Healing For Love

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Over the years, Gemma and Justine have had many clients, mostly women, with some insecure attachment styles. Those clients have a pattern of being attracted to and forming relationships with aloof, inconsistent, unreliable, emotionally depriving, or emotionally unavailable people. They sometimes feel the lack and become aware of what they are not getting from the relationship. Yet something about the relationship dynamic resonates with them subconsciously, so they tend to stay in it. 

Often, they do not know where they stand in their relationship, and they tend to become fraught with insecurity. They become preoccupied with what they are NOT getting and stay in the unsatisfying relationship, wishing and hoping that their partner will change, become more available, and eventually meet their needs.   

People in relationships driven by schema chemistry mostly do not get their emotional needs met. To get a different outcome, they would have to avoid being seduced by the chemistry and learn to judge their relationship and partner according to different criteria. 

In this episode, Justine and Gemma explore some of the barriers associated with change and overcoming schema chemistry. They discuss why it is so hard for some people to make different decisions and avoid getting swept up in schema chemistry.  

Stay tuned for more!

For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

Recommended books: Reinventing Your Life by Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young 

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

We are talking about schema chemistry in this episode!

Have you ever been swept away in the excitement of a new relationship soon after meeting someone? Perhaps you cannot stop thinking about the person and believe they are perfect for you because it feels like you have known them all your life. It might feel amazing initially, but over the next few weeks or months, things start to unravel. You may begin to feel some pangs of uncertainty and insecurity. You might feel disconnected, unseen, or afraid of losing them. Eventually, the relationship fizzles out, and you feel devastated even though you were not together for long, and you wonder what is happening.

Romantic relationships tend to be loaded with potential patterns of repetition and baggage from the past. Often, we are not even aware of it. Usually, the more intense the romantic chemistry, the less likely you will have your emotional needs met and the more unsuitable that person will be for you in the long term. 

In this episode, we dive into the interactions between schemas and modes. Stay tuned to uncover the hidden reason why your relationships don't work out, find out how your schemas and modes can influence your romantic relationships, and learn what you can do to avoid getting stuck in unhealthy relationship patterns! 

For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In schema therapy, the therapist sometimes engages with the client in different ways through limited re-parenting as part of the therapeutic relationship.

In this episode, we will be talking about how we can re-parent ourselves. Re-parenting is something almost everyone can do because we all have the necessary emotional resources within us. 

If you take the time to tune in, you can easily tap into your inner emotional resources and help yourself through re-parenting. In this episode, we dive into what reparenting means, how you can do your own re-parenting, and what you need to consider when thinking about re-parenting yourself.

If you are dealing with mental health issues or recovering from core schemas around abandonment, emotional deprivation, mistrust abuse, defectiveness, or any other schema set up early in life, you will gain a lot from this show. Stay tuned for more!

For confidential information, counselling, and support service go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Subjugation is common in our society, particularly amongst women and people in the helping professions. 

Subjugation is relevant within schema therapy. Yet it tends to be grossly under-examined and under-rated as a schema because it is generally considered secondary or conditional to the core or unconditional schemas like the abandonment schema, the Emotional Deprivation schema, or the mistrust abuse schema, all of which are developed very early in life.   

Schemas are fascinating because they can influence many aspects of how we behave. To compensate for our unmet emotional needs, we may fall into adaptive compensatory patterns and suppress our needs and sense of self. Or we may take care of others or go along with more dominant individuals to feel accepted, avoid abandonment, or gain approval. 

In this episode, Gemma continues with and expands on the topic of living a subjugated life. She dives into why so many people have what may be referred to as the trifecta of other-directedness- self-sacrifice, people-pleasing, and approval seeking. She also talks about the adaptive processes children go through, to survive a domineering parent, discusses the subtle differences between people pleasing and approval seeking, and explains what you should focus on if you are an approval seeker. Stay tuned for more! 

For confidential information, counselling, and support service go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

When we subjugate ourselves, we suppress our authenticity and aspects of who we are. In schema therapy, the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas are called other-directed schemas. Those schemas appear similar in that they are both subjugating schemas, but there are some key differences.

We tend to suppress our needs when we want to care for others. We suppress our views and desires when we are afraid of getting hurt or angering someone. People-pleasers are always looking out for the other person and want to please someone if they feel guilty or scared of what that person might do.  Subjugation schemas, like all other schemas, are on a spectrum and a continuum. The good news is that subjugation schemas are treatable, workable, and malleable. So if we look at what is going on with those schemas, we can change them. 

In this episode, Gemma talks about schemas related to people-pleasing and gets into the subtle details of people-pleasing, subjugation, and self-sacrifice. She pulls those concepts apart and explains how they are related and what they mean. If you have a self-suppression of subjugation pattern in your life, stay tuned to find out what could be going on with you.

