Grief Out Loud

Maria Collins, Vice President of the New York Life Foundation, joins Grief Out Loud to discuss three new initiatives to support grieving children and their families: 1) The Golden Sweater, a children's book about grief, 2) Speaking Grief, a multi-platform public media project, produced by WPSU, and 3) The Brave of Heart Fund which provides direct monetary support to children and families of those who die working on the front lines of the COVID-19 pandemic. Knowing that the COVID-19 pandemic disproportionately affecting communities of color, especially the Black and Latinx communities, and that these communities also face economic disparities and a lack of access to services, the Brave of Heart Fund is a vital resource.

Resources Download The Golden Sweater children's book Learn more about The Brave of Heart Fund Watch a trailer for Speaking Grief New York Life Foundation's Ask the Experts series COVID-19 School & Community Resources Grief Sensitive Schools Initiative

How would you tell your children that their father murdered their grandparents? This is the heartbreaking question Jenn, whose children were 6 and 10 at the time, faced when she got the news that her ex-husband killed his parents. This is the story behind the facts that we read in the news. The story of three people navigating grief that changed every aspect of their lives. It's also a story of love. Of anger. And of hope.

If you or someone you love is affected by abuse and needing support, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or if you're unable to speak safely you can log onto thehotline.org or text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.

Tips for Supporting Children & Teens Grieving a Murder or Violent Death. After a Murder Workbook.

What does it mean to integrate grief into your life? To respond to it as something that doesn't need to be fixed or eradicated? Mari Gonzalez is the co-founder of the Grief Rites Foundation and creator of workshops and classes for those dealing with grief. We discuss how grief shaped so much of Mari's life - from her career choices to how she engages with the world. We also talk about what's coming up in her grief related to the current COVID-19 pandemic.

Be sure to check out the Grief Rites Foundation to learn more about their monthly reading series (now offered virtually) and Mari's website, The Grief Revolution.

Paula Becker is an author and mother of three. Her memoir, A House on Stilts, Mothering in the Age of Opiod Addiction, chronicles how she and her family navigated her oldest son, Hunter's, struggles with substance use. Paula and her husband Barry braced themselves, many times, for the reality that Hunter's addiction might end his life. Then, in 2017, while riding a bus from their hometown of Seattle to the Bay Area of California, Hunter was hit and killed by the driver of the bus, as he attempted to re-board after a rest stop. Paula and Barry filed a wrongful death suit which, after two years, led to a jury declaring the bus driver and company were responsible for Hunter's death. Paula talks about Hunter, the grief she faced throughout his struggle with substance use, how she and her husband learned to make space for one another's grief, and what it was like to be so public with that grief during the trial.

In Ep. 143 we talked with Paige about step-parenting grieving children and in this one, we talk with one of her children, 17-year-old Chloe. Chloe was 14 when her mother Danielle died of colon cancer. After Danielle died, Chloe and her younger sister moved in full-time with their dad and Paige. Chloe talks about honoring her mom on Mother's Day while also celebrating Paige, what it's like to help her younger sister carry on the legacy of their mom, and why sometimes talking about grief with the people we are closest to can be overwhelming.

Listen to Ep. 143 with Paige. For additional resources on navigating Mother's Day, visit The Dougy Center.

Want to join us on Friday, May 8th at 6 pm (PST) for Reflection, our annual Benefit? We're going virtual! Learn more here.

This mini-episode shares two emails from listeners and how to participate in The Dougy Center's annual Reflection Benefit & Auction. This year, Reflection is going virtual which means everyone can participate from around the globe! Reflection funds nearly half of The Dougy Center's peer support group program and allows us to create resources like our Tip Sheets and this podcast.

The virtual livestream program is May 8, 2020 at 6:30 p.m. PDT and the event will culminate with the drawing of the winning Porsche Boxster Raffle ticket. Join us early! The pre-cast will begin at 6 p.m. and you can make sure everything is working smoothly before the program starts at 6:30 p.m.

Step 1: Before the event, you will need to register. Here's how.

Step 2: On May 8, you will need to join the event on two devices — one for the livestream and one for the online bidding platform. Watch the livestream program on The Dougy Center's public Facebook page. The online bidding platform can be found here.

Step 3: It's more fun with friends! Here's information on how to host a ZOOM party or Facebook Watch party.

How would the world be different if grief was universally understood as a natural reaction to loss and not something that needs to be fixed or taken away? Lindsey Whissel Fenton is working to create that world through Speaking Grief, a public media initiative designed to raise grief awareness. The initiative is a multi-element project that includes a one-hour documentary, Speaking Grief, that debuts on public television on May 5th, 2020. Lindsey talks about the project's inspiration and how months spent interviewing grieving people from across the country now influences how she sees her own grief and how she shows up for those she cares about.

Speaking Grief website & trailer.

Want to watch the full documentary? Check your local public television station listing for air dates!

In May of 2015, Jayson Greene's first child, Greta, had just turned two and was spending the day with her grandmother, Susan. While she and Susan were sitting on a bench in Manhattan, a piece of masonry fell from a building, hitting them both. Susan survived, but Greta did not. From the first days of grief, Jayson turned to writing, documenting all that was unfolding. These initial writings became his stunning memoir, Once More We Saw Stars. We talk about Greta, grief, and parenting Jayson's second child, Harrison.

Being a step-parent is complicated under the best of circumstances, but what happens when your children's other parent dies? Paige Smith was just settling into her new family with her husband and his two children that he co-parented with his ex-wife, Danielle, when they got the news that Danielle had been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. When Danielle died and the girls moved in Paige and her husband, Paige found herself entering the new role of full-time mother, but without the support and guidance of Danielle. We talk about how Paige and her husband, together with their girls, are working to honor Danielle's memory and navigate grief individually, and as a family.

Dr. Tashel Bordere has spent years researching the grief experience of black youth affected by homicide and gun violence. While many grieving people can relate to their grief being disregarded, for black youth and youth with marginalized identities, their grief not only goes unacknowledged, but is often penalized. Their behaviors and reactions, which are normal responses to grief, are met not with support and understanding, but with negative labels and punishment. This results in a concept Dr. Bordere has identified as suffocated grief and is rooted in systems of oppression and discrimination. Dr. Bordere, PhD, CT is a Certified Thanatologist and Assistant Professor of Human Development & Family Science at the University of Missouri. She is also a Robert Wood Johnson Forward Promise Fellow and the author of numerous research papers and publications focused on black youth affected by homicide, gun violence, and race-based trauma.

To learn more about Dr. Bordere's work:

S.H.E.D. Grief Tools (MU Extension) Video Website

Handbook of Social Justice in Loss and Grief (Harris & Bordere, 2016)

Recent Publication: Bordere, T. (2019). Suffocated grief, resilience, and survival among African American families. In M. H. Jacobsen & A. Petersen's (Eds.), Exploring grief: Towards a sociology of sorrow. New York: Routledge.

Recent Presentation: Grief, Bereavement, and Death at a Distance: Perspectives on the impact to the community (COVID-19). Presented through the Association for Death Education and Counseling.