Hand in Hand Parenting: The Podcast

Am I doing this right? How do I know what to do? Why do I freeze when I want to use the tools?

We hear these questions more often than you might imagine from parents who are using the Hand in Hand approach.

So for this last episode of the season, Emily and Kathy delve into how second guessing and doubt about connected parenting stems from our own childhoods, as well as what to do so you know for sure you doing a great job.

This episode is for you if you are new to the tools and want some guidance, if you dream of being a connected and gentle parent but doubt you can, or if you find yourself stuck on what tool to use and how when your child's behavior gets tough to handle.

Come listen as Emily and Kathy share support and wisdom for your journey into connected parenting.

• Love the idea of gentle parenting but get stuck as soon as behavior gets tricky? Learn why.

• A refresher on why connection works to gain cooperation and flipping the script on "getting a child to do something," thinking…

• More about why these tools work best when you can use them in tandem, so that you can dance from one to another as the moment calls

• Why it can help to think of this parenting approach as a practice where you and your children both learn to read each other's emotional cues and partner together

• Celebrating the loud messy moments as progress as well as the breakthroughs

• The one guiding belief you should adopt: Lead with connection and you WILL NEVER "get it wrong."

Emily and Kathy address a parent question from the surprised parent of a child who has started hitting out at other kids.

This child, like many others who lash out, has not grown up around hitting or seen it modelled elsewhere, so the parent is confused about where the behavior is coming from and how to address it.

Listen in as Emily and Kathy share how a current situation can activate a child's past fears or scary experiences and propel them into a "fight" mode that feels protective.

Learn how to reach under those hurts and heal them so that the behavior stops, without any harsh words or punishments.

If you have a child who is hitting or lashing out, discover how to address hitting, kicking or other aggressive behaviors with the support and lightness it takes to make it stop.

• Why a child's aggression does not mean that they are bad kids, but is purely a symptom of their emotional system flipping into a protective state.

• Looking at changes in your circumstances or routines to figure out what's causing the emotional system to signal "danger."

• How to set limits with a child who lashes out using words and actions in-tune with their emotional state.

• Why it pays to focus on your child's feelings in the moment rather than reasoning with them or giving advice.

• Ways you can access the calm and reassurance you need to guide your child through this stage and shift the behavior.

Today, Emily and Kathy are joined by Hand in Hand's founder Patty Wipfler, who shares her insights for parents on how to support their children when they have chosen to divorce.

As a new family dynamic forms, it is natural for children to experience a range of emotions during separations and divorces, even when terms have been friendly.

Patty shares unexpected behaviors children can display, as well as practical and connecting tips about how to respond so your child feels supported and hopeful during this challenging time.

Join Patty, Emily and Kathy for a warm and insightful look into what children can say, do and need after a divorce.

• Why kids are not able to tell you they are having a hard time, and the surprising behaviors you may see instead.

• Tuning in when your child's behaviors or habits change and responding to them supportively.

• Why swift, warm, limit-setting can be a valuable gift for children during times of stress and worry.

• Other ways you can prepare and repair after your child returns from another parent's home.

• How to reframe your child's upsets, moodiness, or mean words as "gold" you can expect and even welcome – and how this is a real help to your kids and helps them build trust and resilience

This week Emily responds to a parent question: "Does birth order make a difference to how you use the Hand in Hand tools?" and calls on mom of three, licensed counsellor and Hand in Hand Instructor Summer Sheldon to help answer.

Listen in to hear how you can adjust the Hand in Hand tools for each of your children, based on their personality, traits and needs.

You'll hear about common traits that seem to be shared by oldest and youngest kids and how to assess their true needs.

• How older kids often align with the adult role, and how to encourage their "kidness."

• Why your younger child could benefit from extra expectations-holding and limit setting.

• Welcoming more off-track behavior from an older or more responsible kid, so that they know their needs and emotions not only count but can be loveable.

• Unplanting "don't be a burden" seeds and sowing "I believe in you!" seeds.

• Noticing and nurturing a middle child (even though both hosts this week are middle children, addressing them almost slipped under the radar!)

It's fairly easy to tell when a toddler's emotional system has taken over. Tantrums. A toddler will yell when they don't get the blue cup or can't take another cookie, and then scream, throw themselves on the floor, or send something crashing.

Not so with tweens and teens.

In fact, the way they signal their upset can feel very much more like a criticism or a complaint that invites us to offer some advice or reflection – which can lead to disaster.

"I hate you."

"You never listen."

"You just don't get it."

Followed by cold, hard silence.

Which is why this week Emily and Kathy are talking about how to help tweens and teens feel heard so that they can offload the many pressures they feel safely and get back to clear thinking.

Emily calls it the "zip lips, bite tongue and sit on hands technique," that gives older kids the support they need to build confidence and resilience.

If you are already familiar with Staylistening to your younger child, and want to know how this changes as they grow older, or you are new here, and looking for responsive strategies for supporting your tween or teen, listen in.

