube and TikTok. Check out her tweets @lisakeefauver

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From her pregnancy losses to accompanying her parents and aunt through Alzheimer’s to her work in human rights advocacy and the hundreds of people she’s sat with at the end of their lives as a hospice volunteer, my guest Barbara Becker, shares what she’s learned about the art of living with the end in mind.

She is the author of the extraordinary book Heartwood: The Art of Living with the End in Mind which won the Nautilus Gold Book Award and was featured by Katie Couric Media in her "Books That Will Change Your Life."

Both in her book, and in this episode, she offers us the wisdom she has gained as someone who has dedicated more than twenty-five years to partnering with human-rights advocates around the world in pursuit of peace and interreligious understanding. She has worked with the United Nations, Human Rights First, the Ms. Foundation for Women, and the Grameen Bank of Bangladesh, and has participated in a delegation of Zen Peacemakers and Lakota elders in the Black Hills of South Dakota. She is an ordained interfaith minister who bridges the sacred and the secular and has sat with hundreds of people at the end of their lives.

Pick up a copy of Heartwood: The Art of Living with the End in Mind  at your favorite local bookstore or online here

(20:00) Barbara shares what she’s learned about living with the end in mind from her colleagues in her work with global activism. I asked her to expand on a a particular story she shared in her book, about the lessons she learned from Console, a woman who survived the Rwandan Genocide.

(42:00) When we come back, Barbara shares what’s she’s learned in her work as a hospice volunteer about what it means to show up alongside someone in their suffering, and how that conflicts with our notion that it’s our job to fix, when it’s not.

@lisakeefauvermsw on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, YouTube and TikTok. Check out her tweets @lisakeefauver

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My guest, Colin Campbell is a writer and director for theater and film. He’s also written a truly powerful and personal exploration of grief, in his book, Finding The Words. In our conversation today, Colin shares his experience of losing both his children, Ruby and Hart when a drunk driver hit their car and changed a pleasant family outing into the worst day imaginable. He addresses the fear, pain, denial, guilt, rage, despair, and isolation that accompanies grief. You will also hear us explore the profound power of rituals and the impact of our words as we move forward with grief.

I absolutely devoured his book and delighted in our conversation. He offers so much wisdom about how we keep living when the worst happens to us. I truly can't wait for you to meet him.

Pick up a copy of Finding the Words  at your favorite local bookstore or online here

At the time of our conversation, he was speaking to me from New York as he was wrapping up performances of his creative response to loss called Grief: A One-Man Shitshow

(20:00) Colin explains that even though he considers himself an Atheist, he’s found so much help and healing in rituals. He has leaned on Jewish traditions, but her reminds us all that rituals don’t have to be related to organized religion to be beneficial in our grieving.

(43:00) Colin explains how and why he found the word Solace versus Healing, resonates more deeply for him as he moves forward with his grief. Like me, he focuses on the impact of our word choices and explains why healing doesn’t fit the mark for his experience of grief, nor his goals for his future.

You asked, I answered. I finally created some GSB Podcast merch from tees to hoodies to coffee mugs, journals and stickers. Head over to the Grief Happens Shop at www.lisakeefauver.com/griefhappensshop

1)     SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCAST on your favorite platform so you don’t miss an episode. If you love the show, I’d love to invite you to leave a rating and write a review.

2)    INVITE ME TO YOUR INBOX to get behind-the-scenes on the podcast and all the grief support offered by our host, Lisa Keefauver, by signing up for her Not-So-Regular Newsletter at lisakeefauver.com/newsletter.

3)    IF YOU’RE FEELING SOCIAL, you can find her on all your favorite social channels too.

@lisakeefauvermsw on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, YouTube and TikTok. Check out her tweets @lisakeefauver

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I’m thrilled to bring you my conversation with Rabbi Steve Leder. Steve is the senior rabbi of Wilshire Boulevard Temple in Los Angeles. He is the author of five books and in our conversation today, we explore his latest: For You When I Am Gone: Twelve Essential Questions to Tell a Life Story.

We explored so much from the wisdom we gain in the wake of loss, to the most important gifts we can give others – both in our lives and in our deaths.

