I used to describe my husband as being like a guard dog. Always on high alert, looking for any threat to his territory, just waiting to pounce, eager to attack, hyper-sensitive, hyper-alert, always on the prowl.

The first place that I really identified this was regarding our kids. He would sit outside of the room they were playing in, listening and just waiting for them to do something, anything wrong. Then he would pounce on them. He would come boiling in, full steam, so harsh at them, as if what just happened was the worst thing on the face of the earth.

Why do they do this?

So they can have someone or something to blame for their anger. As I have said, the anger is already there. It is always there. But now they have a reason. And once that reason wears off, they have to have another reason. They watch for that reason, for that justification so they don’t carry the blame for their own anger.

Quit trying to do everything perfect for this abusive person in your life. No matter what, they are always going to find a reason to be mad. Remember the anger is already there and actually has nothing to do with you and your actions. They are going to be mad anyways, whether you say or do this or that. It really doesn’t matter. So quit living your life trying to appease that. Quit carrying the blame for their constant anger. That’s not on you!!

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I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

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Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

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