• How to know when to listen and when to offer reassurance.

• The signals you can look out for that show a tween or teen is not thinking well, and just needs you to listen.

• Why hot words aren't meant to be taken personally, and one thing you can do if you find your tween or teen's offloading triggering.

• How tears diffuse the feelings behind hot words, and how to make the transition

• How parents can listen without agreeing with a child's complaints

In this episode, Emily and Kathy sit down with Dr. Lawrence J Cohen, a Nappa Gold -award winning author of Playful Parenting and a play therapist. Dr. Cohen is a strong advocate for physical play and roughhousing, and how it can positively impact children and adults.

Dr. Cohen talks about how roughhousing can make your day so much better in just a few seconds, through shared laughter and connection. Plus, how it can help children build problem-solving skills, confidence, and work through anxiety and fear.

Listen in and hear how you can sprinkle in play through your day, and all feel a little lighter.

• Game suggestions for beginners to roughhousing, like "Can't Get Past Me," and advice for parents who find play hard.

• Slow-motion combat a game that is great for slowing down the nervous system and reconnecting.

• Ideas for parents who are unable to get too physical (or just feel too pooped).

• Quick and playful connectors for tweens and teens

• And Missions – which helps kids confront fears

Sometimes it feels like our tweens and teens are living on a different planet. How are we supposed to know exactly what they need from us?

That's exactly what Emily asks play expert and Hand in Hand instructor Kirsten Nottleson this week.

Listen in to hear how to decode tween and teen behavior, keep relationships warm, and connection strong. Because although they may act like they don't need or value your caring, tweens and teens still need you close.

• How to give the downtime your child needs without them feeling isolated.

• Decoding tween and teen calls for attention, and responding well when your child has stopped begging you to play or "look at me."

• Ways to add sparkle, smiles and warmth to everyday interactions.

• Retuning Special Time with older kids, so you still enjoy doses of delight in each other.

• Why your persistence in connecting matters & adopting an "experimentor" mindset.

There's an idea out there that a good parent is serene, caring, all-knowing-never-cross creature…

It's such a fairytale fantasy.

The reality really is so much more human. It's messy. It's awesome. It's draining, delightful, sometimes dreadful and so on: Parenting demands the full spectrum of human emotion for many, many, years.

And we're sorry to break the news but it turns out a human can't alway be perfect for that much time!

Sometimes the stress and heaviness of a phase of development or certain behaviours just bring us to our knees because we're triggered or because we don't have the support or skills in place to respond to them with intention the way we to it just happens.

The way to weather these difficult moments is to get really good at repairs and apologies.

In today's podcast, we invite you to hear about the many ways you can reconnect with your child and make repairs after you lose your cool.

These ideas are heartening and restorative – and every parent deserves to know them. If you have more then we'd love to hear from you.

• How to shift away from frustration and anger before you get overwhelmed

• Two strategies you can use to blast away stress in the moment when things get heated -and you can't get to a listening partner.

• Why involving your other senses can be so helpful when you need to cool down.

• Soothing mantras and reframes you can use to recenter.

This week Emily and Kathy are talking about overcoming feelings of parent guilt.

Parent guilt can creep up on us, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and questioning our parenting abilities.

And while that desire to want to do everything perfectly is often born out of love for your child, mixed messages from the media, and old messages from your childhood can leave you feeling anxious and worrying that everything you do is wrong.

Join Emily and Kathy as they offer some guidance on how to shed those negative feelings and replace them with a sense of understanding and self-love.

So, take a deep breath, relax, and join us for an empowering journey of overcoming parent guilt.

After listening to this episode, you'll have ideas for shedding the guilt so you'll feel more confident in your parenting abilities and free to enjoy more precious moments with your children.

• Why early patterns and messages you picked up as a child can increase your feelings of guilt as a parent, plus how to use Hand in Hand's Listening Partnerships tool to shed that guilt.

• Why giving ourselves grace in our parenting is so important – and how to get started.

• One thing you can do everyday to nix the feeling you aren't doing enough.

• Banishing the "I shoulds," to restore more presence with your kids and patience for yourself.

When we approach parenting with a sense of playfulness, it can make all the difference. Play has the power to melt away tension, create a culture where mistakes are okay, and leave us feeling more open and flexible.

And yet, the burdens of daily life can leave us feeling heavy.

Plus, how can you possibly be playful when your child asks "why," for the millionth time, or snatches away a cookie you already said no to?

It's possible – and it makes parenting feel a whole lot lighter.

That's why, in this podcast, Emily and Kathy explore how you can incorporate more play into your parenting, from books you can read to games you can play.

If you want to go from drab to fab, why not join us this week.

Come find out how to nurture your funny bone, have some fun and get playful with your kids!

• Who is your comedy mentor? And why identifying one is so helpful.

• Feeling crabby? Act crappy! Emily shares how this game can be used whenever your patience is low.

• Where to look for more play inspiration.

• Does play leave you feeling powerless? Learn to indulge it and make it your superpower.