Spoiler alert, it’s not our money, our record collections, or anything tangible – it’s our stories. He’s learned so much from his personal losses and from the decades he’s spent in his role as a Rabbi about what it is our loved ones will want from us when we’re gone. It’s such a generative and thought-provoking conversation, I can’t wait for you to listen!

Pick up a copy of For You When I’m Gone at your favorite local bookstore or online here

(24;24) Rabbi Steve Leder explains why our current system of the last words we leave our loved ones are the legal verbiage of a will is so profoundly problematic. That’s why he suggests creating an ethical will instead.

(46:00) Rabbi Steve Leder shares a beautiful phrase from the Talmud that is a reminder that we need one another. We can’t endure pain without community, without the caring support of others. Loss reminds us that we don’t need to navigate grief alone.

1)     SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCAST on your favorite platform so you don’t miss an episode. If you love the show, I’d love to invite you to leave a rating and write a review.

2)    INVITE ME TO YOUR INBOX to get behind-the-scenes on the podcast and all the grief support offered by our host, Lisa Keefauver, by signing up for her Not-So-Regular Newsletter at lisakeefauver.com/newsletter.

3)    IF YOU’RE FEELING SOCIAL, you can find her on all your favorite social channels too.

@lisakeefauvermsw on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, YouTube and TikTok. Check out her tweets @lisakeefauver

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Media Executive Michelle Hord, was no stranger to trauma. Having started her professional career as an award-winning producer on America’s Most Wanted, she expertly guided families through every facet of unthinkable crisis. Later, she covered heartbreaking stories while working at The Oprah Winfrey Show and Good Morning America. She sat with survivors of the unimaginable. When the unimaginable struck at home, when her daughter was murdered, her world changed forever.

In our conversation, just like in her beautiful book, The Other Side of Yet, Michelle has culled lessons learned from mental health experts, therapists, spiritual leaders, and survivors. Michelle offers a beautiful and emotional story about how to keep moving with bravery and defiant faith through life’s most challenging moments. Her hope and defiant faith are infectious. I can’t wait for you to meet her.

A note for listeners, while Michelle doesn’t go into detail, she does recount the day her child was murdered.

Pick up a copy of her beautiful book, The Other Side of Yet, at your favorite local bookstore or online here

(29:51) Michelle shares acts of meaningful grief support she experienced, including by others impacted by this same traumatic event.

(36:50) Michelle reflects on the importance of distinguishing what we do and don’t have control over in the wake of loss. She explores the importance of agency and choice in grieving as critical to healing.

(52:30) Michelle explains how she has grown to appreciate the importance of hope and defiant faith.

You asked, I answered. I finally created some GSB Podcast merch from tees to hoodies to coffee mugs, journals and stickers. Head over to the Grief Happens Shop at www.lisakeefauver.com/griefhappensshop

1. SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCAST on your favorite platform so you don’t miss an episode. If you love the show, I’d love to invite you to leave a rating and write a review.
2. INVITE ME TO YOUR INBOX to get behind-the-scenes on the podcast and all the grief support offered by our host, Lisa Keefauver, by signing up for her Not-So-Regular Newsletter at lisakeefauver.com/newsletter.
3. IF YOU’RE FEELING SOCIAL, you can find her on all your favorite social channels too.@lisakeefauvermsw on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, YouTube and TikTok. Check out her tweets @lisakeefauver

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What I quickly discovered in my conversation with my guest, Cyndie Spiegel today is that we are kindred spirits. We went deep and wide. We cussed. We laughed. We reflected on the both/and of life and loss and how microjoys are the gift we need in these times. Don’t worry, this isn’t toxic positivity, It’s the opposite. Microjoys invites us to make space for all the feels, including the accessible moments of joy that might be hiding in plain sight. I can’t wait for you to meet her.

Cyndie Spiegel is a bestselling author, and the founder of Dear Grown Ass Women -- a hyper-inclusive social community for women 35+. Cyndie's new book MICROJOYS: Finding Hope (Especially) When Life is Not Okay was born in 2020, an awful year for most that was especially awful for Cyndie. She lost her mother to cancer. Her nephew was murdered. Her sibling spent months in the hospital with a stroke and heart failure. And then she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Loss and grief came at her in crashing waves, and she found it nearly impossible to surface for happiness, except in small moments that she began to call "microjoys" -- little bits of beauty or pleasure or unexpected light amidst the darkness. Pick up a copy of Microjoys at your favorite local bookstore or online here

(11:45) – Cyndie explores why the power of positive thinking wasn’t enough after her own year of hell.