For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode, we continue with our two-part series on the Netflix production, The Tinder Swindler.

In the first part, we spoke about the schemas and modes of the scammer in the movie. He is a con artist who meets women on Tinder and then persuades them to lend him vast sums of money. 

In the second part, we focus on the women, or the victims, in The Tinder Swindler. We look at victim-blaming and unpack why people on social media tended to blame the women in the movie. We also discuss some other types of love scams exposed in the media, examine the findings of various social studies and experiments, and talk about catfishing- all of which are related. 

Victim blaming has been going on in our society for a long time. Stay tuned to learn what it is and why it tends to happen. 

For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode, we are talking about red flags. 

The Netflix movie, The Tinder Swindler, shows an extremely nasty example of an emotionally unavailable man. The movie is scary but riveting. It tells the story of a con man who persuades women he meets on Tinder to lend him large sums of money. Even though the character in the movie is an extreme version of what an emotionally unavailable man might be like, it helps to make things clear when we take his personality apart and scrutinize it from a schema perspective.

In this two-part series, we deconstruct the program of someone emotionally unavailable. In today’s episode, we dissect the personality of the con man in the movie from a schema perspective. In Part 2, we will take a closer look at the dynamics of what is going on with the women- or the victims. We will also break down and explain what happens psychologically with the victim-blaming and bitterness targeted towards those women. 

Learning to recognize red flags early on will help you make better decisions when trying to find a partner or help you understand what might be going on with the person you are dating. Stay tuned for more!

For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

 *** Trigger Warning:  This podcast discusses the issue of emotional eating and mentions words like 'body fat' & 'central obesity' *****

Content in this podcast in no way constitutes medical or nutritional advice.  This episode does not constitute, nor is it intended to be, psychological (or other) advice for those people who have struggled with a serious eating problem or eating disorder in the past or currently.

Dear Listeners, please note that in this episode we share our personal experience with food, food choices and schemas and we discuss things like 'emotional eating' and 'comfort food'.  Struggles with food, especially 'stress eating' and using food as an emotional comfort, are very common in our society.   However, please remember that we are all very unique, beautiful individuals who are on our own journey in this life and we all face our own particular issues & struggles. 

What is our intention with this episode and others like it? Please know that we do put a little thought into our episodes and we want only the best for you!  With these discussions on food and schemas we have a few intentions.  The main one being, that we hope to normalise the struggle with food that so many people experience.  One of our aims with our podcast in general is to be real and honest and also provide people with hope and empowerment as well as destigmatizing mental health issues and unhelpful mental health labels. 

This food series is about looking at the ways our schemas and modes can pose a barrier and can sabotage our health-based decisions and choices.  We are not giving advice about what to do, rather, we are providing a discussion around the role schemas and parts of self can play when we attempt to make health-based decisions for ourselves.   It can be valuable to look through the issue with a schema lens and help name certain parts of ourselves and the role they play. 

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Parenting is not easy. It is even harder for those raised by narcissistic parents because that is a particularly toxic way to rear a child. 

In this episode, Gemma and Justine answer a mailbox question from a listener brought up by a mother with narcissistic traits. Even though the listener acknowledges that her mother loved her, and did her best, some of what she said and did still impacted her life and mental health. As a result, she sometimes lacks empathy for her children and finds herself saying or doing the same things her mother would have done. She feels a lot of guilt and shame because of that.

In this episode, we dive into what you need to do as a parent if you were raised by someone with narcissistic traits and want to avoid rearing your children in the same way. We take a close look at the things you have to be mindful of and do that narcissistic parents struggle with or tend not to do.  Stay tuned to find out what to do and how to cope if you were under-parented or had narcissistic parents, and then become a parent yourself.
 
For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

Additional resource: John Gottman’s Emotional Coaching

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In our last podcast, we spoke about what an abandonment schema might look like generally when dating someone. In this episode, we follow that by taking a more specific look at the different coping styles people tend to use when their abandonment schema gets triggered in a dating situation. 

Our schemas get triggered when certain things happen. When triggered, strong emotions arise, and we feel compelled to respond in a certain way to cope. Schema therapy clearly explains three common responses people have after getting triggered. One of them falls into the broad category of avoidance. Another is surrendering or resigning to what happened. The third is overcompensating, sometimes also referred to as counterattack. 

In this episode, we discuss the three different ways people cope with the intense feelings that surface when their abandonment schema gets activated. We give some examples of what each response might look like, focusing particularly on those that come up when an abandonment schema gets triggered. We discuss ways to change your response patterns, explain the importance of learning to understand how you react and talk about the potential consequences of the different coping styles. Stay tuned for more!

For confidential information, counselling, and support service go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

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Connect with Me

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Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here