Healing For Love

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

We are talking about the unrelenting standards schema in this episode.

The unrelenting standards schema is closely related to perfectionism. People with an unrelenting standards schema tend to have very high expectations of themselves that do not change, regardless of the situation they are in. They are constantly striving for standards, and when they don't meet them, it can be very distressing. Some people become so good at meeting high standards that their lives become extremely stressful. 

Recovery from most schemas can be an ongoing process because the brain will always respond when triggered and return to a place it has been many times before. With therapy or coaching, the strength of the signal will weaken, the pain of your experience will lessen, and you will be quick to observe your schema and deal with it. 

In this episode, Gemma and Justine explain what an unrelenting standards schema is, what lies underneath it, and where it originates. They also get into how it feels, how different people cope with it, and ways to normalize it. Stay tuned for more!

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

We are doing a mailbox episode today! 

Someone we will call Sam sent in a thoughtful and vulnerable email after listening to and resonating with something we mentioned in our episode on narcissistic mothers.

Sam is an overseas listener who grew up with two narcissistic parents. He has a brother and a younger sister who he describes as his mother’s narcissistic “mini-me”. 

In the podcast, we mentioned that being parented by a narcissist could squash your natural light, and someone with that psychological history might not even know who they truly are. Sam resonated with something similar when he first learned about the inner child and heard of the chronic emptiness felt by those who have had to assume inauthentic selves in early childhood as a result of conditional love. He has been living with a similar ache which is sometimes debilitating- even with medication and a healthy lifestyle. So he asked if we could do an episode on recovering that squashed light and share some advice on how people with chronic depression can regain their vitality.

Books mentioned in the podcast:  Books by John Bradshaw

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode, Gemma does a solo episode on what you need to know if you have an abandonment schema and find yourself getting triggered in a relationship.

We, as humans, are wired to be cared for by others and form strong physical and emotional attachments. We depend on our early attachments, so if those attachment needs are unfulfilled, interrupted, or severed, we could develop an abandonment schema.

An abandonment schema can wreak havoc in our relationships, especially romantic ones. It can get in the way of thinking clearly and making healthy decisions when we start a new relationship. It can even capture our emotions entirely and send us down all kinds of rabbit holes.

In this episode, Gemma dives into three different categories people fall into when they have an abandonment schema and get triggered in a relationship. Stay tuned to find out how to work out what is going on with you if you have an abandonment schema and feel anxious about a new relationship.

For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

Recommended book: Reinventing Your Life by Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Gemma and Justine both have a history of working in mental health settings in psychiatric research. 

A while back, someone referred to Gemma by a psychiatrist arrived with a diagnosis of treatment-resistant depression and all query bipolar disorder. Working with Gemma over time, he understood what was driving his mood and chronicity from a schema perspective. He also realized how his history of complex trauma impacted how he generally felt in life. None of that had been considered in his previous treatment plan. Instead, there was a focus on labels and diagnoses. 

In a recent conversation with Gemma, he reflected on how unhelpful that diagnostic labeling had been for him. He is not depressed currently and has never had bipolar, even though he had been diagnosed with it.

In this episode, Justine and Gemma explain why you are not your diagnosis. They dive into the pros and cons of diagnoses and talk about how schema therapy can help people gain a deep, nuanced, and accurate understanding of why they feel the way they do. Stay tuned for more!

For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

This episode is an encore replay of Episode 20, which was a popular episode for our listeners. 

We have another podcast in our series on narcissism for you. For today, we will stay with the topic of the narcissistic parent and discuss the types of relationships you might be having with your narcissistic parent and the kind of dynamics you might find within that relationship. Clinically, we tend to see four categories of those kinds of relationship dynamics. In this episode, we will go into some detail about each of those categories. Stay tuned for more.

The first dynamic that we see quite often is where you get stuck in constantly clashing with your parent. In the second category, you don’t fight very much with your parent, you tend to accept things as they are, and you do a lot of internalizing. The third category is the estrangement category, where we see those who have deliberately chosen to cut themselves off from their narcissistic parent. And the fourth category is where you attempt to manage your narcissistic parent. Sometimes, some of those categories tend to overlap. Be sure to listen in today to find out more detail about each of the four different categories of relationship dynamics that you might find yourself in with your narcissistic parent. 

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ABOUT THE PODCAST

The Good Mood Clinic podcast focuses on our passion for Schema Therapy and how it transforms lives for the better. We talk about all things to do with Schema Therapy so you can become your own pattern-breaker and change your life for good. We think the whole world would be a better place if everyone healed their schemas!

If you enjoy listening to the podcast please do leave a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts - even a few words helps! You can also email us with any feedback, thoughts on what you have learned from the episodes or even suggest future topics.