(28:00) – Cyndie and I explore that while being present with your grief is important, we all need respite from the deep emotions of grief. That’s where microjoys come in.

(49:11) - Host Lisa Keefauver reads an excerpt from Cyndie’s book, Microjoys about holding the paradox of darkness and light, and the need for us to stay awake for all of it.

You asked, I answered. I finally created some GSB Podcast merch from tees to hoodies to coffee mugs, journals and stickers. Head over to the Grief Happens Shop at www.lisakeefauver.com/griefhappensshop

1)     SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCAST on your favorite platform so you don’t miss an episode. If you love the show, I’d love to invite you to leave a rating and write a review.

2)    INVITE ME TO YOUR INBOX to get behind-the-scenes on the podcast and all the grief support offered by our host, Lisa Keefauver, by signing up for her Not-So-Regular Newsletter at lisakeefauver.com/newsletter.

3)    IF YOU’RE FEELING SOCIAL, you can find her on all your favorite social channels too.

@lisakeefauvermsw on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, YouTube and TikTok. Check out her tweets @lisakeefauver

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My guest in this episode is Fatema Jivanjee-Shakir. We met in 2022 when we were serving together on a Mental Health Panel for a large corporate event. The minute I heard her talk about the experiences of body grief, I knew instantly that I had a lot to learn from her and that my listeners did too. That’s why I’m thrilled to be sharing our conversation with you in this episode. She helps us understand the impact of culture on our sense of self and our body-image. We explore some of the many causes of body grief as well as some common maladaptive ways we cope with it.

Fatema Jivanjee-Shakir, LMSW is an eating disorder & body image therapist, writer, and speaker. Her work is strongly informed by the Health at Every Size perspective and intersectional approaches to healing. Fatema has a special interest in working with BIPOC clients. Fatema is a therapist at Conason Psychological Services and a Board Member of the International Association of Eating Disorder Professionals New York chapter.

Connect with Fatema on Instagram at @YourSouthAsianTherapist or find her on her website: fjshakir.com. Reach out to her for individual and couple’s therapy at www.conasonpsychologicalservices.com.

(19:11) – Fatema explores how cultural biases, including ageism, impacts our self-image and can impact our sense of our body, and the grief we experience over normal changes.

(29:15) – Sunita explores the secondary losses that can arise when we experience body grief as a result of all sorts of losses.

(45:00) - Fatema explains how the Body Mass Index (BMI) was invented and why it’s use is harmful, problematic, and can have real world negative consequences to our mental, emotional and physical health.

You asked, I answered. I finally created some GSB Podcast merch from tees to hoodies to coffee mugs, journals and stickers. Head over to the Grief Happens Shop at www.lisakeefauver.com/griefhappensshop

1)     SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCAST on your favorite platform so you don’t miss an episode. If you love the show, I’d love to invite you to leave a rating and write a review.

2)    INVITE ME TO YOUR INBOX to get behind-the-scenes on the podcast and all the grief support offered by our host, Lisa Keefauver, by signing up for her Not-So-Regular Newsletter at lisakeefauver.com/newsletter.

3)    IF YOU’RE FEELING SOCIAL, you can find her on all your favorite social channels too.

@lisakeefauvermsw on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, YouTube and TikTok. Check out her tweets @lisakeefauver

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sunita Puri is a Palliative Medicine physician and author of the incredible book That Good Night: Life and Medicine in the Eleventh Hour, a critically-acclaimed literary memoir examining her journey to the practice of palliative medicine, and her quest to help patients and families redefine what it means to live and die well in the face of serious illness. In this episode, she explores her experiences in palliative medicine, the role of spirituality and the sacred practice of accompanying someone in their pain and suffering, what it means to have a good death, and so much more. Just like in her writing and in her practice as a palliative physician, Sunita brings so much wisdom, warmth and insight to our conversation.

