Grief Out Loud

Have you found it difficult to read anything longer than a paragraph since your person died? It's a phenomenon familiar, both personally and professionally, to Eleanor Haley, MS & Litsa Williams, MA, LCSW-C. Eleanor & Litsa started the What's Your Grief community back in 2012 as a way to create the kind of grief resources they most needed in their own lives and for the clients they supported. They just published their first book, What's Your Grief - Lists to Help You Through Any Loss, and it will come as no surprise that it's filled with lists designed to help you better absorb information about grief from death and non-death losses. If you missed Eleanor & Litsa's first appearance on Grief Out Loud, go back and listen to Ep. 22: Grief & Becoming a Parent.

We deliberated for a long time about whether it was appropriate for us to do an episode on pet loss. We know from those grieving the death of a person that it can hurt when someone tries to relate to their loss by sharing about their pet who died. We also know that grief is grief. Pets bring us joy and laughter and frustration and tears and love - just like humans do. In the end we decided to do this episode because we want to honor that for many people, their pets are family members, and the grief when one of them dies is real and valid and worthy of recognition and support. As our guest, Debrah Lee, Veterinary Well-Being Program Director for DoveLewis Veterinary and & Specialty Hospital, says, "These relationships matter." Mentioned in this episode: DoveLewis's Pet Loss Support Program Additional Resources

Día de Los Muertos, or "Day of the Dead," is a two-day holiday to remember family members and friends who have died. Día de Los Muertos has origins throughout Mexico and parts of Latin America, and is celebrated on November 1 and 2. The holiday is not a version of Halloween, but rather an enduring ritual celebrated since ancient times. Valenca Valenzuela, MSW, Volunteer Coordinator at Dougy Center, joins us to talk about the history of Día de Los Muertos, her personal connection to the holiday, and how people from all traditions can respectfully celebrate Día de Los Muertos by honoring and acknowledging its cultural origins. More about Dougy Center's Día de Los Muertos celebration. Valenca's previous Grief Out Loud appearance - Born For This Work. Movies mentioned in this episode: Coco & The Book of Life. History of Día de los Muertos. Día de Los Muertos, es una celebración de dos días que tiene como fin recordar a miembros de la familia y amigos que han muerto. Tiene sus orígenes en diferentes regiones de México y partes de América Latina, y se celebra el 1 y 2 de noviembre. Esta festividad no es una versión de Halloween, sino un ritual perdurable celebrado desde la antigüedad. Valenca Valenzuela, MSW, Coordinadora de Voluntarios del Dougy Center se une para hablar acerca de la historia de Día de los muertos, su conexión personal con esta celebración, y cómo la gente de todas tradiciones puede celebrar este día de manera respetuosa, honrando y reconociendo sus orígenes culturales. Más sobre la celebración del Día de los Muertos del Dougy Center. Participación previa de Valenca en Grief Out loud – Born For This Work (Nacida para este trabajo). Películas mencionadas en este episodio: Coco & The Book of Life (El Libro de la vida). Historia del Día de los Muertos.

Charlie Tull has two lives, but he's not deceiving anyone. There's his civilian one that he lives with his kids and family and there's his professional one that he spends with his firefighter family. In 2018, one of his fire family members, Eli, died of a heart condition. Three years later in 2021, another member of his fire family, Scott, died of COVID. Charlie's first reaction to both of these shocking and unexpected deaths was numbness. Then, he went underground with his grief. Over time though he realized he needed and wanted to honor Eli and Scott by talking about them - and about the grief and pain of their deaths.

Mark Chesnut is a NYC-based journalist, editor, and public speaker. His book, Prepare for Departure, Notes on a single mother, a misfit son, inevitable mortality, and the enduring allure of frequent flyer miles, is about love and care and acceptance – not the infamous acceptance from the 5 stages of grief – but the acceptance that can happen between a mother and son when one of their lives is coming to an end.

This episode travels to a lot of places, including: What Mark learned about grief from his mother after his father died. How those lessons shaped the way he approached caring for her and grieving her death. How Mark moved into a place of acceptance with his mother for the ways she responded when he came out to her as a young adult. The ways he dealt, and continues to deal with grief, even during the height of COVID, when he was unable to access his usual outlet, travel.

This was meant to be a story about grieving in a foreign land. A story about navigating cancer treatment and funeral planning in a different language. And, it is that story, but it it's also the story of the accumulation of loss and grief.

Rebecca was 22 when her mother died of cancer. She was 23 when her fiancé died in a car crash, leaving her with their two young children. In the 8 years since she's also had a number of family members and friends die. In talking with Rebecca, you would think she is decades older based on the number of deaths she's experienced.

This ended up being a story of grieving in a foreign land, of explaining death and grief to children as they grow older, and of finding ways to live with both joy and grief.

Note: thanks to long-distance recording and spotty internet, the sound is a little wonky at times.

This is a story about the people behind the numbers. A new study came out this week (September, 2022) estimating that 10.5 million children, across the globe, are grieving the death of a parent or caregiver from COVID-19. Lissa and Bryce's children are four of those. Bryce died in late December, 2021, after weeks in the hospital, receiving treatment for COVID-19. Throughout Bryce's illness and since his death, Lissa has done everything she can to answer her children's questions honestly and let them know they are in this together. She's also had to find ways to make space for herself to grieve her husband and all that they shared as a family. Here's that new study estimating the number of children impacted by COVID orphanhood/caregiver death.

Adam Stevens, RDT, (he/they), knows grief. He grew up in a family of five. A family that is now a family of one. Adam brings this deep knowing of grief to his work as the Program Manager for Bereavement and Mental Health Services at the Hetrick-Martin Institute (HMI), where he supports primarily BIPOC queer & trans youth in transforming grief & the pain of loss through creative arts therapy.

We talk about:

• How Adam came to work with grief & loss.
• What Drama Therapy is.
• Adam's work at Hetrick-Martin Institute supporting LGBTQIA+ youth in being seen and heard in their grief.
• The collective losses the youth they work with experienced through the COVID pandemic.
• The multi-faceted intersection of queer identity and grief.
• How Adam's personal grief has changed through this work.

Learn more about the Hetrick-Martin Institute and follow them on IG & Fbook.

Note: this episode mentions suicide. If you or someone you know is struggling. Please reach out for support. Crisis Text Line: text HELLO to 741741 The Trevor Project: text START to 678678 (for LGBTQ youth) The Trans Lifeline: (877) 565-8860

The word complicated came up a lot in this episode with Joe, whose dad died in 2017 after a decade of failing health. Joe's dad was a complicated guy. Joe's relationship with his dad was and continues to be complicated. So, it's unsurprising that Joe's grief since his dad died has been equally complicated. That grief has evolved over time, from numbness at the start to beginning to feel and express a full range of emotions. These days, Joe continues to reckon with the complexity of his dad and their relationship, while also making space for remembering the times and places where humor and happiness also lived.

Everett's spent the last few years trying to access and process the emotions that come with grief. Emotions that he learned to push aside when he was 12 and his father died. Emotions he didn't know how to make sense of in his early twenties when his brother died. Emotions he was better able to feel and express to when his grandmother died just this past winter. Grief doesn't happen in a vacuum and that is particularly true for those who have aspects of their identity that are marginalized by others. For Everett, growing up poor and being trans are two of these aspects that add layers to his grief. Layers that those who don't carry these aspects never even have to think about. Note: this episode mentions suicide. If you or someone you know if struggling, please reach out for support. National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: 988 TransLifeline: 1-877-565-8860 Crisis Text Line: text HELLO to 741741