Please note: This podcast is for information and entertainment purposes only and is no substitute for professional or relationship advice from a registered therapist. Please seek advice that is tailored to your specific needs from a mental heath or relationship expert.

Are you a regular listener who loves what we do on this podcast?  If so, would you consider helping us continue to put out great content by making a small monthly contribution?  If you'd like to help support the show please click the link below.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode we are talking about passive aggression.

Passive aggression is covert aggression. It is a form of hostility people carry inside themselves that they express indirectly to make a point. We tend to use it when we are not being honest and authentic to express our anger, frustration, or resentment in a roundabout way. 

When someone uses passive aggression, they are not expressing what they truly feel. It can be toxic if they use it as their main relational style. That may be hard and sometimes confusing for the person on the receiving end. 

Passive aggression is a dysfunctional way of dealing with anger. In this episode, Gemma and Justine unpack the details of passive-aggressive behavior and examine it from a schema perspective. Stay tuned to learn all you need to know about passive aggression and find out what to do if you struggle with it in your relationships.

For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

We are revisiting the abandonment schema in our latest episode.

Some of Gemma’s clients are considering returning to the dating world again, so they asked her to talk some more about the abandonment schema and how it relates to dating. 

Abandonment is a huge topic! In schema therapy, the abandonment schema is one of the core schemas. It is a very primitive and primal schema. It is possibly the most central schema for all mammals, so it is common. 

Schemas are abiding and deeply-entrenched core beliefs that direct our lives. They become the lens through which we see our lives and influence our decision-making and what we focus our attention on. Schemas can give us a framework for understanding ourselves and others and interpreting what is happening in the world. 

In this episode, Gemma dives into the abandonment schema and explains what you need to look out for in your relationships, especially romantic relationships. 

You will find this episode helpful if you are in the dating world and looking to find a new partner. Stay tuned for more!

For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

Recommended reading: Reinventing Your Life  by Jeffrey Young
The Abandonment Recovery Workbook by Susan Anderson

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

We are talking about the defectiveness shame schema in this episode. It is one of the core schemas. It is quite common, and it tends to develop early in life. 

The defectiveness schema is tricky. It is sometimes so deeply hidden that we may not even know someone has it. It comes with a deep sense of unworthiness and feelings of being fundamentally flawed as an individual. 

People with the defectiveness schema often feel unlovable. In this episode, Gemma and Justine dive into the defectiveness schema, what it might feel like, and how it can vary for different people. They also get into the emotion of shame, the inner critic, how people cope with their feelings of shame, and ways to modify a defectiveness schema.

Stay tuned to learn all you need about the defectiveness schema and find out what you can do to heal it.

For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

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Schema Chemistry Webinar

This episode is in the realm of dating. It will appeal to women experiencing hopelessness after having implemented changes in the men they are dating, and then men they should avoid start to slip in under their radar. 
Initially, you may think the guy is different. But after the first few weeks of dating, the cracks start showing. You may notice that he is critical or does not prioritize the relationship much. Or you may feel uncertain about where you stand with him. Then the insecurity starts coming up.
It can be exhausting if you meet someone who seems nice, and you become hopeful because you have made changes and are doing everything right, but then you start seeing the red flags. 

In this episode, Justine and Gemma go back to the basics. They dive into how to avoid a sense of hopelessness and become hopeful about dating again. They discuss common myths that can keep women in unhealthy relationships and share tips for avoiding disinterested or emotionally unavailable men in the early days of online dating.
This episode is for you if you are dating or getting back into dating, you have an insecure attachment style leaning toward anxiety, and you tend to hang in there with guys who are controlling, self-absorbed, or emotionally unavailable. Change is possible and can break the pattern, but it can be tricky at certain spots, and you may need some help.

For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

We are delighted to have Wendy Behary joining us on the podcast! Wendy is an expert on narcissism. She is very well-known in the world of schema therapy for the work she has done on narcissism.

Wendy is the Founder and Director of the Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and the Schema Therapy Institutes of New Jersey, New York City, and DC. She is also the author of the bestselling book, Disarming the Narcissist, which is now in its third edition. 

Narcissists are impaired people. In this episode, Wendy talks about narcissism and the effects of growing up with a narcissist. She offers advice and some helpful tools for coping with difficult yet unavoidable encounters with the narcissistic individuals in your life and setting limits with them while taking care of yourself too. She also explains what is truly going on with narcissists emotionally. 

We know that many of our listeners are interested in the topic of narcissism, so we hope that you will get a lot out of our conversation with Wendy Behary! Stay tuned to gain insight into narcissism and find out how to navigate your relationship with the narcissist in your life.

For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

Wendy Behary’s website: www.disarmingthenarcissist.com 

Recommended books: Disarming the Narcissist  by Wendy Behary

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