Dr. Sunita Puri is the Program Director of the Hospice and Palliative Medicine fellowship at the University of Massachusetts, where she is also an Associate Professor of Clinical Medicine. She completed medical school and residency training in internal medicine at the University of California San Francisco followed by a fellowship in Hospice and Palliative Medicine at Stanford. A graduate of Yale University and the recipient of a Rhodes Scholarship, her writing has appeared in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, Slate, JAMA, and, forthcoming, the New Yorker. She and her work have been featured in the Atlantic, People Magazine, PBS’ Christian Amanpour Show, NPR, the Guardian, BBC, India Today, and Literary Hub. She is passionate about the ways that the precise and compassionate use of language can empower patients and physicians to have the right conversations about living and dying. 

• I HIGHLY recommend buying her book That Good Night: Life and Medicine in the Eleventh Hour.
• Other guests who’ve explored aspects of this topic include Dr. BJ Miller and Social Workers Rachel Rusch and Rachel-Carnahan Metzger.

(14:00) – Sunita talks about how in her training she always gravitated towards “the why” – why is a particular intervention being given? To what end?

(33:15) – Sunita explores the importance of showing up as your authentic self – whether you’re the physician, a family member or a friend. It’s not about a perfect phrase or perfect act, it’s about showing up as you.

(44:00) - Sunita explores the importance of listening versus talking when accompanying someone who’s in pain or suffering. Recognizing the paternalistic approach of fix-it when it comes to patient’s emotions.

You asked, I answered. I finally created some GSB Podcast merch from tees to hoodies to coffee mugs, journals and stickers. Head over to the Grief Happens Shop at www.lisakeefauver.com/griefhappensshop

1. SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCAST on your favorite platform.
2. INVITE HER TO YOUR INBOX to get behind-the-scenes on the podcast and all the grief support offered by our host, Lisa Keefauver, by signing up for her Not-So-Regular Newsletter at lisakeefauver.com/newsletter.
3.  IF YOU’RE FEELING SOCIAL, you can find her on all your favorite social channels too.@lisakeefauvermsw on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, YouTube and TikTok. Check out her tweets @lisakeefauver

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I devoured her book, The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss last year and knew I needed to have a conversation with the author on this show. I’m grateful to share that late last year, I had the honor of sitting down with Mary-Frances to explore the fascinating work she has been doing studying the Grieving Brain. I’m 100% confident you will learn so much and appreciate the warmth and wisdom she brings to this conversation.

Mary-Frances O’Connor is an associate professor of psychology at the University of Arizona, where she directs the Grief, Loss and Social Stress (GLASS) Lab, which investigates the effects of grief on the brain and the body. O’Connor earned a doctorate from the University of Arizona in 2004 and completed a fellowship at UCLA. Her work has been published in the American Journal of Psychiatry, Biological Psychiatry, and Psychological Science, and featured in Newsweek, the New York Times, and The Washington Post.

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND buying her book, The Grieving Brain here at Amazon or any major booksellers. You can also learn more about her and her work by visiting her website: www.maryfrancesoconnor.org

(13:46) – Explains shift from understanding grief effect on physiology to effect on the brain

(21:-00) – Mary-Frances explains our need for attachment and security and what happens when we lose that relationship.

(36:45) – Explains how understanding how the brain maps our relationships and why each grief journey is unique 

(43:00) - Explains while it’s common for us to think about the shoulda, coulda, wouldas in loss, rumination is actually a form of avoidance. She offers some alternative ways to consider the loss.

You asked, I answered. I finally created some GSB Podcast merch from tees to hoodies to coffee mugs, journals and stickers. Head over to the Grief Happens Shop at www.lisakeefauver.com/griefhappensshop

1. SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCAST on your favorite platform so you don’t miss an episode. If you love the show, I’d love to invite you to leave a rating and write a review.
2. INVITE ME TO YOUR INBOX to get behind-the-scenes on the podcast and all the grief support offered by our host, Lisa Keefauver, by signing up for her Not-So-Regular Newsletter at lisakeefauver.com/newsletter.
3. IF YOU’RE FEELING SOCIAL, you can find her on all your favorite social channels too. @lisakeefauvermsw on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, YouTube and TikTok. Check out her tweets @lisakeefauver

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.